Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Today was My Rapture

Written: Monday, May 23, 2011

Truth: I had no idea what was up with the rapture until it was the day and there were jokes, and it was fun.  For those of you under a rock - the rapture took place 5/21/2011. From GodOnThe.Net because where else would you get these "facts": 
What is The Rapture?
The Second Coming of Christ will occur  in stages.  First, He will remove all Christians from the Earth, to protect them.  This is called "The Rapture."  The term comes from the Latin verb raptare, and the Greek word harpizo, both meaning "to be caught up" or "to be snatched up."  Jesus will "snatch us" out of harm's way. 
I was at my dad's visiting with family including my brother & grandmother.  Oh it was hilarious. At 6 pm EST (when the snatch up was to happen) we prepared, crossed our arms and got ready for a smooth flight up. We giggled at @RaptureHelpDesk on twitter - though explaining twitter to my grandmother? Not as fun.  As other than that, it was glorious. Two of my favorites include:



Basically all the good Christians will be beamed up to JC while complete mayhem takes over for the next few months. Oh giggle giggle, what mayhem?

Then today happened.

I believe. I BELIEVE.

MAYHEM.

Today SUCKED. I'm breathing and of course it could be worse and of course I am blessed for my (basic) health, well being my family & friends etc etc. BUT today I felt the Rapture. And I don't mean to be picky but for real, I thought shitty things came in threes.. what's up with the count of five? WHAT.IS.UP?
  1. I got dumped by a potential childcare provider I was interviewing.  To be fair, I was going to dump her... but SHE DUMPED ME?! I gave her the out and I was having second thoughts - but still. It's way better to be the heart breaker. I also gave her a big speech about this being her choice as much as it was ours - which I do truly believe, but being dumped sucks.  We are (obviously) the BEST family to work with and she said, "No thanks." I want to come back to her in a few months with the person we end up finding. He or she will be blissfully happy and we come back together, holding hands, Pretty Woman style saying, "Big mistake, you. BIG. MISTAKE." 
  2. I woke up sick. Sick as a D O G. I'm knocked up, I can't take anything. So I just get to suffer, doesn't that sound lovely? You should hear me cough OR work things out with a neti pot. Sex.Y.
  3. Missouri has had another tornado touch down. This one had fatalities.  Terrible. Since we found out we were moving, I think there has been a tornado or tornado warning each month. Nothing says, "stress the hell out" like monthly tornadoes. Also, it throws family and friends into a TIZZY. Interesting fact? Where the latest tornado touched down is five hours away from where we are moving. Do I call our family in NY when something happens in DC? Just saying. Google maps people. Google maps.
  4. I have stupid gestational diabetes and had to go to diabetes class today. This did not suck. Having the sug of course sucks, but I knew that already. The class, it was fine.  It was nice to hear and know I'm doing everything right, my levels after meals are great and that means I don't have to change much. What did suck? I found out I now have to take stupid insulin shots  SHOTS. The worst part? My diet and exercise piece is 'PERFECT.'  What does that mean? I'm not doing anything wrong to have or change my blood sugar levels. It's my hormones. Thanks, kid.  My levels are off in the morning after the 'fast' of the night which means the only solution is to stab myself in the abdomen nightly with insulin. GAH.  You know who I feel bad for? Not worse than me, but bad? The nurse that had to tell me this and teach me how to stab myself in the abdomen. Talk about hott tranny mess. Me, not her. Complicating the scene? See number 2. I'm sick AND I got upset so I'm stuffed up AND crying. Sex.Y.
  5. Somewhere in between 1 and 4 I lost ATM card.  It certainly isn't surprising, and it wouldn't be the 'biggest deal' if not for the fact that we are moving so I can't have the card sent here.  I have to go to the bank itself, get the card sent to another location and get a temporary card in the meantime. Not a big deal, but I can't say that I'm NOT busy this week. Pain in the ass, on simply just my luck.  And another thing that no one can help me with.
So I'd like to say to Monday, May 23, 2011, "You can go F yourself."

And to this rapture business, just let me know where I can repent for that statement because for real I can't take more days like yesterday leading up to end O days. 

Sunday, May 22, 2011

How do YOU feel worse for?

THE SCENE

The move dates are set.  A Wednesday coming soon to a calendar week near us a team will come to pack up our stuff. It sounds glorious to have someone do all the dirty work for you. In reality, it's incredibly frustrating because there is nothing I (or anyone) can do to help the process along or make headway. 
On a Thursday they take the boxes out and leave us with only our beds.  Friday they pick up the beds in the morning and poof. We are done.  There will be some minor clean up on aisle Connecticut.  Good news? This house is uber small and we have learned from previous mistakes.  If I could clean & wrap up things with our last place; this time with a professional moving crew coming with 3 days to get it done?  Dreamy.  You know if I am optimistic about a situation, it really can't be that bad.  The ball & chain will not be around for the bulk of all of this; but he will be there on Friday so we're in business.  In fact, we're planning on a movie lunch date and I will be using my Valentine's gift which included a maternity massage (holla) on Friday.

Since the move is initiated by the ball & chain's company the moving process is not only taken care of, but the moving company has to take care of everything.  If we get in the way or pack anything we loose our insurance on the move.  Basically, if we get in the way, we trip up the process.  We (I) have to stay out of the way.  I can (and will) be making sure they are labeling the boxes right and not just throwing stuff in the boxes haphazardly, but other than that - hands off.  There will be a lot to laugh at, I'm sure - but who do you feel worse for?

THE CONTESTANTS

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My sanity: Everyone around us - friends, family, even L's friend's parents want to help.  It sounds like an easy request, but there is nothing that needs to or can be done. The only thing that needs help? My sanity and patience. I just want this to be over, be there and get settled.  The countdown is worse than the move, I tell you what. 

Everyday one of us fields a call or email to see what can be done to help.  I know each "How can I help?" comes from a good place and we appreciate being as loved as we are, but for real: nothing can be done but wait.  Why wouldn't we take people up on their offers? I wish we had something for someone to do.  Scratch that, I wish I had something to do!  All we can do is wait.

L: Poor kid. On a Wednesday she will leave for school and have a 'normal' house.  She will go about her day, having fun at what she doesn't really understand will be her last day at school, ever (ok fine, not ever ever, but this school - ever).  She will come home and EVERYTHING will be a box.  The next day she will leave her house, full of boxes, and return to empty rooms with the exception of our beds.  Side note: what in the what are we going to do that night? Bananas.

The kid is going to stay in school until the Friday of move week.  The most important reason is we want her to have consistency (while she can).  Everyone has offered to take her, come and hang out with her, set up play dates, and more.  The crazy train is about to crash into our little girl's life.  We'd like to delay the arrival for as long as possible.  The solution? Finish out a week at school.  Bonus? It will keep her occupied and me free to work with the packing crew. 
Which brings me to the final contestant in the 2011 addition of "Who is Doomed?" contest.

The crew: We can't do much to prepare but I can keep the packers (packing team not football team) from throwing random things in boxes and keeping everything well organized up to my OCD ways.  They are going to love me. And through it all? No safety net (for the packing team).  The ball & chain is traveling.  When he is around, he balances my crazy.  Alas the moving crew has to deal with me (and pregnant me) all alone.  My husband keeps saying he feels SO bad (for me) that I have to do it all alone.  Do what? Personally I am concerned about the strangers that are going to do all of the work AND have to deal with me!

Who do YOU feel worse for?

Monday, May 16, 2011

Failing Tests

Back when I was preggers with L, the nurse at my doctor's office had little hope I would pass my glucose test. Awesome.  To review, a glucose test is a routine test you get when you are knocked up.  You drink gawd awful flat, warm, thick syrup that is kind of tastes like cola or orange soda.  You wait 1 hour and then get your blood taken to see how your body broke down the glucose in the drink.  These levels in turn tells medical professionals if you have gestational diabetes. For those that either a) had irregular results with that first test b) Had gestational diabetes your first pregnancies or c) had a big baby (over 9 pounds) you "get" to take the test, for a second time. I didn't fall into any of those first couple of categories, but of course the last one I did - the big baby club.  10 lbs 14.8 ounces.  Almost 2 feet tall - thank you very much. I birthed a toddler, for God's sake. Proud of it.  Bad news (other than birthing a toddler) is being in the big baby club puts me at risk for gestational diabetes and needing to take another dang hour long glucose test.

Side note: It's important to note, I hate needles. Beyond my hate most people have a terrible time getting blood from me.  I apparently have the vein of a child.  When I was in the hospital delivering L, they had to call in the pediatric nurses who were used to and trained to set up IVs in children. Of course, the only small thing I get to have is stupid veins.


Glucose test, part two.  The day I planned to get the second test I had a weird situation happen. I woke up in the morning and couldn't put any weight on my left leg. I was getting out of bed, as I normally do, super early.  Mama can't hold 'it' for a full night's rest.  There I am first thing in the AM trying to get to the bathroom with only one leg.  I assure you, this was not a pretty sight. At one point I didn't know if I would need to crawl there or if an adult accident was in my near future.  The day I woke up without my left leg in full effect I was alone with the kid, had a deadline for a glucose test and needed to get packed and ready for a business trip. If it was safe to go, I would have to get on an airplane.  I needed to be ready to go and be able to walk. The details aren't really important other than: in the end, I am fine and overall it was shitty day.  It was a totally stressful day, to say the least. I woke up the next morning and after a few hours my leg started to be totally normal. I get it, that's totally whack but I expect nothing else. I figured, if I can walk, I can fly to my business meeting (Dad, my doctor said it was fine). Before I could get on with my plane, I had to go drink some flat, warm, thick syrupy soda. 

I took my test and got on the plane.  When I landed a message awaited me: "Your test came back irregular which tells us that you likely have gestational diabetes.  We'll need to get you scheduled for a three hour glucose test."  Most people who get back irregular tests come back for the three hour test and find they are in fact diabetic during the remainder of the pregnancy. Hooray. For the 3 hour test, you get to fast for 13 hours (only water) and stick around the office for 3 hours as they take my blood 4 times. Important to note: I hate needles.

I took the damn test and I failed the damn test. I got stuck with a needle 7 times only to find out this is just the beginning. What's that? Where did I get stuck with a needle 7 times when I said they take blood 4 times? OH that's because a sadistic woman took my blood and had to stick me 3 times to get one good line in at one point. I took the test on a Friday and got a call back on Monday with the 'good' word. In getting confirmation that I need to consult with Diabetes for Life, a great resource in the area (I will be shortly moving away from), I awaited a call to set up an appointment.  It took 4 days to be given an appointment with the office so for 4 days I googled my diet and prognosis. Awesome, health care system, awesome.

I knew I'd have to change my diet.  Based on what I researched, in some cases, there is finger pricking to check blood sugar. There are fun complications like even BIGGER babies (um. I'm hoping that 'bigger' is in terms of being relative to regular babies not 'bigger' than previous babies carried by mother who has the gestational diabetes).  Also in the how is that possible column: additional complications like increased swelling.

Good news / bad news? Good news: I "barely" have gestational diabetes. Seriously, a failed one of the three hour checks by 1 point and another by 2 or 3. If you score over the numbers they need you to be at 2 or more of the 4 level checks, boom. Gestational diabetes. After finding out I had irregular test results that put me within gestational diabetes fun land, I watched what I was eating but didn't make too many changes. What irritates me most about this diagnosis is with this pregnancy I eat 150% better than with L. It wasn't that I planed to eat like crap with her, it was just that crap was all I could eat.  This baby loves what I normally love - salad, vegetables, fruit.  The baby also loves pasta, Chinese food and burritos. What? It's part my kid... why wouldn't (s)he like all that I like? I missed my ice cream that week, but after minimal diet changes my test results were .2 away from a "normal" pregnant person's levels. The specialist I met with said my diabetes is basically 'negligible.'  There will be a slim to none chance of needing insulin since my levels are so close to normal - as long as I stay like that. When the nurse told me I would have to check my sugar levels 4 times a day though? You would have thought she was telling me I was leaving a limb at the office. I cried, laughed, teared through the laughing and cried again. Important to note: I hate needles.

Turns out the checking my levels isn't that bad - the prick doesn't hurt and I've actually been able to eat pretty much normally. Being able to check (when I wake up and 2 hours after each meal) I get to see that I'm fine. Sure with all that's going on, I could stand to not think about how many carbs or sugars I'm about to take in and then remembering to take my blood and record the results 2 hours after eating a meal. But I'm fine, we're fine.  I already have swelling, I already birth big babies and lord knows I don't need to go through the next few months on a carbo load. I'm fine.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

House Hunters: The Impossible Dream

I finally feel like we are in a space to give the update on where we hope to hang our hat.  That said, be sure to note the following should be filed under: if it didn't happen to me, I wouldn't believe it was true.  The week after murphy's law of real estate and our life happened (which was the same week I posted it) we found another house.  "We" being relative; the ball & chain did. He took some pictures (but no way to send them) and told me about it. I looked it up online. There were 4 photos of the place but decided to take a leap of faith so we can have a roof over our head.  Leap of faith and well damn, I'm not into being without a home.  We put in an offer in.  You're thinking to yourself, self, I thought they were renting? We are. That's how STL rolls. 

We got an email from our agent that says she spoke with the agent of the house.  Follow me, won't you? He is the son of the owner - he said based on their conversation his parents will approve us - lease to us.  For some reason, they don't ask us for a rental application, as the others have and instead he has our agent draw up a preliminary lease. The owners and agent will review it and send it back to us with signatures. You're thinking too good to be true? Right? That would be because you are missing out a wee little detail.  All of this happens on Tuesday. The only "thing" is: he won't be able to get to the lease until Monday. A week away. Maybe now you understand why I didn't feel this story could be told as it was happening. He said he was going out of town... which made sense (I guess) because it was the week of Easter. He's celebrating the resurrection of Christ, can't hate on that?   He told our agent "not to worry" and "it will be fine." Um, I'm sorry stranger. A) I didn't realize there was a shotgun rule in real estate. B) Maybe you didn't hear; even when throwing in money, promises, handshakes and applications - we didn't get what we thought we would.  You'll excuse me if I do, in fact, worry. Side note: this is the same week tornadoes touched down in STL, a day after the husband left. Story to come on that, but between having no home and our new home town getting some wreckage due to natural disasters - you can assume we were worried.

We wait the obligatory 6 days and on Monday we follow up with our agent.  Since the ball & chain is traveling (again) it would be easiest to get us to sign things if we are together.  I carefully asked, what's up, without showing my crazy. We get word that they are going to move forward with us.  They have applied and been approved for a leasing contract - because apparently where this house is; you need to be approved to lease the house. Please note, no signatures yet and no money exchanged.  The "thing" is we won't have the lease until the "end of the week."  You're thinking, wait... didn't this part already happen? Turns out the agent wasn't going away last week; he was getting laser eye surgery.  There were complications.

You read that right: we are dealing with an agent that now can't see our lease agreement.
I sent an email to our agent saying something to the effect of - "Obviously we'll deal with health issues.  We hope he recovers without further complications. That said, is there no one that can help?  Do they know we are moving 1/2 across the country? We need to know where we are moving and when quickly. We need to set up the movers, cancel daycare, set up plans for childcare in St. Louis, etc." I did my best to not show all of my crazy, but for real. I get it, he needs to rest his eyes, but we took a leap of faith as it was by not both seeing the house. Waiting on the 'formality' of a contract another week seemed like a little much.  

For once, my crazy worked for us.  We have a house.  They worked it out and got another set of eyes on the lease.  Ba-dum-cha, she's here all week folks. Only for another week or so though; for real.  We are on the move. 


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Book It Danno


I know all I've been talking about is this damn move. But damn, we are moving like soon. Everything is booked out and planned - for the most part. But to put it in prospective... I bring you - a color coded calendar. 

Blue is when the husband is gone, green is when we are going somewhere, orange are appointments, pink is and the red is the packing team. What. The. What.

Take me know.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Too Many Monkeys Sleeping In The Bed

Ok fine, there is one good thing about parenting alone during the week: nights filled with all the space I can handle. Very rarely, when the ball & chain is away, does the kid make her way to our room. I don't know if he just has better hearing than I do and can hear her calling for us?  Maybe he sleeps lighter so hears her faster? Maybe when it's just me she gives up? I don't know if she knows Mama don't play that. I don't know what it is.  What I do know is when he's away there are only two and a half of us in bed.  Me, the baby & my body pillow. Or as the ball & chain refers to her - "the other wife." Ah the space & freedom we have in that lovely bed of ours... me, belly and my blue pillow of wonderful. It's quite a life.

Last night, I went to sleep "alone" with only the comfort of my pillow.  This morning I woke up like a fat sardine with my other wife, the baby to be, my kid & husband. Sure - the pillow is a pillow and the kid is a small kid and the baby is still technically part of me- but all of us together in the bed? We are NOT into the family bed situation - if for no other reason but we don't have any dang room.

The kid got up, in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. She got all tangled up in her PJ (dang footie zip ups) and came in to get some help.  The husband jumped up like she was on fire and the bed was a bucket of water and threw her in.  All she really wanted was to be zipped up; now she knows Daddy is home and there is a spot calling her name in the middle of it all. Zipped up and now snugged in between us, the next 4 hours are filled with tossing and turning and looking forward to next week when I'm all alone in my bed with my other wife. Sigh.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Ah my misguided little hypochondriac...


"I need to go to the dentist ... my leg hurts." - L


*said January 2011... but keep forgetting to hit POST.
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