Thursday, December 25, 2008

Holy Mother of GOD

How do I heart my husband? Let me count the ways...


Just in case it has to be said, of course he and our family will always rank at number 1 & 2 but the iPhone that Santa bought me is a close 3rd!

Monday, December 22, 2008

BEEP


We are experiencing technical difficulties and alas, due to said mystery problems will not have any photos of Christmas. Other people may take pictures but the usual shutterfly mama that I am will be instrument-less.
The problems may or may not have to do with the fact that L was using the camera as a soccer ball. GodBless her athleticism, I didn't want to take it away from her. Lord knows she doesn't get skills from her loving (but sport-inept) parents.
Brightside: warranty will fix the camera for free. Downside (big time): No digital camera during the holidays & our freaking holiday card picture is yet to be taken. Looks like it's going to be a Happy Martin Luther King, JR Day cards this year!


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

When I'm not that girl....

I'm that mom that will take hundreds of pictures of nothing. I can't cut them. Here are a few December shots. Is it seriously almost Christmas?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

That Girl

Each year before our holiday party at work we get the "don't be that girl" speech. For the most part, while I do love to have a few too many, I'm never in danger of being labeled that girl. I'll leave that the 22 year olds. You won't find me passing out in the loo or vomiting in a manager's shoe. I'm good like that.

This fine holiday party I had a premonition and like all of my gut instincts I should have listened to that voice. I hushed that voice and went on my way to enjoy the night. I tripped the night fantastic and took the dance floor by storm. I dropped it like it's hott with the new team I work with and in an instant the fun became panic as I had a very real wardrobe malfunction.

As I danced with the young beauties of the company I work with my wrap dress became unwrapped, the very fear I had uttered earlier was now a reality. Now it's one thing to flash people at work (I think) but with the control tops hiked high and the tank top I was wearing under the dress (thanks be to Jesus) rolling up to meet right under my girls with the young thangs I get to face everyday is another thing. If me & my mom friends were playing doctor and showing each other the effects of the miracle of life - OK fine. My experience not quite the same thing. I could have hung my head low and ran home. I did what any girl having the honor of being "that girl" would do - I ran around and shared the story with as many people who would listen. This includes the CEO of the company I work with.

"Oh Yenn, you are the funnest person I know!"


Like I had a choice in the matter.


Friday, December 12, 2008

ReVote

Not even a thank you note? Or a "oooh so close!" Not a recognition of the gorgerous girl they were stupid enough to pass up?

Forget the Gap. They're for the pot.
Bull.
We've been robbed.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Bring on the shackles. I am your prisoner.

About 3 things I was absolutely positive. First, book series sagas make me smile. Second, there was a part of me, and I didn't know how dominant that part might be, that thirsted for another fix. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with tween literary works.

It has taken weeks to write about anything, to write out my grandmother's wedding, to tell you about the happenings in the last few weeks. My very best friend from high school visited, with her fabulous and gorgeous family. The last time I saw her or her husband was at our wedding... and for how long can you really spend time with someone at your own wedding? Did I post that? Nope.

I went on vacation and brought with me the best gift a girl could ever give another. My dealer (what C calls her) let me borrow a simple book that she didn't even think I would like. And oh how I fell hard.

The book is one of a series, the ever popular Twilight series. Who knew the writing meant for 8th graders would speak to me? Speak to me to the point where I would stay up nights as late as 2 am pouring over pages and chapters to get to the next book.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...," He murmured.
"What a stupid lamb, " I sighed.
"What a sick, masochistic lion."

And then it was over.
I'm such a stupid lamb.

After 2+ weeks of having to work 40+ hours a week and that menacing child & husband I am obligated to speak to every now and again, I was able to finish the complete series of 4 books with over 700 pages of drama, excitement, sadness & happiness. Sure the font was a wee bit bigger since these can be found in the Young Adult section of the book store. Even having to admit to that, I hold my head up high, relatively speaking.

You may think my obsession is one over exaggerated but you can talk to just about anyone who has seen me in the last couple of weeks and they will tell you it's true. It's crazy how a quote can be Incorporated into daily life or how you can drive a point home by using the parallels of vampire love. I've gone as far to seriously consider naming our next daughter Isabelle. Sure we have a niece named Bella... but the nickname of Bells makes me happy. I went to the movies on Sunday, by myself, and sat between two groups of tweens in a packed theatre with my baseball cap low and the widest smile I've had on my face since I walked down the aisle.

I'm in love. Unconditionally and irrevocably in love.

"I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever."

Sunday, December 7, 2008

the future...

In the movie about my life it turns out Brooke Shields will be playing the lead.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself...



See more Brooke Shields videos at Funny or Die

Saturday, December 6, 2008

How Granny Got Her Groove Back*

It isn't everyday you board a plane to St. Croix to attend your grandmother's wedding. It should be, but it's not. A few years back Granny made the move to Spring Lake to a grand ol'place called the E&S.

Ever see that movie, where the girl moves and doesn't know anyone. She moves to a strange place maybe one she always wanted to visit or go to - and there is a boy next door... wouldn't you know that she is Granny? Her across the hall neighbor ended up being the one, Prince Charming.

Fast forward through months of courtship and just under a year of engagement, Granny married her true love on Mermaid Beach.

The Colemans & Schroeders came together on the crazy island and hope reunion it out at some point. You think getting together two families anything could happen and it did - but mostly all good in the hood. We didn't have the entire Coleman clan in check, but for the majority so that was a win.

I'm getting ahead of myself - my brother met C, L & I in Miami. We met him at his gate, because regardless of his age, I still felt he was a minor traveling with out parental supervision. I felt my fears to be true while I watched him waiting as the plane deboarded. I was shocked as he stood there and waited, what could he be standing there for??

The majority of the Coleman's piled out of the plane. A good majority of the clan hails from Montana. They took a connection meeting up with the remaining Colemans making the trek not yet on the island. 10 of us boarded the plan to St. Croix as the Guarros took their rightful place in First Class, cause we know how to travel the blue blooded "Colemans" did what only we know how to do. Order up the cocktails because it was going to be a bumpy flight. Godbless the Colemans they don't check baggage which as a habitual over packer I stand in awe of such an accomplishment.

That's just one of the things I found out that week. We spent the week learning a lot of things about each other - getting reacquainted with family that we haven't seen in upwards of 10+ years and family that would now be joining our nutty bunch. It's an amazing thing to spend time, not only at dinners, holidays or cab rides- but physically at bars hanging out having a beer with people when last you saw them were not even in the double digits yet.... just entering kindergarten perhaps. I learned that family be it blood lines or through marriage is a special bond that time, politics (everyone is a Republican. Staunch straight up Republic... the Bostonians were frightened for our life), religion, or not even really knowing each other can not change what family is. I still cry at needless things, in needless times, and because I am now and forever will be a crier. I also learned that encouraging your daughter to speak is great but comes with flaws of interpretation.

Example: L began to say SIT in St. Croix, unfortunately it sounds unmistakably like shit. You can imagine our pride.

The days leading up to the big event were filled with beach time, swimming, pool & eating. My cousins, uncle & brother were all over the place with football, golf, kayaking, swimming (2 miles at minimum in the ocean waters), working out, playing tennis - if it was exhausting, they were there. C & I concentrated on our biceps and curled a few Bud Lights from time to time.

Quote: "It's 12 pm somewhere."

The first night we all went out to dinner, for Granny's bachelorette party as we gathered to leave, C & I realized we were on the 'other side' of the road. With all the old people. Sorry, but true. The kids were going out and we were not. With my precious daughter in hand, I looked around horrified to realize we would not be joining the fun. It was right around this time that I threw my child to Cami & Poppa and asked, as we ran away, if it would be alright if they watched the offspring for a few. They said yes, of course, with out a bottle or pajamas or a toy in sight. We didn't really plan for such an outing, but my grandmother says she'll always remember the sight of us skipping down the road to catch up with the group highfiving the crew when we arrived excited to be 'one of the cool kids' for just one night. Don't judge, I wanted to give Granny a memory.

Granny & Jim got married in the afternoon on the beach. When the minister asked the families if we take each other from this day forward in partnership of Rita & Jim we all said "I do" and L raised her fist in the air while screaming "YEAH!" It could have been her new 'sit' trick... so I was pretty pleased with the "YEAH!"

The setting was perfect, the couple was perfect, the flowers, the programs, the dress, the wedding party - it was all perfect. What made it perfection, more than anything, was the happiness that radiated from Granny & Jim. It's the kind of things movies are made of.

It was a great time had by all and not a bad way to spend Thanksgiving! Hope everyone had a great holiday, but I guarantee you didn't have the stories we had!


*I can't take credit for the hott title... I totally stole that from my cousin!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Destination Weddings are the BEST!

I recently sent the following email out to friends & family. I had to share - I'll get out the story and details of our trip up shortly - but as a teaser here is the email. At the bottom I am compiling the replies back that I've gotten. I'll put them all together at the end and send them along to Granny & Jim - they are going to get a kick out of some of the well wishes and comments!
----
Better than best is attending your grandmother's wedding, is having your daughter's first wedding be her great grandmother's big day! Over Thanksgiving break my dad's side of the family all made the trip to St. Croix for a big family event. Here are a few pictures I wanted to share!
jCG
Granny & her three sons (my dad (w/glasses), Uncle Peter & Uncle Martin).
The Coleman's went out to dinner for Granny's bachelorette party!
L at the beach!
On our back porch in her itsy bitsy teeny weenie blue palm tree bikini!
Wedding Day!



Uncle Martin & Aunt Jennifer- oldest brother & wife – he gave Granny away and she was her matron of honor!
L as a dancing QUEEN! Here with Uncle Chris (brother) & Granny

The day after the wedding we went on a snorkel trip –check out the love birds!
A FEW more of L at the beach.
The comments... some had to be cleaned up for G rating reasons... not usually a censor, but some and you know who you are... not right.
  • There is no way she is in her 80s. What a hot mama!
  • You come from great genes!
  • Thank you for sharing – this is the best, you have awesome genes!
  • Awww tooo cute!! Jealous about the beach looks amazing!!
  • What a wonderful Thanksgiving...thank you for sharing…
  • Thank you, soooo cute J Hope it all went well. Any crazy stories about your younger brother?
  • Love it!!! Great story and great photos…thanks for sharing!
  • Awwww…. Granny looks fresh in her wedding dress! What a fabulous adventure!
  • LOVE these!
  • Other than the last pics of L – I LOVE the snorkel pic. It never is too late!!!
  • I love this so much that I cannot even stand it!
  • Jenn - that is GREAT! Go Granny!! Not only does your Grandmother look FABULOUS for 81 but she gives me hope as a single female!! Thanks for sharing. Lilly looked adorable as always too!
  • This is great - Love the pics.
  • How sweet! Thanks for sharing! I suppose there is still hope for me to find love after all :-)
  • Wonderful photos and Congratulations! How cool is that- the place in St Croix is gorgeous -my last trip to St Croix was in 1978-long time ago but I love that island! I remember the Buccaneer- OK this is how bad I was- went down for spring break for one week and stayed for two! We had a great time! So glad you were able to share this special day with your grandmother! Amazing- and she is gorgeous and so is L!
  • That is AWESOME! I'm so jealous! Noticed your tan… was wondering where you spent thanksgiving. Fia has the same surfer swim suit as Lily-from Oldy navy in the last pictures!Rock on GREAT grandma!
  • I want to get married in St. Croix..... Looks like fun :)
  • omg that wedding looks AMAZING. your granny is a hot ticket!
  • I just have one question….does the groom have a brother? I need to marry off my mom and stop her internet dating!
  • That's awesome!! Thanks for sharing and glad you had a great time!!!
  • I love your Granny, she's so cool, and you should frame that pic of L on the balcony, I love it
  • Grandma looks AMAZING!! What is her secret? No way she is 81!!! Damn.
  • Awesome!!! Those are great pictures. J I especially love the two love birds on the snorkeling trip. What a pretty place to get married. I'm glad she's found happiness and smokin' hot love!
  • love the pics! did you have fun?!?!?! I was thinking about you guys! can't wait to hear the stories!
  • She's fabulous! I LOVE HER!
  • OMG love it...thanks for sharing so soon - we have all been dying to hear all about it!!
  • Coleman, those were great. Everyone looks soo happy! What a great way to spend Thanksgiving. Hope you and the fam are doing great!
  • OMG!!!!!! that email just made my day. First of all, man you got good genes on your dad's side of the family!!! Holy cow, 81 and looks AMAZING!!! Second, so jealous that you were just on a vacation somewhere tropical! How was the flight with the babe?
  • Looks like so much fun!!! Congrats to Granny and the new hubby!
  • Looks great! My grandmother eloped when she was 78, I wish she had gotten married there! Lily looks so much like you, so cute (her not you!). Thanks for sharing,
  • I am sooo jealous. Let me tell you- Granny is Beautiful and so is your big girl! I agree- give me a destination wedding any day!!!
  • I loved these pictures!
  • These are awesome!! Grannie is a hot little number and how damn cute are they???
  • So cute. And what a beautiful wedding! You are blessed.
  • You come from a damn good looking family!! (not to mention really tan one too!!) I’m jealous, while you were chilling on the beach, I was literally chilling (it was FREEZING!) in Germany!
  • How awesome is this! Hope I have your great grandma's spunk. How'd she meet the lucky guy?
  • I want to vacation with the Colemans!!! And seriously, I hope I look as good as your grandmother at 80+!!! She's hot
.

BL

Main Entry: bl
Function: abbreviation
Definition: 1 before L —often printed in small capitals and often punctuated. Refers to the time before world turned upside down and right side up. 2 barrel 3 black 4 block 5 blue

Friday, November 21, 2008

Such a Good Girl



I'm a horrible mother. She says Mama, Dada, Lalala (that's her), Yaya (Cat says that's her)... either way I have not documented when it all started. Like I said, I'm a horrible mother. What I do have is Good Girl on video. Yesterday we caught her under the table patting, petting, slightly beating Abelle saying over and over again "good girl good girl good girl." I broke out the camera and there was silence. This is all I got. As soon as I stopped rolling she said it clear as day. Good girl.

She's a damn good girl.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Land of the Sick

Everyone is sick. Baby is sick, Cat is sick, C was sick for a minute & I am sick for a week. It blows. My nose, my throat, my everything. It was bad on Friday, it was worse on Saturday. I've been on a slow and steady road to recovery since then.

One of my pose called me Saturday night. And at the point she called I was cracked out - I wasn't going to answer the phone - yes I was screening. I'm embracing it. Anyway- I did because it was that b's birthday so I didn't want her to think if she was calling to go out I was being a dink. SO I answered the phone, HACKING and barely breathing.

I said, "What’s up- what are you kids doing for the big day?"
She said, "OH NOTHING, just getting engaged."

To which I jumped up (consequently getting dizzy after the phone call ended) and squealed (like a little girl), yelling (now again hacking) for C to tell him. She put me on speaker phone - because apparently I am a riot at death's door. We said “Mozel Tov” and “lei hi-em!”

I didn’t get the details… due to the mess I became after the congrats commenced.

I don't have a lot to report lately - just hacking, fevers and sickness. Babygirl had her first sick baby visit where they told us there was nothing we could do but ride it out and keep on taking her temperature. Clearly the doctor isn't aware we literally have to wrestle her down to the ground to get a read. When we called the nurse and she asked what L's temperature was - we told her the highest has been 102.6*. She asked if this was a rectal temp.

Rectal temp? We can barely get her to put a stick under her arm - you want me to stick something up her arse? Damn fools.

*her temp has not broken 99 since Friday - so everyone take a pill and chillax. Babygirl is cured it's me who remains sick as a D O G. Take a breath.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Arranged Marriages Don't Work

Liza & I have grand plans of getting the kids together but it turns out L does not enjoy the company of other kids her age. It could be she doesn't like sharing, it could be she doesn't like the competition of cuteness - it could also be that her husband to be bitch slaps her from time to time and throws things at her. The boy has guns.

We spent last Sunday hanging with the in laws - sat around, had a delish lunch and went for a walk at the farm. It turns out Liza in her old age is ridiculously domestic, it's scary. If I had someone over for lunch we'd be walking to the deli or calling for pizza. I got there and there was a fab salad, a lasagna and dessert - and not Entenmann's cookie in a box. Made from scratch sht.

Dang.

While for the most part it was all smiles & giggles little girl L wasn't the most gracious of guests. Home girl was a crank pot for the most part but even cranky she's cute.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Hope

While Saturday Night Live will not be as nearly as funny as it has been, the world hopes that life won't be as nearly as depressing. There have been several aspects of the race that have been argued out through out the election. I'm pretty sure that none of them matter anymore.

If not for the hope that you can't help but feel knowing that for once we stood up and believed in hope. I know being a mom has changed me - even my thoughts on this election. It's the hope that he brings with every statement he makes. The chills I get watching him speak whether it be about policy or what kind of dog he'll get for his kids. It's this kind of hope that I want for L, everyday. It's who he is and what he stands for and the kind of man he is. More inspiring than that and what continues to bring me hope is that this country even filled with all of its ignorant, selfish and delusional people those that wanted change did something and pressed forward for it. I can't imagine how long people waited to see this. It is a gift for my daughter to grow up in a time where if you think you can - yes, you can.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Big Day - No Words

Maybe "no" words isn't the right description. Just a few:
1) You should be voting.
2) While you wait on the massive lines or sit in front of the TV to await our fate take a gander:

Monday, November 3, 2008

In the News



I won't be that that girl. I'll be voting tomorrow. First time.
Holler!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Baby's First Concert

It isn't the best video - but you can see her go through all the stages of enjoying a concert. First she is checking the whole thing out - is she interested? Could this be fun?

It's right around then - she decides to end it all...

Then decides to let the fun continue - and she is dancing a machine. Finally she makes her way to the front to enjoy it all!

Monday, October 27, 2008

A Bootiful Day

We went to the Children's Museum two Fridays ago - $1 night brings with it - interesting people including but not limited to:
  • the bubble room had 2 experiencing 15-16 years. Making out. On a bench. While kids played with bubbles - there sat two larger than life teen girls... making out. Each pushing 250 and loving each other the way the bubble room intended.

  • we met a little girl named Beautiful. But baby's mama called her "bootiful" - we thought she was just remarking on how pretty the babe was - until Bootiful's baby's mama friend came over and introduced her little girl, Destiny- to Bootiful.

  • Bootiful was wielding a play pan - frying pan to be exact and L wanted to play with it and since she can't share she grabbed said pan. Bootiful grabbed it back and almost smacked her upside the head with it. Funny if it was scary. Cause I frankly, didn't want Bootiful's baby's mama to come and smack me upside the head. I'm too pretty.

  • There is a room there called, "Black Boston." It is exactly what it sounds like it would be about, landmarks through out Black History in Boston - which is essentially Dorchester, a city with in Boston. They had a hair salon there where you could give mannequins cornrows. It was glorious.
  • In the playroom, where L almost met her maker by way of play frying pan - there was a woman walking around, breastfeeding a toddler. And it was strange that she was walking around in general with a child to her la-las as she didn't have another child to watch -so she could have taken a 'timeout' in the corner to do her deed. It was strange for many reasons.

moral of the story: $1 at the museum is STRONGE!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

T-Minus 6 days and 0 ideas

Halloween is just days away and the bug has no costume.
I need ideas. Send my way - mama needs some assistance people. The pressure is O N.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Confessions of a Stage Mother

I entered L into the "Casting Call" for the Gap. She might just be their next fresh face - the prizes include:
  • A trip to San Francisco for a Gap photo shoot (HELLO VACATION!)
  • A Gap GiftCard redeemable for a babyGap or GapKids wardrobe!
  • A Snapfish prize package (no additional details, it's probably 10 wallet size pictures or something silly if not highlighted)
  • Become a babyGap or GapKids model. Photos to be displayed in Gap store windows across the country! (Hello Fame & Fortune!)
I entered 3 of the cutest pictures I could find that have been taken in the last 3 months - part of the rules. I checked back for the next few days - and yesterday she finally popped up. Buried beneath what I can only estimate as hundreds of ugly children and a few cuteys - not a real competitor to note. And another few disturbing pictures of fully done up children - but ultimately I think the kid has a chance. A panel of judges will narrow all entries received down to 20 finalists (5 boys, 5 girls, 5 baby boys, and 5 baby girls). Let's be honest - if this isn't rigged - she's a shoe in. Those finalists will be voted on by the public from December 8 through December 21th. Can you stand it?

And yet I share this information with no one.

My mom & husband, but that's it. Certainly no one with a child. I have an issue. I didn't necessarily consciously withhold the information, but I held it.

I've since 'come out' and letting people know of this whole thing - and there is still time to join - so if you want to feel defeat from the hands of a 1 year old - go for it. I had to take a moment and verbalize the ridiculousness of me - becoming a stage mother. The worst part? It's probably and likely just a way to get my email address so they can begin to flood my inbox with more spam than it already gets.

I sent C the info - if you go to : http://gap.eprize.net/castingcall/index.tbapp?page=gallery and type in my email address... boom our baby's face in lights. Since Elle or Ellie is catching on nowhere fast - with the exception of myself and a few lovely and loyal friends, I've made a decision as L's manager - Ellie will be her stage name. For the record, she totally identifies with Ellie & Elle - since you brought it up. But whatever, next pregnancy I'll confirm the nickname before following through with the birth.

But I digress, apparently his work has blocked Gap website. His response was as follows...

"I've been blocked. I get emails all day on how to improve my lover's sex life or enhance my penis size - yet I can't see my damn daughter's picture on the Gap site. Does that make sense?"

It makes just about as much sense as thinking that with holding information about a picture contest would give your kid a better shot at the win.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

October 08

Somewhere in or around a year ago tonight I stayed my first night in the hospital with the baby. I was learning the ins and outs of medical terms I wish I didn't need to know and thought I'd be going home "soon" and then that I would never go home. A year later we're doing photo shoots as they should be done - lots of the October pictures are a lot of the same - but I can't cut any of them.

Beautiful. Unbelievable. A blessing.
Our little girl is growing up!


Monday, October 6, 2008

Next Stop - The Clink

Two weeks ago L & I made our way to NY to join C in a rendezvous to celebrate the wedding of one of our very best friends. The very friend that brought us together - KW, Weiler, Kiki - whatever you call her home girl got hitched. Being in the wedding there were several responsibilities I needed to keep in mind: make it to the church on time (and early) and make sure I remember my dress & shoes. C was in Neuvo Jeresy working and rather than have 2 cars to drive home after Lillipalooza in the 'Burgh I thought it'd be a super idea to hike it to Penn Station, again. Do I ever learn?

In estimating the time I needed to leave I was off - as I set out to catch the 4:25 pm train I realize the first misstep. I leave the house late - while I thought I have an hour, I'm not taking into consideration the time it takes to get to the first train station, wait time and time to get to the next station. If I don't hustle to the train station I run the risk of missing the train. I have the baby, in a stroller, with a diaper bag, a rolling suitcase (a suitor so I didn't mess my dress - so it isn't tiny) & another / extra bag with all the crap that wouldn't fit in the other bags / bottom of the stroller. OH and my lap top, cause apparently I needed to check email? I have an Internet obsession & addiction. Don't judge. Do you have a visual?

It's fall but about 100 degrees out - and as I push the stroller and balance bags hanging off it and pull the suitcase - I realize if I get to the (first) train station and a train isn't there when I need it I could totally see myself rushing to wait and then missing my ride to NYC.

It's a 10 minute walk to the first train station, which will take me one stop to the final destination to pick up Amtrak. It turns out the entire walk is on some kind of incline each street, each turn a hill. I had never noticed it until this struggle to the train station. I push up hills in 100 degrees, sweating in a way where I have drops of sweat literally blurring my sight. The sun is glaring, I am sweating and can't see. I also forgot my sunglasses but there was no way once I got down the 3 flights of steps with the baby, stroller, a diaper bag, a rolling suitcase & an extra bag I was going back up for stupid glasses. I start to realize that it's becoming increasingly difficult to push and it isn't about the massive weight, the hill, the sweat or the sunglasses. It's a freaking flat on my beloved. That's right my stroller whose very tires that cruise threw snow and corner like it's on rails in the sand at the beach was being weighed down due to the amount of luggage we had and air that we didn't. To compensate for the lowering tires, I had to push way right to stay straight.... in the heat, with no glasses and tons o'crap. Oh and did I mention I was strategically keeping L awake so she would sleep on the train - in the heat, with the flat tire, no sunglasses, tons o'crap and shaking the child to keep her awake - up a hill but having to push (with one arm while pulling the suitor with the other) way to right to stay straight.

Fast forward: I get to the first train station, then to the connection. Get my Amtrak ticket and only have to pinch baby girl once to keep her awake. When the train finally arrives all the people waiting on the platform standstill - and I of course wasn't prepared - I had L out of the stroller. By the time I get her in the stroller and make sure I have my ticket, baby, stroller, a diaper bag, a rolling suitcase & an extra bag- I heard encountered my worst fear.

"Doors closing."

Yet I remain on the platform. I quickly ask the people standing in front if they are getting on, they barely answer, "No." I do what every mother bridesmaid would do. I push the stroller with full force into the closing train doors - except there is a gap between the door & the platform and due to the weight of the stroller at this point the front wheels (which are not flat) get stuck and lodged in between the door & the platform. Nobody moves, no one helps.

I claw my way into the stupid train and every handicap seat is taken so me and the kid are stuck in the bathroom car. I need the handicap seat so I can push the stroller up - and none of the seats were taken by actual handicap people. I'm livid and call C immediately - f'ing commuters, f'ing Amtrak, f'ing no where to gawddang sit. I f'ing hate traveling so on and so forth - lots of F bombs lots of manic madness. There is screaming. There is yelling. There is a lot of noise.

There is also a police officer in full uniform that comes out of the bathroom and advises me, "Ma'am I'm going to need you to calm down and find a seat." I explain the situation with the stroller and apologize for my mouth, language & passion against commuters. He tells me I have to sit down and can wait for the conductor to get to me, however I can't stand here. I take my seat, in the bathroom to kill time while the conductor gets to me.

The rest of the story is boring - the conductor comes - he tells me to "follow me!" and proceeds to take my suitor and literally race down the aisle of the train cars - and if you don't remember from last time the aisles of Amtrak trains are not bugaboo friendly so there were many causalities along the way including many a foot and random person's knee cap. He gave me his seat which was one with room for the child and all my her crap and a bottle of water - which was a nice touch. No more train. Not for this girl. Not going to happen, not again.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Lillipalooza

the tour has now come to an end to see the pictures and relive the magic - feel free to peak in: http://lillipalooza.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Dear babygirl,

I wonder sometimes if you look around and think – remember when. I know later on and soon you won’t remember when you were this little but right now, do you remember when you were ittybitty? I look at video or pictures and I can hardly believe it’s you.

One night, when we were all in the hospital one of the first nights after you were born at right around the very same time it hit us what was happening. When we went to visit you and we wanted to hold you, at the very least just touch you and we knew we wanted to talk to you – for you to hear us and for us to hear you. It was when you wore earmuffs to block out the noise - even though we couldn't even whisper. The blinds were always pulled and the only light came from the blips on the screens. There is one night I remember so clearly – it hit us at the same time that there was a very real possibility we wouldn’t know you.

We wouldn’t know that your favorite fruit is blueberries or that you hum "mmmm" when you really like something you are eating. We wouldn’t get to find out that your mullet would turn into blonde curls or that your eyes would be blue. You laugh when we dance crazy, your favorite time of the day is bath time, you would be enamored Elmo or how you tug on your hair when you start to get sleepy or that I would be able to calm you by just holding you. We would never hear you squeel when we play fetch with Abelle or the pup would easily gain the freshman 15 in your first year.

It was the same night after going into visit you and the NICU nurse told us that there had been an “incident.” Your vitals fell and you almost followed that light. The night your grandparents continued to be not see through their inability to let us be parents. The night we broke down and let it all sink in. You were not in the NiCU anything ‘routine’ – you were there and in the ‘sick’ room – with the sickest of the sick babies. The most delicate. Children born months before they were ready, some less than 3 pounds, most with long term potential problems weren't in that room. You were the ‘sickest’.

That night I lay in my hospital bed next to your dad who was on the cot next to me. We held hands in the darkness and looked up at the ceiling – room 13. We both felt the emptiness of the room. With out saying a word or even looking at each other I know that we felt the same things. It's that night we thought might never know you. It's that night I remember feeling overwhelmed with the potential of loss and the awe-inspiring love - the kind that people talk about but you never know until someone like you comes into your life.

It’s funny what you remember – it’s all in the past now and there are new things to worry about but sometimes when I sit in the darkness and I can’t sleep as I look up at the ceiling and look over at your dad. I think about that night and how absolutely empty we were, yet full of fear. Now I look to my other side and look in on you – first with the video monitor but on many nights so close to you I’m sure I'll wake you. And if you would, I’d scoop you up and thank you for coming back to us.

Happy Birthday Llybelly. Love you much. Love you always.
Momma

Monday, September 29, 2008

Herstory Chapter IV: Finally

The Section

With the extreme nausea and the anticipation of what was to come I have never been more scared, plus C wasn't in the room yet so even though there were 10-20 people in the room I felt very much alone. I was breathing heaving, doing my signature moaning deep breathing exercise. C came in and shortly thereafter they began. Behind the curtain I could hear the doctors talking to one another. It sounded, however , that they were reading form a "C-section For Dummies" book painfully explaining how they are doing what they are doing and why. There are certain things a girl shouldn't know, like how internal organs will be taken out and why stitches vs. staples will be used. I was pretty sure that the Peacock had never done one of these here fancy operations and I'd being coming out stitched up with an organ being left out or something. They kept referring to the 'pressure' I'd feel- between the pressure, the nausea and the fear that my doctors were learning how to cut for the first time it was a whirlwind of feelings. Through it all I was doing the my signature freakish breathing moaning thing and the anesthesiologist kept asking, "J, how are you feeling? Do you feel any pain?" Now she had prepped me that she would check in frequently about that because they wanted to be able to catch it if the drugs started wearing off. C didn't hear this part of the pre-surgery prep so after time 3 or 4 he finally interrupted me as I confirmed, "No I'm fine just nauseous." C was obviously growing irritated with the repeated questions, once again, so he let her in on a little known fact about me.

"No, she's fine. This is how she gets when she is nauseous, like when she drinks too much and gets the spins- this is how she gets."

The extreme feeling of vomit got increasingly worse through out the surgery but there was so much more to distract me from that. Like when, for example, they finally said, "Okay mom, this is it- you are going to feel a lot of pressure." My response was, "More pressure? Sure. Why not."

The next few seconds, at 10:55 pm, are crystal clear but difficult to describe. I did feel an amazing amount of pressure, like a large part of my body literally being lifted from my abdomen. Oh wait that is what happened. It was like a weight was lifted out from my stomach. Then I heard the doctors, "Wow, what a big baby!" They also kept calling to "Dad" to look. C was going to announce the sex of the baby- that was the plan but in all the excitement- he and I had locked eyes and he wasn't looking up. Finally I said, "That's you! What is it?"

C looked up, jumped up and started waving his hands in the air... "It's a girl it's a girl - we have a daughter. A daughter! Oh my god, it's a girl it's a girl!!!!" He was circling the operating room and almost took a nurse or two out. We were crying- and then started hearing L cry. It was pretty much the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

In addition to being a gigantic baby it turns out she was literally wrapped around my bladder- which was full, despite all signs pointing to the fact that it was empty. I heard the doctors discuss how this could have been a bad thing. Do they know that I could hear them? I mean it was only a sheet separating us? Why not take that into consideration. It also explained the fact that no matter what I could always go to the bathroom- I know all pregnant woman have that- but I always believed I had a bit more of an ailment in this department, and what do you know? I was right. My gigantic baby was hugging my bladder and due to her size laying in and on all the hoses and inner workings in there- I never did have a clear line to fully get to empty.

C went over to cut the cord and take pictures of our little girl. He came back to show me and I almost passed out- because our girl was not so much little. She looked gigantic. I said, "Holy shit, are you kidding??" The nurses and doctors chimed in saying that she was huge and they couldn't believe it. Mother goose kept coming over saying, "Can you believe how big she is?? She is such a big baby!"

It's around this time that they explained to C that she had swallowed some meconium and for precautionary reasons they were going to take her to the NICU.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Herstory Chapter III: Pre-Section

Friday, September 28, 2007

1 am

"Progress is made"... all be it small I am informed that I am 2 cm dilated. Keep in mind I have to get to 10 and it's been over 24 hours. It doesn't feel like progress. The pit is making it so that I am feeling contractions coming fast and furious, however there is not a lot of action taking place to move me along.

3 am

While I hold out on the epidural, thinking I should wait as long as I can- I am given some other pain mediation and am able to rest earlier. I remember watching Grey's Anatomy with one eye open and feeling pretty damn good. At 3 am I get another 'hit' of whatever they were passing out however I'm a bit too far along with the contractions and I wake up every 3-5 minutes asking Chris if I am hallucinating. How fast are they coming and why isn't this baby here. It's also at this time, during one of the examinations that I inform Chris that he better love this baby a lot, because this is it. In addition sometime right around now I start verbalizing my pain in the form in rhyme "yikes. strikes. cripes."

Right around now, I break for the Epidural. Mother Goose is my nurse again, and at this point I love her. I love her so much I honestly don't know what I would do with out her. She takes care of me, she is attentive and her whispering sweetness is now endearing. She helps me with the epidural, as Chris has to leave the room and I am not doing well. I am in pain and with every contraction I have to stay still so that they can stab in the back with a needle. As I try to calm myself down and take big deep breaths I am apparently making things worse for the anesthesiologist.

After it's all said and done I am feeling better- strapped to my bed once again with no way to get up I settle in for a rest.

5 am

Dr. Doom back on shift decides that to move things along he will go ahead and break my water. This means that for better or worse, I'm told that I have to have this baby with in 24 hours. At this point, I didn't believe that until I saw that- because here were almost 2 days later and no action. It felt like a lifetime.

7 am

I'm just at 3 cm at this point, and when we call our family we find that as suspected no one listened to us and the cowboys have jumped in their cars and are heading North East. When they arrive, just as suspected, even though we requested against it there are nurses coming in asking if we will take guests. On both occasions, I couldn't have been in a more compromised positions. Thanks be they come in and ask before they just let someone waltz in, otherwise not only would the entire state of MA have seen more than I would like them to have seen but the family as well. That would have been an interesting Thanksgiving dinner conversation.

10 am

Chris hasn't left my side since this all started, and while yesterday at 2 pm I was able to get a meal, he hasn't. He's been eating whatever the fridge is stocked with on this floor (ice pops and crackers) and clear liquid. Things were going as they had been, slow, so I finally convinced him to take a walk get some breakfast and a coffee. He deserved it.

While he was gone my morning nurse came in and was checking or doing something. Now, I had previously been told that the baby was sometimes leaning up against his or her umbilical cord and to avoid this complication I needed to stay on my side as much as possible. I had been warned to be careful with fluids, as too much could result in nausea, which I handle just about as well as the whole pregnancy and labor thing. Not well. I took a small sip of ginger ale and it's right around the time Chris went to the store that it came back at me with a vengeance. Nausea hit along with my patented moaning, growing and deep breathing patterns until I got the evil out. It wasn't pretty and I was happy Chris didn't have to see that- he'd seen enough already. The nurse came in and had me on my back for less than a minute. The alarm started going off, the beeping sped up- another nurse rushed in. I had become so immune to the beeping I wasn't at all alarmed.

This was, however, until they flipped me on my side and had me put on an oxygen mask. Doctors came in, started looking at the paper that records the baby's heartbeat and movement consulted in the corner. The nurse kept saying, "I had her on her back for a just a second."

Another doctor came in and explained that the baby had gone into distress. They stopped the pit immediately and started to tell me about our options. Well, our only option, was to sign a form to consent to an emergency c-section. The baby was in distress and they had to get him or her out. Chris, now mind you, is just walking in as I am on my side with a mask on. He still has cream cheese on his face and looks like a bus hit him. He will never leave the hospital again.

The anesthesiologist came in to start the process of getting me numbed up and ready to go. As the doctors came in, they noticed that the baby was not only no longer in distress but doing better than great.

Due to these facts, and the risks of surgery, they called off the emergency section.

1 pm

Only 4cm. Keep in mind, with each passing hour the same experience repeats itself. It's like groundhogs day, but with out the comedy.

3 pm

6cm- and this is big news because I progressed so much in a short amount of time. It's starting to look up!

6pm

No sign of baby, never mind the 'pushing' part of this activity. A measurement 8cm and this is where I stall. Once I stop progressing here I am told that at this point they worry that the strength of my contractions will not be strong enough to physically to get to 10cm. A device is installed and we are told that for 2 hours they will test my contractions. I need to get over "200" to be able to have this baby otherwise it's surgery time.

2 hours come and go and my scores were: 80, 65, 85, 80, 80, etc. It never got higher than 85 and like we had been told if it isn't up to 200 no dice.

8:30 pm

Mother Goose comes in to tell us that what they can do is try for 2 MORE hours and see where we are, then if we still around up to 200 then we will go into surgery.

I do the only thing I am capable of at this point, cry. Chris and I talk about it and decide we want to "call it" and talk with Mother Goose about getting the doctors in to speak with us.

The doctor comes in, Dr. Pocock. I called him Peacock, I thought I was hilarious. He was a freakishly tall man who looked like he had been in a bar fight. Black eye and all. We talked with him about the journey thus far and about the fact that even if after this next 2 hour test if I got to 200 was there a guarantee I'd be able to push this kid out? And if not what then? Section? We asked if we could just pull the band-aid off and get this baby out now. He agreed that at this point, he could classify this as an urgent c-section, especially because yes- after all of this there was no guarantee that I could push the baby. Hindsight being what it was, thanks be to Jesus. Fast forward- the baby was not only 2 feet tall and almost 11 pounds, but she had a 15 cm head. Think about that for just a quick second.

9:30 pm

It's go time. The anesthesiologist comes back in to numb me up good. Previously I knew I needed a refill on the drugs and visit from my favorite visitor- the anesthesiologists every time my left side started to feel contractions. We assumed for whatever reason they were stronger on that side as that's the side I would start to feel the pain on. What we find is for whatever reason only half of my body was responding well to the anesthesia. As they got me ready and tested the results, they pricked a pin and I was to rate the pain 0-5. 0 being I could feel the pin prick sharply, 5 being I couldn't feel it or it was just slight pressure. On the right side of my body I was a strong 5, on my left 0-2. Yup. Only half of my body was becoming numb, a bit of a problem when they would be cutting both sides. You can't make this stuff up.

The solution to this is to first pump me up with everything they have "on tap" that would keep me awake, the last option being to put me out completely. With everything on tap in my body, I was able to feel little to no pain, and only pressure. I was also able to feel complete nauseous.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Herstory Chapter II: Little Pill Big Wait

Thursday, September 27, 2007

1:30 am

Mother Goose checked in on me frequently, and told us to get some rest- but I was anxious to get this lill'pill everyone was talking about and get the party started. Little did I know that the doctor wouldn't tromps in until after 1:30 am. Dr. Doom and his twitchy assistant- we called him Sally Jesse. Sally definitely shaved his whole body, had an annoying twitching thing and glasses like Sally Jesse, thus the nickname. He was an interesting mix of tourettes and Eurotrash. Dr. Doom had zero bedside manner and just wanted to get the job done. These are the first of many visits to strip me down of my dignity and utter the fateful words I would hear for the next 72 hours, "you are going to feel a little pressure."

Sally also knocked on me, which was strange. He literally took time to knock on my limbs and torso- as if he was expecting something to knock back at him. It was strange, and when I laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation, he couldn't understand what was so funny. Dr. Doom and Sally gave me the first of the little pills, and with that I had to be checked frequently, including my blood pressure every 15 minutes. Mother Goose came in to make sure we were comfortable but with all kinds of monitors on and a blood pressure cuff trying to squeeze my arm of regularly, this was difficult. And this is where I lost my sh%t the first time. She came in and whispered, "is everyone comfortable?" She might as well have spit in our faces, and my reaction to her was as if she did.

The night rinse and repeated - every 15 minutes the cuff would squeeze my arm off, I would cry because I was exhausted, Mother Goose would come in and check in, Dr. Doom and Sally would check me every 4 hrs to see how I had progressed- they would find that I still had not progressed. Eventually Mother Goose realized I was not going to get any rest and changed the torture of the blood pressure cuff to every 30 minutes. I missed the Cheerleader at this point.

I was told by Dr. Doom, no personality, "with a long and tight cervix like mine, this could take a day or so."

Stupid cervix.

6 am

Before the next shift of doctors took over, Dr. Doom gave me my second little pill. Thursday was a slow day. Much of the same, a revolving door of nurses and doctors, everyone taking a peek to see how the pill progressed me, and it didn't. Doctor after doctor would come in, sit on my bed and let me know “you are going to feel a little pressure" and pressure I felt, but dilated I was not.

2 pm

I was given a meal. Since nothing had kicked in, they wanted me to eat a bit before they hooked me up to anything else. A hospital boxed lunch never tasted so good.

At some point they started me on pitocin, the pills weren't working so the pit was the next step. With the pit came more checks, and a continued drip of fluids, as I remained dehydrated. At this point I'd been sitting and laying down for longer than I have ever been still. When I needed to use the b-room I had to call the nurse in, get unhooked from my various monitors and hobble my IV and myself into the room. The fun really got started when they started to measure that as well. To add insult to injury I had to get a "top hat" put in the loo to catch it all. It was then measured and recorded. When Mother Goose came back on shift, she was assigned to me again and would note what I could expect to find in my "top hat" or give me praise for what I was producing. All of this, not helping.

At the start of this journey I took notes of funny things that happened and notable characters along the path, however we never thought it would take this long. I didn't move along much at all on Thursday.

8 pm

When we knew we were going in for the induction we didn't call our family and let them know to avoid the masses just sitting and waiting in the waiting room. We specifically requested that they not come until we called, and when we called- for them to respect we didn't want people in the room until the baby arrived. Unfortunately as we discussed this with everyone, it became clear quickly that that wasn't going to be respected. The anticipation of the little ones arrival was a bit too much for everyone to stay away until we were ready. We decided to circumvent the system and not tell anyone what was going on until we left them with only enough time to make it, to meet the new arrival. That was the plan. That being said, now that we had been in the hospital for 24 hours it seemed wrong to not call. We didn't think it would take this long. We called the troops and asked that they not get in their car and come until we knew more about the timing, because it had taken this long already who knew how much longer it would take.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Herstory Chapter I: Rushing to Wait

Disclaimer: This is a true story- and some parts may fall under the section of TMI. If you don't want to know, don't proceed. But don't tell me I didn't warn you. I wrote this a year ago when the memories were fresh. Labor and delivery is a humbling experience and while previously I would have considered myself to be a pit of prude when it came to public nudity and sharing this kind of detail, when the better part of the state of MA has seen and been intimate with your vaj - it changes to your reality. Don't say I didn't warn you. Also it's long as hell. It can't be cut down- don't say I didn't warn you.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

To bring you back, I took the day off of work and had a good day. There was an incident with a black cat and a bird unloading on me, but signs pointed for it to be "the day."

8:28 pm

The laughs begin right about now. We leave the house for our 8:30 pm appointment to get the party started. I felt bad we were keeping them waiting. HA. Keep in mind this is the second appointment; we canceled the first hoping that I would go into labor on my own. HA again. We didn't tell anyone we were going in, because as it was explained it would take a bit - and since we were going in at 8:30 pm we figured that we could make calls in the morning when we anticipated I'd be in labor and by the time the grandparents got in their cars and drove to Boston like cowboys the baby would be here and no one would have to be sitting around waiting. Oh the best laid plans. HA HA.

When we arrive to the hospital with a full suitcase of all that we were told to bring- we were ready. As I remembered in our class- there were "several" rooms with bathtubs and million dollar views. We had seen one during our tour- and I was ready to "check in." Leather Face, one of the nurses- she had a leather face... anyway she showed us into a room I assumed was the "intake" room. It was tiny, crowded with all kinds of machines no additional "lounge" chair for C- a crap view and directly across from the loud and busy nurses station. No tub either. And it wasn't like I wanted to give birth in the water with friends and family surrounding me as I had seen oh so many times on TLC- but I heard it was relaxing and I heard it could help move along labor. Who doesn't like a good soak? I brought my bathing suit top and damn it, I was looking forward to it.

We asked Leath if we could have a room with a tub, and she informed us no, they were all taken and this was our room. No switches either- so if one of those mo'fos were done with the room (which I am fairly sure they all were once this nightmare was over) we couldn't scoot in there- which I think the hospital should really re-evaluate that plan. But it's neither here nor there.

In a twist of fate pinky-nobra's husband waddled by and came back with some grub. We couldn't believe it, that they were there. What are the chances? I nearly screamed "holy crap! Pinky-nobra is in the house?!" Instead, I sent a text everyone I knew that might remember pinky.

There we sit waiting for the doctor to arrive, because as I had been told by a doctor in the practice that I saw the Monday prior, I would come in and they'd put a "teeny tiny littl'pill in my vajina." She was a Southern Belle- so this whole thing we found to be hysterical. She also informed us, "Ya'll are fun- I hope I git to deliver ya'lls baby!"

As we wait, Leath explains the littl'pill and how this is going to work. Her explanation is the same as the doctor's but with no accent, it wasn't quite as fun. She also proceeds to ask me a battery of questions like will I be breastfeeding, do we know the sex of the baby, do I drink, do I smoke, how would I rate my current level of pain 0-10, etc. She takes my blood pressure, hooks me up to a monitor or two and off she goes.

Several minutes later another nurse comes in, Cheerleader Laura. She'll be my nurse for the evening, she shares. She explains how the littl'pill and how this is going to work. She also proceeds to ask me a battery of questions like will I be breastfeeding, do we know the sex of the baby, do I drink, do I smoke, how would I rate my current level of pain 0-10, etc. She takes my blood pressure, hooks me up to a monitor or two. The only difference between her and Leath is she violently stabs me twice.

Apparently I was dehydrated- no one told me I should be drinking gallons of water before this appointment, but that would have made adding an IV line to me easier. I added this one to my list of "things I should have been told previously." Once she finally got a line into me, off she went. A little known fact, and something that I added to the "wish I didn't need to know this" list is that I have incredibly small veins that make it difficult to put in and keep IV lines. That will be a reoccurring painful and annoying fact through out the stay at the hospital. At one point, while I was recovering they actually had a specialist come in to put in another line. When I explained to her that I have been told I have incredibly small and diff cult veins to get into her reply was, "well I just put in a line a 3 day old, I think I can handle it." Sure she was a little cocky, but she was the only person who didn't seem to struggle and I didn't even feel her needle me. The rest of them, I was sure, they were trying to kill me.

Several minutes after the cheerleader stabbed me, another nurse came in. Mother Goose. Sweet as pie- and nauseatingly so. I knew from the start she and I would not see eye to eye with her. She whispered everything, including her explanation of the littl'pill and how this is going to work. She also proceeded to ask me a battery of questions like will I be breastfeeding, do we know the sex of the baby, do I drink, do I smoke, how would I rate my current level of pain 0-10, etc. She took my blood pressure, hooked me up to a monitor or two and off she goes. Sound familiar? Yeah. I was in hell already. At this point it isn't much past 10 pm.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Perfect Fit

As a year comes to a close I am constantly and consistently thinking of the beginnings. While it's been a minute since my last real entry, there is no better reason to post than to help celebrate the arrival of two new little ones on the way. Two bloggers who are wild & uncensored that I am constantly and consistently lurking on are getting ready to welcome two little ones to add to their fabulous families. Ah to go through that journey again -

No, not yet for this girl. Not yet.

To celebrate the new arrivals I'm encouraged to talk happiness on the beginnings - and there are too many to choose from. While the road left a bit to be desired there are too many things to think about when it comes to bringing home baby. It wasn't always easy but even when it was the hardest, it was the easiest and uncomplicated my life has ever been. The "wonders" of bfeeding, the sleepless nights, the inability to get out of the house in under 1 hour or not speaking baby cry - I loved it all. Sick. I know.

In pregnancy, there are 2 kinds of women. Those that are crazy think their body is a vessel and those that are normal of the thought that it's not about the journey but the destination. While I was the journey girl for the gestation period everything after the sound of her first cry is all about being a vessel.

Simply, it was in the silence of the night when I laid her down in her bassinet as she brought her hand up to her face as if to signal that she had have enough. I knew in those moments she was made for me. When I would take her in my arms and bring her to the rocker and I could feel her looking at me in the darkness. In her wildness there would come a calm that stopped time, even if I was seeing 4am and not in the traditional 'good ol'times' way. The humphs and sighs as she snugged in the crook of my arm - the same nook that she grabs onto when she sits on my hip- 25 lbs heavier. Her tiny finger and bitty hand holding onto my finger - and it just fits. She fits me and I fit with her. I remember the first time I know she saw me. Beyond the books when the eyes compute what they are looking at - I remember when she opened those blue eyes and looked to me like she had been waiting to put a face to the name as long as I have waited to meet her. It's the tiniest moments that make the biggest moments of your life.

---

Rebecca & Kristen,
As moms you know - all the cliches are true - it goes so fast. Enjoy the tiniest of moments as you enjoy the next little nug added to your family. Make sure you (and in turn, we
) laugh. These crazy kids take long enough to cook up - and in an instant* it all begins. Congratulations!
Love, the (now) vessel
p.s. All this reminiscing is making my uterus hurt for another one. I'm going to have to read up on the preg woes & crazy ass incubation period. Right quick.

*instant is relative, thinking only the best for you and everyone I know!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Beaten Baby

Last week I came home from work and asked immediately, "what's wrong with the baby?" C looked at me like I was crazy.

Baby woke up the next morning and what do you know? A sty has started to form. What's a sty? A nasty bump in the eye that looks like a pimple - and if you are really lucky it will get purple and look like you got popped in the eye. What to do? C had some suggestions.

C: "I think when I was little, my mom put a dime on my eye."
me: "You want me to put a dirty dime on our daughter's eye to sooth the infection??"
C: "NOT a dime, a diamond!!!!"
me: " OH, a sharp object that can cut through glass - we should rub that on our daughter's eye ball... really? You think that is the best idea?"
C: "I mean don't scratch her - but just rub it on her eye lid."
me: "NO."

Nana Lu: "Steal an ear of corn."

Instead of sticking dirty coins or sharp objects in her eye or resorting to theft - I had no idea what to do. My many of books had no ideas - so I googled. Warm compress. L hates to sit still and hate things on her face so this was pretty much disastrous. By Friday she woke up with her right eye mostly closed - my cute little girl had a snarled eye. I called the doctor to see if they had any ideas - other than madness that I was getting elsewhere. I was met with panic from the nurse stating I needed to bring her in immediately! I panic, get C on the phone and he is already on his way home. It turns out she's fine and the only help they can provide is a warm compress. Awesome.

When I got home to see my adorable little one eyed girl I was shocked to see, as she turned her head that one eye was half closed and the other one was scratched and bumped. It looks like she got into a street fight with many of our many colorful neighbors.

C: "She bonked her head."

Apparently at the doctor's she fell on her other eye. The weekend consisted of constant stares. Not the usual comments:

"She looks like a doll!"
"What an adorable little girl!!"
"OH my god - she is beautiful!!!!!"

Instead hands were on phones and I'm fairly certain their inner monologue included a debate to call DSS because it seemed obvious to them that there was abuse going on. Maybe if I put dirty coins, sharp objects or stole things they wouldn't have been so worried about her.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

John McDonald

I came home to the following exchange with Cat:

"L loves this song - I tried to download. You know it... John McDonald had a farm e I e I Oh!"

What else can you do but bust up laughing????

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Lillipalooza: Behind the Music

A year ago today, I thought any day now could be go time. I thought I would play cards and read books as I waited for the show to begin. We packed music, different scented lotion, changes of clothes, and bandannas. I read the books and we prepared for all that could happen. The pain, the joy, the fear of situational mayhem on the table, how that wacky miracle of life would come to be and who she would be. She because I knew she was a she. How when she came home we'd have my mom with us for a few weeks to help us get up and running. We'd have a welcome home party and we'd celebrate. There would be birth announcements and I'd obsess over the experience of the piece of mail we'd send out, I spent months looking at options.

We didn't know it would take quite literally days or that during that time at the end of the day I'd get what I've been threatening to do - schedule a c-section like Britney Spears. Or that fateful moment where we heard and learned the word merconium. I remember her face - the doctor that found it and the man who explained what it was. He was pretty hairy, I remember thinking... gray hair on the head, black gorilla arm fur, I'm confused. It's strange what you remember. I remember waiting for her cry and thinking it was the most amazing noise I have ever heard. I cried and said it was beautiful. I remember Chris running around in circles screaming, "It's a GIRL!!! WE HAVE A DAUGHTER!"

I remember seeing her being whisked away to the side. I remember seeing the pictures that Chris took from the camera, they are still saved on my camera. I remember going back to the room and telling everyone her name. I remember thinking as high as I was knowing in my heart something was wrong. Seeing her for the first time in the NICU, holding her for the first time, seeing her eyes for the first time, leaving her. Standing in front of her baby tank trying to stop the nurses from injecting her with more morphine. I remember singing to her and having a totally f'd up routine with her which included a mix of songs, rocking in the chair and sleeping at 2 hour clips on the hospital floor while beeps binged and bells dinged.

I remember the moment I lost hope that I would ever leave the hospital with my baby girl and the moment we ran out with her stopping at every other corner to make sure she was still breathing with out the beeps and the dings we couldn't be sure. We went through a very long period of wanting it all to be over - the pregnancy, the labor, the unexpected and completely messed up way her first month began. And then it did. We had a week or so alone before we had an au pair join us and the kid to adult ratio went back up again. Life picked right up full speed ahead.

No welcome home, no announcements, no thank you to all those that sent prayers, good thoughts, supporting cards, emails, texts - offers to walk the dog (poor Anabelle), bring dinner, do anything, do everything.


In the last year we have learned you fall in love in an instant. We learned we make a beautiful kid. We learned how many people love us and how many love her. We learned you need to celebrate everyday and it's long overdue to celebrate L and to celebrate all those that kept her in their prayers & good thoughts.

L's birthday party is for her, it's for us, it's for everyone who loves her. Against my better judgement & deep down desire to have things in her home we're taking the show on the road. The celebration extravaganza will be the best damn tour out there.

Lillipalooza is underway!
Check it.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Nana Lu leaves the building!

Last week C was traveling, yet again, and Cat was on vacation - with having to work we called in reinforcements. Nana Lu arrived into BayBack train station on Saturday ready to play. There were lots of tricks planned to be learned through out the week.

1) Eat with utensils
2) say "buono" with finger in cheek like a good little Italiano
3) blow out candles
4) fall asleep when someone says 'neenananeennananonononono' (kind of sounds like nails against the chalkboard humming).
5) walk

When I asked for a progress report on how that was going, I learned what I knew to be true - L would take the food OFF the fork and shove into her mouth. She doesn't like anything to get in the way between her and her eats. Another small glitch with eating with utensils - we don't have any baby utensils (we do now, but not this part week). And now that we do? Uses it backwards, after taking the food off the fork.

Another fun fact is that apparently the family is scared of the large chunks of food we try to choke L with. There are allegedly photos that scare people - I think I've found the one but I'm not sure since going through all old photos with food on them I realized even more than I thought they are all crazy. These are baby food puffs - how much smaller should I get them?

Surprised? No. Since C & I are continuously treated like middle school children who found themselves in a predicament getting knocked up we are always questioned. Like food preparation - when I cut pieces little, mother Coleman cuts itsy bitsy pieces. L's reaction? Grabbing as many teeny tiny pieces as possible together to be able to shove it in her mouth.

Trick 2 - "Buono" is a no go. This I wasn't hoping on as we've been signing to the kid for months and the only thing she has learned how to do in terms of communication is crying like she just got beat when we say "no." What she did learn this week was to know what shaking your head no means, with out the word "no." Sign language it is not - but communicating we are - if wailing a fake cry when saying no is communicating.

Trick 3 - no progress report to date, I think that was thrown to the wind due to the walking extravaganza.

Trick 4 - if the objective was to drive me absolutely bonkers - mission accomplish. Sleeping through the night every night I didn't have to have the monitor - also accomplished. We'll see if it lasts. What that had to do with that bang my head against a wall sound until it stops, I'm not sure. I won't ask questions.

Trick 5 - walking - she's practically running. She has overpriced baby shoes to prove it.


L loved her time with Nana Lu and even though I throw these things out there for comic relief - the truth is (and yes I'm capable of it) I don't know what we would do with out the week long visit. I got to not worry about my very long late nights away from home and even though I would have loved to be there that morning before 9am on Tuesday almost a week ago now when she took those 17 steps - I can't say I'm upset that my mom got to witness the big event. She got L back on a schedule, where before she came in to whip her back into shape I was being told that L wanted to 'loose her afternoon nap.' Hells to the no I say - and luckily Mother Coleman got my sleepy child back onto a fabulous schedule. We miss her already - mostly because it is nice to have family close and also because she made her award winning 10 layer salad that we lived on for the majority of the weekend. What is 10 layer salad? A little slice of heaven - if by little I mean a bowl of goodness I could eat for breakfast lunch and dinner.
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