Thursday, April 28, 2011

Epilogue

I have written this follow up and gone back and forth for so long, maybe it isn't necessary. As you'll see in just a second, I can't even help myself but want to clarify. 

When I wrote my last post I rethought it a couple of times. I just knew someone might not see it for what it is and take it personally. You know the saying, "go with your gut" - what if your gut can't make up it's damn proverbial mind?  My gut said someone (if not several someones) might take it personally, but it also said you write for you so stand by thatBe authentic - even if the authentic you comes off like an angry bitch; so post I did.

It's not you. It's no one person.  Most of what I write never is - more of a pile up.  Before you take offense to it or personalize it, I invite you to think about it in a different way.  You get to hear my thoughts in a way I may not get from you - use that power for good.  I would tell you how I feel, if you asked, otherwise it wouldn't be here. It's here because it's happening to me, it's my prospective - my truth.  I get to write it out because this here is my space. I love to have you, but only if you are coming here with an open mind and heart; you should not be here to keep tabs or creep. Maybe at first this place was started to keep people posted, but I hope I've been clear this is not what this space is about anymore. 

Knowing where I am and where I am coming from should make it easier for you.  If you want to know what's going on - ask, but don't be surprised if the answer is 'nothing' or 'I don't know.'  Related side note: why is it so hard for people to get me? Dang, I think I'm so easy. Not to mention the cliff notes you get here. 

This epilogue goes out to all our friends & family most of all - because I don't want to be misunderstood. To be very clear - we love you - we appreciate you - we know that you want to help.
I'm simply asking, if you want to help: be helpful.  Understand that our life is beyond crazed right now and it's nothing personal, it's just our reality for right now. 

If a visit, call back immediately, email back immediately doesn't happen, it doesn't mean you aren't loved.  Life is busy and more than anything, we get that. Loud and clear.  I can only hope you do too.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Murphy's Law

The finale: Maybe you didn't see the preface or the plot - you might need to scan those or pick up here. 
 
Where last we left our superheros, we applied for a house and we were feeling we made the right decision. OK fine, I wasn't sure - but I don't want to play "I told you so" anymore - so whatever, we made the decisions we made and we were thinking it was all set. We applied. The owner said he didn't anticipate any issues & he'd send me final details on Thursday. All day Thursday I pressed refresh on my email despite the fact that my email comes straight to my laptop, computer, phone & iPad. I was up until midnight, refreshing.

A friend of mine told me on Friday morning, when I still hadn't heard anything, if I didn't call him at 10 am, she was going to. It's at this point I want to say: when I say murphy's law is our way of life: if something is going to go wrong, it's going to go wrong to us - I mean it. I really freaking mean it. 

9:59 am EST FRIDAY this comes through (not a direct cut & paste some information left out & names altered but 99.9% the original email):

Hi,
 
I wanted to get back to you about the house.  I received your rental application and everything looks great with your application.  I do however, have some bad news.  My wife and I accepted a last minute, late night sale contract that came through on Wednesday night around 10pm.  I had stopped showing the house for sale once I reviewed your application on Monday night.  One last agent begged me to let her show the house to her buyers and my wife and I said no until she said that they really serious buyers.   So, long story short, they saw it and loved it and wrote an offer and we accepted.
 
The good news is that the sale may not go through and I will know very soon.  They are doing the inspection on Tuesday and I will know by Wednesday if we don't agree on any credits and/or repairs.  Either way (if this contract falls through), my wife and I still plan on being out by mid/late May.  I understand with your new baby coming along, you want to secure housing asap.  If you don't want to wait until next week and need my help with advice on nice areas or houses, I'll be happy to help.  Also, I'm always out in different areas with my job--so, if you want me to drive by a house and check out a street for you and your husband, I will try to help.
 
I'm really sorry for the inconvenience.  I did not expect this as my house has been listed for sale since 4/10/10 (just over a year).
 
Please feel free to call if you would like to talk about anything further or if you have any questions.
 
Thanks!
Man who breaks hearts


(Insert crazy persons laugh)

I wanted to reply back:
 

"Thank you so much - no problem I wasn't waiting by my computer yesterday or anything. Also - you are very welcome for the random and last minute offer on the house - you can be assured that the only reason that came through is because yours truly was planning on moving in! All the best, me."

Instead, I replied appropriately - because obviously I am happy for him and his family. I just wish it could have worked out for both of our families. Instead, we are back to square one; that's how we roll. Sure we can hope for some structural damage discovered in an exception, but something tells me that isn't a wise hope either?

Nothing can ever be simple. I need to stop "looking back" at the decisions we made leading up to this whole situation - mostly because I'm sick to my stomach about it anyway. And I know it wasn't meant to be - that said I don't want to hear it anymore. If we hear that one more time I swear to God we'll both explode. Because as much as my head & heart say "it wasn't meant to be" the smart ass part of me says, "OF COURSE this is how this was going to play out - in fact it was meant to be."  Why? Because in fact, that IS how things work out for us- the most complicated and convoluted way possible.  None of this would really be an issue if there wasn't a clock ticking away.  I try not to ask for much, but, I'd really like to have the baby where my husband lives and he is in St. Louis.  Based on how far along I am and how comfortable I am with flying I feel like we need to move by June 1st - I need to be in the air by June 1st at the very absolute latest. Nothing says stress like a stressful situation on a tight timeline! What's that? You don't believe it could be any more stressful? Allow me to put that statement to the test!

To add to the fun, we continue to field questions that seem to be simple: when are you moving? Where are you moving? When can we visit? When will we see you again? What's new?

Let me address this all right now:
We don't now. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. Nothing much, just mayhem, hearts broken, major stress, and holy shittake moments that will last a lifetime.
 

See? Fun, isn't it? What's that? You want more?

Between our schedules, mostly my husband's, over the course of the next 6 weeks (42 days), one of us will be gone 25 days.  If you really want to have fun with math you'll know that's 60% of the next 6 weeks.  I'm only gone 5 of those days, but during those 5 days? It's in between him gone 3 days on either side... so that's almost 2 weeks of one of us gone. Yeah, our kid isn't going to have separation issues at all, nah. And you'll excuse me if I don't really know when we're moving, when you can visit, when you will see us again - because you see... I'm kinda busy right now freaking the hell out. And no. NO. You can't help - unless of course you have a knack for making the housing market not a complete and total sht show. Everyone's best move is to stay calm, don't make any sudden movements and for the love of all things holy don't ask me questions we don't know the answer to. 

Monday, April 18, 2011

Sophie's choice & house hunters have a baby....

and that would describe the last week. 

The plot: Holy stress balls. You would not believe the week we've had. Oh wait, if you know me or have read this here space for any small amount of time - you will believe it.  If you need to know the background? Check out the two neighborhoods we are considering. You back? Great.


A week or so ago the man of the house went to look for a house. Last time he was in charge of apartment hunting we ended up in a cozy (miniature) little place with one closet total.  One closet. In. Total. No pantry. No coat closet. No linen closet. One
(small) closet in the bedroom. I was prepared this time. While he was on his mission - he had a little bit of me (aka my crazy) with him.  This came in the form of a worksheet that he filled out for each house and instructions to take pictures of everything. While he declined a clipboard, he was successful in his mission. He took over 200 pictures of every room, every oddity, every detail and not surprisingly, every closet. Next it was my turn. We went two Thursday's ago and I was wowed. For real. When the ball & chain went the week before last, he said it won't be what I expect. He was right. 

Take Kirkwood, for example. In his first visit he let me know it's magical but perhaps not as magical as I think it is. There was, however, magic everywhere.  There were a lot of different areas with different pluses and minuses. You know, just when moving half way across the country, pregnant, quickly, wasn't bad enough - let's confuse the situation with places that we would love equally but SO completely different.

Let me say the producers of House Hunters really missed an opportunity. Following us through this process would have made for some good TV. Bottom line. Though at certain points of the story ahead, I was convinced the situation was staged and I was on a new hidden camera show spin off of House Hunters. Punk'd Property © or something.  Basically a show (under development after last weekend) where unsuspecting and innocent people search for proprieties and crazy things happen to them - so crazy and unbelievable it must be a hidden camera show! 
Mexican Bar

Between the man's first trip and this one we saw an upwards of 20 houses.  Some "favorites" were nicknamed.  There was animal house (for it's WILD animal print decor), Mexican bar (for it's random basement with random Mexican inspired tile work and a menagerie of random things), and a multitude of houses with 70s Threes Company shag rug looks.They were favorites because they were funny as hell, but not favorite in terms of "hooray we found our place!"


Oh but "hooray" we did.

First, there was Kirkwood in all it's magical glory. 4 bedrooms, a great looking house with a ton of updates and a rent by owner.  Meaning we got to meet the owner.  He was nice, normal and has kids.  This means the house was made for kids.  Example? A bedroom two of their children share is painted amazingly perfect colors.  Not good enough? How about a secret hiding spot? Behind a tiny door they finished it inside to make a secret play area!! What? You want more? A backyard with a homemade play scape.  Amazing. One of the rooms is currently a (perfect) nursery.  It will be our office - a room complete with built in shelves around most of the room.  We'll have an au pair, for a few months (we hope) and his or her room is big so we could totally make it a bedroom and siting area.  The neighborhood was littered with children. Two girls across the street, two next to them, two little boys next to them and right next door to us? A couple with a little bitty baby. Littered with children.  Chalk drawings in the driveway and apparently the neighborhood kids come by all the time to play on the swing set. Magical.  What's that you say? You want more?  My other favorite part is an eat in kitchen area.  We would make that side room a playroom area.  Kids have a lot of stuff. Here's our thought process: this house has a dining room - we do not need two places to eat.  We need one place to eat and another to occupy the children.  Children. We are having children. Let's take a moment to freak the hell out, shall we?

It wasn't all neighborhood children and rainbows.  The house and neighborhood may or may not be very somewhat close to a four lane "road" which we lovingly called Frogger Lane. I've never seen speeds like we saw there. The Downtown area of Kirkwood was quaint like a New England town but with traffic that would rival Manhattan.  I'm not over exaggerating here. If we moved to this house I would never have to make a left out of the street, I will live in rights - only making rights for the rest of my life. Well, by life, I mean the next 18-24 months.  Seriously, I can't explain the madness - women in their Suburbans with 3.5 kids in the back talking on their iPhones going the speed limit a cool 60 mph in a residential - I have nightmares about it.

staging hoax
Right after we saw that house, we met with a real estate agent.  Our angel. She showed us a bulk of the properties we saw and humored us (OK fine, I'll be honest - me).  Before meeting her or seeing the Kirkwood house, there was another house that was almost a contender.  While it was always on the top of the list it didn't bring a tear to my eye. Another house did. In UCity, away from Country Grammar and da Loop there was an offshoot of an adorable neighborhood. A wonderful neighborhood and even more wonderful house. Close, perfect, great home, wel - or at least that's what the scrabble board told us when we walked in (right). I'm thinking someone stole the "come" on the wel that is spelled out - we should have seen this as sign number one: crime-ridden. The set up was perfect, there were jet tubs, a sun room off of the master bedroom (best office - ever) with an outdoor patio overlooking the HUGE fenced in back yard. Brand new kitchen, tons O rooms, everyone would have their own bedroom. Amazing. Some downsides looked to be we might have to buy a refrigerator, public schools were apparently terrible and private school will need to be must and it might be too close to da Loop which by day would be great, but at night might be dicey. Just as tears began to fall because we may have found the one, we left and saw as if on queue to our right walked a guy our age with a big friendly dog and to our left a couple with an orange stroller and an adorable baby. This might be it. 

Sure the schools are 'eh' and safety may or may not be a concern. Later that night after dinner, we came out from the restaurant and I may or may not have felt that we were both going to be mugged and bludgeoned to death in the parking lot.... but in the daylight? I had fun. 

After we saw the house, we wanted to apply for it.  It was Friday afternoon at that point and we were the 5th application; the owner was going to keep it open all weekend. Smart bastard listed the house low so of course the interest would come flying in. In putting in our application and in the flurry of the excitement (this was before feeling like we were going to be mugged after dinner) we put in an offer we thought (s)he wouldn't refuse (said in Godfather creepy way).   We raised the monthly rent substantially, offered to pay the finders fee that usually falls on the owner (1 month of now raised rent), didn't require him/her to supply a washer or dryer, and starting the lease period on April 15.  Our real estate agent wrote a letter on our behalf and suggested we offer to make the leasing period 18 months, instead of 12 months to show our commitment. We said fine.  We put the offer in and waited the weekend to hear back, while we (I) obsessed over the Kirkwood house wondering would we regret not going for the suburban home that was made for children? After dinner that night I continued to freak out talk about it. We talked about it all waking hours for the next 48 hours.  What if we waited for UCity and we got rejected? By the time we called Kirkwood it was already rented? What if we got UCity, but had finally made the decision that we wanted to in fact go to Kirkwood and now it wasn't available? Were we making the right decision? What is the right decision? What if we moved to UCity and got mugged? What if 3 months down the road I say, I knew it? What if the landlord comes back and asks for more money? What if we go to Kirkwood and I can never make a left out of a road again? Will I be okay living in rights? "Living in Rights," oh, maybe I could rename my blog that? Does that make me sound like I'm conservative?  What about school, do we make a decision based solely on kindergarten next year? What if we make the wrong decision for L? For the love, what is the right decision?

At one point on Saturday, our real estate agent called to check in. She read an email I wrote in a panic, second guessing if we should wait until Sunday to hear back. She called to calm me, but got more than she bargained for. At a certain point in the conversation, as we discussed all that were doing to get this apartment I may or may not have said: "I just feel like we are bending over to this guy, for what?"  I think it's at this point the husband re-thought he choice of me in a life partner. His face dropped. I'm fairly sure the people of STL don't talk like this, at least our real estate agent isn't used to it. We got off the phone and the conversation when like this:

Me: "Do you think Suze is hates me now? I'm going crazy."
Him: "Um. I mean the good news is she probably didn't understand what you were saying. But yeah, you did show your crazy. You need to relax."

2 days of the back and forth - super fun.There were tears, screaming, frustration, laughing - (some) good times had by all.  Finally on Sunday we got the call from our real estate agent. We had made it to the top 3; I felt like I was on American Idol. The landlord would choose us, as we were the best candidates... if we signed a lease for 2 years like the other applicants offered to do. Alternatively he would take 22 months. We said we'd stay at 18 months.  If we signed 22 or 24 the ball & chain would be transferred in 18 months. If we don't sign it - we'll be there for 22 months - it's how we roll. The landlord declined and we decided to walk away feeling that we were bending over a lot and if we ever needed anything fixed or addressed we'd have to negotiate our brand new baby or something. I knew I'd say "I knew I should have gone with my gut" and no body wants that; mostly my husband.  In an ideal world I said the day before, we'd be rejected from UCity so that we'd KNOW that Kirkwood was the right choice - and here it was just what I wanted. We contacted Kirkwood and asked if the house was still available. 


It was! The house had been on the market to sell for over a year - he was going to have one more open house that night (Sunday) but if nothing came from it and he didn't think it would - he would move forward with the rental application with us. He seemed genuinely excited to rent his home to another young family. Skip around, this was IT! I tried to skip, but wouldn't you know? That feeling of
random doom & gloom feeling didn't go away.  Until someone took a deposit check I wasn't going to feel ok.

Ah stupid woman's intuition.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Neighborhood Watch(ing)

Preface: I'm not a huge fan of cliff hangers, especially because this story isn't really going to wow you.  You'll likely say, "DANG girl. Pull it together."  Obviously, I have the move on my mind.  I want to tell you what the deal is, but there is some background information you need to understand before you will get the next part. This here is the foundation of the next part of the story.

I told you, people are nicer in the Midwest. In reaching out to people, all kinds of suggestions and thoughts of areas to live came flying at us like stay west, never south. Try areas like: University City, Central West End, South City, Kirkwood, Webster Grove, Brentwood, Clayton, Ladue, Parkway West - another language all together if you ask me. We looked into all of them and that's when I fell in love. 


SWOON.

We first set our sites on Kirkwood, MO - what I began to refer to as Magic Town. Why? It is magical! Community feel. Downtown area - shops, bars, restaurants, tons of activities for young families, I'm liking it.  See for yourself: the Kirkwood website makes me want to skip. If you click over, there are different pictures of the area, events, etc. Picture 4 (featured to the right) looks like children looking for a lost child. Perhaps a search pattern or something? It's not. Just them looking for honeysuckle trees...which  just happens to be one of my favorite childhood smells, EVER. We had a honeysuckle tree in our backyard growing up. This place has so many that they need a search party to gather the extras? Yes, please!  It also has a community pool which boasts a lazy river, beach pool, lap pool, kid pool and events planned through out the summer. I hadn't heard of a community pool growing up, perhaps an episode of The Wonder Years - but not in person. When we moved to the town we are in now, we were taken by this concept.  We loved our pool last summer, but a lazy river and scheduled events we did not have. OH GLORIOUS.  The parks? I don't have pictures of the parks we saw but the bottom line is you haven't seen a park until you've seen a park in Magic Town. End. Of. Story.  Kirkwood is a suburb of St. Louis.  We are in tje suburbs now and don't tell anyone, but I LOVE IT. LOVE. I don't miss the city or living near a city at anytime. Nope. Allegedly I live near a city now, but this one doesn't count. NYC or Boston? Those are real cities.  I love them both, but I don't miss living in a city, at all. I didn't know, when we left Boston I was glad to leave, but the truth is - PEACE OUT CUB SCOUT! I'm a suburban girl, it turns out. City living is for the young whipper snappers. 


Just when I think I know what I want, BAM.

University City. It was like Hoboken (NJ), Brooklyn (NY) & the South End (MA) had a baby (what can I tell you - I'm making a baby). Cute little neighborhoods, gorgeous brick houses with a ton of character. Close to the Loop - which is a six block area with more than 140 specialty shops, eclectic restaurants, galleries and live entertainment (says the website) = Fun. Fun. Fun. I loved it. Next door to UCity is Clayton, a desirable neighborhood - great school system. All the neighborhoods are built around elementary schools - so you walk the kids to school which for some reason I am a sucker for. I kind of put both these areas in the same pot, despite being slightly (or very) different in terms of schools & price. They too had a community pool (not as kick ass), a great community fitness center, and all kinds of people.  It is super close to the main areas of St. Louis but far enough to be neighborhoods with their own character. Just love. One might say, the best of both worlds. 


Those are the two areas we are focusing on. More on the hunt, later. 



Intermission: Last Friday, in the middle of House Hunt 2011, we went to Blueberry Hill for dinner.  It's a landmark restaurant (great burgers, wings and the best damn house salad dressing I have ever had. EVER.) filled with pop culture memorabilia. Memorabilia including but not limited to album jacket covers of a local celebrity, Nelly. He's from the STL.  We learned that night that his debut studio album was Country Grammar. I'm not sure why, but I thought the phrase Country Grammar was hilarious. I googled it today as I prepared to write this post and found the video of the song. I remember the song, but at the time it had no significance to me. Now? Now, this here is going to be my baby's hometown. Country. Grammar.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Travel Adventures of The Amazingly Weird Guarros

Filed under:
"Why didn't I think about that?"
This last week, we took this show on the road and went for a quick, focused trip to the STL.  Our new home to be can't be unless we have a home to be in. Yup. We left the kid with NanaLu & Uncle Ricky to attend family parties and work the crowd and off we went.  Ah the things we saw, the places we'd go. 

First on the sites scene checklist? Simply put: the best invention ever.  A hoody sweatshirt with a pocket for your hands & a beer. God bless America, and we hadn't even gotten to the birthplace of Bud Light yet - this was in our (current) home state of Connecticut. From the CT we were off to STL with a 'quick stop' in Chicago.  Oh but wait, I forgot - me traveling comes with it some complications.

Complication one: delayed flight. Complication two: a husband that may need to hit the bottle to fly... ah cold glass of beer how I miss thee. Complication three: suitcase busted.

With 30 minutes to spare we (I) thought fast and sent my inebriated calm husband to find a bag while I tried to repack his bag. Funny enough I did not over pack and he did so it probably wasn't going to end well.  Luckily he did find another bag to purchase and we were back in business.  The reaction of the airport staff was pretty shocking.  I thought it was reasonable to ask for help in getting rid of a suitcase, instead they looked at me like I was asking where the pool was cause I was thinking of a quick skinny dip.
Abandoned suitcase? NO problem

Me: "Hi! My suitcase broke, what should I do with it?"
Airport staff 1: "Huh?" Looks over at airport staff 2 confused.
Airport staff 2: "What's wrong?" (Clearly annoyed I'm asking a question. Can't I see they are busy standing there doing nothing?)

Me: "My suitcase zipper, it broke. I'm just wondering where I should put my suitcase now."
Airport staff 3: (snaps teeth) "Throw it out."Me: "I'm sorry, I just thought... shouldn't someone be alerted of a stray suitcase left out? Won't that be alarming?"
Airport staff 2: "Just throw it out." (snaps teeth)
Me: "Ok, I just figured - for security purposes someone should know?"
Airport staff 2: "Just throw it out, in the garbage."

You know "If You See Something, Say Something?"Apparently if you say something you just get your teeth snapped at you. I left my suitcase by the trashcan open so it was as clear as it could be that it wasn't an abandon weapon. It took hours to get there with a long and delayed layover in the windy city of Chicago, but once we arrived we were welcomed by awesomeness.  I was cranky.  All the traveling, all the baby to carry, no beverages or the beer persuasion to drink but then, then STL showed me a glimmer of their magic. Our rental car. Ladies & gentlemen, I give you the Cube.


We laughed all week. We were there from Thursday through Saturday and despite major some stress, ridiculous decisions and crazy expected curve balls.  We also had a laugh until your stomach aches and your face hurts pains.  Despite not getting what we thought we would from the trip, we had a great time. We missed our little girl and we're excited for our adventure ahead. I know, what DID happen for the 3 days that we were there. Stay tuned.
Emotional finale and possible pregnancy hormone induced mush: I'm not only excited for the STL but I'm excited for the whole thing - life ahead and all that. My husband, my baby's daddy, my boo boo whatever you want to call him - he's simply the best. Without him the kind of fun we had would not be possible. He heart's home work & Hello Kitty and I heart him.  End of story tee-hee-hee.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

STL Surprises

We know nothing about St. Louis. In fact, the week we found out about the possibility of a relocation, we got our facts from RLTV. Retirement Living Television - apparently that is real thing. Google it. Don't believe me? I took a picture of the program we watched.  It's about retired people who bring you on a tour of where they grew up. Yup.  The good ol'Gateway to the West.


Of course we have some friends that have helped to point the way, but it's one thing to hear about it and watch it on the good ol' sound & picture box - and another thing to go there; experience it.
  1. I. Loved. It. 
  2. The people are nice. Not TOO nice or overwhelming sugary sweet - just nice freaking people.
  3. The neighborhoods are distinct, different and each have their own personality. 
  4. STL does have good Italian food. I know. I'm surprised. It's in a neighborhood called "The Hill."
  5. The Hill is really just a slight incline with Italian flags marking territory and a boot shaped flower bed. Genius. 
  6. The food is delish. Fresh produce? Everywhere. Well seasoned chicken, juicy delicious burgers, salad dressing that I can't even describe. I could go on. I can't; I'm getting hungry (again).
  7. Holy hotness Batman, it was 80 the whole time. Super spring hotness.
  8. The rental market is kill.er. 
The ball & chain tried to tell me some of this, he said I'd be pleasantly surprised - but frankly I thought he was looking at it all glass half full. Cheery & positive, in addition to his sense of humor and his killer cooking it's kind of what he's known for. You know what? He was right. I was totally surprised, beyond. And yes I told him that; just this once he wins.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Proof: My family thinks my husband got a raw deal.

I have said before I am fairly sure my family loves my husband more than me. Maybe love is a strong word, perhaps it's best to say - they like him (much) better. 

Exhibit A:
Me: "Hey Nanny! How are you? It's been so long since we've seen you!!" (Genuinely happy to see my grandmother.)
Nanny: "Your daughter is so nice. She takes after the father."
Me: "That's nice. She's a great kid." (Trying to move past that out of nowhere sucker punch and rethinking my excitement.)
Nanny: "Yes, she is very nice. Like the father."

Exhibit B:
The scene - the ball & chain and I were kidding, albeit in poor taste, that he was getting so aggravated with me he might slap me silly. Like I said, totally poor taste. 

Ball&Chain: "If I hit your sister, would you turn a blind eye?"
Brother: (pauses) "Sure."
NanaLu: "What'd she do?"

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Your baby is the size of a squash and your body is the size of squash patch = AWESOME

Every week, I look forward to the weird emails that tell me how far along I am and what is happening with the baby. Recently I discovered a similar timeline with similarly weird information provided all the while comparing the baby to a fruit or vegetable.  The better news is they have a tracker for your body! Look what I found out, not only is the baby going to be the size of a spaghetti squash but I'm going to be shrinking. I was so excited I wrote the editors of the publication & website. 



Dear Editor, 

I am so excited to see this update. I'll be 23 weeks in a few days and my body will look like this?!   I just hope the instruction manual is easier to read than a baby bouncy seat's how to manual. 

I had no idea all I had to do was get knocked up to get that body. This is gonna be awesome. 

Love, 
Me


*Please note, I am aware it's not this fine website's fault I look like I'm 42 weeks pregger. This is a joke meant in fun. If you are into real life writing, reviews, information, etc - Babble is the place to be I just disagree that this is "my body" this week. I wish. 

Sunday, April 3, 2011

What is scarier? Nice people or Panic attacks

It should come as no surprise super nice people put me on edge. Do I appreciate friendliness? Of course, I'm not a (total) bitch. It just scares me; I'm nothing if not honest. As we prepare to move I am here to confirm: the rumors are true.

People in the Midwest are nicer. 

I work with two women who live in St. Louis and one that grew up there and has since moved away. In addition, in finding out we were moving we reached out to friends & family who in turn reached out to friends & family that live or have lived in the STL. (Side note, that's what we're calling it from here on out... the STL. It's oh so gangstah.)  The responses were amazing. For obvious reasons, I may or may not be freaking out.

At first, my reaction was church giggles - all the way, all day. We are moving where? We are moving where fast? This. Is. Hilarious. The ball & chain has been told the STL is known for its budweiser, baseball & Catholics.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't a catchy phrase all start with the same letter? Just saying (there goes that total bitch situation; dang, I have to work on that). Church giggles turns out to be totally fitting, good Lord, how will our adorable, Catholic by baptism, but lover of Jewish culture, people and traditions fit in? No one will think it's charming that she is the best dang dreidel spinner in her new class? Or that she knows how to sing "Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel" during the holidays and loves the menorah.

This right here is when panic, sheer fear and panic took over.

Why? Let me count the ways.

Maybe it's because we love where we live, we love how close we are to friends and family, we love our neighborhood, damn we love L's school, we love her teachers, we love her friends, we love how close we are to friends who have become family (Liza - I'm looking at you), we love our silly office, we love our jobs and working from home, we love the walk ability to our town's center. We love our town's center and the activities they put on - we love Holiday Walks, Halloween Trick or Treating, family festivals, and family friendly restaurants. We love how close we are to the beach and oh boy we love the community pool here.  What do mean all of that may change? What if we don't find a good school for the kid? What if we can't make friends- it's taken me two years and I am still struggling but finally making some headway. What if I can't work from home anymore, what if my job won't support this move? What if our new house has worse neighbors than we have now (and our neighbors kinda suck)? What if there are no kids close? What if we can't find a tribe there? We can barely find one here. No one comes to visit us and we have to hold our child hostage to get someone to come over... no one will ever come to the STL.  Oh for God's sake what the hell will we do for the holidays? Home for the holidays was glorious. We're keeping it, what a disaster this will be.  What if they don't have good Chinese food? What about sea food? Holy crap. What do you mean we'll be landlocked and there will be no ocean?

Oh my god, in that panic I forgot... I'm. Totally. Knocked. UP. I LIKE MY DANG DOCTOR. WHO WILL GET THIS BABY OUTTA HERE SAFELY? Are there NICUs? What level are they? Will the doctor be OK with not deciding on c-section or not until a game day decision like this one is? Has he ever done a section before?

Out from the haze of panic came a beacon of light - in the way of assuring phone calls and emails. Dang the nice people of the STL. Skypes, instant messages, calls, texts and emails of support, advice and encouragement. Pages of recommendations, tons of new contacts, ideas, thoughts and help.  I can't even describe it appropriately.  One of my colleagues & friends has known me for quite some time heard the panic in my emails, though I can't say it was hard since as I look back I think I repeated myself with each reply back.  A snippet of her email assures me, we are not alone and this is going to be a fun adventure.

My biggest message is, don't worry-we can handle this!


How can you not feel encouraged? I love the people of the STL. Besides, the people of the Northeast... man those Bs can really be mean. Example? A 'friendly' email chock full of images. Origin? Probably a google search of f'd up things to send someone STL bound and for your viewing pleasure a little mashup. 

I'm looking forward to the nice.

Friday, April 1, 2011

The only thing good about a musical Grey's Anatomy...

One might think it's the end. One would be wrong. It would be listening to the ball & chain comment on the episode.

A few disclaimers:
  • I love Grey's Anatomy. 
  • I love the music that has been highlighted on the show and some of it is the soundtrack to important moments in my life
  • I know I'm no JLo, but if I'm being honest, I totally dug Chyler Leigh's (Lexie) voice. Sara Ramirez (Callie) did a great job, vocally speaking and I was surprised that Ellen Pompeo (Meredith) didn't bomb.
  • There were sections of the story line that was very good. The singing couldn't prevent me from crying. The story was a good one.  I am tempted to blame it on the baby and pregnancy hormones. 
All of that said... the episode was a train wreck I couldn't turn away from. To Glee-tastic the episode in general seems wrong on all levels, in general. Then singing literally and referring to literal situations that obviously the song is not about - bananas. Breaking into song while operating? That seems unprofessional. The silver lining? My husband.

Maybe the one liners won't do it for you - but they did it for me. Unfortunately he could only stay for 20 - 30 minutes then he left saying it was that or ending it all.

  • Do you think Fonzy's calling - asking for his shark back?
  • Do you think Patrick Dempsey is thinking - do you think I'll get a movie offer after this?
  • Someone should hit him with a truck? (the moment Owen started singing)
  • No. No. No. OH God (this was likely the first thing muttered every time a new song started)
  • I don't like this show, but if they didn't have singing, this would have been a very good episode.
  • Just when you thought this couldn't get more uncomfortable... (when they all started making out and singing Running on Sunshine)
  • Oh god. I don't think I can do this. I am embarrassed for everyone involved.

There were some definite one liners that I couldn't remember - but if this episode has taught me anything it's get the keyboard ready.

IMPORTANT TO NOTE:
The thought to even start writing down what the ball chain was saying is absolutely inspired by Kelly Oxford - if you don't you should follow her @kellyoxford or check out her blog you should; even Time Magazine says so. It's just snippets of hilarium. Like when she wrote down everything her husband said while watching Oprah's Favorite Things episode 1.

    (c) 2007 all rights reserved. aka don't be a D and swipe any content, photos, etc - sucka. Should you be tempted, let me know so I can be flattered and then give me something write about.