Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Stupid Sweeps

While I ordinarily do not comment on TV - I have to say the strike really pissed me off - then the shows come back for like 2 weeks and now they are gone again. I mean, shouldn't the writers have to make up some weeks or something? Like when you use too many snow days in school, you have to make up time in the summer. I'm just saying. The worst part has been the finales have been so so. With the exception of Gossip Girl. That's right I heart that show, I can own it.

Take Grey's - I've been less than luke warm on that show than I care to admit but was hoping to love the 'love' at the end of the season like all the dang commercial promised. While I understand this show was last week - I realized today (because I'm still angry about what is to come) that I haven't publicly commented.

Seriously -here's the thing. YOU KNOW that come August- a FULL month before the show comes back they are going to loop the part where Derek is handing Whinymeredith the bottle of champagne saying "I'll be right back" it'll be on a loop... and then some kind of voice over that says... IN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES LIFE WILL BE ALERTED FOR THE DOCTORS AT SEATTLE GRACE, FOREVER.

Spoiler alert...

With in the first 5 minutes as Whinymeredith explains love - true love BAM it's going to be one of those f'd up car accident scenes where you jump out of your chair watching him getting slammed into a mac truck and he'll have no clue who the love of his life is... until May sweeps week 09.

XOXO Guarro Girl

Monday, May 26, 2008

On the Move

Long story short - the kid is on the move. It has been about to start for awhile but now if you get here interested in something and throw it she moves toward it. Sure it sounds game of fetch with a dog and it's awful but it sure is fun. And it isn't fetch - cause she only takes a one way trip to halfway there. She uses one leg to push off and sometimes gets her ankles crossed and tangled. She falls over and usually doesn't make headway BUT it isn't all bloopers - she does make strides and is starting to crawl. Any day is the walking gig - one step at a time though.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Aruba Bahama Come on Smoking Mama

At the end of the day - vacation was fantastic. We didn't want it to end and we loved every minute of it. The water was great - both the pool and ocean. The weather couldn't be beat and the drinks were mighty nice.

That being said there are things every person traveling to Aruba should know:
  1. Whenever traveling with a child expect everyone to ask you the same questions over and over again - traveling tip: bring speaking points to hand out to avoid aggravation
    • L
    • She's a girl.
    • 7 months, almost 8.
    • Yes, thank you (to oh isn't she is cute)
    • Yes, thank you (to you are blessed or lucky)
    • Oh well thank you (to she sure does smile a lot or you have such a happy baby)
    • Yes we put sunscreen on.
    • We know that we need to put sun screen on.
    • She's a girl (even when wearing pink, to some we had to say it several times).
    • Yup. Sunscreen on, thank you. Yup- burning, Aruban sun. Got it. Kid is screened up - she's so screened up she is slippery. Sunscreen Hitler over here is lubing her up every 50 min since she is wearing SPF 50 - and she spends her time under hats and umbrellas. We got it. Sun is strong. Yup- we put sunscreen on.
    • Why don't YOU put some damn sunscreen on, you're looking a bit leathery lady.
  2. The state of NJ is currently in Aruba - the economy of the state must be declining. If not from NJ we're looking at MA (of the Revere persuasion), or NY. A sprinkle of toothless Euros to spice it up.
  3. Be ready to defend - even if sported by a 7 month old, there are still hecklers. Yankees fans are ridiculous.
  4. Aruba is called "The Happy Island" it's island's motto might also be "Smoke 'em if you got 'em." Literally every meal, everyday, every where you turned it was another reason that the truth squad should come to the sandy beach with their bullhorns and f'd up truth about smoking.
  5. All inclusive is a fantastic invention, must like flying first class vacationing should include nothing less.
  6. A strong 2nd place for a moto for the island might be "The Island of Balls." This is due to the ballsy bathing suit choices for men and woman, interesting drinking and over drinking displays, courageous couplings, and outfit selections were at an all time eyebrow raising alerts. At certain points throughout the day we would call out an alert to bring attention to OR warn against viewing. You don't need to know what these mean to know they weren't good... these alerts included but are not limited to:
    • Nuts before Noon
    • Whip 'em out Wednesday
    • Tata Tuesday
    • Taint Tuesday
    • Coogs on the prowl
  7. If you to Aruba be on the look out for the following characters we were able to come across in our travels (the hotel)
    • One Eyed Willy
      • Left eye slowly goes limp throughout the day as the bar gets hit harder.
    • Booze Bag Sally
      • OEW's son's (or friend - unsure of relation) wife/girlfriend who was told by all that could hear "If you leave me or cheat on me I will kill you." in the finest Reveah accent.
    • The Cougar (aka the Coog)
      • 50+ woman who gets drunk day or night, gropes "the help" calls people "the help", asks men (specifically in our example Nick the Man) what room they are in in hopes of getting an invite and announces things like "I'm over 50 and I just learned how to use chop sticks! Nick is the MAN!" OR "I'm over 50 and I just got a wax for the first time- Hello Brazil!"
    • Nick the Man
      • Lone traveler object of coogers affection and has a white maple leaf on his back - not a tattoo more like sunblock was applied in the shape of a maple leaf. Oh Canada.
    • Kevin Busey & the Mrs (or the Busey’s)
      • Looks like a Kevin but has a strong Gary Busey persuasion.
    • Dragon Lady
      • Angry Asian lady who does not like children in her restaurant. Syinara.
    • Princess Leia
      • Daughter of the Coog. Spends her days and nights carrying her little mother and doing her hair sans
    • Arie
      • White man with a rasta beanie hat on. In the sun, all the time.
    • Italia
      • Banana hammock central, the words Italia carefully illustrated over his little boot.
    • The Groupies
      • Large group of women traveling together with 1 ambiguously gay son. Hair always done (women not the son), visors on, make up check, no sunscreen since 1937. One explains her feelings through country music - not sung but spoken, the entire lyrics of the song.
    • #1 Fan (aka surrogate granddaddy)
      • Has 5 grand kids under 4 years old (yup), one daughter- started having kids at 40. He overshares and tells you all about her, them, and how cute L is. All the time. To the point of creepy. And waves his little hand wiggling the fingers screeching "Hey L! Hello! Hey hey hey!"
  8. Take lots of pictures

wwwhhhhaaaahhht

If you say this word, in this way it is a sure bet you'll get this reaction...

May 08

From May 08 here are our lovely's finest (no Aruba shots here)... those coming soon, until then I give you the best of the best from May!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Only Way to Travel

From 5/9/08... in flight from Boston - Miami (seventh circle of hell):
As I type I am quite possibly the happiest girl in the entire world. I type with my fabulous new computer (stay tuned) propped (yes propped) on top of my gorgeous little girl as she sleeps through the final hour of our first leg of our trip.


Some things to note of our first leg of the trip:
  • First class is clearly the only way to travel. Coach is for suckers.
  • Drinking & flying = a happy Christoph and for this I am happy.
  • Cute baby does not equal welcoming faces - but due to the free booze and extra leg room I couldn't care less. Eat it snobbies - that's what I said (under my breath)
In said Seventh Circle of Hell:
Oh how the tide turns so quickly. Upon landing from said best leg ever I witnessed some AA idiot kicking the strollers up the stairs- luckily mine came up ‘unharmed’ or so I thought. It wasn’t until we were ¾ of the way to our next gate that I realized that our cup holder had been taken prematurely. My trip has gone from great to horrific as I think about trekking through the heat with no ability to rest my water bottle, baby bottle or more importantly bottle of beer. C went back to reclaim our luxury. He claims he tried to get ‘the woman’ to go down and get the stupid cup holder, but aggressive is not something I would call my dear partner i life. He said, he used ‘sass’. Direct quote, ‘sass.’ I ask you if any amount of sass would make a difference.

I asked if he made her cry – he did not and my reply was, ‘Not good enough. You didn’t try hard enough. I should have gone myself.’ Vacation, good feeling skip we’re so happy comes to a screeching halt – vacation distressing takes 4 steps back the second those bastards lost my cup holder. Vacation stealers. And what the hell is going on in Miami? Did it float off of the United States and become a new country. Does no one speak English? At the very least enunciate their broken English? The entirety of airport staff here sound like they have marbles in their mouth. If you aren’t going to speak the language (of the country you speak in) if you could pronounce the words you are speaking in your own language while I wouldn’t understand you any better- at least it wouldn’t sound like nails on a chalk board and agitate me even more.

Back in the safe and warm comfort of First Class – Seventh Circle of Hell direct to Paradise:
It may have been the cup holder or the 40 minutes with out cocktails, warm nuts or hot towels – because as soon as we (I) sat down in my big roomy first class seat the cup holder was a distant memory. There is no other way to travel – and sadly with the baby at the very least, we can never travel in the cheapseats again.
  • In first class they bring you drink after drink – the flight time flies by when you are celebrating happy hour. Everyone is happy – it’s happy hour.
  • There is so much legroom the kid had her own little play area – all be it on the floor. She loved it.
  • Easy on and easy off your flights (when you don't have to wait for your busted stroller.
All in all the trip to Aruba was fantastic - the long wait for our massive luggage could have been better- as we sat and thought the baby's car seat was gone and lost forever we realized first class couldn't guarantee complete happiness. Everything arrived, nothing else broken. Just my heart when I tried to lodge a compliant about the stroller- which is what C's sass got him, advice to put in a report when we got here. Guess what? Strollers are unable to be claimed. Of course. We almost died on the cab ride from the airport and arrived into a seedy weird casino - but that's a story for another time.

More on our vacation later.... while I have an Internet connection and writing fun for me -it's not fun for the ball and chain - and lord knows I don't want him to get sassy with me.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

I got an email awhile back that I saved for this very occasion, of the following poem, that I just had to share... unfortunately I can't take credit. I don't know who wrote it, but it hits home for me. Maybe it will for you too.

Happy Mother's Day

-----

Before I was a Mom -
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom-I had never been:
Puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.
I just did!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

L's New Man

Now, her first love will always be Mr. Geer - but there is something to be said of a new love. She will end up a Geer, she has to spice it up a bit. Can't settle down now- she's far too young. She met someone this weekend. A friend of mine has a sister in law preggers around the same time as me, late with their babe around the same time as me - I've heard the stories, I've seen some pictures but never did I expect the kiddies to fall in love when they first laid eyes on each other. In other fun news, he is 1-2 weeks older than baby girl and he is a monster in comparison- she is never the peanut when around kids her age.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Countdown TIME

That's right - it's time for another highly anticipated countdown. A countdown to falling in love, a countdown to hot nights, to crying babies and difficult travels. A vacation countdown! HOORAY. In 4 glorious nights we will be arriving to Aruba. People have actually asked me if I was nervous -due to the unfortunate missing teenager a few years ago? It's like the name thing, when people insist on saying silly things about the names you have already chosen for your child. Why say that? I am not nervous, it turns out because I'm pretty sure L won't be going out with unsavory locals or other kids her ago - turns out she won't be drinking or unsupervised in a club. Instead we plan to have nap time in the sand and breakfast at the swim up bar. Aruba here we come! In addition to being able to go on vacation for a week, but we are traveling in style. Business class travelers and first class citizens be warned, C bumped our seats up so we are going to be sitting right next to you with a fabulous vocal 7 month old. Holla.

Ha! People are worried about the one kidnapping that happened in the country - what about the passengers in the the sky? And I thought the people on trains shot death rays when they spotted a baby. Here's to hoping that baby girl naps in route!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

1 year

It's been one year since I started this site - one year of updates, complaining, photo montages, random tidbits, explaining and venting. I've learned a lot this past year - about myself, about my baby's daddy, it's actually too much to summarize. Some important high lights include:
  1. Having a baby ain't pretty, but it sure is worth it.
  2. It's way more entertaining to complain then it is to update.
  3. Lucky for me I have less to complain about, unlucky for you all it's all good in the hood.
  4. Knowing that this isn't just thoughts on a page, but thoughts on a page that people read is high pressure. How do people do it daily?
  5. Being preggers in the summer is poorly planned.
  6. Moms wear mom jeans cause they get a mom ass and only mom jeans fit mom asses.
  7. Moms who don't get mom asses are el diablo.
  8. There isn't enough time in the day.
  9. If I had the ability to know who was reading this - I might have more to say. Censoring is a mother.
  10. I am one lucky biotch.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

RIP

Last week was a sad week. You go through life never realizing how important someone could be to you. A constant friend who listens to you, takes in information, gives you knowledge, provides you with laugh, lets you cry - and then it comes to an end.

It's been happening slowly - first she got slower, less energy. She couldn't move the way she used to or go as fast as she once ran. She would fail, she would shut down, she was just so tired. Then one day it was time to pull the plug.

And by pull the plug, I really mean she was in such bad shape when I pulled her plug half got stuck in the outlet. I am of course talking of my poor bastard of a computer. She lived a long life, a good one but she has no juice and even with a new cord it's only a matter of time. This explains my infrequent entries and inability to keep photos updated quickly- mama has no place to put them.... so get off my back.

RIP dear friend, RIP we will miss you - I do already. I think my feelings can be summed up in a few words orginally brought together by one of the very first boy bands ever heard. The incomprable, Boyz II Men

(spoken) Girl you know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby, you just see

We belong together
And you know that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart,
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say good-bye?

Well I can't sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinnin' around and around

Chorus:
Although we've come to the
End Of The Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the End of the Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Girl, I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time
Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and I

Could you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me goChorus

(spoken) Girl, I'm here for you
All those times of night when you just hurt me
And just ran out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love you do you?

I'm here for YOU
I'm not out to go out and cheat on you all night
Just like you did baby but that's all right
Hey, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby
Cuz you just won't come back to me
Will you?
Just come back to me (Lonely)
Yes baby my heart is lonely (Lonely)
My heart hurts baby (Lonely)
Yes I feel pain too
Baby please
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me go Chorus Chorus (a cappella)
(c) 2007 all rights reserved. aka don't be a D and swipe any content, photos, etc - sucka. Should you be tempted, let me know so I can be flattered and then give me something write about.