Friday, November 30, 2007

Facebook is Vodoo

Just a few days ago I wrote about Facebook and how I can't believe the technology that we have and wondered where will it go next? I have the answer, and so quickly! That never happens. Alas, the good news stops there, as technology has gone to the dark side.

I did not know this, and I'm so curious (read here paranoid) to know what else it can do... but did you know that Facebook (to be referred to as the Grinch moving forward) has technology that has your computer alert the Grinch of purchases you make online and then post it? Well neither did one unsuspecting husband buying a present for his wife, and since this couple is both on the Grinch, that unsuspecting wife now knows what to suspect for Christmas.

Here you thought the Grinch was a mean one that sang in rhymes and tried to steal all the holiday cheer from the Whos of Whoville... nope the Grinch is a social network that has no barriers of privacy which promotes the throwing of farm animals and transparency of your moves on the Internet. Watch out. This could get messy and you very well may learn far more than you ever intended from your friends or those in your network. Suspecting girlfriends everywhere breath a sigh of relief- but for me, while I don't have much to hide (clearly) I think it is socially irresponsible and something I'd get on a soapbox about.

Don't believe me? See the article that explains it all. To make this story even more interesting... the Grinch stole Christmas from my very own Shan & Sean Lane! Learn more about how the Grinch stole Christmas by clicking here, there are no repercussions or postings of your actions, if you do. Promise!

Sunday, November 25, 2007


Whip'em Out Sunday - that is what today was.

I've never been a big fan of the public bfeeding thing. Nana Lu, in hopes that I would continue bfeeding, assisted with purchasing props to ease my ability to just feed the baby. There are these aprons of sorts. They are called Bebe au Lait for the classy and Hooter Hiders for the others. I am of course one of the others. Anyway, I have my Hooter Hider, so in theory I should be ready to go. No need to be embarrassed or modest because I have a fashionable and functional cover up!

Today we went out and about. When it was time to eat for us it became time for L to eat, what to do? I felt at ease, I went into the diaper bag (which is also my purse) and fished around for my Hooter Hider. That was until I realized where it was, on our couch, back at home.

What to do? We had ordered, we were hungry and L was T minus 30 seconds away from going from adorable waking up stretchy baby to psycho birth control presence of a baby in the middle of a restaurant. It was T&G (touch and go)- until I got Macgyver on the situation. I took my sweater and turned it around so that the back of the sweater was now facing out and I put my arms in it to act as a curtain to feeding time at the zoo. If we didn't have things to do, I would have just gone and sat in the car in the parking lot- but that would require additional time. Plus I've been doing a lot of reading, and while I'm not 100% comfortable with it- it's something that many a bfeeder gets angry about! So fight the power, fight the man- feed your kid, no apologies! Heck no. The girl has to eat!!!!

That was until I had no fancy hider and the tent that I rigged up failed me. I was in a corner booth facing the back so who would see me? This poor waiter who didn't know what hit him as he turned the corner as I readjusted. No tent, no cover, no baby even somewhat shielding my goods. Poor bastard. All I could do is say, "And that's the biggest tip you'll get today. " We were at a restaurant named "Orleans" and there I was like it was Mardi Gradis and I'm trying to get beads.

Friday, November 23, 2007

What will they think of next?

Disclaimer: As I write the blog post, I recognize the irony of my next compliant.

Ah email, what a glorious invention. Now, I'm not sure what I would do with out it, but think back to when you were first introduced to this crazy and wild world wide web. Instant messaging, cell phones, text messaging- there are growing the ways to not ever have to talk to anyone but keep in touch.

There are blogs and the ability to post or send photos or videos in seconds so that friends and family can literally see you in seconds, though you might be states or time zones away. There are advantages to this, and I fully take advantage of them all. I use and abuse these resources every chance I get. In fact, I fully recognize the reason for this very blog is it is the lazi(wo)man's mass email. They tell the story, give the details with out ever having to pick up the phone. I love to tell a story, but to tell it 100x. No thank you.

Then there is reconnecting with people. Back in the day, I'm told there were reunions (unless you went to a bunk high school like I did). I joined Friendster to keep up with college friends, find high school friends- some used it to meet people, it was the new thing. I learned quickly that Friendster was useless- mostly because people could "see" that you were peeking in on them. And no one liked that. Next came MySpace, which truthfully I spent an embarrassing amount of time 'finding' people. Not so much to reconnect with, mostly to find and say "WHHAA the ... " That being said some reconnecting was done, so it wasn't so much useless as my brief Friendster experience. Now, as soon as I get comfortable with all that I get a message via gmail chat (a medium between instant messaging and email if you aren't 'online') that I have to get onto Facebook.


Is there a gun to my head? Someone forcing me to put together and update yet another profile No.

Off I went, updating and putting together a facebook membership. The next thing they should come up with should be technology like a universal remote. A universal profile that I can plug into every new site or whatever the next big thing is. OR I could just stop the insanity. But I won't- I'm too curious. Although this facebook thing- it is confusing me and I need a tutorial. I don't get it and it seems pretty freaking easy- so it's embarrassing. You have all these options, "gifts" to give that are a cartoon icons. They seem to cost a dollar? Who the hell is going to pay for a clip art? And you can poke people, including throwing goats at people. Some might say, don't get into it. Others might say I'm too old. Most might say who has the time? Either way I don't get it... yet I can't wait to see what's next.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Gs of Boston had the first TDay at home, ever! For years we've traveled, even when we were kids, for the big day and dinner. This would mean traffic on the way to and traffic on the way home, and sometimes traffic in between. This year no traffic to be seen! Just relaxation and fun- no commute, no fuss, no mess. Fun fun fun. This year we decided we would open our doors to any and all who may not have plans- a Misfit Island of sorts for Thanksgiving. It turns out we were the only ones in need of such a retreat!! It was perfect.

Together (read here: mostly C) we put together the best dang Thanksgiving Dinner ever! We brined a turkey (brineing is the new black, every one's doing it), made stuffing, roasted potatoes and string beans. Oh and that ca-ca canned cranberries that people like. I tried it, and said "NO more." Like I said, it's ca-ca.

We started the morning off right with the Macy's Day Parade and mimosas! There are host families out there that worry that their au pair will drink too much, the G's are bringing to you au pairs that worry that their host families drink too much. Oh well. It's the holidays, and well- we have a lot to celebrate. That was until the most dramatic Thanksgiving discovery ever.

We had a fish, named Marley, in a bowl with a plant. While setting the table we realized he is gone. He just disappeared, rumor has it he jumped out and committed suicide, into the stuffing. Thing is, the stuffing was amazing, so if Marley had to go to get it there- good bye sweet Marley, good bye. You went for a good cause and for that, we commend you. Pour one out for your homies who couldn't be here.

It was the best dang Tday to date.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Mom Time

There should be watches made strictly for mothers. Since it takes hours to do anything that once took just a few minutes, we should have different time keepers. Time really moving backwards, counting down to alarm orange alert status. This is to avoid when adorable coos and heart melting gas/smiles turn into shrieks and yelps. There should be several countdowns going at once each counting down to several of risk factors to bring on the shrieks and yelps like time left to eat, sleep, diaper change or burp. The only problem I see with this is: she always wants to eat, she never wants to sleep, she is literally always wet because she is always eating, and when she isn't farting she's burping. Baby has gasoline.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

"¿Ah dios, en lo que la F entré yo yo mismo?"

It's not every day that your husband walks out of the bathroom with a cup of pee, raising it to the sky with a hearty "Cheers!" It's not everyday, but it is a day in our home. Our au pair better get used to it. I'm fairly certain at least 4 times a day she shakes her head silently and thinks "¿Ah dios, en lo que la F entré yo yo mismo?" ("Oh my god, what the F did I get myself into?" courtesy of

The other day at one point, she was talking to me in the kitchen and I am not sure now what she was saying because I was pretty tired, but I know for sure she was speaking English, I'm beat though so I zoned out. My face obviously showed it because all of a sudden she stopped and said "Am I speaking a Spanish?" Confused by such a question, I answer, "Right now? I don't think so."

It's surreal to have an au pair here already to take care of L. She is wonderful! She is great with L- sings to her, talks with her- makes her smile! She straightens up, volunteers to help with everything- even things she shouldn't! I have to keep telling her to stop because when she is off, she is off! Ah to follow the rules.

That's the scoop. There has been some grumbling that I am not updating fast enough. I'll do what I can, but while I am currently a lady of leisure, I'm soaking up time with my stinky moose of child. Also, she doesn't do anything funny really, just stinkin' cute or maybe just stinkin'. ¿Ah dios, en lo que la F entré yo yo mismo?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Visitors Welcome!

Since Nana Lu left we have had a bunch of visitors. L loves, we love it- Anabelle freaking really loves it. The more people, the more attention she can get. Although the more attention she gets the less and less she likes to listen to yours truly. But Abelle even gets visitors... like when Shan & Sean Lane came over with Brady their pup that looks like Abelle's brotha from anotha motha. Abelle got a friend for the night, L got to meet her long awaiting fans, and we got to hang out drink some beer and eat some pizza. Sounds like a simple activity but it was great!

Pop Pop & Cami came to visit last week, it was a quiet visit. It was nice to just hang out and relax. Then there was a variety in drive bys! Tessa came through. She teased us for a few days to the point Nana didn't believe "this Tess" existed and her lasagna was even more of a figment of our imagination. She's real and she brings with her goodies! We also had a visit from Mandy at some point in this mix, over the weekend but I'm not even sure when.

There was a day or two I was on my own- and while there were some worried folks out there- we made it through. Over the weekend, in addition to welcoming our au pair (who looks like a 2nd or 3rd cousin from Mexico) we had a full house!

Aunt Dar Dar and Uncle Luckas Pukas, A & U E Squared and their adorable Julianna came to play! Baby J was freaking amazing with her little fo'cousin. Soon after they got back on the road Ol'Gramie, Gramie & Poppa came to meet and greet with the pest.

Most recently Carla came through and got to meet our third roommate over the summer- since we shared an office and talked about the pending arrival it was surreal to have her there.

Visitors welcome, so come on over! And NO no lasagne is required! Just get ready to fall in love, cause she is amazing!!!

Monday, November 12, 2007

School Is In

While Nana Lu was in Boston visiting she was to help and teach me all about babies... turns out we needed to school her a few things.

Some examples are:

1. "Pushin the bush" definition.

While C had to roll me around in my wheels, right after my surgery, she started singing "pushin the bush pushin the bush" we asked if she knew what that meant... she did not. To her surprise the song actually says "push in the bush." This is what she gets for rapping and performing a song by Goastface Killah. While we didn't officially explain word for word what it means there was motioning and dancing to explain the song lyrics and why it is one that you shouldn't sing as pedestrians walked on by.

2. add "in bed" after your Chinese fortune cookie.

We can't remember who but one of us had a fortune that informed us to "play games in life."

3. the meaning of W.O.W.

She thought it had to do with wrestling, not Opie and Anthony reference. Whip'em Out Wednesday is yet another learned lesson from her dear son-in-law and daughter.

4. the magic of text messaging.

5. the term 'bitches' is actually an endearing phrase.

That's how C would call on his ladies. Oh what a surprise for Nana Lu, she really did learn a lot about her son-in-law.

Nana Lu was here for a little over a week, back in September and then came back again when L came home from the hospital. She stayed with us for the first week L was home. And while we say we taught her a lot- you know the real deal is that she helped us big time. Plus she was fun to have around. C loved having her around the most- everything he hopes that I'll do (make our bed, start dinner- you know be a good wife) Nana did. It was a good week! She left on the 5th ... that's how far behind we are with all of this.

Motherhood is fun, fabulous, tiring and doesn't leave time for quick wit and sarcasm like pregnancy does, I'll tell you what.

Step 1: Smile

next step laughing, we can't wait!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Luckiest Au Pair in all the Land

Picture it- you are a young woman traveling from Mexico to New York. You arrive among other young men and woman from all over the world. You are nervous, you are excited- you don't know what to expect.

Out of nowhere you get called to the office and receive a little welcome bag. In the bag something that proves you are the luckiest au pair in all the land, a note from your baby...


Our au pair, Kat, arrived in New York. I am told from my spies that she is great, mature, funny - and her English all good. Most notably, she freakishly looks like me. She could be my Mexican cousin.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Some pictures of L's first week at home...

Today, Liza and ColeBG came to visit! We haven't seen ColeBG since June. BOY oh BOY what a man he is! He is amazing - he laughs and talks (well I don't know what he is saying, but he amuses himself and me). I can't wait to see more of this family and watch the babes grow up. Um, rewind just a few years ago (6+ yrs) - sitting at 3103 maybe taking a pass at class ... you'd find Liza and I on our couch. Not with babies on the brain- that's for sure. I made sandwiches, like I did back in the day. Although at 3103 we'd only have what that Nest place (what was the name of that place?) would have available to purchase with points... not fresh cold cuts and bread from a great little bakery on the corner. We've come a long way. And if I do say so myself, we make some freaking adorable children.

Bfeeding is a BIOTCH

I'm doing it, and I'm not going to quit and apparently I've kept with it longer than the nah-sayers thought I would (mother). That being said, while it isn't horrible, it is a pain in the arse (actually a pain in the cha-chas, literally). Here are my issues with bfeeding:
  • By the time we sit down, get settled, get her fed, burped, re-fed, and settled it's time to start back up again. No joke.
  • It's messy- it's messy before, during and after.
  • Leaking. Honestly. It's very inconvenient.
  • TMI Alert: I have de-funked nips so I need to use an apparatus to assist in the feeding process. Can it ever be easy?
  • There is no gage on the lovely lady lumps- and since my daughter is a moose I'm never sure if she is eating cause that's what she does or because she's hungry. How much is too much and how long do I really need to have her hang there?
  • I clearly have ADHD. As soon as I sit down I am thirsty, bored and have to go to the bathroom and it's difficult to go hand's free.
There are all kinds of t-shirts out there supporting breastfeeding. Some of my favorite tag lines are:
  • "I make milk, what's your superpower?"
  • "All Night Milk Bar"
  • For Baby: "I see more of Mommy's boobies in a day than Daddy does in a year"
  • "Weapons of Mass Lactation" (accompanied by a basic graphic of breasts)
  • "Jesus was Breastfed"
  • "My Milkshake feeds all the kids in the Yard"

Some t-shirts I am looking to make that tell the real story:
  • "Jesus was breastfed and Mary was a Saint"
  • "MIA: Nipples"
  • For Baby: "Bottomless Pit" (printed at the belly)
  • For Baby: "I have a hollow leg"
  • "If you can read this, shut the F up. The baby must be sleeping cause that's the only time my shirt is down."

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Little Known Facts

Did you know...
  1. Our daughter can go 0 - 60 in 1 second flat if you are withholding:
    • food
    • borderline abuse like force to get the burp out
    • movement of any kind
    • food
    • food
    • food
    • a hug
  2. This little "lady" can wake up the dead with her ass.
  3. She may be living in a swanky brownstone in the South End of Boston, but she has a mullet like any Wal-Mart lovin, trailer park living lady.
  4. She gets cuter every day.
  5. The swing that we got at our shower is magic. Hungry, angry, tired, cranky- pop her in the swing and boom. Silence.
  6. She likes to flirt.
  7. Forget wildlife or classical music, the sound of a sprinkler soothes her, if the the swing is not close enough. tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst
  8. We are totally in love, she has us wrapped around her little finger... and we're pretty sure she knows it.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Happy Halloween

From Pumpkin Pie

From Pumpkin Pie

"We have 3 people."

On Tuesday, L went on her first outing to her first real doctor's appointment. Sure after 30 days of being in the hospital being seen by multiple doctors a day- you'd think this wouldn't be a milestone and it isn't. Getting her out of the house, that's a milestone.

While we sat around to discuss the game plan of the day, C said I was over thinking everything, "we have 3 people, 1 baby how hard can this be?"

Nana Lu (my mom) is back, she arrived on Monday to help- mostly to spend some time with our recently freed wireless daughter. Between the three of us, surely we could get her out of the house in time for our 2 pm appointment. Afterward our plan included doing a bit of shopping- as 90% of her clothes will fit her dolls one day, not her bootylicious 11 lb hiney. After wrapping up lunch, we thought we'd get an early start on everything. We dressed her, put on one of her new coats and attempted to get her in the car seat, which is apparently always going to be an issue. And when I say we, I mean we- because it takes an army to wrap up a little girl with a strong will. As soon as we got her strapped in she realized that she was hungry and went wild while we scrambled to calm her.

Eventually we got to the hospital, however it took about 30 minutes to load up the car. Between the diaper bag, bags of clothes, the stroller base, the three of us- furthest from grace. In addition to all of this hub bub with the Sox winning the World Series there was the parade to celebrate going right past the hospital, where we were headed. We literally just made the light so it allowed us to get in on time- but that could have been yet another story. Which, coincidentally- I don't know if you heard- but in addition to 10/28 being a kick ass day because we got to take our baby home there was some unexpected icing on top. With the Sox winning the World Series the Guarracino's won too. Back in the day, when we moved into our apartment we couldn't get our old couch up the stairs. We went to Jordan's furniture store and purchased our couch and kitchen table... it's not because we had faith in the Red Sox or thought we are usually so lucky we'll win it all. We needed a couch and the kitchen table was reasonably priced! Sunday, like I said was a good day!

The babe is healthy, happy and the doctor says doing great! She is 11 lbs 10 oz and 23 inches. The only disaster that took place was in the loading and unloading of L in and out of the car seat and dressing and undressing her. As we left the office she showed the whole waiting room how hearty and healthy her lungs really are- screaming so load I'm surprised you didn't hear her. The on lookers looked as between the three of us, we couldn't mange to get her coat on with out upsetting her. 3 adults, 1 baby and no soothing in sight. One of the on lookers couldn't stop laughing at us... with her 3 children. Yup, 3 kids and 1 adult and everything easy breezy. She was clearly amused by our inability.

In other news, our baby has a mullet. True story.

Peace Out MGH

You can see the completed album of L's stay at the NICU here. It chronicles her progress. It also illustrates why her father and I are so angry with her- when she's old enough to understand- why she is grounded for an eternity.

(c) 2007 all rights reserved. aka don't be a D and swipe any content, photos, etc - sucka. Should you be tempted, let me know so I can be flattered and then give me something write about.