Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Fat Preg and Hot. Still.

So here is the update- apparently there have been some checking- I really don't have MUCH to share, but there are a few things to note.

I'm fat.
Nothing much has changed there- if anything I'm getting HIGHER and further out- this child is really getting comfortable. But who can blame her. She gets ice cream daily. She sleeps when she wants to, doesn't when I am. Really no worries.

Oh I am voting and committing to a girl. My mother always said that “one day you’re going to have a daughter- and I hope she is just as stubborn. And she will be a pain- and give you the same grief.” Yes, the curse has clearly come true. I’m having a girl, and she is going to be a pain in the ass, just as I was. And she is starting off stubborn and late. Just like I usually am. Awesome. It’s either that OR a mamonie (mamma’s boy) which I will have to change right quick. No Mamonie on my watch. Stubborn girls, you can’t break them- they are like wild horses. A mama’s boy… that we can work out.

I'm pregnant.
Every day- same story "OH JENN, YOU ARE STILL HERE." Mother f'ers clearly haven't been up on the blog. Stop asking stupid questions. I did have a brief out- on Monday I got the call from Debbie Downer- and this is the voicemail she left me. I WISH I could get it off my phone and post it, because this is exactly what she said in her usual Deb Down voice. AND we learned her real name. TRUE STORY:

“Hi, this is Ann Taylor from Dr. B’s office. I just wanted to let you know that we have you booked for an induction on ah Sept 22 at 8:30 at night that was the time slot available so if nothing happens before then, you are definitely going to be on the road at that point.
So um, No giggling now. This is serious. And we’ll see you on the 20th

There were several things wrong with this plan, but thanks anyway, Deb…

1) 8:30 PM. Wow. The “time slot available” what? The most inconvenient and f’d up thing you could sign me up for. SO not only am I in for HOURS or ‘fun’ but I get to start it, on purpose, at 8:30 pm? Wow. That’s a hot Saturday night, thanks but no thanks.
2) The 22nd. Thanks. So for rest of our life together we can celebrate the baby’s birthday AND our wedding anniversary. That’s right- 1 year on Sunday, the 23rd. And you know if I get induced at 8:30 pm it'll all take a "bit" more than 4 hours. This will bring us into Sunday, the 23rd. HOORAY Chucky Cheese for our anniversary dinner, birthday parties with goody bags and and clown cakes. Someone told me I was being selfish- you know what I say? Go F yourself. Simple as that- if it happens and it is meant to be great- I’m fine with that. But to plan the same day … I don’t see the point.
3) If I don’t have to be induced for medical reasons, then I’d like to try to “go naturally” and I of course do not mean with out drugs… cause I am NO hero. But if you are going to pump me with drugs to get this party started- I’d rather schedule a section like my pal Britney and be done with it. It just seems somewhat silly to pump me with drugs, start pain then pump me with MORE drugs to stop the pain. I mean come on, hasn’t my body been through enough?

I called the next morning and canceled. I will not be induced on Saturday. Can you believe it? There it was- the door, the out and I CANCELED it. Not what I expected either; it was quite a plot twist.

I’m hot.
True story: the Austrian that is staying with us- she loves to ask if I like the weather- whenever it gets some what cooler- and each time I say, no still hot. Today she looks at me and says, “So you must really like the weather.” I explain, for about the 10,000th time that no- I remain hot and it will never be cool enough. This time she responds for about 5 minutes about all the layers she has to put on because she is freezing.

Honestly. She’s lovely but I done with her and her need for layers. I mean honestly, shut the hell up- how many times do we have to have this conversation? And why are you always SO surprised when I say how f’ing hot I am? I'm not getting any smaller here- so while she continued to talk about how cold she was; I leaned over and put on the a/c.

That’s all from bitter lane. I’m about 4-5 days away from not being able to walk anymore. Saturday marks week 41- that means I could go another week and a half from today. Max. Doctors appointment tomorrow- where they will likely tell me nothing. You know the usual.

-Praying for a miracle, Preggers OUT.

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