Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Yoga Class that Broke the Camel's Back


Maybe there are American Idol fans out there than know the song that should be playing during this story - but if not the chorus goes like this...

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day


The song is playing? Good. Now to set it up. This actually happend a week or so ago, but I hadn't pressed post just yet... I have been tired and sick for a week - like congested sick where you can't sleep (with out the assistance of my dear old friend) and still unable to take anything but my d.o.c. and frankly it isn't choice. But you've had a day like this where it didn't start great and it just seems to be getting worse. Questions that need to be answered, questions that get asked and answered and answered again. Calls coming in, requests coming in. Gotta go gotta do gotta go. More questions, more answers - sometimes it takes everything inside not to scream "FORGET MY NAME." And ordinarily on a day not like today I'm happy to be helpful. Every once in awhile it all becomes too much... and that's where we are today. At 5:30 pm it was T&G and frankly it wasn't anything particular that was said or wasn't said - although it was probably the way it was said - but I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Just straight up tired - sick and tired of saying the same thing and it not being understood having the same request and being told I had to fill out a form I already did, but I did it wrong - and can't you just do this or that - it doesn't matter and I understand I am rambling but this is to make me feel better, not you.

The tears are welling, and my patience is an E but I will not be broken. I will not cry.

I focus on the computer screen and start to close things down - I hope C is home. If not I'm late and I hate being late. I call the dear ol'husband and despite my last entry he yelled- he was snappy. Since my first day back to work (end of February, people), for months if he was going to be late he shot an email or gave a call - today he didn't and now we are late. "It's been in the calender for week." Note to self or anyone who cares, I checked the damn calender (we have one- true story). Nothing in there but birthdays.

Tears building I have to go - and I have to run red lights to boot. The last thing I need is to take my stupid bowl from lunch and clean it out - yet have I had a chance to do that yet? No. So I storm over to go through the kitchen - again not wanting the first tear to fall because otherwise I'm broken when I get to the door and walk in on a full out crouching tiger hidden dragon yoga class.

Fuck.

Relaxation for them, flood gates broken for me.

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