As I type this, here is what my surrounds are like:
- I'm in the living room watching TV that is inappropriate for children. CSI something or another. Blood, violence: not your Saturday morning cartoons.
- The kids are screaming, crying and whining in the kitchen.
- Their dad is taking care of it. Making breakfast, dealing with the aforementioned screaming, crying and whining.
- I'm drinking coffee. Tuning it out, typing this.
- He just came in and asked if I wanted a homemade pancake.
When it times to do a massive house clean, we take our areas. I'm the living room & dining room girl. He's the kitchen, bathroom & bedroom. He's obsessed. I don't fight it. Plus if I'm being honest, he doesn't clean the living room like his OCD kitchen cleaning self.
- He just came in, and delivered my pancake. Time out.
- Time in. That was delicious.
When the kids wake up at night, whoever wakes up first usually takes them in. It's typically him, mostly because he's a light sleeper. When we have babies, if I'm on maternity leave - I get them. With the exception of the weekend. Then, we take turns. Most times he insists on going for it. And never, not once, does he keep score.
Never, not once, will he bring up that he's washing dishes right now. He's likely going to take one or both of the kids to the gym with him at some point, this morning. To leave me in silence. I might clean up. I might not, I might continue to watch TV. It's hard to say.
I will end up brushing L's hair 9 times out of 10 over him. Because while no matter who does it - it's painful- it doesn't get me as frustrated as it does him. Never, not once, will I care the snarl mayhem falls on me.
I deal with doctors appointments, school stuff, activities - in terms of sign up. The games or practices? He's in. Something breaks, falls, needs to be hung - all me.
We need to move, and this happens often. I'm the details girl: coordinating, planning, tracking, planning (yea I meant to put that twice), new schools / classes / camps, new doctors, new everything? Me. Unpacking? Both of us. Making the house a home? We both bring that... but I take credit for the design of said home.
I'll never understand how single parents do it. Bottom line, but (almost) more than that? When it comes to parents who are together and one isn't involved? It's a major unsolved mystery. I quite honestly don't know how it's done. To have another able body in the house who doesn't participate? I know I'm one of the lucky(iest) ones. I know that men like my ball&chain aren't the norm. I know that most every day, at least once a day, I am grateful to be the exception to the rule.
I want for my children to be happy & healthy. Forever. Beyond that? I want them to find a partner. I want them to be the exception to the rule. Whoever their partner may be, I wish for them to find a true partner. One who they balance out with, because any other life would be unimaginable to me. I may be one of the lucky(iest) ones, but I need them to have this. I need them to know it's possible.
I hope what "they" say is true, by growing up - seeing this reality - that they will know it's out there for them. I just hope they find it.