Tuesday, August 7, 2007

What a Scene

The following is a true account of a true story, that 1/2 of me wishes I had pictures to prove it.

My Buddha has become a catch all. Anything that drops, doesn't fall to the ground, it hits the belly. This includes, but is not limited to, anything at all I try to eat. For whatever reason there is a magnetic pull from whatever fills my utensils to my stomach. It's automatic that daily by 12:15 pm you will know what I ate for lunch, because it appears on my stomach like a Care Bear Stare!


This day was no different than any other day, so when I ate my tomato soup for lunch, there it went splatted, all over my stomach only further accentuating my belly. I went to the ladies room to try to clean the stains and while I was there, took care of business. I attempted to get the stains out (yes more than one). My stomach ended up getting totally soaked, and I tried to walk back to my desk. I walked through the kitchen of my floor, at work. Now this kitchen is more of a cafeteria area. It has about 10 long tables in it; each table fits about 8 comfortably. I'd say the kitchen/eating area was about 25% full- but people were in there, that's what important to note.

As I tried to blend, me and stain and water soaked shirt, walked through the room. And I was preoccupied with the fact that people looked to be staring, and I am sick of people staring at my Buddha. So back to the crowd, shielding my stomach stained shirt, I make my way across the room with my back to the group. However, something hit me. Some kind of breeze if you will... and that's when I realized it was happening to me.

I turned and slammed myself against the wall to shield the world from my bare and exposed ass. Yup. I had pulled up my underwear and inadvertently caught my skirt so I was sashaying through the room, (25%) full of people with my ass out. My big fat fabulous ugly as sin underwear showing as well as my tree trunk legs/thighs etc, seeing the light of day they have not seen in months. What a scene, but a true account, my friends, a true account.

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