Sunday, December 2, 2012

Wishes

We were watching Aladdin the other day and the ball&chain asked the kid, "If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?" Thinking a plug for the cotton candy machine she is asking Santa for....

"I wish for a friend."

BOOM. Heart breaks, shatters, and combusted. All at the same time.  And not in a warm & fuzzy sort of way.

She gets along with everyone in class, according to the teacher. And always has great things to say about school and the kids (mostly) - but hasn't found a connection there.  I can't say that I don't understand.  I get it. I wanted to scream, "ME TOO, GIRL!" But I only accidentally fail at motherhood, I try not to try to fail. So I stay quiet and smile, and reassure her that it takes time to make good friends. It's taken Mommy her whole life, and I still struggle with it.

"Mama, what's struggle."

Inner monologue, "Life, kid. LIFE."
Reality, "When things are hard. When they aren't easy. When you have to try harder to do something."

Happy to be with friends.
At their birthday party.
With cake.
And in reality, it IS hard to make new friends. It's always been that way for me. Among the many traits I hope my kids don't 't get from me, that's my greatest wish. Because this face, this kind of true blue smile? I haven't seen it in awhile and the next time I do? I don't know if I'll be able to hide my happiness.

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