Saturday, June 6, 2015

I'll see your fourth pregnancy & raise you a move.

The week before I realized I couldn't possibly be pregnant (but was) the ball & chain started to look around for a new job.

The history there is: he's been with the same wonderful company forever. He has done well and in return for a career path in the right direction, we have been trekking all over the country.

We move. And we don't like the process. But we've liked loved our adventures. I haven't loved Cleveland. But I have loved some of the memories and stories we'll be able to tell. I'm glad it's part of our story, but happy to see what is next.

The deal when we moved here was: in 2-3 years the next step would focus on the Northeast. That was the same for St. Louis. We loved it there, hard. And in 18 months we were moved.

It has been hard here, and almost 3 years deep no movement. He's gone after movement, he's been approached for several opportunities - all of which are not on the east coast. So he started looking around... I mean? Why not... Cman is getting bigger, JJ is at a good age to make a transition and we are getting close to the middle school years for L. It's time...

So he started getting resumes out. The next week, this happened. And just when we thought our life was about to get crazy?


One of those resumes sent out in February turns into an interview, turns into another, turns into another - boom.

We are moving.

The resume to interview process? Was several months deep. The interview to offer to start date? Fast. Like way fast. Like so fast, it quite literally would only happen to us.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Time lapse

The week of February 23, 2015
For days I've been feeling off. Tired. I've been super stressed. A lot going on, so it all made sense. Then I got light headed a few times. Nauseous. My coffee didn't taste right. Crap. Now I'm getting sick. I haven't been sleeping lately, stress. A lot going on, so it all made sense. It's been hard to sleep, I've started to get tingly extremities. It's been so cold, record breaking cold - it must have to do with that.  You know, it kinda feels like when I got carpel tunnel when I was pregnant with JJ. But it's so cold, it can't be that.

Wednesday, February, 25th
Messaging with a friend, I just say it. I don't know where it came from.

Me: I know I am NOT preg. But I FEEL preg. Is that weird?
Her: Have you been nauseated?
Me: yes. in the mornings / late mornings. not first thing.
Her: since I know I'm not pregnant, I've been worried that I have some terrible tumor or cancer or something. I kinda want to get a CAT scan just to make me feel better. but I know that's nuts.
Me: you won't be surprised to hear -  my thought after... "wait, if I'm not preg - I'm probably going to die."
Her: isn't it terrible?
Me:  and I have this pregnancy test. ... still from Cman. Do they even LAST that long? and part of me - just wants to take the test. but then another part of me... wait for it... is like: eh, do I really want to WASTE this test? They are expensive. What if we actually try again? then I'm going to have to buy a new test box.  seriously. I have issues. It's literally calling me from the bathroom draw.  "jeeeeeeennnnnyyyyy just find out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what are you waiting for? you know you have to peeeeeeee!!!"

And somewhere between 12:35 and 12:45pm the world stops. I thought, taking the test would mean I would have some confirmation I was not in fact pregnant and could possibly be dying.

The line, it comes through.

The only logical next step? I need another test.

I figured, before I picked L up from school? I would shoot over to the store. My dad was visiting and could stay home with the baby. My plan is immediately foiled because he wants to come to the store. After a panic, I realized I would ask him to wait in the car with the kids. He was none the wiser and off to the store I went.

I'm going to stop here and say: pregnancy tests are freaking expensive. $25 for peace of mind, it must be the almost expired test!

I grab them. Pay for it and go. But not before taking the box out of the bag and shoving it in my coat. Because I can't go into the car with a hot pink box of pregnancy tests.

Lady behind the counter, "Giirrrll! I KNOW it!" 

I'm not quite sure what she knows. Does she know I have a 10 month old? That I was JUST pregnant? Does she know that the last pregnancy nearly killed me. Ok maybe that is some what dramatic. But when you are suddenly a mother of 4, you get to be dramatic.  Does she know we have 3 kids? This is 4? Does she know this is some Duggar shit? Does she know I've been talking about wanting 4 kids, but it was in theory. Not in for real life. Right? We weren't there yet.

I'll take the test.

And take the test I did. And you'll never guess what it said.

With my dad visiting, the kids awake and around, I wait. I have two sticks I peed on in my pocket for hours.  There is Criminal Minds episode somewhere in there. It would have been great to think of an adorable way to surprise the ball & chain with this news. But I also felt like the information in it of itself will be a surprise all it's own.

So once we got everyone to sleep, I threw the sticks on the bed.

"So, there's this." 

Thursday, February 26th
I called my doctor's office. Whispering about needing an appointment. When asked, "What's this about?" I whispered, even more quietly, "I think I'm pregnant." The natural response? Laugh out loud cackling, "You girls always call like you don't know how this happened!" I start to say, "Oh I know how I ... {she starts laughing again I think in response to my cleverness} got myself into this! I have 3 others!" To which she says, "Oh I see that! That's why I'm laughing now. You were just here for a post csection check in."

The next few weeks...
Pretty much living in secret we wander through the next few weeks. Some highlights...
  • Falling asleep at 8:15 on the regular. 
  • Coffee tastes like pure acid. I want it. But I don't. I have a conflicting battle with this every morning. 
  • One of my favorite pregnancy side effects (other than the baby) is my nails grow. And while I continue to have man hands, at least I have nails. And in true Wolverine transition form, the transformation has begun. 
  • One of my least favorite pregnancy side effects is how I turn into Teen Wolf in the way of unwanted random hair. I do not get a pregnancy glow. I get a 5 o'clock shadow and teen acne. 
  • We've been lobbing out preparation for the kids. "Wouldn't it be fun to have another baby???" "Look at how big Coal is getting? Don't you want another baby????" I asked L specifically, "What do you think - should we have another baby?" Her answer? "Don't you think it's crazy enough?"
  • I took all three kids to a restaurant, alone, by choice. And they were awesome. I was awesome. I can do this. 
  • I'm so tired. It's so loud here. Good god, there is always someone into something, asking me something. It's neeevver quiet. What the hell did we get into here? 
  • Many doctor appointments, a few sonograms and a visit with the genetics counselors and it turns out all looks good. Despite my continuous fears on a loop to the contrary. 
April 12, 2015
We told the kids. They are so happy. And we are so happy they are happy. And it's going to be insane. But it's going to be great. When it isn't not great.

The next few days & weeks
We've started to tell family & a few friends.  I'm not quite ready to go full fledged public yet. It just seems like a lot. Ideally I'd wait until closer to 20 weeks, I feel like that will feel better? I still don't feel great. But I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep all this to myself until then. Reactions have been interesting.  Though the most common reaction is disbelief. 
  • You are kidding. 
  • You are not serious. 
  • Are you crazy? 
  • If anyone can handle 4 kids, it's you guys. 
  • Whaaaaaaa??????
  • You are insane.
  • The minivan makes even more sense now. Thank The Lord.
  • I heard 4 is better than 3. 3 kids is the hardest. I read it on the Internet, it must be true. 
  • Congratulations. I guess??? 
I think most people are genuinely happy, but as much as I believe that - I do firmly believe there is some judgement by the few.  Misunderstanding or even some non-happiness. Like a sadness? Hard to pinpoint. They may never admit it, but I can feel it. And here's the best part? I don't actually give a crap.

And now you are caught up. 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Belated holiday wishes and continued traditions

When your last holiday card is epic, it's a hard act to follow. When you used to write regularly, and now barely every - it's hard to think of what to do next. 

But you can't very well give up now, can you? 

Friday, January 2, 2015

Christmas Spectacular

Christmas time is full of magic, wonder, and amazement. One of our most favorite times of the year. If I had to guess, it's probably one of the most talked about topic on this blog. I mean other than moving and straight up crazy things that only happen to us.

This year was important & unique. Important because the girls are strong with their belief and it was baby boy's first Christmas. Unique because Thanksgiving was late & shortly after the big day we were jetting off for a vacation. This is important to note because the pressure to start Christmas came on strong the very weekend after Thanksgiving.  While there was still turkey leftovers to be had - it was a tree that was top of mind. The first day we could, we were off to find a tree. We found a tree, but I thought it was too small. I like a big tree. We have 6 million ornaments and enough space to get a big full tree. This particular tree? While it looked perfect, looked short to me. But my husband felt strongly it was big enough. The guy on the tree lot? Also spent time convincing me that the tree was big enough. Both tried to convince me of our ceiling height, neither having ever measured the actual height of the ceiling. I agreed, I knew better, but I agreed.  We got adorable pictures. And maybe it was a success...

We got the tree home, cut off the netting and as it fanned out we quickly realized I was right. More accurately the ball & chain was wrong. And I'll be honest with you, this wasn't my finest moment. Queue: adult sized temper tantrum. I knew I was right. We weren't going to be able to use half of our ornaments, how will we choose? I can't believe how wrong he was? Why did you fight so hard for something wrong?

Christmas time is full of magic, wonder and amazement. And apparently throwing a plastic water container clear across the house.

We took a gamble. Next time measuring - and wouldn't you know? The tree stand took the tree back. And the magic was back...

Until it wasn't. And the tree we got was too big. We didn't have enough lights. And those that we did have? Half went out.

Maybe you'd think - this is the end of the story. And maybe this is the first post you've ever read here. I went on to trip the tree, create several holiday displays throughout the house. 

 And finally, it was Christmas time. It was full of magic, wonder and amazement.

Until it wasn't. 

The bigger they are. The harder they fall. 

We lost a lot. But we gained a new tree stand. Which required a bit more tree trimming. 

Do your lights hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? They do when you have to further cut the tree to fit in the new stand. You know. So it stops toppling over.

 And finally, it was Christmas time. It was full of crooked magic, wonder and amazement.

I gave the kid $10 for a field trip. Told her to bring back change. She brought back 7 cents.
She used most of her/my money to get me a Christmas present. The rest? A mood ring. Because of course. This morning I opened an ornament. "in memory of this year! So we remember how the tree fell on you." It's a glass one. Like most that we lost. And she is the best. The end. 

Until it was over.

... and to all a good night!

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Her heart

If I were writing here anymore, you'd likely hear about how challenging things get. In particular JJ. She's a tough kid. She is (too) smart, a character, funny, charismatic, impatient, kind, selfish, giving, loving, whiney, the list goes on. A loved, adored, magnificently trying on my last nerve, kid.

But her heart? It's her heart that is most incredible.

Santa brought the movie Maleficent. I was nervous on how scary it might be for JJ. Dragons, fire, battle scenes, Maleficent in general with her magic. At first the plan was: watch it without her. But I researched it a bit and found that it wasn't as scary as the trailers made it seem.  Maybe we'd give it a go, during the day...

Battle scenes, fire, fighting, an army coming out of the ground, a dragon / serpent made of roots & wood - not a blink of the eye. But this scene? Where Maleficent comes face to face with baby Auroa?

Straight. Tear. Breakdown. The first 30 seconds broke her. I found it on YouTube titled "funny scene" - because it's cute. But to her? To not love on this little baby was pure evil. And that's my girl.
(c) 2007 all rights reserved. aka don't be a D and swipe any content, photos, etc - sucka. Should you be tempted, let me know so I can be flattered and then give me something write about.