Monday, September 29, 2008

Herstory Chapter IV: Finally

The Section

With the extreme nausea and the anticipation of what was to come I have never been more scared, plus C wasn't in the room yet so even though there were 10-20 people in the room I felt very much alone. I was breathing heaving, doing my signature moaning deep breathing exercise. C came in and shortly thereafter they began. Behind the curtain I could hear the doctors talking to one another. It sounded, however , that they were reading form a "C-section For Dummies" book painfully explaining how they are doing what they are doing and why. There are certain things a girl shouldn't know, like how internal organs will be taken out and why stitches vs. staples will be used. I was pretty sure that the Peacock had never done one of these here fancy operations and I'd being coming out stitched up with an organ being left out or something. They kept referring to the 'pressure' I'd feel- between the pressure, the nausea and the fear that my doctors were learning how to cut for the first time it was a whirlwind of feelings. Through it all I was doing the my signature freakish breathing moaning thing and the anesthesiologist kept asking, "J, how are you feeling? Do you feel any pain?" Now she had prepped me that she would check in frequently about that because they wanted to be able to catch it if the drugs started wearing off. C didn't hear this part of the pre-surgery prep so after time 3 or 4 he finally interrupted me as I confirmed, "No I'm fine just nauseous." C was obviously growing irritated with the repeated questions, once again, so he let her in on a little known fact about me.

"No, she's fine. This is how she gets when she is nauseous, like when she drinks too much and gets the spins- this is how she gets."

The extreme feeling of vomit got increasingly worse through out the surgery but there was so much more to distract me from that. Like when, for example, they finally said, "Okay mom, this is it- you are going to feel a lot of pressure." My response was, "More pressure? Sure. Why not."

The next few seconds, at 10:55 pm, are crystal clear but difficult to describe. I did feel an amazing amount of pressure, like a large part of my body literally being lifted from my abdomen. Oh wait that is what happened. It was like a weight was lifted out from my stomach. Then I heard the doctors, "Wow, what a big baby!" They also kept calling to "Dad" to look. C was going to announce the sex of the baby- that was the plan but in all the excitement- he and I had locked eyes and he wasn't looking up. Finally I said, "That's you! What is it?"

C looked up, jumped up and started waving his hands in the air... "It's a girl it's a girl - we have a daughter. A daughter! Oh my god, it's a girl it's a girl!!!!" He was circling the operating room and almost took a nurse or two out. We were crying- and then started hearing L cry. It was pretty much the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

In addition to being a gigantic baby it turns out she was literally wrapped around my bladder- which was full, despite all signs pointing to the fact that it was empty. I heard the doctors discuss how this could have been a bad thing. Do they know that I could hear them? I mean it was only a sheet separating us? Why not take that into consideration. It also explained the fact that no matter what I could always go to the bathroom- I know all pregnant woman have that- but I always believed I had a bit more of an ailment in this department, and what do you know? I was right. My gigantic baby was hugging my bladder and due to her size laying in and on all the hoses and inner workings in there- I never did have a clear line to fully get to empty.

C went over to cut the cord and take pictures of our little girl. He came back to show me and I almost passed out- because our girl was not so much little. She looked gigantic. I said, "Holy shit, are you kidding??" The nurses and doctors chimed in saying that she was huge and they couldn't believe it. Mother goose kept coming over saying, "Can you believe how big she is?? She is such a big baby!"

It's around this time that they explained to C that she had swallowed some meconium and for precautionary reasons they were going to take her to the NICU.

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