Bfeeding is a BIOTCH

I'm doing it, and I'm not going to quit and apparently I've kept with it longer than the nah-sayers thought I would (mother). That being said, while it isn't horrible, it is a pain in the arse (actually a pain in the cha-chas, literally). Here are my issues with bfeeding:

• By the time we sit down, get settled, get her fed, burped, re-fed, and settled it's time to start back up again. No joke.
  
• It's messy- it's messy before, during and after.
  
• Leaking. Honestly. It's very inconvenient.
  
• TMI Alert: I have de-funked nips so I need to use an apparatus to assist in the feeding process. Can it ever be easy?
  
• There is no gage on the lovely lady lumps- and since my daughter is a moose I'm never sure if she is eating cause that's what she does or because she's hungry. How much is too much and how long do I really need to have her hang there?
• I clearly have ADHD. As soon as I sit down I am thirsty, bored and have to go to the bathroom and it's difficult to go hand's free.
  

There are all kinds of t-shirts out there supporting breastfeeding. Some of my favorite tag lines are:

• "I make milk, what's your superpower?"
• "All Night Milk Bar"
• For Baby: "I see more of Mommy's boobies in a day than Daddy does in a year"
• "Weapons of Mass Lactation" (accompanied by a basic graphic of breasts)
• "Jesus was Breastfed"
• "My Milkshake feeds all the kids in the Yard"

Some t-shirts I am looking to make that tell the real story:

• "Jesus was breastfed and Mary was a Saint"
• "MIA: Nipples"
• For Baby: "Bottomless Pit" (printed at the belly)
• For Baby: "I have a hollow leg"
• "If you can read this, shut the F up. The baby must be sleeping cause that's the only time my shirt is down."