Sunday, October 28, 2012

Why I hate moving. Epilogue

Epilogue:
  • After 2 or 3 (I honestly can't remember at this point) attempts, the water line to my beloved ice machine, works (however slowly). During the process of getting it fixed, the first time - when water was pouring all over my basement the following things happened:
    • I called in 3x because the first time, I was dropped into a voice mail box I have no idea who it was. I left a weird message that went a little like, "Hi, my name is XYZ and I don't know who you are because of the terrible customer service representative I just spoke with. I live at ABC and this morning a water line was installed which is now spraying all over my basement. And when I say spraying, it sounds like a little sprinkle but there is a monsoon happening in my basement I can't get it to stop and someone needed to get here ASAP."  The second time, I was outraged and may or may not have been screaming like a lunatic and one point said something like, "SAVE your apologies. I don't want to hear SORRY, I want to hear that someone will get here because at the rate the water is coming down my entire inventory of storage will be ruined." To which the "customer service representative" said I could fill out a claims form, if that happened. TO which I said, "Are you f'ing kidding me?" And I didn't say "f'ing" and I promptly got hung up on. The third time I called in I was eerily calm, was put on hold and while on hold someone called me back - must have been from the first message I left. I'm not sure, I don't care. 
    • Interesting fact? Sears never did survey me on my experience. Spoiler alert: terrible.

  • The Internet was eventually fixed, after 3 or 4 attempts (I honestly can't remember at this point). I've had a decreased of solicitation calls, because I went cray cray and was provided a new number that they can't guarantee will stay off a radar, because I don't want to pay for a private number but it's better.  To say I was a crazy lady with them? Understatement.
    • A "fun" exchange during my rampages phone calls to these "customer service representatives" (see also: TERRIBLE) included this gem. I was calling in to report that my Internet was indeed out, again. I explained for the who knows how many time all the back and forth, people coming out, waiting for days, etc. I explained that I had been a satisfied customer for long than I had been a customer receiving service and wanted to know the process for canceling at this point. I explained I worked from home and not having Internet is negatively impacting my day. While the over done apologies do nothing for me, I suppose I would prefer that over this person's response: "Well. Does your television work though?" My response? "I do NOT know. I don't get paid to watch TV, so right now I'm at my computer trying to do my JOB. Perhaps you'd like to try doing the same?"
    • Disclaimer: Having worked in customer service I do my best to be the better part of some one's day. I am (usually) kind, understanding, sympathetic. I try to make a joke where I can. That said: provide terrible customer service? Step aside, shit is about to get real.


  • I'm not quite sure how I avoided an aneurysm or ulcer based on U-verse and Sears. I suppose there is a point in the "win" column somewhere in there. Seriously, top 5 worst customer service.

  • I got a mirror for the driveway, one that you can see on both sides to avoid crashing into the porch. My husband thought I was being silly for buying such a thing (such things are not cheap). I used it every day and it has saved my car from damage... until he recently backed into it and broke in a million pieces. Ah 7 years of bad luck, like that's what we need. I mention this, because I would just like to point out, for the record: while I notoriously have a terrible sense of depth and if anyone is going to swipe a car or back into something - you would have thought me. I'd like the record to show: the ball & chain has been the one, the ONLY ONE, playing bumper cars in the driveway. He makes fun of me for being all nervous about it, careful, slow, etc- but guess who hasn't cracked up anything in our driveway? This girl, right here.


  • Eventually they found our overflow truck. It arrived the day that our flight was booked for a trip to the Northeast to attend a wedding. His suit and my dress (and shoes) were somewhere in one of the 30 boxes delivered. I found them. It was a Christmas Miracle. 
30 boxes in the overflow truck. 3 items needed to be found for flight in 3 hours.
The "best" & most successful game of "needle in a hay stack" ever played.

We've been here, at the time I'll (finally) publish this post for 3 months. We are getting settled, pictures are being put up, boxes are disappearing one by one. We're getting there. We have a few visitors planned. It's coming together. Don't tell the kid though, because she feels it too and I try to say I don't - but the truth is? I miss STL. I'm looking forward to when that wears out and things start to feel all wonderful here, but I don't know. 3 months in, I'm starting to think it won't happen. I don't hate it here, it's just not the same.  It's probably why I haven't had much to say here. I'm in this now not so secret hole of mourning, still. But I'm going to dust myself off and try to move past it, because we are here and it's time to start enjoying it and finding the love - and stop comparing it all to what we've lost. It sounds so dramatic, I know - but that's because it feels dramatic. Sigh. But hopefully? With the holidays (and I'm obviously talking about Halloween) coming up fast & furious it's just a matter of time where I will be smacking you over the head with cuteness. Because for real? It's what we do.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Why I hate moving. Part II

Week of September 19th – Move IN week

The after week one, there was another week of hell moving. Let's just start with day one, shall we? 

  1. Ohio has readily available Dunkin Donuts. The Target I had put in the GPS I drove to doesn't exist. It started out, Ohio - 1, me - 1
  2. Despite me asking "do the tvs need to be here" & getting the "no prob" the AT&T U-verse guy came to install, and cannot. Ohio - 2, me - 1
  3. Then, when I thought the day couldn't get any worse (see no Internet until our TV arrived, and not TVs, because if you recall - that's in the overflow truck and who knew when that would come (see foreshadowing): a rabid deer almost successfully committed suicide using my car her weapon of choice. Ohio - 3, me - 1. Since not successful maybe me - 2?

    Now, that was Monday, what did the rest of the week look like? 


  1. It was lovely that we had movers - but it's like when you are public speaking & you don't know what to do with your hands. There's nothing I can do until they were done. I couldn't sit on the couch, that seemed weird, so I've literally walked around in circles all day.

  2. When I wasn't walking around in circles, I stuck my foot in my mouth. Like when I accidentally commented on how hot it is. While a mover was balancing 3 boxes on his back & I carried a coffee & my phone.

  3. Now, remember, my week started with no Internet. Since the Internet couldn’t be set up, I spent my week driving back and forth to Starbucks to fulfill some work obligations. One night, until 10 pm.  Let's just say, the people of the 'bucks  really had my well being in their hands. They SAY they gave me decaf.... but really? Who is to say?

    Side note: when I wasn't at Starbucks, where I saw shady ass deals going on - who knew that loan sharks did business over a venti latte machio-whats they call it? I was at Panera. One afternoon, while wa
    iting to get on a conference call, my "friendly" neighbor dropped F bombs like it was his J O B or he wanted me to lose mine. Luckily he left right before I needed to be unmuted.

  4. I ended up needing to take the remainder of the work week off, due to not having internet. Lucky to have the ability to do so? Absolutely? Irritated that I have to? Ab.so.freaking.lutely. 
  5. Note to self/ just because you see an old crusty dryer, one shouldn't assume you can slide your new one in. Gas vs. electric apparently it's a big difference. Who knew?

  6. And then, and then, this happened.  This really is the pièce de résistance. It even beat the flat tire on the brand new car as we were leaving the home we love: They.lost.our.TRUCK.

    Commentary: Are you freaking kidding me? I'll see your lost luggage and raise you a lost moving truck of "overflow." WHO does that EVEN happen to?

  7. What's worse than a stinky diaper? One packed away & discovered days later.

  8. And yes, while it took 24 hours to realize it: we realized we didn't have hot water. We had to watch a YouTube video, cause we’ve never done this before. It’s how we do.

  9. I was a hott mess for days, beyond the day I didn't know we didn't have hot water. One afternoon, as I walked into Walmart it occurs to me- if I showed up on the People of Walmart site I would t be shocked.

  10. And then, the day Internet installation was happening (a week. it was painful), so was Kindergarten registration. To say I was emotional?  Understatement. Then, and of course, the Internet installation guy took so long it ran up against my appointment to register.  He was blocking me. Fist in the air.

    Commentary: You might say, just have him move his car. Nothing, if you haven't noticed is that easy because, you see, we live ON a highway so coming in or out of the driveway is a shit show. Fine, it's not a highway, but it's close. 

  11. Then there was the time I had to return to Home Depot (not close) to exchange the keys they had made for me -  because of course, they didn't work.

  12. Good news? I had to go back to Home Depot anyway, so it wasn't an extra trip to get food for our guests. Bad news? The guests were a colony of ants times a million.

  13. Then, days later I remember I left my beloved necklace at the hotel we were just at.

    Commentary: it's just recently (5 weeks in the Cleve) that I finally got the official word that it's lost/gone/stolen/thrown out. SAD.

  14. Annnnnd then, our Internet went down (& Tv/phone).... Until a technician can come out. That's as short lived as it comes. We then spent DAYS with and without Internet. Wasn't it adorable when the original installation man said a wireless connection to my work computer would have no issues? God.damn.liar.

    Commentary: And then to add to my AT&T U-verse hatred? Apparently you have to pay for a private phone number. Since that's crazy, I didn't sign up to pay for yet another thing (like Internet/cable/phone that don't work), I started to get 8-10 solicitation calls. A day. Good news? The calls meant the phone / Internet / cable was working. Bad news? solicitation calls? For the rest of the day I wasn't battling error messages. It.Was.NOT.Awesome. I did the math: I had
    been a customer for 3 days and issues with service for 1 week.



  15. We came to this house without a refrigerator. Cause the thing we needed most was to go up and down to the basement every time we needed the fridge. Do you have any idea how often you need to get to the fridge with two kids?

  16. If I told you that the water line they installed when they did finally deliver our fridge bust & won't shut off. Would you believe me?

    Commentary: Water.everywhere.

  17. I've told my husband every day to be careful in the driveway. Every day he tells me to relax. Within one week he swiped the side of my car into the wall.

    Related: based on my yelling pretty sure my neighbors think I'm crazy. Can't say I blame them. 

And that's it. That's the "short" story of our long journey to the Cleve. Crazy town? Yes. Will likely be repeated in 1-3 years? Absolutely. Will I survive it? Most likely, no.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Why I hate moving. Part I

Edit to note: I understand this is way late. It's important to our story. It's a major chapter, and may explain why Ive been so busy. This is just one week. How could I not take weeks to recover?
Now that I’ve gone all rainbows, unicorns, and happiness – let’s get down to brass tax. For any “normal” person, moving sucks. For me? The laws of “Murphy’s Law” do not apply. It’s Murphy’s Law on steroids – and the ranging violent, aggressive behavior and mood swings of steroids. Wait, is there a plus side to steroids? I digress. Here’s a list of all the shit that went down over the course of the move (give or take a week. 7 days, people, with one exception).  If you follow me on twitter, this may all be a review, but due to character limits I now have the ability to provide my commentary.

It’s like a DVD extra disc extra, get excited.

Week of September 13th – Move week
  1. Move, so we start it off right, by movers pushing UP pack day. Yeah, that's not inconvenient at all.

    Commentary: When we moved the first time, we lived in a house with ½ the square footage as the one we moved into in St. Louis. We had 2 days to pack, 2 days to load with 4 people each day. When we were told it would take 1 day to pack and 1 day to load, we questioned this and asked, specifically (side note: word of this whole post is SPECIFICALLY) “are you sure that’s enough (insert reasoning)” and was told “more people will come.” A day before we are scheduled to have the crew arrive, they look at the paperwork and realize that they need more time.
     
  2. Tuesday I get a call that the kid fell at the playground and she is swelling, fast.

    Commentary: While nothing was “broken” I’m fairly sure it was severely sprained – if not in that moment of falling off the monkey bars, in the daily (if not multiple times a day) falls she executed on. She wiped out, seriously, at least once a day through out the rest of this post. I am not exaggerating. Fell on wet floors, dry floors, up stairs, down stairs, flat land, into walls and doors – it.was.CRAZY.TOWN.

  3. The movers arrived, and while the last round of people MOVED fast, these people were light speed. Within 4 hours, they got 98% of the house done. The second day went just as fast. They told us, while originally the move in date was the following week (Monday - Friday), they now anticipate a Saturday (the day after they leave with our stuff) move in. That’d be great, if not for the fact that we were planning on arriving into Cleveland on SUNDAY (the day after they’d be there).

  4. Wake up times began at 5 am. For over a week. Perhaps this is why I wake up grouchy. This does not include JJ's sleep "schedule." See NON-schedule.

  5. My schedule was so jacked up, my check list of to dos so long, one night I called and ordered dinner. Cause it was on my to do list. Issue? It was only 4pm.

  6. There is a part of cluster frames, Pinterest doesn't show you.

  7. Our movers apparently didn’t noticed the one year old.

    Commentary: How do I know? Evidence. Everywhere. Including tiny little choking hazards as far as the eye COULD see. Including pest little one year olds.

  8. Our cable box cords got packed.  So for a few days, sure I was annoyed that I'd be hit with fines.  Mostly that I had no DVR or OnDemand. It felt like camping.

  9. The movers came, and in addition to not thinking they will make the Saturday estimate (relief felt for approximately 1 hour) - they realize their truck is not big enough. They are going to need a bigger boat truck.

  10. In the rush to pack as much as they possibly could, the first casualty of the day came in the way of the tv in our au pair’s room (22 years old). One of the movers informed us of the broken television by letting us know, “I dropped your daughter’s tv.”

    Commentary: I look old enough to have a 22 year old. FML.

  11. The overflow truck came and the entire time - they complained. 

    Commentary: They didn’t realize how much stuff we had (me, in my head: dude, I’ve heard this before - that’s why you are HERE).  They didn’t have the right equipment, blah blah blah.

  12. Before they left - the driver had me sign for the overflow truck. I noticed, over his shoulder two televisions still remained on my floor. At that point? He tells me he can’t take the televisions and can’t I bring it with me. To say I lost my shit, is an understatement. Homeboy did NOT know what hit him - and the cursing I did made the crew blush. The televisions found their way onto the truck. Shocking.
     
  13. I tried to fix one of the many walls we holed up, and made it worse. I had to run to Home Depot hours after we should have been done in the house to work it out.

  14. That night, the ball & chain took the kids and I finished cleaning the house while I broke down. Sitting in an empty room, on the floor I ate chicken cutlet leftovers (like an animal). 

  15. And just, when I'm about to break? My lovely neighbors brought me over a plate of food. And I proceeded to cry. And broke.

  16. The meal that broke me.
  17. That night, the baby got ice cream ALL OVER the only sweatshirt we have for days. No dish soap, but I feel like logistically putting it in the dishwasher could work. I did, kind of.

  18. More than one person (seriously, like 3 or 4) said, "You're moving to Cleveland? That SUCKS!" We were with 2 small children present.

  19. We left St. Louis and immediately got a flat tire. On my brand new car. If I didn’t take a picture, I feel like it didn’t happen. Or you wouldn’t believe me, I almost don’t believe me.

  20. We got to our hotel, Sunday night and was told that it is over booked and we most likely wouldn’t have a room the following night.

    Commentary: We did, but still. The threat was there.

  21. Due to the amount of clothes we could pack (in a car with 3 adults, 2 kids, and a dog) we had to laundry at the hotel NIGHTLY.

    Commentary: We planned on doing it once, but for reasons beyond my control we did it NIGHTLY. One night? Someone switched my laundry for me. At a hotel. Am I so jaded I think that's more weird than nice???

  22. The first morning out of St. Louis, the kids slept until 8:15 am. That was great, until we realized we switched time zones and we hadn’t slept late at all.

  23. During our Indianapolis to Cleveland run, there were rest stops at every exit. At one point, the kid said she had to go to the bathroom. It was pouring rain, and no rest stops - for 20 minutes. Let’s just say, that would be our unforeseen laundry catalyst. 
Seriously. That was one week. There was more. 

Friday, October 5, 2012

20* questions. V1

All across the world wide web there are great interviews with kids, and it's done once a year. And most of them are "20 questions" which makes total sense, but I just can't decide which questions to cut, because I cannot wait to see how this all changes throughout the year. So basically? 28 is the new 20.

I'll attempt to keep up but we have all seen this movie.
  1. What is your favorite color? Green, why are you doing that?
  2. What is your favorite toy? Legos.
  3. What is your favorite food? Pepperoni pizza
  4. What is your favorite fruit? Grapes.
  5. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Um. I think. Pancakes.
  6. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Salami rolls. (translation: roll ups)
  7. What is your favorite snack? Cheese & crackers. 
  8. What is your favorite drink? JUICE! I didn't want to say chocolate milk.
  9. What is your favorite tv show? Um. Ummm. The Lorax.
  10. What is your favorite outfit? A dress. My leopard one.
  11. What is your favorite game? Cluck cluck. She actually means: Cluck 'n' chuck.
  12. What is your favorite animal? Giraffe.
  13. What is your favorite song? You don't you're beautiful.
  14. What is your favorite book? Horton Hatches an Egg by Dr. Seuss
  15. Who is your best friend? You mean, today? Mirella. I shoulda said Jay'anna.
  16. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play with my helicopter.
  17. What is your favorite holiday? Happy Halloween!
  18. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? My teddy bear. 
  19. What do you want to be when you grow up? A zoo keeper.
  20. What's your favorite thing about school? Computer lab!
  21. What makes you happiest? When you rub my back.
  22. What are you scared of? Bats!
  23. What is the one thing you want to try this year? Go to outer space.
  24. Where in the world would you like to go? Mexico
  25. What is the best thing about being 4? Hmmm. I like, when I was 4. We went to the zoo.
  26. What makes you excited about being 5? Being AWESOME.
  27. What is your favorite thing to do? When we go on the roller coaster.
  28. What do you like most about our family? Playing in my room.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Dear baby girl, 

Septembers 2007 - 2012
You are five years old. Five years old and a few days.  WHAT? I cannot even believe it (you say that a lot). You are brilliant. No, seriously. You are supa shmart.  You are funny, you love to "do" accents - but you are horrible at it, like yo mama.  You are caring, sensitive, the best.little.girl.ever. But you aren't a little girl, I swear you are tween (in the best way possible).  Holy crow, you are a good freaking kid. You love your sister so incredibly. It's almost unbelievable. 

Good lord, you can talk. You used to not talk, we were told we'd need some early intervention - that we needed someone to help you learn how to talk. And then? All of a sudden? You.wouldn't.stop.  And I love it. Though sometimes, if I'm being entirely honest, Mama could stand for a break, girl. 

Your hugs? Are ridiculous.  You are our (one of) everything. With your ridiculous laugh, and your loving heart, and your smart little self. You are beautiful. Inside and out. And hope for you, my little bug, that one day and everyday you know this. And when you don't? We'll be here to remind you. 

Love you much. Love you always.
Mama, Daddy & JJB (& Abelle, too)
(c) 2007 all rights reserved. aka don't be a D and swipe any content, photos, etc - sucka. Should you be tempted, let me know so I can be flattered and then give me something write about.