Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Yoga Class that Broke the Camel's Back


Maybe there are American Idol fans out there than know the song that should be playing during this story - but if not the chorus goes like this...

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day


The song is playing? Good. Now to set it up. This actually happend a week or so ago, but I hadn't pressed post just yet... I have been tired and sick for a week - like congested sick where you can't sleep (with out the assistance of my dear old friend) and still unable to take anything but my d.o.c. and frankly it isn't choice. But you've had a day like this where it didn't start great and it just seems to be getting worse. Questions that need to be answered, questions that get asked and answered and answered again. Calls coming in, requests coming in. Gotta go gotta do gotta go. More questions, more answers - sometimes it takes everything inside not to scream "FORGET MY NAME." And ordinarily on a day not like today I'm happy to be helpful. Every once in awhile it all becomes too much... and that's where we are today. At 5:30 pm it was T&G and frankly it wasn't anything particular that was said or wasn't said - although it was probably the way it was said - but I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Just straight up tired - sick and tired of saying the same thing and it not being understood having the same request and being told I had to fill out a form I already did, but I did it wrong - and can't you just do this or that - it doesn't matter and I understand I am rambling but this is to make me feel better, not you.

The tears are welling, and my patience is an E but I will not be broken. I will not cry.

I focus on the computer screen and start to close things down - I hope C is home. If not I'm late and I hate being late. I call the dear ol'husband and despite my last entry he yelled- he was snappy. Since my first day back to work (end of February, people), for months if he was going to be late he shot an email or gave a call - today he didn't and now we are late. "It's been in the calender for week." Note to self or anyone who cares, I checked the damn calender (we have one- true story). Nothing in there but birthdays.

Tears building I have to go - and I have to run red lights to boot. The last thing I need is to take my stupid bowl from lunch and clean it out - yet have I had a chance to do that yet? No. So I storm over to go through the kitchen - again not wanting the first tear to fall because otherwise I'm broken when I get to the door and walk in on a full out crouching tiger hidden dragon yoga class.

Fuck.

Relaxation for them, flood gates broken for me.

April 08

It's been too long since a picture has been posted, wait no longer. Everyday she gets cuter, it has been decided that we're having her hit the streets and earn her keep. Maybe put her on the runway? Print ads? Live commercials? I'll be a great stage mother, no?

Best Noise Ever

After several attempts to capture the magic I got a good start... live and in person it'll bring a tear to your eye. Too stinking cute.

Monday, April 21, 2008

My Husband Kicks Your Husbands Ass.

Why? Let me count the ways...
  1. Does yours make you laugh till you have an adult accident?
  2. Cause mine gave me the cutest stinkin baby that ever was born.
  3. My man doesn't even BLINK when I take off for weekends at a time or in the evening just to have some alone time.
  4. He laughs at most of my jokes and listens (or appears to be) to all of my stories.
  5. He signs his emails "Your #1 Husband" or "Your baby's daddy."
  6. He makes a sauce that won't quit.
  7. Ironing relaxes him.
  8. He sings through the whining - and this kid can whine.
  9. When I'm freaking - he remains calm and usually funny.
  10. Does yours send you flowers for no reason? And not even run of the mill flowers - but some serious arrangements that would make Martha Stewart blush. Mine does.



Saturday, April 19, 2008

Those People

Yesterday we were those people. And here I thought at a loud restaurant we wouldn't be met with stank eyes... oh how wrong could I be? But it doesn't start there.

C always says our life is like a game of cannonball run... and frankly I don't know for sure what that means so I googled it. Turns out it's a speed racer movie with the fabulous Burt Reynolds... I like the way C explained it better. It's kind of like one of those games where the marble races down the maze at high speeds ducking holes in the ground- we're always racing around is the moral of the story. Earlier in the day we went to go get our passports... sure we've had since December and we need them by 3 weeks from Friday. And it's possible that we won't get the dang passport in time - but that's how we roll. We went and had 1 hour to complete this already delinquent task. We show up, pictures for the babe, me (I have to change my name on the stupid thing), the paperwork we are ready to go.

Glitch.

No baby - apparently she has to show up in person. Race out, get baby, come back... get guilt trip in an accent only a Charlestown Townie can provide about the fact that we are really waiting until the last minute. (For out of towners - Charlestown Townie accent sounds a lot like the first few scenes of "Gone Baby Gone.")

Later on that afternoon / early evening C & I decided to go out to dinner. Ooh wee... lesson learned never mess with the child's schedule. We decided to go out to dinner - she started screaming oh right around 7:30 pm - 30 minutes past the time of her regular feeding time.... squirming worming and screeching. Yup, those people. We decided to get her food out as soon as we sat, knowing that if she eats her rice & carrots she'll be happy as a clam and we can sit and eat our mussles in peace (we were at Legal Seasfood). As we take out what I packed...

  • spoon. Check.
  • bib. Check.
  • food.... where is the food?
I forgot to pack the food. In true Guarro fashion we are now on high alert. No food? How could I have forgotten the food? Because that is how I roll. C couldn't be happier because if it were him who forgot the food this night would have turned out a bit differently. He's always happy when it's me, not him.

Cannonball Run in full effect - what to do? We thought fast and decided today would be the day that the little girl tries potatoes - she's loved carrots, sweet potatoes and butternut squash - why not white potato? We ordered it 'stat' and got it almost immediately - C went to work with the mashing, adding formula to the mix to get the consistency right. Watching him get the mix right is hilarious - he's working the potato, mixing in the formula, it has to be perfect - in true Christa Stewart fashion. No matter how hard he worked it, by the time it came to food time she was too jazzed up to deal. What can you do?

At the end of the night, we ate our dinner - took turns rocking her in her stroller and even had a couple of beers - it was an adventure and lesson learned to not mess with her schedule.

Walking into a post office to get a passport with out a baby gets you guilt trips and the look of stupidity... walking into a restaurant with a baby is like walking in waving a gun. Either way we are and always will be 'those people.'

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A Sprout

Nothing much to report except the kid has enamel... we have a tooth popping through.

Watch out world, in just a few weeks she'll be chomping away. I came home and C confirmed it...

"Look she can have steak now."


And here I thought it was progress with her increased vegetable intake was big news...

Monday, April 14, 2008

AA- 2 JG-0

Made it to stupid Santa Fe with out incident, if you call a 5 hour lay over in Denver with out incident. I guess I shouldn't complain because unlike many a friend I have... I didn't have to go to Target for an emergency panty run cause the stupid airlines lost my bags (twice). On the way back I was convinced I had yet another sabbatical in another city, Chi-town to be exact. I decided to pass on a quick lunch in favor of being able to sit down. It took at least an extra 10 minutes to get off the plan since I was seated in the lavatory. I took a quick look at my next boarding pass and nothing clicked. Nothing clicked when I asked what time it was.

5:15 pm

5:15 pm...

I said out loud, could my flight be in 15 minutes? Why yes it could... I was immediately ordered to RUN! And off I ran - until my trunk of legs couldn't run no more. I was tailing a colleague of mine but eventually I told her to save herself and go.

As I ran terminals through the traffic of Chi-town I couldn't help but think two things.

1) I hate American. Something serious. These bastards have to f'ing kidding me thinking that this connection is legit. Bull.
2) Mama needs to go on a diet, my trunks started burning I thought my calves were going to bust out of my jeans. I couldn't help but feel like I was on a the Biggest Loser and chances are my name was going to be under that platter was good.

I eventually got to the plane, with no time to spare. No time, no lunch - turned into no dinner. I had a book, which I finished and ready Sky Mall. Twice.

The flight gets there on time and we are of course made to wait because we 'took them by surprise.' How is that? Don' t you have to call it in when you land a plane? I practically run people over to get home, I miss that babe of mine. The entire weekend I was weepy and missing her. In the airports there were babies EVERYWHERE. Every other person was pushing, lifting, carrying or hugging on a baby. At one point I figured if I needed to grab one for a quick cuddle no one would be the wiser. I'm pretty sure an orange alert went out about me. Every kid that passed by I stared down. Is it a boy or girl? What is his name? How much does she weigh? Is he eating solids? What kind? Look at that hair! What a cute stroller! How old do you think she is? Babies would cry and I would wince - I missed the kid something serious.

I came home, rush up the stairs excited because it's 9:30 and she is usually still up... out of breath (see prior reference for the need to shed lbs) and anxious to see my offspring and I hear silence.

She's sleeping.
KO'd and out for the count.

I hate traveling.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

AA- 1 JG - 0

Several weeks ago, a dear ol'friend of mine asked, if I'd be the point person for transportation and flights for a meeting she was planning. She can't be everywhere and speak to everyone and a logistics sidekick (read: bitch) would be helpful. Sure- but of course.

Do we call t.o.d. on the friendship, not likely.

It'll be no problem, what could go wrong? OH so much. The very same day as we attempt to get out the key players to the meeting (over 1/2 of the staff support) is the very same day that AA decides it's time to do a safety check to 2500 planes. No big thing. Also, 200 some-odd field staff gear up to set to flight as well, but not everyone was able to get rebooked. What can you do?

Ultimately did disaster strike? Not really but it goes to show you whenever I get involved with travel it isn't a smooth ride. We should have known better. My flight was supposed to leave this morning, it hasn't. I'm off tomorrow (allegedly) at 7:50 am. We'll see. I'm not flying on AA, but anything could happen and it usually does.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Oil Change

This past weekend was the long awaited and highly anticipated Blessed Event... L's baptism. OH Holy Night.

Like all of our trips to NY we learned a few things...
  • No description can ever meet the reality of meeting family for the first time.
  • Having a cake is a necessary part of the sacrament of baptism.
  • For a bargain price of $15 you can get 10 lbs of frosting and 2 inches of cake- it's delicious affordable and you know Jesus was smiling since he too had cake at his Baptism.
  • Costco doesn't open until 10am, the masses start lining up at 9:40am. And grandmas will break a hip (yours) if you get in the way.
  • You should never put a flight of stairs between people and their food.
  • Strangers are the spice of life.
  • It's dark in Piermont, NY. Very dark. The mass at the church had a Priest who had an accent and the only things we took away from the service was that people burned alive in a car and several were shot (or left in a lot, we are unsure the details).
  • Print directions. Even for those that have a GPS systems and even if the next destination is .2 miles down the same road.
  • A proven anti-theft system is use larger than life objects.
  • Our Priest continues to have wacka-do phrases and it's getting worst. Like receiving her Baptism is like an oil change- it helps to keep the car running smoothly.
Mainly it's clear everyone is shocked that we've managed to keep L alive for the last 6 months.

"What'd you do to the baby?"
"Why is the baby crying? She never cries."
"Is the baby hungry?"
"Are you spoiling the baby?"
"Why are you spoiling the baby?"
"Will the baby be cold?"
"Should you put the baby in a coat?"
"Is the baby going to be cold?"
"Why is the baby cranky?" (the answer was she was getting sick)
"She's not sick." (she had a fever and the beginnings of a runny nose, also she had her 6 month shots the day before.)
"Why'd you get the shots yesterday? Why didn't you plan it differently?"

Meanwhile, sick people kissed up on the child... let's see... is she going to get a cold wrapped in a blanket OR by being slobbered on by an already sick person? I think even Jamie Lynn Spears will know the answer to this question.

One of my favorite "WHO ASKED YOU?" moments was when someone asked, "Are you going to take that binky out of her mouth? You can't even see her face." Keep in mind, the binky was completely clear. I take the bink out and L proceeds to SCREAM as if I pulled off her finger. I turn and ask (a stranger), "Can I put it back in now?" I did and like magic she played on.

(c) 2007 all rights reserved. aka don't be a D and swipe any content, photos, etc - sucka. Should you be tempted, let me know so I can be flattered and then give me something write about.