Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Holy Crap

Today is ONE month and 2 weeks, to be exact!


45 Days


6 weeks and 4 days.

BUT who is counting?

And theoretically since at 36 weeks baby g COULD arrive (despite my mother consistently telling me that the baby will arrive late- we are calling her Suzy Sunshine now a days) that would mean...

2 weeks and 4 days


18 more days wouldn't that be freaking glorious.

I think I just threw up a little bit.

Simply put, HOLY CRAP!

Monday, July 30, 2007

More from the Polls

I took three tests tonight.

1st test results:

67 % chance of having a girl!


2nd test (according to Chinese year):

It's a girl! (Chinese Age 29 at Lunar month 11)


The 3rd test, which I found the MOST interesting, of course, was a predictor on when the baby will arrive! I am not 100% sure on the details because C wasn't as committed as I was to making sure our answers were accurate. I called my mom to find out the specifics and gory details of my arrival into the world> he guessed. The results...

"Just about the time you think you can't handle hearing one more "when is that baby going to pop?", your baby will decide to make it's appearance. We predict your baby will be born 3-7 days before its due date. Your baby will most likely be born in the morning. Justmommies predicts that your baby will weigh approximately 7.5 pounds and that your labor will be about 14 hours long."


Ah the Internet.... pure science!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Happiness Is...

Cold air. Freezing, cold air, wrapped up on the couch with a blanket, cold air.

I won't see that happiness until December or January. This weekend we waited around the house for our "helpful" handymen to arrive to put in a 800 lb a/c that has been taking up half of the kitchen for the last 4 months, fix the fans through out the house and put the closet doors back on their tracks. Our apartment may look pretty on their outside, but apparently it's falling apart from the inside out. It's Nicole Richie- a disaster waiting to happen.

When the posse arrives, they are of course no help. They are only able to install the a/c out the back window- perfect. Just where I need cool air. The kitchen. They are not able to fix any of the fans - and apparently are for show and "look only" now I would understand if they were attractive, maybe. But they are standard ugly ceiling fans- not a museum masterpiece.

In a foolish attempt to get the air to go into the living room from the kitchen I put up curtains, so that the air wouldn't fill the stairwells going downstairs to the front door of our apartment or up the stairs through to the 2nd floor. Now while we have a theatre set up- to which each time C comes up or down the stairs you hear him say- in his very best Vegas voice things like... "Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing, Christoph Guarraa-chino!" My idea didn't help- the kitchen is cold, the hallway is not too hot and the living remains hot. And comes through the curtains as if on Broadway. Our hopes of sitting pretty and cold were dashed- so I became understandably cranky, if you ask me.

My dear husband, god bless his soul, took me to Home Depot to fix the situation. He bought me the best present he had ever thought to buy me- almost as beautiful as the bling I once sported on my once prettier hands... this present was not even close to being as dainty. An a/c to end all a/c. A portable a/c that doesn't need to be in a window- I thought it was an angel. Watching C try to bring it up the stairs, sweat literally pouring down his face- I thought he'd make a deal with the devil to get the box up into the apartment. He did, we found a spot for it- hooked it in and turned the sweet machine on.

Ah but all the money, blood seat and tears aren't going to buy happiness. And neither did C, after all of that I wish I had a happy ending to share.

It's still freaking hot, and we're probably spending our wee one's college tuition on electricity... no happy ending here.

- J "exposed brick, hard wood floors and laundry mean nothing with out central air" Guarro

Friday, July 27, 2007

Crazies and Cake. Just Another Day in the Hood!

I park my car and jump out. As I am talking to my homies on the tele, a homes in his own right- and crazy all the same approaches me. He wanted to help put the top up on the Cabrio. I told him, "I am all set- on the phone, thanks anyway."

Crazy man: "OK I jess wanna help ya."

Scared me, slightly uncomfortable (and still on the phone!): "Thanks, anyway. I got it."

Crazy man: "I want you to know that healthy is in. Thin is out. "

Pissed off me: "Sir, I'm pregnant, not fat. Thanks."

Crazy man: "Oh right baby, baby. I know I know. It's Sean. You're beautiful with you curves."

Curvy pissed off me: "Yup. Thanks, Sean, I'm still on the phone here."

I walk away, Leona and Big Stace on the other line hearing the play by play- they say "What the hell is going on?" I go on to explain, it's just a friendly 'neighbor.' But there he goes, talking to himself, yelling after me saying, "You're beautiful, thin is out. Big is in."

Honestly. What is a girl supposed to do? I come up- tell C the story and continued to get aggravated. I was supposed to run to the store before coming up the tower of stairs to the apartment, but with the commotion, I didn't. Instead, I had cake. Why not? Delicious cake!

C's work threw a baby shower for the daddy to be! It was so sweet of them- even more sweet, sending him home with a few pieces of cake. I thought for sure he would cry, but he didn't. He was surprised just the same, but I thought he'd get overcome with emotions. I sure was overcome with emotion when I got to taste the cake.

Just another day in the hood.


Wednesday, July 25, 2007

"Look Kids, it's Big Ben, Parilment"

The other day C took Francis, the intern who is working at my office and living with us for the summer, to the super market. Now keep in mind, she is a sweet girl from Austria. She has lived in the country- in a village with 2000, total, people. She was literally amazed at the aisle with the selection of pasta sauce. On the way home they passed the hospital - Francis asked if this would be the hospital that I would have the baby.

C explained, no- but it is the place to go should you get shot or stabbed. This resulted in the question "What is stabbed?" C explained with a stabbing motion psycho style.

Shortly thereafter she asked where she might be able to get some pepper spray.

This will be added to the list of things not to say to our au pair, when she gets here.

Monday, July 23, 2007


This weekend we had probably one of the best weekends we've had in awhile. What did we do?


Gloriously nothing!!!

KW had a wedding on Friday and came by on Saturday. And while we were 'up for anything' we sat, talked and lounged on the couch. THEN we went to eat some lunch. We came back, sat, talked, watched movies (bad movies) and lounged on the couch. THEN we went to eat some dinner. Came back- and you guessed it - sat, talked and lounged on the couch.

Ah, routine. Glorious.

Sunday we met some people for lunch- KW brother's and crew. Good times, laughs, and food. Really doesn't get better than that. Then we got semi-productive. We did some rounds to the ol'favorites (Target & Old Navy) and some new favs (Babies R Us)- came back and lounged. Ah routine, glorious.

See now you may think that we didn't get anything accomplished- but we did and felt all the better for it. We got to spend quality time with KW all the while doing what we all love- nothing.

KW, come back. We miss you.

Nasty Has A New Face

Or cankle.

Below is the number one reason why we aren't going to NY until after the baby arrives. The pictures were taken on the last trip to NY- my cankles were in such despair, what could a girl do but take a picture of them.

Wince at your leisure. Also, in other news- I added additional pictures to the Last Supper entry. Toward the bottom... trust me they are way more enjoyable then the shocking photos your eyes are about to see.

The Baby Shower AKA Blow to the Ego

My aunt worked long and hard to send pictures to me... while I would have rather deleted them I will post them to reward her for her diligent work at the art of downloading and attaching AND because there are many who have requested to see the sights of the shower. I cut out most of the terrible ones (sorry) and I made the slide show on the smaller side to give the illusion of small-ness. Here's the thing- my aunt was literally right in front of me, and I'm pretty sure zoomed in even on top of that. A little too close for comfort, and while I am a self- prescribed photogenic person this pictures... not so much in these particular shots! I had to, of course, share the hott ride we had- I kind of miss the van. Not going to lie!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Last Supper

Er... brunch.

This weekend marked a big arrival. No, not THE arrival, but another one that I personally have been looking forward to.

The last trip to NY for the foreseeable future. Hooray, the holyday has arrived.

Friday morning, C dropped Abelle off at Land Of Pawz for an extended weekend with her friends so that we had enough room. Room for what? You may or may not know but this weekend was the year anniversary to my bridal shower… and now coincidentally our baby shower. Totally random, but funny nonetheless. C picked me up at work, and while it wasn’t the 5:30 on the dot we thought originally, it was still earlier than usual. We were off, in our purple passion van. C kept trying to sell me on the fact that it was maroon, but it was a deep purple that in the sunlight had a metallic shimmer. There was no escaping it. Some say it has the front of an suv. The vehicle is a minivan no matter what the hood looks like. A pretty girl with a big ass, will always still have the ass- no matter what she looks like from the front.

We arrived to my mom’s ready to get settled into the Artic, what we affectionately call my mom’s house because no matter what time of the year it’s nice and chilly- just the way we like it. Especially with the summer here- we were looking forward to packing on the layers. It could be the middle of August but a sweatshirt is still needed there- it was going to be glorious.

Until we found out that the a/c was broken, just conked out on her the day before last. Of course. While I’d ordinarily feel bad for me- I knew it was probably killing my mom more than it would effect me. Since she had been running around getting things ready for the baby shower she didn’t have time to call anyone to come over to check it out. See, had it been me, I would have put aside the preparation for the baby. I mean it's not like he or she is going to know. But Nana Lu was going a bit koo-koo.

Disaster aside, it actually wasn’t even that hot, so we didn’t die the first night. And if the next night we needed it my aunt, uncle and cousins were traveling to Italy the next day so we’d crash their house and crank the air if necessary.

Saturday morning we woke up and had a few errands to run- visit the Cumming’s before their international adventure began and find something non- muumuu like article of clothing to wear. Which is always a treat! We arrived to the Cumming's, and found more bags packed then when we last moved. 5 people traveling to Italy for a month do require some serious packing, however it turns out that the majority of the bags were actually not theirs- but instead my grandmother's and her friend. Apparently in addition to vacationing, the Cumming’s family were doubling as pack mules to bring over everyday items that you and I could find in one quick trip to Target. Good news is, that no one was forced to swallow any balloons to smuggle any jewels, etc. No guarantees for the way home though. Me, mom & C went to the mall- and learning from our last shopping trip C parked close enough we could see the front door- that was nice. We didn’t really find anything but that was fine, my mom and I were off to the nail salon for a treat of the very best massage seats that this fat behind has ever had the pleasure of sitting in. We got manicures and pedicures. C was able to witness, at the end to experience, what many women are able to experience when they go to nail salons. That uncomfortableness when people are talking about you in another language and they think you don’t know or they don't care that their conversation is about you- C was shocked. He kept whispering, "I think they are talking about us!" I couldn't have cared less. They were nice, either way- and the 'girl' that gave me a pedicure was pretty clearly a tranny. Either way, she could give a mean pedicure and massage a fat cankle- so I'm not going to judge. It's not wrong, just different.

And then the most amazing thing happened, it was a miracle- almost as boggling as the miracle of life. We had a family party to go to- Aunt Bessie’s 80th Birthday Party. We were looking forward to it of course, but it got even better. We jumped in the car and then we were there. 5 minutes, tops. A miracle. Never in our entire time together have we been able to go get to a family get together in that kind of time.

Aunt Bessie is C’s godmother and probably one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever been able to meet. While we haven’t spent too much time with her she’s just one of ‘those’ people. She is pretty amazing, and is absolutely loved- people literally traveled from all over the country to wish her a happy birthday. It was amazing to see, and nice to be apart of for so many reasons. 3 of those reasons?

Potato salad, macaroni salad, tomato salad.

I kid, I kid- it was nice to be there because I care about Aunt Bessie and to be apart of someone’s special day is special. A bonus, of course, was the food. Best dang salads I've had in my life. Big bonus.

I got to meet a lot of C's family that I had either not met yet or had only met once at the wedding- and it was a blur. Like Uncle Mario, for example. I met him at the wedding, but it was only briefly. At one point at the end of the night (and be prepared- I don’t know if I can explain this well but trust me it was funny)…. He came up to me, really close with his hands out as if he might just be trying to goose me asking “may I?” I said “Sure, I think” or “It depends.” He grabbed onto me with his ear to my belly- as if I were a conch shell and he were listening to the sound of the ocean. He backed up for a moment and then came close(r) again…. “May I?” he repeated… I was a little nervous- not going to lie, he was close, it was a bit hot so there was sweat and his hands were out and I didn't know if he was going to get a little palmy. But I said “Sure, I guess. Although it really does depended on what you are trying to do here.” Then he put his hands on my belly, crouched down a bit and held this position and waited. He came back up, standing straight, and said “Boy. 8 lbs. 2 oz.”

We’ll see about that. I will say that the majority of people at the party said boy… to be fair it’s the Guarro side- and everyone loves a namesake. I had one woman have me stand, facing front, as she went behind me, checked out my caboose, and annoyed “Boy.” Apparently the junk in my trunk says baby boy.

In addition to all of this there are pictures to share! No, not of the junk in my trunk- of Aunt Bessie giving all the kids a hula lesson. First she performed for the party then the kids insisted to learn more! It was adorable... even with Karrie & Meghan deciding to take the dance to another level.

We came back home to find that we were once again going to experience a happy miracle. My mom, on a whim, turned the air on… C got to see her face, which apparently was priceless, but all of a sudden she hushed us to ask us if we heard it. It was the sound of an angle, the most beautiful music possible to hear. The sound of central air. Yet another miracle is witnessed. Turns out it died, again, but we were sleeping when it went down so no one was the wiser until the morning. I went to sleep with covers over me and a smile on my face.

The final day of our trip was what you have all been waiting for. Baby Shower central. My mom and C’s mom, Mary threw me a wonderful brunch. The ladies can put on a good party! It was at the Blue Moon- a Mexican place down the street from my mom’s. Yet another convenient commute for team Guarros of Boston on this fine day (at least for one way). Mary decorated the tables with fun and festive colors and vases and put together favors that were bright, fun and practical! Everything was a hit! My mom found a great place where everything was great- the people were super nice, the food was delicious (talking point would be the cinnamon bun- perfect delegation of soft pastry & glaze frosting). And of course the ‘cake’ that was actually a huge cannoli with what looked like thousand of baby cannolis inside of it. Cannolis are god’s work. In addition to getting us the crib, I’m pretty sure my mom outfitted the baby for the first few months. She literally gave us a clothesline with baby clothes attached that seemed to snake around the room! It was in a laundry basket and filled to the brim with all kinds of clothes. The baby is going to be better dressed than the two of us- and while that isn't the hardest feat to accomplish- he or she has more options than we do. Even his or her first Polo jogging suit. Freaking adorable. Hoody shirts, onesis, the list goes on long. Francis, an intern from Austria that is living with us for the next few months, said "Are babies really that small?" And the big news is also that C & I are proud owners of our very own bugaboo stroller. That’s right- drool no more! We are proud owners of our very own chameleon. This isn't ours, as it isn't put together just yet... but these are the colors and what it will look like. Except of course there will be an adorable baby in it, and two hott parents in tow with a mighty fine looking pup as well. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Can't you just see it?

Friends and family came from all over, once again, to celebrate with us. It was amazing- and completely overwhelming. Everyone’s generosity floored me. I learned a few things…

1. Kids need a lot of crap.
2. Babies may be small- but LOTS of baby stuff needs a big car. A purple passioned van won’t cut it.
3. Baby stuff gets oohs and ahhs, no matter what it is. A snot sucker thingy or first tooth and first hair curl holder is no exception.
4. Shower bingo will keep anyone engaged in the present opening ceremony- even on lookers. At certain points, I wouldn’t be ½ way down opening the present and someone is screaming from the back, “IS IT A MOBILE? THAT’S THE ONLY THING I’M MISSING!”

I can’t even begin to explain how much stuff this kid has received, and this is only round one. I am a bit scared once everyone finds out what the baby is. We’ll upload as many pictures as possible- but I don’t have any from the shower. I wish I did. What I wish I had gotten was The Mary & Lucy Show Part Duex. Last year they did somewhat of an interpretive dance of sorts- a poem with words and those words brought to life with household items. So, for example they said "J, you are the joy (then they whipped out a bottle of JOY dish soap) of C's life." While I wasn’t able to get this year’s edition on tape- word on the street is that they are going on the road. They are for hire- so if you’ve got a person to celebrate that needs to be brought to life with household goods- let me know. I’ll pass your information along. I hope to have the poem itself sent to me so you can see it- and just use your imagination. It was great! Very personal, very funny… and sometimes a little TMI. Like it’s a little strange for your mom and husband’s mom make up a poem that includes the information surrounding the conceiving of the baby… that’ll teach me to post everything on the Internet!

I’m writing this as we head home – and it’s far too long all ready. Just like the ride. I’ll get as many pictures as I can up- asap. But really all I have is the purple monster. I’ll try to get some shots of my dear husband lugging this loot up the stairs. I do have some pictures of C getting talked into releasing the balloons from the shower. Apparently it is good luck. He didn’t want to because it’s bad for the environment and the animals- but apparently after he was brow beaten into it when he finally let the balloons go- they didn’t go far. They got stuck in a tree. Of course. Who needs luck?

If you have pictures, please send them along! I'll even post the pics of me... I'm sure they're mighty fine. Everyone was taking shots of me at a distance to wear I could kick them - so they are probably close up and make me look even more swollen! Horray!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Baby Update:

I suppose while I didn't really want this to happen, I should embrace the fact that at least for now- this blog is more like a pregnancy update / Doppler watch. Where you go to see and hear more about the miracle of life and the gestation period of a poor inflated woman living in Boston. Regardless of the intention of it being an update from me OR Christoph. Oh well. I've embraced it and I've moved past it.

In other news... the child is moving in such a way where I swear I can feel knees/elbows and the moving is in slow motion... it's weird. Not so much constant kicking anymore just this weird feeling- almost like when a dog or cat goes in a circle and makes a spot for him or herself before getting settled... does that make sense?

The day before yesterday his or her was elbowing me to a point where I swear we were going to have a scene from the movie alien on our hands- busting out of my abdomen with with a vengeance.

That's what new in the belly of the beast.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Flight of the Bird the Final Installment

The final and last take, and in my opinion the best.

Bump Watch 2007 II

Had I known the anticipation of the next fatty picture I might not have begun the public display of growth. I've received many a request for the next installment- I didn't know you had it on the calender. This month, we didn't take the picture as scheduled (which has traditionally been the morning of every doctor's appointment)- a week or so after but close enough. In other news... I think it's almost time to loose the sweater- it's starting to remind me that scene in "Tommy Boy,"

-Fat girl in a little sweater

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Flight of the Bird

Honestly, I have never laughed so hard.

Below are pictures and even video clips. They will make you laugh until you cry; at least they make me laugh until I CRIED. You can hear me barely breathing in the back, wheezing from laughing, running and screaming from the 'monster' bird that flew into the apartment.

As we sat down and relaxed on the couch in flew a bird. From the way C reacted originally you would have thought it was a hawk. It flew and dropped underneath our bookcase. I have some pictures below, but several takes of video to bring you on the journey that felt like it lasted for hours- the funniest few hours of my life. In the videos you can also hear on more than one occasion my dear dear husband scream like a woman. If you haven't heard the honeymoon story, remind me to tell you some time. However if you've heard it... that scream is reminiscing of the earthquake scream.

All of the videos are about 20-30 seconds long and while some are funnier than the others- I couldn't bare to leave out any part of it. The only one not posted (of course) is the funniest one. I guess it's too large to download? I'm not sure- I'll work out the kinks with that one, but had to go ahead and post the rest of them.

In the end, C ended up getting the bird outside, for him only to fly BACK into the apartment. He did finally get him out, for good, and closed all windows to make sure our feathered friend did not get back in!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Milestones On The Road To Babyville

This weekend was not unlike any other weekend. It was full of activity and milestones of this grand experience called being knocked up.

To begin with- I do believe it is called 'nesting' but I have gone ahead and set up most of our apartment. With the help, of course, from Christoph. Well, either it's nesting or my mom was coming to visit and I needed to get things presentable. Hooray! Finally our apartment is photograph-able, which makes our future au pair happy. Hopefully. Also, I wanted to give her enough time that if she saw the bedroom and felt the cave was too small she could back out early. This is just floor one, next up the second floor. Baby steps.

Mother and Ricky came to visit and we hit up all the regular spots... the Sail Loft for seafood- yum. Jake Ivory's for "drinks" and entertainment - interesting. Jake Ivory's, it turns out, much like most everything, is far less entertaining with out a drink in your hand. Especially with the droves of bachelorette parties that frequent there. A waddling preggers gets quite the sideways stare. It's there, though, that we discovered my Uncle Paul is moonlighting at the dueling pianos. I tried to take better pictures, but alas, I couldn't get too close.... again, the stares a waddling preggers person gets at Jake Ivory's could cut a man.

Another milestone hit, the crib is now in the hiz-ouse! THANKS MOM!

Not with out incident. But of course.

We go to store number 1 and while we of course heart Ricky, we leave him at the hotel. It was for the best. Again, while we heart Ricky- walking isn't so much his favorite activity. Had Ricky come with us, I’m certain we would have lost him at stop 1. C's favorite activity, it turns out, is parking in East Bumble. He will literally take the first spot he sees once we enter a parking lot. Apparently he likes guarantees- I'm not saying we have to circle the lot until we find a parking spot right in front of the store, but at the very least I should be closer to the store then I am to our home. I have always made fun of him for this- however it was absolutely freakish when Mother had the same comments as me. How is that for scary? And if I do say so myself, yet another milestone... saying things your mother says. Frightening.

We go into store 1 and guess what? They don't have the crib. So off to store 2 which would have been a 10 minute drive if C didn't take the scenic route. You know it's bad if I noticed we were going the wrong way. We got to store number 2 and I do believe we got the very last crib in stock. Thanks be. Nursery has yet to be set up- but soon, very soon! Apparently it will rain on the 4th here, so maybe we'll get that done tomorrow. Once we have floor 2 set up we'll add more pictures!

Finally, the last of the milestones, complete ring abandonment. A few weeks ago, it became impossible to wear my wedding ring. Now, no chance for my engagement ring either. At least before it looked like C was trying to do the right thing, and marry me. Now, it's just me and this baby on our own in the world.

Of course no one has noticed, I don't think, except me. Oh how I miss my bling. Just add that to the list.

-J Co
(c) 2007 all rights reserved. aka don't be a D and swipe any content, photos, etc - sucka. Should you be tempted, let me know so I can be flattered and then give me something write about.