Thursday, May 3, 2012

Criminal Moms

I figured, might as well get this down - so when it comes time for therapy we can point to the root of the problem, quickly.

Here's how it went down. Judge for yourself, do you agree with me? I shouldn't have been provided with the opportunity to nurture and raise children.

I went upstairs to put JJ down to bed. Home girl was tired and it was time for b e d. 

Side note, just yesterday I was telling the ball & chain that while I appreciate his help at bed time I don't need it. Let this be a lesson to us all. I do need him, my children need him. He can never leave again.

As I went upstairs, L was watching something on the DVR.  She's a fan of the Big Bang Theory. And as I type it, I get it. It's not My Little Pony's or terribly appropriate, but as long as there is no blatant sex talk - she thinks it's funny and it's innocent enough.

Seriously, maybe I shouldn't be allowed to raise these kids.

When I came back down stairs, knowing what is to come - I found her terrified on the couch. At the time, I thought she was trying to stay up later.  Stall tactics. I was cold, told her to pull it together; we were not watching another episode of the Big Bang Theory.

That's when I realize, the episode she was watching on the DVR ended. As the TV does, it flips to whatever was on TV "behind" the recorded episode.

The TV was on CBS. Criminal Minds. The first 5-6 minutes (always the worst) of Criminal Minds. I'm not entirely sure how much she saw. It could have been seconds, it could have been 6 minutes. I asked her what she saw and she said, "I don't want to talk about it."

Awesome. And by awesome I mean: worst.parent.ever.
I let her watch another episode of Big Bang Theory.  I even offered a My Little Pony episode or two.

She went to bed surprisingly okay. I'm hoping she only saw seconds, maybe the first 6 minutes weren't that bad? 

I was told by a friend, that some things are better left unknown. Don't watch the first 6 minutes of the episode. I think we can all agree, I don't make the best decisions. I watched the first 6 minutes.

By minute 3 there was a woman taped to a bed and stabbed with an ice pick cut to a firing squad style execution of a man on death row. By minute 6 a second woman was walking around her house, scary music enters the scene and she thinks someone is in her closet. There wasn't anyone in her closet. Just then? A man dressed in black comes from the side, throws her on the bed, ties her up with tape, and stabs her. With (another) ice pick. 

Yup. DSS can come right over and pick up my children.  I think it's about time, at least until my husband gets home.


  1. Oh god, horrible. First of all, prime-time television is like one enormous freaking gross-out competition which I don't understand. We don't have cable so it's all crime shows after 9pm. I hope by now this is all ancient history for her little brain. Reminds me of when, in3rd grade, we were accidentally showed the high schoolers stranger danger movie which featured a greeting card salesman stabbing an innocent granny in her living room.

    1. I'm pretty sure whatever blogging will be of the future? She will "post" about the time her mom "let her" watch the horrifics. As the salesman stabbing a granny is seared in your memory? Pretty sure so are the first 6 minutes. Crime shows & doctor connections after 9pm, for sure. In other news? My kid should go to bed earlier.


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