When it happens it happens in threes. Everything and always. Last week, on Tuesday we had a few friends over for dinner. And I tell this story now as it just about sums up the last few weeks.
Dinner party begins, people arrive, drinks are served. Laughs are had. Abelle squats and pisses on the carpet. I scream in confusion, demanding to know, "WHAT are you doing?"
It's not that she has never had an accident, but usually she is super sick if we are home. She has been known to let loose if someone is babysitting her (no one wants to babysit anymore) but never when we're all home. There she was squatting and decorating our rug with a full bladder.
Drinks continue and as a side note our au pair likely was thinking to herself that she had to babysit the lot of us. People were throwing F bombs like it was going out of style. I'm certain she prayed for our salvation the entire day of Sunday as a result.
Anyway, back to the dinner party. Christa Stewart (that's what we're calling my beautiful wife now) brings out the cheese & bread a little snacky before dinner and the drinks continue. Aditty takes it as her cue to stir things up. Directly across from her most recent addition to the carpet she lets loose and throws up all over- this process includes dry heaving and awful noises I'd rather not remember.
After a long wait, because dinner ended up taking way longer than Christa anticipated- there were many drinks to be had and constant joking on what Abelle would have in store for us next. HA ha ha ha...
The laughing stops after dinner. We finally eat and as the last person puts their fork down and we are about to get up from our meal the left side of the table silently thinks to themselves who the hell is lactose intolerant and couldn't they have excused themselves?
But no, alas- you know what happened. The dog completed the trifecta. Waited until we were done with dinner to really F with us. Right in the corner. Stinking like high hell. That's how we wrap up a dinner problem. Good thing we had enough drinks that it didn't sting as bad as it would have in the clear light of sober day.
That's the kind of month I've had- the kind with 8 people over my usually well behaved dog craps in the corner.
I hear many doubted if I would be back or if I've stopped recording the nonsenses and updates of our lives. No worries. We'll be here sharing the ridiculousness of our life, promise.