Belated holiday wishes and continued traditions

When your last holiday card is epic, it's a hard act to follow. When you used to write regularly, and now barely every - it's hard to think of what to do next. 

But you can't very well give up now, can you? 

We triple-dog-dare you to have a merry Christmas

Perhaps my lack of posting can be forgiven with holiday wishes.

Holiday cards in 2013? Nailed.It.*


*Except for those folks who haven't seen "A Christmas Story." For those people: they were confused as to why we would dress the kid up as the Easter Bunny, they missed out. Mostly in life, because it's a classic and they should see it. But also? The card. 


 

Catching up - barely

Holy hell. It's only been a month - maybe two but so much has happened I don't even know where to begin.

In no particular order, because I don't know how to keep track.

1. My baby is no longer in Kindergarten. SAY.WHAT. 
   
   
   
   
2. My baby baby is no longer a baby - she's two. WHAT THE WHAT?
   
3. The summer is here and we are working it out to make it fantastic.
   

   

   Dinners outside and spent loving.

   
   
   
4. We took a 2 week vacation, haven't done that - almost ever.
   
5. Related: the Jersey Shore is not just for trancing and MTV reality shows. It's magical.  More magical than the magic capital of the world.
6. Related to the 2 week vacation, we did so by way of a 10 hour road trip - each way.
   

   

   Local fun - and Google photos makes gifs? All good.

    
7. We are making friends - or trying to. It's hard work.
    
8. Took JJ to her first real movie. We all survived. It was very much like her sister - popcorn is key.
    
9. We have our first lost tooth. After weeks of wiggling and throwing up in my mouth (it's a horror show - loose teeth) we have one down, one to go that is loose. In the meantime? She has shark teeth - rows of teeth coming in it's horrifying.
   
   
10. There are so many real stories within these small

    

    Summer outside movie fun.

     line items. So many stories to tell - but we're busy. Livin. Put that on a magnet. Pin it.
    

A magical Easter

Holy delay, Batman... err Bunnyman, as it were. 

Here's what I know about Easter:

• I know that it's not really about bunnies, eggs or scavenger hunts.
• We usually go to church, and a better part of me feels like we need to go regularly verses holidays.
• We most certainly didn't go this year. To keep the beast JJ still for 10 minutes, let alone an hour would take a miraculous event, indeed.



I believe this gets filed under: WTF.

• All of that said, the kids? Big fan of the bunnies, the eggs and the hunts.

Time out: what is UP with the bunny thing. I get chocolate bunnies (indirectly/kinda). But what's up with packaging a real bunny up in a cage... to then eat?

Time in: onto the magic.

This year, we decorated eggs without the baby, for the most part. We left her one egg and it was pure joy for her. Pure. Magic. This year, we were reminded that you can have the simplest of activities and win. 100%.

Note to self:

1. Keep it simple. While I appreciate all the wonderful, natural and/or complicated possibilities of decorating a damn egg - freaking Pinterest - they have egg decorating packages on the cheap for a reason. $2.50 a box? Don't mind if I do. I will say, I read somewhere (freaking, Pinterest) that if you add more tabs you get brighter colors. So I went for more than one box. And it worked. It didn't matter though, all the eggs turned a green or blue - because eventually every egg was dropped in a blue or a green. The kid couldn't leave well enough alone. No egg was ever truly "done." It was like a Pringle... once she started popping she just couldn't stop.
2. A clean work area is a happy mom. Or whatever the saying is. Boxes. Boxes man. In the last few weeks I've used boxes for creative mornings, getting my car out of mud - and now a table top to decorate the eggs. There is going to be spilling. And if you consider the baby? There is going to be splashing. The box down on the table top? Just totally kept the stress level in check. And clean up? WAY easy.
3. Hoarding helps. I have longed hinted at my label in this house as a hoarder. But I tell you, it has it's benefits (if you can remain semi-organized). I mean, the boxes alone have been invaluable. Beyond that I save the same grass where I can, Easter baskets, plastic eggs - all the makings of what we need for our festivities without waste or unnecessary cost.
4. Free is good. Some years the Easter Bunny and Santa seem to be at odds, in some kind of competition. I He doesn't like to over do it with the candy, so a few little treats or prizes typically turns into an unwieldy amount of goodies from the Easter Bunny. This year, we I he didn't go too crazy. With an upcoming trip to Disney, it was reasonable & just things the kids needed with one extra or two little extras. Things I would get anyway and some real necessities. Yea, the Easter Bunny got straight necessity this year and gave socks & underwear. The kids made a bunny out of a toilet paper roll for cuteness-sake with craft supplies already in the house.
   
   The best parts of the day,  were totally free.

• A tradition we have is a scavenger hunt, just like the ball & chain had as a child. Rather than written clues, as he remembers, we the Easter Bunny hides plastic eggs (see hoarding benefits). In each egg there is a clue to the next spot. At the end of the scavenger hunt the kids find their Easter basket. The clues are a picture of where the next egg is. This year, since the kid is starting to catch on faster we the Easter Bunny got a little more abstract with the photo hints.  For example, instead of including a picture of the small ottoman in the living room, there was a picture of the pattern of the ottoman. It's a great, simple, fun, and practically free bit of fun. Big hit. Each year, after she's done the kid usually wants to "do it again."

• This year, I think a new tradition was born. In the move we cleared out a lot of stuffed animals. The thought was to donate a lot, but it's never actually gotten out of the house. Not a win, in intent. That said, it worked in our favor in the column of magic. Every bunny that was previously tagged for donation and each bunny that was in their room was unearthed. In the morning, as the kids (well really just L cause JJ didn't really get on board) ran through the house and upon walking in the play room the scene was intense. Well, to an adult - totally creepy. But magical to the babes and that's what mattered. JJ even participated in their tea party. I mean. Come.On.

One day, they won't believe. And when that day comes, I'll be sad. Bright side? I'll be excited that there will not be hours of set up for 20 minutes of action. The math doesn't add up.  Scavenger hunts take time. Staging takes time. Hiding eggs? The ones that go bad, complicated in the morning. Doing it all quietly as to not stir suspicion? Even more time. I hope though, when it's all over, they remember these little snapshots of magic. Creepy bunnies & all.

Christmas Eve - decoded

Me/ "L, you want to write a letter to Santa?"
Her/ "Um, nah."
Me/ "You don't want to tell him anything?  Thank him for coming?"
Her/ "Well, I would like to tell him I hope he enjoys the cookies."

Maybe you aren't reading it the way she said it - but what freaking five year old says she hopes he enjoys the cookie? She had a slight British accent when she said it. Who IS this kid?

She also needed to ask him about was the chimney situation we have. We have a fireplace in our bedroom and one in our living room. We sound fancy, don't we? Something you should know: neither work which drives.me.bananas. The one in the living room that I stare at on the regular particularly irritates me because not only does it not work, but it's a gas fireplace. And I don't know. I don't understand gas fireplaces (sorry). I don't mind them.  I think people should get what they like, but I like a mess. The smell of wood burning. The real deal. Instead I have a pho fireplace that doesn't even do me right by not taking up space. It's large. In charge. And just for looking at and how could you not see it? It's huge. WHICH I would love, if it would work.

I digress.

We have two fireplaces, which means two chimneys in her head. I didn't really want to get into the fact that they share the same chimney. She was obsessed.

What if he goes in your room? What will you do? Will you be scared? If I hear you scream, what if I forget it could be Santa and I come to your room?? Will he use the stairs to get in the living room? Will he leave the presents in your room? Will he go back up to come back down? What will happen if he goes down the wrong chimney????

She got stuck on it, I was worried (terrified) she wouldn't go to sleep. This was problematic.  I may or may not have been ONE present wrapped. She could hypothesize all night long about how the big man was going to choose the right chimney. If she didn't hush it and go to sleep that bastard wouldn't be able to wrap a single one of those packages. And by that bastard I mean me and the ball&chain. Oh and PS I didn't have one of his gifts wrapped either. And he had many a gift to wrap. MANY. Oye. Oh and the kids. Between Santa, us, the generosity of family.... I anticipating seeing the sun come up. We have been receiving deliveries to our house for weeks. And for weeks, I've been saying "I should start wrapping."

We solved the chimney issue by having her include it in the letter and explain that Santa knows which one to choose. Worst case scenario, (if you don't freaking go to sleep you will have nothing to open. NOTHING I say!) he'll figure out where the tree is. Think about it, not everyone has a chimney- he has to know how to get to the tree? That seemed to satisfy her so we could begin the wrapping process.

Each year, I get made fun of for having too much wrapping paper and a million rolls of tape. Each year, I hear him say "Gee. Hope we have enough paper." Sarcasm is the language of the devil. And this year? I decided - not this year! NO.

It was just hilarious when two gifts in I realized we were out of tape. (Sarcasm may be the language of the devil, but it's mine.)

Good news / bad news:

• We had a ton of packing tape we could use. 
• We had a ton of packing tape we could use. 

It was a crazy pain in the ass, and I feared it would make opening presents take even longer, but it all worked out. We didn't wrap everything and had a few presents out in the open, which really worked out. And of course, I scared up as many gift bags as I could that made sense. I didn't want to take the present opening piece of the morning away, though I considered it. It only took a little under 3 hours but Jingle Bells it was worth. Another magical Christmas, indeed.

Lennie: v. to love something so much that you over do it, killing it, unintentionally*

I've been known to be in the company of those who Lennie.  I'm not proud to say it, but I occasionally Lennie a situation. I can't help it. I love it so hard and so much what other option do I have? Love it responsibly? Hell to the no.

I find a song I love; I play it over and over again, on repeat. I'll read a book that I love, for days. I won't put down. I become entirely too obsessed and will read for days straight, never breaking to talk to a person or sleep. Or I'll love a story so much (not for the writing, so much as the story it tells) I'll read it. Again and again, despite it being a young adult series (whatever, I love their love, it doesn't have to make sense to you). I'll get started on a TV series and since every episode is available the next thing I know I have watched a season of 24 in, that's right - you've guessed it, 24 hours. Sometimes some thing is so funny, I watch it over and over again. Most times, I take things too far.

Exhibit A.

A few years ago, someone passed along this ridiculously hilarious video. It's especially funny if you or anyone you love is from the Island. (Long Island).

And it's a holiday tradition. Pick up that shit around the tree and all. I can't help but play it. A lot. And while I try not to highlight that specific part. It may be a casualty of the holiday & humor. There is even a song. I may have it on my holiday play list.

When we go to get our tree? We call Nana Lu & play the video. We talk in the voice with her, throughout the holiday, going to get the tree, sitting in front of the tree, saying goodbye to the tree. When we pass strangers on the street, we roll down our windows, honk and say "Hurry up! We're going to get the tree. C'mon!"  It's what we do. As the kid gets older, I should probably watch the language... but really? What's the benefit of that? If I did that, I wouldn't get this. 

Photo, me & Instagram. Genius of putting captions ON said photo,
Brenna over at Suburban Snapshots.

This video? It's kind of just the beginning. I may or may not be on a quest to really do the original right. But in the meantime I can't help to but share my gaw-jess girl.

*I'd credit the person who thought of this description, but alas she wouldn't like that. Due to the inability to credit another: I'll say I didn't come up with this term, but I'm taking it. And making it mine. And loving it. And squeezing it & likely over using it until it dies.

Good news, bad news: the holiday card edition

Good news: I am obsessed with mail. We have the best damn holiday card, ever, each year. If I do say so myself. And I do. Toot toot. Beep beep.

No. Serious.

Bad news: there is a lot of pressure to keep up with the amazing nature of the year before. Sure, it's self-inflicted. Sure, no one is waiting by their mailboxes for our genius... no one probably even notices how amazing our cards are... but you know who does? ME. I do. Every year I usually have some kind of idea brewing. This year? I got nothing. Nadda. And when I bring this up... I get "you haven't printed your cards yet?"

Um. No.

I have a few ideas, but they require the kids to make specific faces and do what I need them to do. Let's be honest here: as adorable as they are, doing what I tell them to do is not going to happen.

Another part of the rub, is I have these gorgeous family pictures that we had taken. They are amazing.  We all look cute. We are all looking at the camera. We are in semi-coordinating colors but not catalogey (sorry. no offense, you.) They are beautiful. However after years of funny, different, and surprising... how can I just send cute?

-Desperately trying to find the next great holiday card

Traditions are important

2011 "perfection"

2009 PERFECTION

I'll be honest, last year's photos scared me. Not only did I buy matching outfits for the girls (who am I?) but everyone looked so happy.

I am aware I don't make sense.

I mean, 2011 pictures were ok. It's NO 2009 though. Let's be honest.

Today we went Ohio City Holiday Festival. I hoped, maybe, we'd get to grab a picture with Old Saint Nick. Did I have high hopes for a little less perfection that we found in 2011? Maybe, I did. Would I have preferred tears? No, though I won't say it would have bothered me. Mother of the year, I'm coming for you.

The Holiday Festival was fine, I think (at first), I expected more. To be fair, if you look at the information they said there would be crafts, Santa, and gifts to buy. There were local stands for this & that, one craft and one booth you could decorate cookies. Cute. There were trees for sale, the smell of Christmas. It was nice. But then, in addition to the ability to take a picture with Santa something truly magical happened. Something they should have put on their flyers.

Santa was there, all right. He sung, real songs, many of them. He sung his way into his chair, awaiting the children to tell him their wishes and dreams. But not before he rapped, moon walked, churned butter and did the cabbage patch. 

 

Good times, had by all. That was until it was time for pictures with Santa. And just like that, tradition continued and the baton was passed.  We'll be back. 2013 I'm looking at you.

2012

Merry MERRY

Yeah, don't even get me started how far behind I am. Good news? I'm here now, m'kay? Let's hug it out. 

This year we had our second annual, we ain't going NOWHERE Christmas. Of course, this one was different in that we didn't have visitors. This was one was special. Dreamy.* Wonderful* and just what you think when you think "Damn. That was a relaxing holiday." It's also where we learned we have holiday rush PTSD. 

Example:
Christmas Eve our plan was to go to the fish market.  I know, we are landlocked - what are we DOING going to a fish market. We asked the kid: What do you want to eat for Christmas Eve? She answered, "Lobster." Look, my kid has champagne taste, we indulge. It's the holidays. I digress; we had to go to the fish market and the Hill. The Hill is an Italian section of the STL and we heard full of delicious. We figured if we couldn't have Arthur Avenue food, we'd have the Hill for Christmas dinner. That morning as we were getting on our way the husband & I started to feverishly rushing around. We had to go. We had to go fast. We were running late. We wanted to get on our way earlier. Go GO GO!

Wait. WHY are we late? Where did we have to go? What is the rush? We had ZERO plans other than the two stops we had to make.

We seriously had to check ourselves.

You know what that is? PTSD. Loud & clear.  Look at those faces? HOW can we be stressed with those FACES?
So we chilled out and had a lovely day. Fast forward through (surprisingly) delicious lobsters and we let L stay up late and bake cookies for Santa. Her entire body was filled with Christmas magic.  It was palpable and completely indescribable until it happens to you.  Last year was great, she got it - it was fun.  But this year? This year you could see it in her eyes Christmas freaking spirit. And when I tucked her in to sleep, I cried. Big baby that I am - I just couldn't wait for my baby to experience what was to come. 

Christmas morning, went a little like this. All of it? Pure magic. 

• Present opening - between "Santa" (aka great deals), family, and friends it took close to 2 hours for my methodical kid to open her presents (and her baby sister's). While it may look like she got a lot of stuff - Santa wasn't only thrifty - he was practical.  
• L got to eat candy before breakfast and have Christmas cookies for breakfast (she is still talking about this amazing Christmas magic).  She asked nicely. I said sure. She looked at me in disbelief.
• We sat around a fire. We drank coffee, had breakfast (for those of us skipping on the cookies). We watched a movie - we stayed in our PJs. We had antipasti for lunch and then. We took a nap. All of us. CHRISTMAS.MAGIC. 

Finally we got up, got ready (jeans, baby) and sat down to a lovely Christmas dinner. 

LOVELY.

 * I would be remiss if I didn't mention while the holiday was dreamy it was also something of the best of the situation we were in. Of course, if given the opportunity to see family at our house and share the magic with family or friends we would have gladly shared the magic.

Santa Babies

Oh how the me of yore would kick my ass.

To be honest, I rolled my eyes at myself when I considered even BUYING these matching outfits.  But I did.

I scoffed when I thought to put them in those matching outfits for our Santa picture this year. But I did.

I judge me, but you can't deny these girls are too.freaking.cute.

What a difference a year makes, indeed.





Beyond the completely NEW little person on Santa's lap - we've been able to go from this:

2010 L meets Santa (again)

to this:

2011 L giggles with Santa

Magical, people. MAGICAL.

A Different Kind of Holiday

This year the holidays look different. Not wrong, just different. Last year it was our first Christmas hosting. It was our first Christmas home; Santa finally came to our house and it was wonderful. For years, we wanted to stay home for Christmas. Even before kids, we wanted Santa to come to our house instead of trekking all over for the holidays. This year, is our second year at home - though our home is much further than it was last year.

At first it was a bit heartbreaking to explain that MyUncleChris was not going to be sleeping over on Christmas - even though she thinks he always does. I guess that's the thing when you are 4, if the only Christmas you really remember is your 3rd - of course everything that you remember is what you always do. Now, she understands we won't have the same house full of people or that we won't have anyone coming over like we did last year. It wasn't like we had our entire extended family over, but with two out of three sets of grandparents and one out of three uncles or aunts - those numbers plus a super small apartment? This meant a full house. This year it's the four of us.

It's a special holiday because it's JJ's first Christmas and L's first as a big sister. Someone to share it all with. Sure, JJ is 4 months old - but the way L walks her through what is about to happen? It's magical. The way her 4 year-old hyped up self can slow down, even if for a moment, to tell her baby sister to expect wonderful. It's Christmas-errific. Santa is coming over with a vengeance (damn you incredibly reasonable deals & adorable child) and for the last few weeks we've been receiving packages from friends & family. We are planning a trip "home" after the holidays (no dates have been decided, family) and I'm sure there will be more holiday merriment to be had. It's not that she won't have a wonderful Christmas. In fact, I believe this will be one of the best - each one is better because she understands it more and can get excited and into it. But it's different, even if she doesn't realize how much.

To make this year special, seeing as she wasn't going to be seeing everyone, she's been involved in the gift giving process. While it would have been 1000% (no typo - I meant to go over - way over- 100%) easier to just do the shopping myself or only shop online and have people wrap their own presents and or spend the wrapping fee (which kills me); since L loves to go shopping we included her in every present. She loved it. If there was a choice - she picked it out. If we were given a store to shop in, she did the selecting. She helped to wrap every present and ch0ose every ribbon (which will promptly get smashed en route). She even decorated some of the boxes we shipped things in and carefully chose which pictures to send. If she could have addressed the boxes, she would have. 

I love this kid. And I can't wait to see what's to come. Wrapping, ribboning & decorating the box made her ridiculously happy. When her wildest imagination of toys, clothes & accessories explodes in her living room? She may combust.  And to help her sister unwrap a few goodies of her own? I just don't know my heart will be able to handle the joy. 

Slimed

For a moment this was going to be a Wordless Wednesday, but then I realized even though this will be posted on a Wednesday there was no way I could be wordless about this one. I present you with an outtake from our holiday card photo shoot. I'm pretty much obsessed. 

JJ is not a fan of the whole family "photo shoot" - she's more of a on the fly smile type of girl. And getting TWO girls to smile at the same time? Mission impossible. She's more likely to spit up. Obviously. L on the other hand isn't as used to being puked on as yours truly. Me? I don't know what I look forward to more. A full night's sleep OR not being puked on.  It has come to the point I just wipe it off (barely) and get on with the day. Why change if I know it's just going to happen again? L on the other hand? HORRIFIED. And now, I have proof. {insert evil laugh}

Magical Holidays

Oh my Elf, I am so behind. I started writing this - who knows when. I wanted to interrupt my Elf on the Shelf obsession to bring you good clean family fun. The holiday season was upon us and oh what fun it was. I was all wrapped up in Alessandro, I forgot to breakdown our turkey (Thanksgiving). As I look to edit this post a bit we may or may not still have the tree "up" and all lit up. We usually take the tree down on January 6th but this week has been hell-a busy.

OK, back to the story from way back when. AKA 2 months ago in a time long, long ago called Thanksgiving.

Seeing as we are in the STL - we didn't have to decide where to go (win) and was able to host Thanksgiving (win). Grammy & Poppa made the pilgrimage to the Midwest and in addition to not having to travel (have I mentioned, win?) L + J got to spend time with some of her grandparents. 

We went to the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade (yes, they have that in places other than NYC - thank you very much). Sure the one in NYC probably doesn't have a firetruck with the leg lamp from The Christmas Story - but hey. They DID have giant balloon floats.  And lots of candy. After the morning at the parade we came home and just hung out. We watched more parades on TV. Glorious.  The day was filled with enjoying good food (thanks ball & chain), good company and cold beer.  Let me highly recommend hosting Thanksgiving in a low key event?

Alessandro's Treasure

Our elf has arrived and while I planned to take one picture a day - I have failed horribly. I'll try to do catch up but since you aren't allowed to touch the damn elf otherwise his magic gets taken (it's in the book people, catch up) it's difficult. I will tell you this: you should really play out the story or situation you put your elf in, before presenting.

Recently the husband was in charge of our elf's landing.  He chose to place him above a shelf in the kitchen.

Side note: when you adopt an elf you name him or her. Last year, when we adopted our elf, L named him... Alessandro. One of her buddies from school was Alessandro and he will live in Guarro family history as our elf. It's a lovely name (for the little boy)... but is it elf-y? Absolutely not. I should have steered the naming session toward a more elf-friendly name like Scooter, Snowflake, Jack (Frost) or Buddy. You know all the other Shelf Elfs used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Alessandro join in any elf-like games.

Back to the story, Alessandro was up on his shelf, just sitting there. BORING. Listen, I appreciate my husband. He got up after I realized we forgot. At that point we were seconds from slumber town. I appreciate it.  The thing is, when I saw Alessandro the next morning, he was just sitting there. No story. Nothing. I felt like I had to do something.

So far, Alessandro has been swinging from the chandelier (as you do),  sliding down the stair railing, sitting in a pumpkin patch, in L's room getting into her jewelry box and "make up," working for the weekend, and hanging out with the King of Kings.

elf montage

Alessandro & King of Kings.
Obviously.

Point is? Things were happening.  Alessandro was busy. Sitting there on a random shelf? Alone? BOOORRRING.

When the kid wasn't looking I threw some gems we had left over from our Halloween extravaganza on his lap thinking we could spin a "Look! He has treasures!!!"
To be fair - I should have thrown MORE gems. Treasures. Jewels. The TWO I threw up there? Doesn't help my story. I did not think this through.

Me: "Look, L! Alessandro has some treasure!!!"

L: "Lemme see (I lift her up - because the shelf is high - another problem with this spot) - OH he has jewels!"

Ball & chain: "Yup, it's just Alessandro & his family jewels."

Alessandro & his (family) jewels

Later on that day?
L: "Is Alessandro still playing with his family jewels?"

Days later?
L: "Remember when Alessandro had his jewels? His family jewels?"
She also asks if we remember when Alessandro was hanging from the chandler or the stairs - but I'm sure you understand... these memories aren't quite as funny.

I wish I could respond with, "Yup L, we remember. We'll always remember. On a side note, you should know: your father is 12." If I did that I just KNOW she'd just correct me, trying to convince me he is in his 30s.

Smart (ass) kids (and husbands).

Elf on the (what now?)

Last year we got Elf on the Shelf.  It took forever to find one, truth be told - as I may or may not have waited until the last minute. That's how I roll. It was exciting, however late it was.

What is Elf on the Shelf?  The elf is adopted by a family (us) and he (or she) look in on the kids of the family and report back to Santa how things are going. Yes, Santa watches if you're naughty or nice - but who helps him? The elves. Directly from Elf on the Shelf:

Excellent listeners and even better observers, these scout elves are the eyes and ears of Santa Claus. Although they cannot be touched, or else they may lose their magic, the elf will always listen and relay messages back to Santa. Taking in all the day-to-day activities around the house, no good deed goes unnoticed; these scout elves take their job seriously.

Each night, after the family goes to bed, the scout elf uses his magical Christmas powers to fly back to the North Pole. Once there, the elf will make his or her daily report to Santa and visit with elf friends where they will tell stories about their beloved families, play with the reindeer, and of course, sneak some of Mrs. Claus’ cookies!

Before the family awakes each morning, their special scout elf will fly back to their home from the North Pole. However, since these elves like to play games, don’t expect to find them in the same spot!  While some like to hide in the freezer (probably because it reminds them of the North Pole) and others prefer to sit on the fireplace mantle or hang from the chandelier, these elves love to play hide-and-seek with their families.

This year, homeboy is going to rock the house.  Why? You'll never guess. Pinterest.

I KNOW? Are they paying me to talk about them, or what? Your answer will be "what" after I finish this story.

ANY WHO there are all these fantastic ideas on what to do with the Elf on the pinterest. I told the ball & chain about some of my favorites - the Elf turns up doing snow angels in flour, hanging from a chandelier, or playing games with other toys. You'd THINK he'd be down with this.  This (seems to be) is right up his alley.  As I explained this to him, and reminded him of antics very recently with the trolls... this happened. Verbatim.

"That is so creepy. I mean what's next? A 3 way with Belle & Barbie."

My guy is so dreamy. 

Like I said, pretty sure Pinterest is not (pin)terested in MY endorsement. More on our elf's story and the trouble he gets into this year... G rated people. Keep it clean.

No Sew Costumes, NO Problem

I know kid, I'm as surprised as you that our
costumes were hand made by yours truly.

The Royal Family - Queen, King,
Pascal & Rapunzel

Have you seen those posts where people show you how to make things? Creating, DIYing as the kids say, crafting their talented arses off? This is not one of those posts. This is me documenting how I cheated the system and won.

One of my friends (you know who you are) may or may not have thought the idea of me making the costumes this year was a terrible idea. To quote her... "I feel like you are going to have to use a lot of duct tape to hold them together."

Usually she's right - this time? SO.FREAKING.WRONG. To be fair? There are only so many things I will be able to make that do not require sewing. I would LOVE to sew, to learn to sew - but I'm just not there yet. Someday, one day - I'll get there. But until then? I'm going to scour the world looking for no sew projects. This Halloween? I was able to throw together a Rapunzel costume and complimenting (low key) King & Queen costumes without a stitch.

The Cuties of Halloween Past

Don't get me wrong. L's first, second and third year costumes were all store bought and couldn't be cuter.  But there is something about a homemade costume.  And while I was scared, I was also (pin)spired to do it on my own.  Last year I bought a homemade costume for L.  This year I wanted to give it a go.  I am compelled to share what I did because it turns out it really wasn't hard, time consuming or expensive. I saved a ton o money and frankly I am pretty damn proud of how Rapunzel came out.  Side note, knowing what I know now about tutus? Big time buyers remorse - from last year's purchase of a tutu. If you have a need for a tutu? Make it. SO.FREAKING.EASY. (Sorry, Etsy stores selling tutus at a premium - it's true.)

Here's how I did it:

The skirt = tutu like amazing.

I found directions on how to make a tutu (seriously easiest thing EVER) and I also found how to cut tulle the easiest way. I used the directions, but increased the length of the tulle to make the dress "floor" length. Note to self: if you are making a long tutu? Be OK with the fact that the skirt WILL be a magnet for all things... we found candy, crowns, leaves, dirt, flowers all up in her skirt. 

The first picture below brings you to instructions on how to make a tutu - it is impossible to mess this up. The second is how to cut the tulle for the dummy proof tutu. It takes a minute to smooth out the tulle and wrap it around, but again pretty much impossible to mess up. For this kid's SUPER full 'floor length' tulle tutu I used 6 rolls of tulle clocking in at 2 bucks a roll. I totally could (and probably should have) used 4 rolls.  The whole project probably took me 20 minutes from start to finish? Maybe 30 minutes.

Source: makeit-loveit.com via guarros on Pinterest

Source: treasuresfortots.blogspot.com via guarros on Pinterest

The shirt? All my brain child, baby.  

Or I just didn't see it on the Pinterest.... I'm sure it's there somewhere. Everything amazing is.  But I have no where to link to because I claim to have thought of this myself. I don't sew but I needed ribbon crisscrossing on a shirt... what's a girl to do?

Hem tape.

Timeout - the first time I was inspired by hem tape was when I couldn't find curtains for our kitchen that I liked. It's a long story but our kitchen is TOTALLY hodgepodge and it works for us, in this space. It's NOT our dream kitchen (by any means) but we love it for now and we spend good quality time in there.  Anyway, I wanted curtains somewhat cafe length and different patterns. I couldn't find what I was looking for (at a reasonable price) and the length of the window is SUPER long.  I took it on myself and made the ones I wanted.  How?

Hem tape.

I purchased a bunch O dishtowels on the cheap and worked the hem tape magic.

The process of making curtains.

Finished product of curtains.

Time in: back to the costume at hand... Rapunzel.  I took regular run of the mill pink ribbon and underneath the ribbon I used hem tape (cut to size) to a purple long sleeve.  Since the ribbon was thin, I put cloth between the iron and the ribbon - and boom. Easy. Peasy. The ONLY thing I will say - take your time.  Once the hem takes take hold... it takes hold. I could have used fabric glue too, I'm sure. I didn't think of that until after the fact - when I was making the King's cape (you'll see).

Accessories: pots, crowns & flowers - oh my!
The pot is a pot she had in her play kitchen - it was silver - but I covered it in chalk board paint. It could have been black spray paint. I made a magnetic chalk board for L's play area recently so it was laying around. Also - I'm obsessed with chalk board surfaces (notice the bread box above that is now covered in it in the kitchen shot) so it was only a matter of time I incorporated chalk board into her costume. She used the pot to trick-or-treat and we carried a bag she could dump into. A few times, anyway.

Her crown? She had - one of many. Funny enough though - she ended up using the crown I had made for myself for trick-or-treating - she liked it better.

I had thought... for a minute, I would complete this tutorial that I found - to make her a wig. I didn't realize until I sat down to do it that I did need to sew a bit.  How could I keep on with the No Sew theme with that? That said - if you really want to kick this costume up a notch I say wig it out.  In lieu of the wig we put a braid in her hair and stuck in some artificial flowers in. I never thought I'd buy fake flowers... nor did I ever think I would love them as much as I love these.

On to the King & Queen.

The King - we could have taken it up a notch, but we wanted to keep it simple. He wore jeans & a sweatshirt. To make (him feel) more regal?

A cape & crown.

How did I make the cape? You can see the tutorial below, but basically glue, fabric & gold trim. I think the total damage was $5 for fabric, $6 for the two rolls of gold trim.  Good news? The fabric I used for our background of the monthly pictures I've been taking. More on that, another day - also inspired by Young House Love and what they did for their baby girl. I didn't find it on Pinterest, but it's all over there as well because well - obviously.

The Cape's day job: photo background

An outtake to prove - it's the cape alright.

Sure, the tutorial is for kids and a bit more formal than we took it - but there are other ideas to take it beyond the King of Jeans & Sweatshirts.

Source: marthastewart.com via guarros on Pinterest

The crown was more stressful than it needed to be. I actually really panicked. I couldn't find a King crown anywhere. I almost just went with form or stock card board and then - I thought... wait a tick. Spray paint can make ANYTHING better. See if this were a real deal how to blog - I'd have the before and after... I don't. So instead I found online pics of the crowns (kind of) that I bought at Michael's. I took off the faux fur that was on the Princess tiara turn the King's crown and spray painted that bad boy gold-ish. I added some gem stones that I've been wanting to buy anyway. My comb crown came in a pack of 10 and was $2 (I know. Dealio.) The Princess tiara turn the King's crown was another $2.  The gems were probably the most expensive thing in all of the costume make up - but only because I bought the "value" bag, because I can't pass up a value- with a coupon it was $10. It turns out? I didn't need the value bag - there are a LOT of fake gems in a value bag. Oh well, we'll work it out later.

My outfit, it turned out I had - I used a shirt I had under a dress I had - I was really going for the Rapunzel "after" the haircut look - but L wasn't thrilled with us BOTH being Rapunzel she didn't get the overlap. Geesh.

JJ was a makeshift Pascal - wearing a Lizard costume I found at Target. I was going to jazz it up with a better hat and fashion a tail somehow - but with the crown scramble of 2011 time got in the way. Homegirl kinda got the raw end on the stick - but look at this face cute in whatever we put her in.

 

That's it folks. It's possible to make things, even if you are totally incapable like yours truly. Fact.

The Other White Meat

The ball & chain is the chef of the house. Can I cook? Sure, I think it's possible. The thing is, the man loves it - my feeling? Why take something away from him that he loves? What kind of person would that make me? Also, he's way better at it than I am.  Why mess with perfection? Homeboy can COOK.  He can also bake... that I won't even try to attack. It isn't worth the pain.  There are somethings that I can cook better or he hates cooking - for those things I rock the kitchen.  By in large, though, he's the head chef of the house.

The kid loves to help, which may sound crazy since she's 3 years old - but she loves it. She has (almost) mastered breaking eggs, whisking eggs, stirring anything, putting things in the toaster, putting things in bowls - no cutting and the stove is off limits - but other than that she is in. She loves it and I love that she loves spending time with us (mostly her Dad) during that time.  It keeps her busy, off the boob tube, and engaged. It also gives us yet another opportunity to record a wacky quote.

The other night she helped with making chicken cutlets... 

C: "Want to help me make chicken cutlets?"

L: "No. I don't like it."

C: "What don't you like?"

L: "The cock lets. I don't like it."

The Name Game

photo credit Babycenter.com

I have some rules about names (for me).

1. Respect (head's up - this is my angriest of rules)

What others do - I respect and (try) not to judge. Listen, if you want to name your child something I can't pronounce a) that isn't hard since I can hardly pronounce my last name and b) it's your baby. Mozel tov to you.  I most certainly do not comment out loud, nor will I here. My rules are things that I think about when we talk about naming babies, for our family not rules that should be mandated from state to state, country to country.  I completely understand how many people, if not most, will think the following thoughts on naming the next kid in this crew is bananas.  That's fine, think we are bananas. Think it silently. What I hope most will also think is that this first rule is the most important one.

I continue to remain shocked at the audacity of people. Sure, I can see in their eyes when they try keep their reaction to some of the names we are thinking about silent. At least they are trying, A for effort.  I'll respect that. Just the other night someone made fun of my favorite name for a girl. I'm not going to lie and I'm also not going to sugar coat or censor this.  I think that's totally fucked up. And it took all I had not to reply with a loud and proud (and clearly hormonally charged) big fuck you. I'm not going to sugar coat it. It's fucked up. Do I make fun of your name, maybe it's one of the names I specifically say I dislike the most?  Do I poke fun of what comes to mind when I hear that name? Who do you think you are?  Why do you ask about names if you aren't going to play nice? Why do you participate in the conversation? Does it make me angry? Guess.

This particular interaction isn't the first time and I know it won't be the last but it is the most fresh. Make no mistake, if you've done it in the past to me or anyone else I would wager they remember.  Perhaps it doesn't make them as angry as it does me, perhaps they don't get angry at all - but they remember.

2. Names should be nicknamable

If you know my name, it might seem nicknameable.  If you don't know it, you won't need to be Nancy Drew to figure it out.  The thing about my name is there are a few options and one of them my mom took off the table from the beginning. Jenny was never an option... ahh the spelling possibilities, how I feel cheated we could have had so much fun Jennie or Jenni - with hearts over the i's it would have been grand.  Alas it was banned. If I were ever able to make a new start, I might try to see if it catches on. I dig it, strangely. There are names we absolutely LOVE that I can't come to terms with.  I can't figure out a way to consider them because it isn't nicknamable OR I can't find a name that would BRING me to these names. This rule is the least favorite of my rules and the one I can't seem to walk away from. It's irritating. Maybe I should flip to Jenny now to be able to get over the whole thing cause we are missing out on some hott names.

Examples, in no particular order:
Sloane
Isla
Norah
Brody
Reid
Rhys
Jake (I know, Jacob.  I can't do it. When I think of Jacob, I think werewolf. It's a tween obsession. I can't go there.)

There are more but I think I'm trying to block out names I can't consider, because I'm bananas.

3. Names should be somewhat uncommon in some way

My name was also one that was the last thing other than unique.  That said, L's name isn't all that randomly heard. It sucks. Her name is one that has always been rattling around in my head, variations of it - but I always knew I wouldn't know until I met my daughter.  Then I did and there she was.  Who would know variations of her name would climb into the top 20 the year she was born? Number 17 and climbing.

You know what is a little more unique? Elle. I'm just saying (popularity ranking: 442 vs. 17). Since I'm the only one that calls her that it doesn't really count. This time around, word on the street is I get carte blanche on this next kid since the last round my naming dreams were dashed. See number 63 - 64 in the 100 list.

When it's all said and done, this seems to be the rule we care the least about.  Our favorite name for a boy is Jackson which is (A) a super popular nation wide (B) a popular name in our family and extended families (C) the nickname I most prefer, Jax, is the name of characters of two TV shows I admittedly watch. ALL of that said, I like the name in spite of my General Hospital habit and I loved it before my obsession began with Sons of Anarchy. Basically it's in all ways, the opposite of somewhat uncommon, yet I compare all boy names to Jax. Let's take a moment of silence for the name that will never be.


(this is the silence)


4. Names should have some kind of connection to family names

L's full name - first, middle and initials ties to family 100%. I feel like pulling a name from a baby book, despite how much we like it, seems like we are cheating the next kid out of something. I might be over thinking it. OK fine, I'm totally over thinking it.  I think I may be over thinking the whole thing. OK fine, I'm totally over thinking it - but see rule number 1.

I'm stressing. I don't know why - but this whole naming thing is a lot of pressure and I feel it. How do you handle picking names for the kids, pets, cars - whatever?  It's a lot of pressure - no matter who or what you are putting a title on.