Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Earlier this week, a milestone was hit I was hoping never would. As a parent, you want your child to excel. You want you child to hit milestones, and if they are ahead of schedule - even better. Jackpot. Genius city. 

Well, my kid may be a genius - but a filthy liar of a genius. 

Here's how it went.

L wanted to go out after dinner, her usual spot - the front porch - or as she calls it the "french port." Truth be told, I really didn't want to - but "luckily" the ball & chain was traveling, dinner was running late and there was still bath ahead of us - there was no time. I explained the no time factor, we had to get JJ bathed and ready for bed. Then, because I do love the kid so - I thought out loud, "Oh, but maybe after she goes to bed we can go out for a few minutes." The kid beamed with excitement. 

Her, "YES!"
Me, "Wait, did you nap though?"
Her, "No. {she thinks...} UM - yes. Yes, I did!"
Me, "You did? Really?"

The rule is, if she takes a nap she can stay up later. If she doesn't nap, and only rests quietly in her room for an hour - she goes to bed early. Truth be told, it's a difference of 30 minutes, but to her? It's a lifetime. Now that summer is here, staying up late usually means a bit longer. She knows how to work the system, the longer she snugs with me, the longer she can stay up. Who wouldn't want to snug with a cutie? Not me, if she's a lying cutie. Also, for the purposes of the rest of the story? Our au pair's name is Sally. Not really - but it's what I'm going with.

Her, "I DID!"
Me, "Ok, let me call Sally."
Her, "Oh, no. Don't call Sally. She's probably busy, playing bollywall."

Bollywall being volleyball, which Sally was in fact playing. There was some more back and forth, but the long and short of it was I gave her at least 10 chances to come clean. Did the whole, "I won't be mad, if you tell me the truth - but if you let the lie go, it will be a bigger problem."

I apologized to her in the end, saying that I was sorry and I was sad, but I felt like she was lying. We weren't going outside tonight. If I'm wrong, we'd go out even longer the next night but I felt confident that she wasn't telling me the truth. I'll apologize if I'm wrong, but I think I'm right. "Am I right, kid? Are you lying?"

"I'm not lying, Mama!"

She let the lie go. Sally didn't get back to me until after L went to bed, and maybe you didn't put it together - but home girl didn't sleep. She didn't nap. She did lie. She did break my heart.

The next morning when the kid woke up, the first thing I asked was, "When Sally got back to me, what do you think she said?"

And then she did something she's never done before. Other than lie.

She laughed. Hard. Like a sociopath.

I calmly explain, it's not cool. It's not funny. It's serious. She lied and I'm disappointed, and there are consequences. For the next two nights, she eats dinner - no dessert and straight to bed.

She didn't cry, she took it in. And when it was time to pay the piper? She took it like a man. I guess my little lying sociopath believes in rehabilitation, so that's a good thing. Right?

{laughs like a crazy person slash sociopath}

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