Wednesday, March 9, 2011

It Ain't Over Until I Sing

The following stories are true, unaltered accounts of excepts from my weekend.

Friday I went to Boston for a weekend long work event.  As with most of my trips, it's usually eventful, and not in a good way. This trip was no different. The plan was this, get to Boston, go to the office and get some things done in the morning and head over to the hotel for 12 pm.  I was joining a meeting at lunch and then continuing on with them.  I knew they were on a tight schedule so when I showed up close to 12:30, I'll be honest I was nervous.  I wanted to make sure I got my lunch on.  I walk in, do rounds of hello - and head to the buffet in the back.

As I go through the line, once I hit the end a friend, Frau, comes up to me and whispers, "I don't mean to be rude, but you are going to go outside with that? Right?" 

Me: "What? You guys are already moving onto the next part?"
Frau: "They didn't eat yet."
Me (as I was dying of mortification) "Stop IT! I have to be honest, it looks a little picked over."
Frau: "Well... now it does."

I leave, dying, and loose my appetite.  Watch out buffet tables, around the world, here comes Preggo.  I laughed, I (almost) cried, I got over it. 

Later on that evening, a cab driver must have heard I was feeling fat and wanted to drive the point home.  This happened. I have 2 witnesses. For real.

Cab driver (here by referred to as the D): "Sit in the front."
Me: "I'm fine." As I get in the back, it was going to be a tight squeeze but there were other people who could have sat in the front, taller people that probably made more sense.
the D: "Sit in the front!"
Me: "Seriously, it's fine." Realizing that we weren't trying to squish as many people as I originally thought we were.  I really didn't have to go up front, but did because he must have said it at least 3 more times.
the D: makes this pose to and towards me (just the arm flexing part - not so much the oiled down, tanning bed bod with the accented yellow tighties):
Me: "Are you saying I'm fat?" (mostly joking, though I KNOW I am no skinny Minnie)
the D: "NO! Husky."
Me: "Same thing."
the D: (not even a minute later, only a slight pause) "Do you exercise?"
Me: "ARE YOU SERIOUS? I'm pregnant." Yup. I threw the pregnancy card. 
the D: "Are you due next week?" 
Me: "Are you f'ing KIDDING ME?" (true quote, I didn't drop a full F bomb)

I think he tried to talk - I told him to stop talking and finally, he listened - or I just blacked out. I'm not small, by any means.  I don't look like I'm due next week. For real.  What is WRONG with people?  

There were a lot of people this weekend that had some one liners for me.  The worse part? Many didn't realize how rude they were being.   By in large (not a pun), it made for good laughs.  I was on point this weekend so that's a plus (for real, no pun intended).   Just another day, in my big girl world.

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