Monday, March 30, 2009

Winnie's Honey Pot

Thanks be to Hayzeus the weather is warm! Over the weekend after brecky we took the show on the road. We had a glorious day with flip flops, playgrounds, and iced coffee. Flops & coffee for me, playgrounds for the babe. It was a long and lovely day ending at the mall. A quick bite to eat filled with baby haters looking at us as if we were letting the child throw her diaper in their New England chowder.

After we truly exhausted both our self and the child I thought it would be a super idea to walk from dinner to the kick shopping. Of course through out the walk homeslice she would crumble to the ground... until I saw the Disney Store. I thought it would be perfection. Disney, Mickey, fun fun fun. She was enamored by the toys, by the mouse by it all.

I turned around for a second, as the famous last words are uttered she was gone. Literally in a circle, turned and she was gone. While I would imagine I would be wordless fear took over and I started screaming like a madwoman - asking everyone who could hear or see me questions they could not answer. Where is the baby? L! Where is L?! And in the face of man, I'm certain (after the event) did speak English, slowly I screamed in his face, "H -a-v-e y-o-u s-e-e-n t-h-e b-a-b-y?" Ever so slowly. He looked at me like I was crazy. As crazy as I felt in not be able to find her. And she is little bitty and doesn't speak English - so would she come if I called? So I screamed louder.

And here I thought the worst was over and it is just beginning. In the moment I honestly saw news broadcasts and L's picture being plastered on the glimpse of of the news that I barely watch in between Law & Order and Sex in the City. Ticker tape on the bottom of my TV screen and crying in C's arms wondering where my baby girl is. Seconds felt like minutes which felt like hours. Where is my baby?!?!

Just as I felt my knees get weak, there her little head popped. Out from around Winnie's Honey Pot, right across from where Tigger was doing a hand stand. She waddled out from behind the pot and I was able to breath again.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Barfing

Just another day ...

C: How'd L sleep?

Cat: L es sleeping, she must be wheelie tired. Even when Anabelle barfs she sleeps.

C: Abelle is sick?

Cat: Noooo. She just barfing.

C: Barfing?

Cat: Barfing.

C: Ohhhh. BaRKing.

glos·sa·ry

L \e(l)-le\
Function: non
1: baby girl
Synonyms: Punky, Punkie Pie, Punkpieah, the Bug, Nug, Nuggie, Lil, Homeslice
Related Words Willy Wonka

C \ˈsē\
Function: noun
1: amazing husband who makes me laugh until my face hurts. 2: baby daddy
Synonyms: Picklelicker, spider monkey, lova, #1 Hubby, Baby Daddy, wife

Cat \ˈkat\
Function: Noun
1: a usually young foreign person who cares (loves) for children and does domestic work (if by domestic work you mean putting away dirty dishes and eats your left over Chinese food you hide under the lettuce in the vegetable drawer) for a family in return for room and board and the opportunity to learn the family's language.


bl \ˈbē e(l)-le\
Function: abbreviation
1: before L —often printed in small capitals and often punctuated. Refers to the time before world turned upside down and right side up.

brecky \ˈbrek-eee\
Function: noun
1: the first meal of the day especially when taken in the morning 2 : the food prepared for a breakfast 3 : Nana Lu makes a kick ass frenchie toasty and Papa makes a mean pancake for breaky.

kicks \ˈkiks\
Function: noun
1: sneakers

Friday, March 27, 2009

Coming back from the dark

There have been too many things that have taken me away and it's time to come back. I'm going to make a statement of intention to write more, think about more and do more. We'll see how this all goes. Radio silence is hereby over. (we'll see)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Work Out Girl

Totally out of focus. Totally unclear. Totally hilarious. L dances it out with Cat - check the outfit. Just another wackado collaboration but homegirl has moves.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

WWF Baby

I always thought that when L grows up, what will she be. I have thought I would support whatever her little heart desires. What if, though, she becomes a WWF wrestler? That certainly seems to be what is in the stars. Homeslice skillfully jumps into or on anything, whaling herself into just about anything. Pillows, blankets, playmates, if it can catch her fall she's on it. Last night as I prepped the Stone Cold L Diggity for bath time we went along our business. Take off the diaper, run the water, start heating the bottle, the routine. As I got post-bath time ready, I start to hear her practicing her moves. Jumping and landing on the wood floors. This time, different than her typical dare devil moves she has a little help. Thanks to my bright idea of time with out a diaper. (It was only going to be nakey time for a hott minute and it turned out to be a hott mess.)

Homegirl was clotheslining the dog and finishing her moves by throwing herself into her pee. Classy little girl I have, the whole while laughing up a storm as she fell. Not quite the kind of reaction I saw during our trip to the park recently.


*No babies were harmed in the making of this film. The last wipe out looks worse than it is.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

WANTED: Sleep - 4 hours - Name your Price (Boston)

Reply to: sale-slmf-255655a@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-9, 5:40AM EDT

Desperate mother currently with out baby daddy searches for a full hour or two of sleep. Will be willing to consider translator to wee ones to figure out the reasoning behind current state of the union. Home girl got up at 2:55am and was up every 10-25 minutes until 6:15am. At one point I started changing her diaper because there was nothing else for me to do. I think i went through 6 diapers last night - and she maybe NEEDED 2 diaper changes. There were diapers flying everywhere. In lieu of said sleep I would be happy to find a donation of translation. At 8am this morning, I almost woke her up, just because. I mean the little hellion had me up all night, why not? I have NO idea what her issue was - this whole not speaking English thing is a pain in the arse. I have a feeling this stupid mother f'er time change doesn't help. I will pick up at no cost to you and pay top dollar for sleep or translation.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Ski Bunny or Grim Reaper

Every year I have the opportunity to hit the slopes and every year I think it's going to be great idea. It's going to be so much fun, it's beautiful outside, the fresh air, the activity, the laughing, the fun we will have. For the most part, sans the years I was preggers or with a newborn, I decide to take the plunge. And every year I come to the realization that I hate skiing. I hate being cold, I hate wearing tight boots, I hate falling, I am not coordinated, I am not athletic, the list goes on. I do love drinking beer and laughing, so why don't I just call it a day and meet the group at the bar?

This year C & I went a-skiing with friends & an extended group and tried our luck on the slopes. Why didn't we just cal it a day and meet the group at the bar? It wasn't fun nor funny - well the weekend was, but skiing not so much. We had a couple of great runs (that's what the ski bunnies call it), but for the most part I just longed for the day to be over. That was until the day found us at snow tubing.

The best time ever! Tubing is piss your pants funny.

One group (three large men) went down a hill tied together. As soon as they headed down the hill the 12 year old pull us down the first way of the hill said, "Ah oh. They sure are going fast." Turns out the tween knew what he was talking about. The three (heavily accented New Yorkers) stooges took flight as they hit the black ice. The flew down the hill, past the rubber mats (that are supposed to slow you down) and through the orange fence "blocking" the hill that goes down to a creek. Hilarious.

Pee your pants hilarious.

We (luckily) weren't going through the fence, although we rarely stopped at the mats. While we didn't go over the edge we did clip a few teens as we came down the hill. We screamed (C like a woman) to move out the way, but alas they didn't anticipate our speed.

The stories from the weekend and hilarium to follow is a bit too much to write out (at this point a week looking back) but the pictures (some) are fun and some are just fuzzy since they were on my phone.

(c) 2007 all rights reserved. aka don't be a D and swipe any content, photos, etc - sucka. Should you be tempted, let me know so I can be flattered and then give me something write about.