Pump & Dump

Sure fire signs you are not quite right:

• The simple question: "How's she doing?" starts tears immediately- no matter who asks: the doctors, nurses, social worker (clearly sent in by the forenamed professionals), the cleaning staff, the meal delivery guy.
  
• While leaving a simple voicemail in a middle of a preplanned joke you crack like you are telling the caller you ran over her puppy.
• The LC nurse at the NICU suggests you go home for the night. And while you are there, drink some wine.... pump and dump.

In regards to pumping, when you are tired and stressed milk production tends to take a lull. I'm fairly certain that I qualify for both and as a result I'm not much producing like the milk cow I once was. In addition to my lactation deficiency I wasn't able to hold it together after the disappointment of continued hopes dashed on Wednesday. Wednesday night, despite my inability to produce milk that my moose child so desperately needs- the LC begged me go to home and get drunk. She took L for a walk around the unit and let me rest for 2-3 hours. When I woke up I could see C through the window talking with her. When I got out there I heard their plan- they wanted me to go home. C had brought his things to stay the night, he was beginning to truly be worried that once L was discharged I would have to be put through intake.

It turned out that our night nurse was someone who was a touch of condescending and truth be told, C doesn't really love her too much. That being said she is great with L and she has 8 kids of her own. I figure other than the neo-natal RN she was totally qualified. Plus her first "cryin ryan" was colically so she knows what it's like. OH yeah did I mention they now think she isn't so much withdrawing as she is colically. Which means, she cries for no reason for hours at a time. As long as she doesn't freak out and get too "jerky" with her movements we'll be fine- but we're talking SUPER SUPER fussy. Awesome. Like we don't have enough to deal with. Dr. Coleman (my mom) had suspected this earlier this week as well. This just proves her theory of her own honorary medical degree.

To avoid permanent residence at the hospital against my will, I went home with C for the first time in weeks. We got to just hang out together. It was nice and just as everyone said I felt like a different person the next morning. I got my supply back to going up and even better- when I came in the next day L was a different woman herself. She took to nursing out of nowhere and even slept for 2+ hrs at a time. What a treat! I should have left her days ago. I checked her ID bracelet to make sure she was really ours and continue the hope that any day now we can all go home together, as a family. I overheard another day estimate on when they might just let us go, but I'm actively trying to forget about it and take it one 24 hr stretch at a time. She is down to one 'phine dose a day, today. Today she is 4 weeks old and is also the 1 month anniversary that we checked into the hospital originally to be induced. I hope to soon be able to pump & dump for celebratory reasons, not to provide a temporary break in between nights here at the NICU. Everyday, we get a little closer...