Thursday, December 27, 2012

Christmas Eve - decoded

Me/ "L, you want to write a letter to Santa?"
Her/ "Um, nah."
Me/ "You don't want to tell him anything?  Thank him for coming?"
Her/ "Well, I would like to tell him I hope he enjoys the cookies."

Maybe you aren't reading it the way she said it - but what freaking five year old says she hopes he enjoys the cookie? She had a slight British accent when she said it. Who IS this kid?

She also needed to ask him about was the chimney situation we have. We have a fireplace in our bedroom and one in our living room. We sound fancy, don't we? Something you should know: neither work which drives.me.bananas. The one in the living room that I stare at on the regular particularly irritates me because not only does it not work, but it's a gas fireplace. And I don't know. I don't understand gas fireplaces (sorry). I don't mind them.  I think people should get what they like, but I like a mess. The smell of wood burning. The real deal. Instead I have a pho fireplace that doesn't even do me right by not taking up space. It's large. In charge. And just for looking at and how could you not see it? It's huge. WHICH I would love, if it would work.

I digress.

We have two fireplaces, which means two chimneys in her head. I didn't really want to get into the fact that they share the same chimney. She was obsessed.

What if he goes in your room? What will you do? Will you be scared? If I hear you scream, what if I forget it could be Santa and I come to your room?? Will he use the stairs to get in the living room? Will he leave the presents in your room? Will he go back up to come back down? What will happen if he goes down the wrong chimney????

She got stuck on it, I was worried (terrified) she wouldn't go to sleep. This was problematic.  I may or may not have been ONE present wrapped. She could hypothesize all night long about how the big man was going to choose the right chimney. If she didn't hush it and go to sleep that bastard wouldn't be able to wrap a single one of those packages. And by that bastard I mean me and the ball&chain. Oh and PS I didn't have one of his gifts wrapped either. And he had many a gift to wrap. MANY. Oye. Oh and the kids. Between Santa, us, the generosity of family.... I anticipating seeing the sun come up. We have been receiving deliveries to our house for weeks. And for weeks, I've been saying "I should start wrapping."

We solved the chimney issue by having her include it in the letter and explain that Santa knows which one to choose. Worst case scenario, (if you don't freaking go to sleep you will have nothing to open. NOTHING I say!) he'll figure out where the tree is. Think about it, not everyone has a chimney- he has to know how to get to the tree? That seemed to satisfy her so we could begin the wrapping process.

Each year, I get made fun of for having too much wrapping paper and a million rolls of tape. Each year, I hear him say "Gee. Hope we have enough paper." Sarcasm is the language of the devil. And this year? I decided - not this year! NO.

It was just hilarious when two gifts in I realized we were out of tape. (Sarcasm may be the language of the devil, but it's mine.)

Good news / bad news:
  • We had a ton of packing tape we could use. 
  • We had a ton of packing tape we could use. 
It was a crazy pain in the ass, and I feared it would make opening presents take even longer, but it all worked out. We didn't wrap everything and had a few presents out in the open, which really worked out. And of course, I scared up as many gift bags as I could that made sense. I didn't want to take the present opening piece of the morning away, though I considered it. It only took a little under 3 hours but Jingle Bells it was worth. Another magical Christmas, indeed.

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