Friday, September 26, 2008

Herstory Chapter I: Rushing to Wait

Disclaimer: This is a true story- and some parts may fall under the section of TMI. If you don't want to know, don't proceed. But don't tell me I didn't warn you. I wrote this a year ago when the memories were fresh. Labor and delivery is a humbling experience and while previously I would have considered myself to be a pit of prude when it came to public nudity and sharing this kind of detail, when the better part of the state of MA has seen and been intimate with your vaj - it changes to your reality. Don't say I didn't warn you. Also it's long as hell. It can't be cut down- don't say I didn't warn you.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

To bring you back, I took the day off of work and had a good day. There was an incident with a black cat and a bird unloading on me, but signs pointed for it to be "the day."

8:28 pm

The laughs begin right about now. We leave the house for our 8:30 pm appointment to get the party started. I felt bad we were keeping them waiting. HA. Keep in mind this is the second appointment; we canceled the first hoping that I would go into labor on my own. HA again. We didn't tell anyone we were going in, because as it was explained it would take a bit - and since we were going in at 8:30 pm we figured that we could make calls in the morning when we anticipated I'd be in labor and by the time the grandparents got in their cars and drove to Boston like cowboys the baby would be here and no one would have to be sitting around waiting. Oh the best laid plans. HA HA.

When we arrive to the hospital with a full suitcase of all that we were told to bring- we were ready. As I remembered in our class- there were "several" rooms with bathtubs and million dollar views. We had seen one during our tour- and I was ready to "check in." Leather Face, one of the nurses- she had a leather face... anyway she showed us into a room I assumed was the "intake" room. It was tiny, crowded with all kinds of machines no additional "lounge" chair for C- a crap view and directly across from the loud and busy nurses station. No tub either. And it wasn't like I wanted to give birth in the water with friends and family surrounding me as I had seen oh so many times on TLC- but I heard it was relaxing and I heard it could help move along labor. Who doesn't like a good soak? I brought my bathing suit top and damn it, I was looking forward to it.

We asked Leath if we could have a room with a tub, and she informed us no, they were all taken and this was our room. No switches either- so if one of those mo'fos were done with the room (which I am fairly sure they all were once this nightmare was over) we couldn't scoot in there- which I think the hospital should really re-evaluate that plan. But it's neither here nor there.

In a twist of fate pinky-nobra's husband waddled by and came back with some grub. We couldn't believe it, that they were there. What are the chances? I nearly screamed "holy crap! Pinky-nobra is in the house?!" Instead, I sent a text everyone I knew that might remember pinky.

There we sit waiting for the doctor to arrive, because as I had been told by a doctor in the practice that I saw the Monday prior, I would come in and they'd put a "teeny tiny littl'pill in my vajina." She was a Southern Belle- so this whole thing we found to be hysterical. She also informed us, "Ya'll are fun- I hope I git to deliver ya'lls baby!"

As we wait, Leath explains the littl'pill and how this is going to work. Her explanation is the same as the doctor's but with no accent, it wasn't quite as fun. She also proceeds to ask me a battery of questions like will I be breastfeeding, do we know the sex of the baby, do I drink, do I smoke, how would I rate my current level of pain 0-10, etc. She takes my blood pressure, hooks me up to a monitor or two and off she goes.

Several minutes later another nurse comes in, Cheerleader Laura. She'll be my nurse for the evening, she shares. She explains how the littl'pill and how this is going to work. She also proceeds to ask me a battery of questions like will I be breastfeeding, do we know the sex of the baby, do I drink, do I smoke, how would I rate my current level of pain 0-10, etc. She takes my blood pressure, hooks me up to a monitor or two. The only difference between her and Leath is she violently stabs me twice.

Apparently I was dehydrated- no one told me I should be drinking gallons of water before this appointment, but that would have made adding an IV line to me easier. I added this one to my list of "things I should have been told previously." Once she finally got a line into me, off she went. A little known fact, and something that I added to the "wish I didn't need to know this" list is that I have incredibly small veins that make it difficult to put in and keep IV lines. That will be a reoccurring painful and annoying fact through out the stay at the hospital. At one point, while I was recovering they actually had a specialist come in to put in another line. When I explained to her that I have been told I have incredibly small and diff cult veins to get into her reply was, "well I just put in a line a 3 day old, I think I can handle it." Sure she was a little cocky, but she was the only person who didn't seem to struggle and I didn't even feel her needle me. The rest of them, I was sure, they were trying to kill me.

Several minutes after the cheerleader stabbed me, another nurse came in. Mother Goose. Sweet as pie- and nauseatingly so. I knew from the start she and I would not see eye to eye with her. She whispered everything, including her explanation of the littl'pill and how this is going to work. She also proceeded to ask me a battery of questions like will I be breastfeeding, do we know the sex of the baby, do I drink, do I smoke, how would I rate my current level of pain 0-10, etc. She took my blood pressure, hooked me up to a monitor or two and off she goes. Sound familiar? Yeah. I was in hell already. At this point it isn't much past 10 pm.

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