Why I hate moving. Epilogue

Epilogue:

• After 2 or 3 (I honestly can't remember at this point) attempts, the water line to my beloved ice machine, works (however slowly). During the process of getting it fixed, the first time - when water was pouring all over my basement the following things happened:
• I called in 3x because the first time, I was dropped into a voice mail box I have no idea who it was. I left a weird message that went a little like, "Hi, my name is XYZ and I don't know who you are because of the terrible customer service representative I just spoke with. I live at ABC and this morning a water line was installed which is now spraying all over my basement. And when I say spraying, it sounds like a little sprinkle but there is a monsoon happening in my basement I can't get it to stop and someone needed to get here ASAP."  The second time, I was outraged and may or may not have been screaming like a lunatic and one point said something like, "SAVE your apologies. I don't want to hear SORRY, I want to hear that someone will get here because at the rate the water is coming down my entire inventory of storage will be ruined." To which the "customer service representative" said I could fill out a claims form, if that happened. TO which I said, "Are you f'ing kidding me?" And I didn't say "f'ing" and I promptly got hung up on. The third time I called in I was eerily calm, was put on hold and while on hold someone called me back - must have been from the first message I left. I'm not sure, I don't care. 
• Interesting fact? Sears never did survey me on my experience. Spoiler alert: terrible.
  
  
• The Internet was eventually fixed, after 3 or 4 attempts (I honestly can't remember at this point). I've had a decreased of solicitation calls, because I went cray cray and was provided a new number that they can't guarantee will stay off a radar, because I don't want to pay for a private number but it's better.  To say I was a crazy lady with them? Understatement.
• A "fun" exchange during my rampages phone calls to these "customer service representatives" (see also: TERRIBLE) included this gem. I was calling in to report that my Internet was indeed out, again. I explained for the who knows how many time all the back and forth, people coming out, waiting for days, etc. I explained that I had been a satisfied customer for long than I had been a customer receiving service and wanted to know the process for canceling at this point. I explained I worked from home and not having Internet is negatively impacting my day. While the over done apologies do nothing for me, I suppose I would prefer that over this person's response: "Well. Does your television work though?" My response? "I do NOT know. I don't get paid to watch TV, so right now I'm at my computer trying to do my JOB. Perhaps you'd like to try doing the same?"
  
• Disclaimer: Having worked in customer service I do my best to be the better part of some one's day. I am (usually) kind, understanding, sympathetic. I try to make a joke where I can. That said: provide terrible customer service? Step aside, shit is about to get real.
  
  
  
• I'm not quite sure how I avoided an aneurysm or ulcer based on U-verse and Sears. I suppose there is a point in the "win" column somewhere in there. Seriously, top 5 worst customer service.
  
  
• I got a mirror for the driveway, one that you can see on both sides to avoid crashing into the porch. My husband thought I was being silly for buying such a thing (such things are not cheap). I used it every day and it has saved my car from damage... until he recently backed into it and broke in a million pieces. Ah 7 years of bad luck, like that's what we need. I mention this, because I would just like to point out, for the record: while I notoriously have a terrible sense of depth and if anyone is going to swipe a car or back into something - you would have thought me. I'd like the record to show: the ball & chain has been the one, the ONLY ONE, playing bumper cars in the driveway. He makes fun of me for being all nervous about it, careful, slow, etc- but guess who hasn't cracked up anything in our driveway? This girl, right here.
  
  
  
• Eventually they found our overflow truck. It arrived the day that our flight was booked for a trip to the Northeast to attend a wedding. His suit and my dress (and shoes) were somewhere in one of the 30 boxes delivered. I found them. It was a Christmas Miracle. 

30 boxes in the overflow truck. 3 items needed to be found for flight in 3 hours.
The "best" & most successful game of "needle in a hay stack" ever played.

We've been here, at the time I'll (finally) publish this post for 3 months. We are getting settled, pictures are being put up, boxes are disappearing one by one. We're getting there. We have a few visitors planned. It's coming together. Don't tell the kid though, because she feels it too and I try to say I don't - but the truth is? I miss STL. I'm looking forward to when that wears out and things start to feel all wonderful here, but I don't know. 3 months in, I'm starting to think it won't happen. I don't hate it here, it's just not the same.  It's probably why I haven't had much to say here. I'm in this now not so secret hole of mourning, still. But I'm going to dust myself off and try to move past it, because we are here and it's time to start enjoying it and finding the love - and stop comparing it all to what we've lost. It sounds so dramatic, I know - but that's because it feels dramatic. Sigh. But hopefully? With the holidays (and I'm obviously talking about Halloween) coming up fast & furious it's just a matter of time where I will be smacking you over the head with cuteness. Because for real? It's what we do.

Why I hate moving. Part II

Week of September 19th – Move IN week

The after week one, there was another week of hell moving. Let's just start with day one, shall we? 

1. Ohio has readily available Dunkin Donuts. The Target I had put in the GPS I drove to doesn't exist. It started out, Ohio - 1, me - 1
2. Despite me asking "do the tvs need to be here" & getting the "no prob" the AT&T U-verse guy came to install, and cannot. Ohio - 2, me - 1
3. Then, when I thought the day couldn't get any worse (see no Internet until our TV arrived, and not TVs, because if you recall - that's in the overflow truck and who knew when that would come (see foreshadowing): a rabid deer almost successfully committed suicide using my car her weapon of choice. Ohio - 3, me - 1. Since not successful maybe me - 2?
   
   Now, that was Monday, what did the rest of the week look like? 

1. It was lovely that we had movers - but it's like when you are public speaking & you don't know what to do with your hands. There's nothing I can do until they were done. I couldn't sit on the couch, that seemed weird, so I've literally walked around in circles all day.
   
   
2. When I wasn't walking around in circles, I stuck my foot in my mouth. Like when I accidentally commented on how hot it is. While a mover was balancing 3 boxes on his back & I carried a coffee & my phone.
   
   
3. Now, remember, my week started with no Internet. Since the Internet couldn’t be set up, I spent my week driving back and forth to Starbucks to fulfill some work obligations. One night, until 10 pm.  Let's just say, the people of the 'bucks  really had my well being in their hands. They SAY they gave me decaf.... but really? Who is to say?
   
   Side note: when I wasn't at Starbucks, where I saw shady ass deals going on - who knew that loan sharks did business over a venti latte machio-whats they call it? I was at Panera. One afternoon, while waiting to get on a conference call, my "friendly" neighbor dropped F bombs like it was his J O B or he wanted me to lose mine. Luckily he left right before I needed to be unmuted.
   
   
4. I ended up needing to take the remainder of the work week off, due to not having internet. Lucky to have the ability to do so? Absolutely? Irritated that I have to? Ab.so.freaking.lutely. 
   
5. Note to self/ just because you see an old crusty dryer, one shouldn't assume you can slide your new one in. Gas vs. electric apparently it's a big difference. Who knew?
   
   
6. And then, and then, this happened.  This really is the pièce de résistance. It even beat the flat tire on the brand new car as we were leaving the home we love: They.lost.our.TRUCK.
   
   Commentary: Are you freaking kidding me? I'll see your lost luggage and raise you a lost moving truck of "overflow." WHO does that EVEN happen to?
   
   
7. What's worse than a stinky diaper? One packed away & discovered days later.
   
   
8. And yes, while it took 24 hours to realize it: we realized we didn't have hot water. We had to watch a YouTube video, cause we’ve never done this before. It’s how we do.
   
   
9. I was a hott mess for days, beyond the day I didn't know we didn't have hot water. One afternoon, as I walked into Walmart it occurs to me- if I showed up on the People of Walmart site I would t be shocked.
   
   
10. And then, the day Internet installation was happening (a week. it was painful), so was Kindergarten registration. To say I was emotional?  Understatement. Then, and of course, the Internet installation guy took so long it ran up against my appointment to register.  He was blocking me. Fist in the air.
    
    Commentary: You might say, just have him move his car. Nothing, if you haven't noticed is that easy because, you see, we live ON a highway so coming in or out of the driveway is a shit show. Fine, it's not a highway, but it's close. 
    
    
11. Then there was the time I had to return to Home Depot (not close) to exchange the keys they had made for me -  because of course, they didn't work.
    
    
12. Good news? I had to go back to Home Depot anyway, so it wasn't an extra trip to get food for our guests. Bad news? The guests were a colony of ants times a million.
    
    
13. Then, days later I remember I left my beloved necklace at the hotel we were just at.
    
    Commentary: it's just recently (5 weeks in the Cleve) that I finally got the official word that it's lost/gone/stolen/thrown out. SAD.
    
    
14. Annnnnd then, our Internet went down (& Tv/phone).... Until a technician can come out. That's as short lived as it comes. We then spent DAYS with and without Internet. Wasn't it adorable when the original installation man said a wireless connection to my work computer would have no issues? God.damn.liar.
    
    Commentary: And then to add to my AT&T U-verse hatred? Apparently you have to pay for a private phone number. Since that's crazy, I didn't sign up to pay for yet another thing (like Internet/cable/phone that don't work), I started to get 8-10 solicitation calls. A day. Good news? The calls meant the phone / Internet / cable was working. Bad news? solicitation calls? For the rest of the day I wasn't battling error messages. It.Was.NOT.Awesome. I did the math: I had been a customer for 3 days and issues with service for 1 week.
    
    
    
    
15. We came to this house without a refrigerator. Cause the thing we needed most was to go up and down to the basement every time we needed the fridge. Do you have any idea how often you need to get to the fridge with two kids?
    
    
16. If I told you that the water line they installed when they did finally deliver our fridge bust & won't shut off. Would you believe me?
    
    Commentary: Water.everywhere.
    
    
17. I've told my husband every day to be careful in the driveway. Every day he tells me to relax. Within one week he swiped the side of my car into the wall.
    
    Related: based on my yelling pretty sure my neighbors think I'm crazy. Can't say I blame them. 

And that's it. That's the "short" story of our long journey to the Cleve. Crazy town? Yes. Will likely be repeated in 1-3 years? Absolutely. Will I survive it? Most likely, no.

Why I hate moving. Part I

Edit to note: I understand this is way late. It's important to our story. It's a major chapter, and may explain why Ive been so busy. This is just one week. How could I not take weeks to recover?
Now that I’ve gone all rainbows, unicorns, and happiness – let’s get down to brass tax. For any “normal” person, moving sucks. For me? The laws of “Murphy’s Law” do not apply. It’s Murphy’s Law on steroids – and the ranging violent, aggressive behavior and mood swings of steroids. Wait, is there a plus side to steroids? I digress. Here’s a list of all the shit that went down over the course of the move (give or take a week. 7 days, people, with one exception).  If you follow me on twitter, this may all be a review, but due to character limits I now have the ability to provide my commentary.

It’s like a DVD extra disc extra, get excited.

Week of September 13th – Move week

1. Move, so we start it off right, by movers pushing UP pack day. Yeah, that's not inconvenient at all.
   
   Commentary: When we moved the first time, we lived in a house with ½ the square footage as the one we moved into in St. Louis. We had 2 days to pack, 2 days to load with 4 people each day. When we were told it would take 1 day to pack and 1 day to load, we questioned this and asked, specifically (side note: word of this whole post is SPECIFICALLY) “are you sure that’s enough (insert reasoning)” and was told “more people will come.” A day before we are scheduled to have the crew arrive, they look at the paperwork and realize that they need more time.
    
2. Tuesday I get a call that the kid fell at the playground and she is swelling, fast.
   
   Commentary: While nothing was “broken” I’m fairly sure it was severely sprained – if not in that moment of falling off the monkey bars, in the daily (if not multiple times a day) falls she executed on. She wiped out, seriously, at least once a day through out the rest of this post. I am not exaggerating. Fell on wet floors, dry floors, up stairs, down stairs, flat land, into walls and doors – it.was.CRAZY.TOWN.
   
   
3. The movers arrived, and while the last round of people MOVED fast, these people were light speed. Within 4 hours, they got 98% of the house done. The second day went just as fast. They told us, while originally the move in date was the following week (Monday - Friday), they now anticipate a Saturday (the day after they leave with our stuff) move in. That’d be great, if not for the fact that we were planning on arriving into Cleveland on SUNDAY (the day after they’d be there).
   
   
4. Wake up times began at 5 am. For over a week. Perhaps this is why I wake up grouchy. This does not include JJ's sleep "schedule." See NON-schedule.
   
   
5. My schedule was so jacked up, my check list of to dos so long, one night I called and ordered dinner. Cause it was on my to do list. Issue? It was only 4pm.
   
   
6. There is a part of cluster frames, Pinterest doesn't show you.
   
   
7. Our movers apparently didn’t noticed the one year old.
   
   Commentary: How do I know? Evidence. Everywhere. Including tiny little choking hazards as far as the eye COULD see. Including pest little one year olds.
   
   
8. Our cable box cords got packed.  So for a few days, sure I was annoyed that I'd be hit with fines.  Mostly that I had no DVR or OnDemand. It felt like camping.
   
   
9. The movers came, and in addition to not thinking they will make the Saturday estimate (relief felt for approximately 1 hour) - they realize their truck is not big enough. They are going to need a bigger boat truck.
   
   
10. In the rush to pack as much as they possibly could, the first casualty of the day came in the way of the tv in our au pair’s room (22 years old). One of the movers informed us of the broken television by letting us know, “I dropped your daughter’s tv.”
    
    Commentary: I look old enough to have a 22 year old. FML.
    
    
11. The overflow truck came and the entire time - they complained. 
    
    Commentary: They didn’t realize how much stuff we had (me, in my head: dude, I’ve heard this before - that’s why you are HERE).  They didn’t have the right equipment, blah blah blah.
    
    
12. Before they left - the driver had me sign for the overflow truck. I noticed, over his shoulder two televisions still remained on my floor. At that point? He tells me he can’t take the televisions and can’t I bring it with me. To say I lost my shit, is an understatement. Homeboy did NOT know what hit him - and the cursing I did made the crew blush. The televisions found their way onto the truck. Shocking.
     
13. I tried to fix one of the many walls we holed up, and made it worse. I had to run to Home Depot hours after we should have been done in the house to work it out.
    
    
14. That night, the ball & chain took the kids and I finished cleaning the house while I broke down. Sitting in an empty room, on the floor I ate chicken cutlet leftovers (like an animal). 


15. And just, when I'm about to break? My lovely neighbors brought me over a plate of food. And I proceeded to cry. And broke.
    
    



The meal that broke me.

16. That night, the baby got ice cream ALL OVER the only sweatshirt we have for days. No dish soap, but I feel like logistically putting it in the dishwasher could work. I did, kind of.
    
    
17. More than one person (seriously, like 3 or 4) said, "You're moving to Cleveland? That SUCKS!" We were with 2 small children present.
    
    
18. We left St. Louis and immediately got a flat tire. On my brand new car. If I didn’t take a picture, I feel like it didn’t happen. Or you wouldn’t believe me, I almost don’t believe me.
    
    
19. We got to our hotel, Sunday night and was told that it is over booked and we most likely wouldn’t have a room the following night.
    
    Commentary: We did, but still. The threat was there.
    
    
20. Due to the amount of clothes we could pack (in a car with 3 adults, 2 kids, and a dog) we had to laundry at the hotel NIGHTLY.
    
    Commentary: We planned on doing it once, but for reasons beyond my control we did it NIGHTLY. One night? Someone switched my laundry for me. At a hotel. Am I so jaded I think that's more weird than nice???
    
    
21. The first morning out of St. Louis, the kids slept until 8:15 am. That was great, until we realized we switched time zones and we hadn’t slept late at all.
    
    
22. During our Indianapolis to Cleveland run, there were rest stops at every exit. At one point, the kid said she had to go to the bathroom. It was pouring rain, and no rest stops - for 20 minutes. Let’s just say, that would be our unforeseen laundry catalyst. 

Seriously. That was one week. There was more. 

The good times, we had them.

Before I go down the dark & twisty road of all the things that couldn’t go right with our move, let’s go light & fun? Let's talk highlights. There were some.

Did I want to travel 1,196 miles in a collective 10 days, move 568 miles away from the house home we were just settling into? No. But we did and we did – and so it is. Along the way, we had some seriously good times.

1. Finale tour of play dates.
   There were a few, but one stands out. While it was painful at times, to hear my girl giggle with her little buddies, it was good to see her with the friends she has formed in St. Louis. I wish I could say they would be forever friends, but I know they will become but a memory of each other. I remember sitting in my office while my girl laughed, uncontrollably, with her best little buddy. Sure, I teared up like a sucka, moving is not for the weak, but my girl’s happiness is what I try will remember the most. Let’s not talk about when she left her best buds house, for the last time. She ran back to give her one last hug and I promptly melted as my heart broke. Wait. Positive times, right. Right. Positive.
   
   
2. Cardinal’s game
   For real, is there anything better than American's favorite past time? And I don't mean watching reality television. The kid loved it, and not just because she got to eat popcorn for dinner.
3. The Lion King Run.
   Do not walk, run & bring your a kid to a live show. It was breathtaking. I took the kid to her first live performance and to say it was amazing, is an understatement.
4. A last hurrah at the St. Louis Zoo
   For years whenever we would go to the zoo... ok fine - we only experienced it for one year - cause, hello. We only lived there one year. Anywaaaay... whenever we go we always get side tracked due to construction. They have been building a sea lion exhibit. Apparently it was going to be amazing. Guess what? It was. An intense tube you walk through while sea lions swim all around you. It's a do not miss, and we didn't miss it. We went to the St. Louis Zoo one last time.
   
5. While boxes everywhere are mayhem, they supply an endless canvas.
   
6. Hotel living.
   This supplies the kid with happiness, pools for night swimming, and a place to meet back at after a day of adventures. 
7. Indianapolis Zoo.
   A fun half time show. We stopped half way in-between the home we were leaving and the one we were going to. While driving 10-12 hours straight might sound like fun to most, we figured a break in the middle would be good for all.
   
8. Did you know that The Christmas Story movie filmed in Cleveland? They did, the house is still here, and they offer tours. We are going.
9. Yes, not having a TV or Internet for over a week hurt my addicted heart. We had good times. We got puppet shows and family games. Holler.
   
10. More on this later, but moving here, means Kindergarten for her.

NumbErs - the E is for exhausted

How do I begin to tell you where we've been and what we've been up to? I'm big on numbers, so lets let the statistics speak for itself.

• The time from when we found out the move was happening to physically being in Cleveland: 37 days. 
• This includes a weekend trip visiting the Cleve (for the 1st time, one trip driving "straight" for 12 hours): 4 days.
• The work weeks (within those 37 days = 5 weeks+) the ball & chain was working in Cleveland: 2 weeks.
• The days (within those 37 days) I was away for work in Boston: 4 days - including my baby's birthday, the first time I was ever away from her.
• If you are following the math, of the 37 days, at least one of us were not home for a collective: 20 days.
• The amount of time the movers aggravated me, 17 days - and counting.
• The weekend we moved, we drove in a car with: 3 adults, 1 dog and 2 children. 
• We traveled 585 miles in 2 days, across 4 states.
• The number of gigantic (like more than 4 stories) crosses we passed: 2. 
• We had 2 moving trucks, 1 that was lost for a few days. DAYS.
• 10 days after we moved, we traveled to the Northeast for 6 days. 
• During those 6 days, we drove 611 miles, across 4 states (never mind flying 400+ miles each way).
• Patience and understanding levels are at a solid: 0.

More, later.

Life imitating art

Last week we met with a bunch of L's little friends.  I searched through my history - apparently I didn't write about this, but when we moved here, we wanted to make her 4th birthday special. We had always had family birthday parties - our friends & family would join together and celebrate our little girl. Here, in the STL - we didn't have many friends (2 1/2, generously) and no family - so we wanted to throw her a special party and invite all of her new friends, in class. We rented out a space and hosted a wonderful craft party. She chose "Under the Sea" theme and they made mermaids out of clothes pins, scratch art fish, and a bunch of other crap art. They all loved it. And in a weird twist, we (the new kids) introduced these kids (and their parents) to this little shop, the Craft Caboose.

Fast forward, every few months over the course of the last year, a few moms would get together. We would bring the kids to a craft class and for an hour we would have coffee & chat.  L loved this special time. For our bucket list of STL - one of the first things she wanted to do was go to the Caboose. I emailed the moms and we got the kids together. While, I didn't start with "this is our finale tour you will never see us again" in the back and forth I mentioned we were moving. 

While we were leaving the 'Boose, one of her buddies came up to her to say goodbye & this happened.

"L. I think I won't see you again, because you are moving. I'm really going to miss you. I'm really sad."

And then something about being a really good friend, the details are blurry because I melted into mush. Instantly. And then they hugged. (Side note: seriously, is it just me or can you see L holding on for dear life?)

We got in the car, and it started.

"I don't want to move."
"I love it here."
"I love my friends."
"I'm gonna miss St. Louis."
"I'm going to miss my friends."

I told her, I know. And I love it here, too. I'll miss her friends - our friends - our house - I understand. But we'll have a good time - it will be exciting! A new adventure!!! Remember what it was like last time? We felt the same feelings, and look at how much we love St. Louis and our new friends? It will all work out.

Her response?

"I know, Mommy - but I can miss my friends, too."

------

We had movie night. When it's move time, we eat pasta as much as possible and watch movies during the week. Basically, it's my survival. We watched Monsters, Inc. If you don't know the movie - it's hard to explain without really losing you on reality. Essentially monsters, in Monster World, need to gather screams from children to have power (get it? monster in the closet). It turns out, while they scare kids to gain power (electricity - not world domination) - they are really terrified of children. It's the strongest of the strong who lead the monster world. The main character, Sully (big blue guy), is the lead scarer and one day he comes upon a little girl (she slips through her closet door - the gateway to our world). Sully names her "Boo." Hilarious adventures ensue - fast forward, bad guy, good prevails and the energy crises is saved by finding out that laughter actually produces more energy than screams. After the victory Boo's closet door has to be destroyed, as she's "seen too much." This means Sully (Boo calls him, Kitty) can never see his little girl, ever again. It's sad.



In the end, Sully's buddy (Mike) puts together Boo's closet door so he can visit Boo again. And this happens.

Disclaimer: the only stupid clip I can find is one where some guy is crying in the background. But basically this is the scene where Sully's best friend, Mike (green guy) makes sure Sully can see Boo again. If nothing else, you need to see the end of the scene. Where Sully smiles.


As the credits roll, L immediately looks up at me and asks, "Why is he smiling like that?"

I explain, Sully is happy to see Boo - he missed her very much.

Almost immediately, she breaks open. Tears, sobbing, broken heart spilling all over our couch.

I ask her, "What are you feeling? What's going on, kid?"

She responds, "I don't know. He's just. Just, so cute."

But she doesn't need to explain. Her heart hurts, and there are no God damn closet doors she can walk through to see her friends - ever again. She will miss them, hard. And eventually it will fade and they will barely know the other existed - but right now? Right now, it's all she knows.

To be filed under: No. That's not weird, at all.

The Friday we found out we were moving, we told family, a few friends, and emailed our landlords. 

Priorities.

One of my biggest worries was we wouldn't be able to find someone to pick up the balance of our lease agreement. Maybe I haven't mentioned, we didn't expect to move this soon. In our heart, and in our contracts. Even though it's only been a year and change, I forgot. It's freaking hard to find a place to live around here.

Long story short: I posted on Craigslist - and the phone lines started to blow up.  I only made two appointments, and it was painful. Sure, I got to practice the skills that I have honed in on based on years of overdoing HGTV - but it was heartbreaking. I may or may not have stated, "There are beautiful built ins, a working fireplace, and the light fixtures stay." File that under, duh. But they are lovely and I wanted to confirm.

The body wasn't even cold yet, and we were passing her (the house) off to the first to respond. It was heart wrenching, and as excited I was to meet possible young families who might be residing in our (current) abode - I kept comparing us to them. Would the neighbors like them more? Probably. Would they appreciate the porch the way we do? Probably, not. Would they love the arches in each room? Who knows. Would they hang ceramic animal heads in the dining room? No. They will not, and they will certainly regret that.

Then I realized something, very important: it's not important. Also? Some of the people are weird, even if the neighbors like them better, they don't appreciate the house the way we do, or have the same decorating (superior) style. This interaction happened, and has (slightly) made me feel better about the whole thing. 

In the midst of my poor man's interpretation of House Hunters was introducing the kids and the au pair.

"Does she come with the house, too?"

I laughed.

Then I quickly realized? He wasn't kidding.

You know what. As jealous as I am, and as protective as I seem to be over this house? These people be cray. Their weirdness? Makes me (somewhat) less jealous. But let's be real: it just makes it easier to judge - because I'm petty and lashing out.

Welcome Home, Family. Welcome Home.

And then there was the end.

As one would imagine (or you might have suspected) we do have a home to call our own. OH but it wasn't easy.

Where do you start? How do you solve a problem like moving? I guess I should start from the beginning. (Side note: As I re-read this and spruce it up for (finally) posting this it feels like this happened in another life, not 3 weeks ago. DAMN. This all happened 3 weeks ago?! DAMN.  The following was (mostly) written on our plane ride home... our new home in the STL.)

The only way to move, is to be moved. Having people come in, pack you up and move your stuff is as amazing as it sounds.  I thought it would be stressful, but for real. The. Only. Way. To. Move. (Side note: I've started writing in one word sentences. Get. Ready.) When the driver (of the mack truck, I neglected to take a picture of) showed up, he said he'd be to the STL by Sunday.  Little "thing" about that fact; our flight isn't booked until Tuesday. At first I scrambled, saw about having a friend meet our stuff or one of us changing our flight, but then I realized. HEY. Wait a minute. While I appreciate the fact that this guy hasn't seen his family in weeks; we were moving away from our friends & family for 2 years. Why did we need to reshuffle our lives? I'm thinking when he got into the truck driving business he knew about the travel.

Other than that, even with the husband gone, it was fine. He came home, as scheduled, on Thursday night and did a kick arse job cleaning up.  With his hustle, we were quickly on our way on a 4 day trek across the Northeast.  Our tour was a final "goodbye" to the last of our friends & family that we didn't see over the course of the last few weeks.

Truth: next time we are just going to get on a plane and go - the days of road warriors, not sleeping in our own bed and trekking from home to home is not a good idea. It's the opposite of a good idea. Now? As I write this - on a plane on our way to the STL? It was nice to see as many people as we were able to see.  That said I'm freaking exhausted and frankly I was a crappy guest from house to house, party to party. Whoops. Guess why? I was freaking exhausted. Vicious cycle. Maybe now that it's over, I get that it was a good idea. Maybe. Maybe it's the fact that the ridiculousness of the last few days has already softened a little bit. Maybe.

UPDATE: 3 weeks later? Nope, still exhausted, that was a crazy ass idea. Next time we'll say come on over if you want and leave it at that. Here's how the few days before we moved went.

Friday, we went to the kid's school for her last day. They threw her a goodbye celebration, post lunch snack.  We came and brought ice cream cups to celebrate her last day.  The kids got ice cream and I got a punch to the gut.  The kids put together a scrap book of L and her time at school.  I cried within 2 minutes, husband dearest says 1 minute. I say, I'm busy making a human over here - sorry I couldn't time it.

Sweetest. Present. Ever. 

I don't know that I can thank the parents & teachers adequately for capturing the years she spent there in a little scrap book.  It's always going to mean something special to us because that school is where she became a little girl. She went in a baby, barely speaking, and has come out a curious, smart, funny, precocious little girl.  In addition to an awesome scrap book, the teachers made her a tie dye shirt with everyone's hand print and name.  Lastly, a troll.  The story of the troll, goes a little like this:

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who went to a magical school with creative teachers that would use innocent relics from the 80s like a troll to entertain all the little children.  One child in particular, Princess L, was especially enamored by the troll.  When he would show up in her lunch box, cubby or in the class unexpected it always made her scream & giggle in delight. On days the troll would find its way to her, she would come home more excited than she could contain.

The troll was magical, indeed. Her teachers asked her to take the troll with her to St. Louis, and the Princess was happy to. Her parents were excited to offer up pictures of the trolls adventures as well. L is excited to keep in touch with her class, they will be pen pals for the rest of the school year.  We thought it would be fun to maybe take the troll to the Arch or along on our adventures. It's only been a few days, and I'm thinking Hartford (the troll is now named after his hometown - best we can tell - other than the Made in China tattoo on the bottom of his foot) is going to be a permanent fixture in our everyday.

After presents, we left L at school to nap (she didn't - shock) but she had a better chance at school than she did at the house with no bed. We picked her up (and of course) cried (me, not the kid).  Why did I cry? We were greeted by one of the aids at L's school - she doesn't spend a regular amount of time with our child.  She approached us with tears in her eyes, sincerely, and said, "I just want to thank you for sharing your gift with us. She is a special person."  We said our goodbyes, continued with the tears (behind my sunglasses) and set off for our first stop in our tour: Liza's house.

The kids had an amazing time, despite having to give at least one 'talking to' per child in the 15 hours we were there. They are going to miss each other, as much as their parents will. Shock, I cried. But we did a good job, still, to keep the drama shielded from the kid.  Me more so than Liza.  Sorry girl - you screaming "Isn't this TERRIBLE?!" isn't shielding. I will say, in front of L we talked about how cool our adventure is, as we have been doing for weeks. I'm sure she felt something, but at this point it didn't seem to show for her.

Next stop? Nana Lu's. We headed over to my Aunt Mary Lou's who hosted a BBQ. All was fine & good until the word watermelon came up. True story detour here.  A few short hours later, we were off to Laguardia Airport (which is 30-40 minutes away from where we were) to pick up a rental car.  We had 2 more "glorious" days of our road show and needed a car that went in both directions to complete the mission. We had to go 30-40 minutes away because it was a holiday weekend and it was the closest place open. When we get there? They didn't have our reservation and on the way home, I get lost (surprise). Aren't you exhausted? I was exhausted.

The next day we took a few hours to visit friends we hadn't seen in foreva and while it was excellent to see them - it was sweat your ass off hott and I was F this cranky. Between not sleeping for DAYS, it being one thousand degrees, pregnant, about to move half way across the country and ETC, I was D.O.N.E. The kid had an out of this world time and we did get to spend time with a ton of great friends that I always love seeing and always wish we lived to closer to.  There were wins everywhere - but the weekend is waring on us.  Most certainly me and even the kid. I can tell, at this point, she's starting to feel it all.

We were in the husband's home town now and got to spend some quality time with the family there.  Grammy & Papa time galore, cousin fun, aunts & uncles - all good things. The day after the visit with friends was a lovely day filled with swimming, barbecuing and laughs. Then it was time to leave and say goodbye. I did NOT see this coming.

We go to leave and it's like a scene worthy of a makeover show. People are crying, huddled over, there are tears, fears and DRA-MA.  I half expected someone to fall over in tears, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition style. We were soldiers who have enlisted and are now going off to war. That kind of scene. Like end of days, the world is over, we will never meet again. Grammy & Papa are upset. Aunts & uncles are upset. I'm upset. The husband is upset. And the kid is SO upset... why? Because Dad's upset and as he opens the car door to get the kid in, he smacks her in the face with a steel car door.

Everyone. Is. Crying.

This is NOT the 'let's keep it low key for the kid' kind of goodbye I saw coming. And now, we've physically harmed our own child in the escape process. We head to my mother's house (again) to pick up our damn dog (and get a bite of watermelon, if I'm being honest) and say our goodbyes there. I anticipate she is going to LOOSE HER MIND. Since we just left our departure fit for a warrior (or someone on death row) ... I didn't know how the next hour would go. 

Good news? Nana Lu pulled it together. There was a tear or two, but nothing major. My brother was there, to keep the mood lite as he played "Hero" by Nickleback as we drove off. Bad news? We were not even CLOSE to being in St. Louis yet. We still had to get to a hotel, near the airport. It was estimated to take 45 minutes to get there. It took us close to 3 hours because we kept getting lost (no, I was not driving). At one point my OWN husband told me to, and I quote, "OK, stop talking. No talking, until we get there."  We eventually got there. The stupidity really didn't stop yet, but I'll break it down fast:

• We unpacked our completely packed vehicle. 
• Got the kid to take a bath, get ready for bed & ordered dinner.  
• Dinner never came, despite several calls to follow up. 
• We canceled the order, got chips for dinner and at 11:45 pm dinner showed up.
• No one could sleep. Not the adults. Not the kid. Not the dog. 
• We didn't fall asleep until at least 1 am. 
• The alarm went off at 4 am. 
• We put our dog on a flight. I cried. 
• We saw one of L's teachers (from school) at the airport. I nearly cried. 
• We got on the plane & L was the best passenger on the flight, other than Hartford (her troll). 
• We never received a call from our move's truck driver but when we land, I get an angry message from him. He was angry he's been there since 7 am (CST) and it's now 9:30 am (CST). I'm angry he's angry. No. One. Called. Us. To. Confirm. 
• We get moved in and are home. Home sweet home.

Epilogue

Crashing Napping on the couch the day we moved.
Wearing the same thing today, by the time you read
this one of us are doing the same thing.

Three weeks deep and I can say, we love it. The air is different (when it isn't forming wind tunnels of tornado death) - everything smells different, tastes different, it's different. Even Abelle is different (she survived the flight).  She fell a year ago, and if you didn't read then and want to now, here's the story. The long and short of it is: she fell, we were told to put her down or invest in a 10K surgery and post-op therapy.  We chose neither and she started to heal as much as she would.  A year later she is almost back to normal but still has a bit of a limp and a bit slower than she was a year ago.  She's happy, not in pain (as far as we know) and alive - so it's a win. Here's the thing about Abelle, post flight: she doesn't limp. I thought, at first, it was just the adrenaline from the flight. 3 weeks later, I think STL agrees with her. She loves the space we have (Ditto: our house is 2x the size of our last apartment), she loves our fenced in yard (Ditto: we have spent more time in it over the last 3 weeks than we did in the last yard we had for 2 years) and she likes the central AC (how wouldn't).  We miss a lot about the Northeast, and where we lived, but by in large, change is good. It was needed and it's suiting us well. I think we're going to like it her. We're just EXHAUSTED.

Her Time

I carried a watermelon.

The following is a true story that took place in the few days we had in between packing for our move and physically getting on a plane. As I put it all together, this little gem stands on it's own... 

The scene: a BBQ at my aunt's house on my mom's side of the family.

Nona (my grandmother): "Ah! We forgota the watermelony." (In a strong Italian accent)

Nana Lu (my mom): "Oh that's OK. Another day."

Nona: "Do you want watermelon?" (to me)

Me: "No, I'm fine."

Nona: "Something in Italian."

Me: "Do you want me to want watermelon?"

Nona: "No, do you wanta a watermelon?"
Me: "I can want watermelon, if you want."
Nona: "You do?"
Me: "Sure, I want watermelon. Do you want me to go and get it?"
Nona: "NOOOOO. Is 15 lbs." 
Me: "OK."
Nona: "But you wanta a watermelon?"
Me: "There is no way the watermelon is 15 pounds. Is that even possible? I'll go get it and bring mom."

It's maybe a 10 minute walk tops- from my aunt's house to my grandmother's house.  If there really was a 15 lb watermelon in our future I wasn't going to schlep all that in the heat; or if it were cold, if I'm being honest.  All I wanted to do was get this damn watermelon so my grandmother would stop talking about watermelons and so that I could come back and say "I carried a watermelon" and likely be the only one in the room to get it. 

My mom & I get in the car (which is parked in a driveway, facing down - toward my aunt's car) and for some reason I feel uneasy. I feel like I can't go in reverse. Truly. Everyone starts laughing at me (fine 1 cousin and my mother - but to be fair, that was everyone who could see me). I got the ball & chain and asked him to get us out of the downward dog facing parking spot we were in. He laughed, threw the car in reverse and crashed INTO my aunt's car which was parked in FRONT of us. The car wouldn't go in reverse, for real.  My uncle & husband tried to PUSH the car up a 45 degree angle - but since they don't have super human powers we went with waiting for AAA.  

As we wait, I crack watermelon jokes. Dessert is served? I say, "You know what would be great right now? Watermelon." Someone says, "Do you want anything to drink?" I say, "Nah, but I sure do wish I could have some watermelon." My grandmother asks if I want a brownie, I respond with, "No. I just can't stop thinking about that watermelon!" I find this hilarious. My grandmother? Not so much would be an understatement. She's all in an (Italian) huff about something that I don't really understand and since it isn't all that strange for her to be in any language of huff - I keep cracking watermelon jokes. One might think it's obvious that my jokes are what is making her cranky, but if one might think that one might never have spent any amount of time with Nona. It could have been anything. 

Unfortunately (and of COURSE) AAA sent a SUV instead of a tow truck as requested - so this leaves more time for me to make watermelon jokes. The ball and chain starts to realize that Nona's crankiness is escalating and since it was his car that was trapping us all there decides to walk to my mom's and get her car and provide an exit strategy.  Eventually, the tow truck comes, and though the angry mechanic (who didn't think I could drive the car - and should we 'get a man' to come) thought the car was totally broken - it turns out HE was wrong and I was in fact right - it was just reverse. 

The. Car. Stopped. Being. Able. To. Go. In. Reverse.  

As soon as we get the car going forward, out marches my grandmother, asking if we are going to go to her house to get the watermelon. Cause when you have a car that only goes straight, your first priority is to get your watermelon on.  I tell her no, cut her off about the damn watermelon and tell her I was joking and really don't want watermelon. In a frustrated pregnant haze I may have yelled to my younger cousins something to the effect of - don't try to be funny, no one in this family will ever get you or humor. 

I don't know that I convinced her - but off we went. Me in the car that would just go straight with the kid and husband and she with my mom who now had her car as well.  They drove off and I'm fairly certain they were still talking about the god damn watermelon. (Side note: this is going somewhere, I promise.) 

As we get back to my moms - which is where we were staying that night since we couldn't go in reverse to park, we had to circle the block and drive past my grandmothers (they live next door-ish to one another - we call it the compound).  There they were. My mother in the car, my grandmother in the drive way - screaming at one another about ... you guessed it the freaking watermelon. I hopped OUT of the car, yelled for them to stop and said - something to the effect of - open the damn door and give me the god damn watermelon you crazy bats. And then - that's when I saw it. The biggest watermelon I have ever seen. This thing was fair win worthy. 

(troll used for scale)

And so, I came home - carrying a watermelon.

Now why? In the delicious summer fruit's name was my grandmother SO obsessed with this freaking thing? It turns out, that there is a superstition that when a pregnant woman is craving something she must have that thing she craves or the baby she is carrying will have a birthmark the shape of the food she is craving in the place the mother touched her skin after saying whatever it is she craved.

So there I am, with all this talk about watermelons, thinking I am HILARIOUS touching my face, arm, hands, neck - my grandmother is seriously concerned my child is going to come out with watermelon shaped birthmarks around his or her body if not completely covered in them. Legitimately worried about this. What's a girl to do? 

Eat that delicious watermelon and eat it I did. I cut it up (as directed) for her, my aunt and us - and delivered the HUGE ass third of deliciousness to all. I carried a watermelon to each door and with each delivery my opening line was, "I carried a watermelon." And for that moment of our week, all was right with the world. 

More on our moving story - in it's completion tomorrow.

Not an update from the Saved

I'm just realizing I last wrote almost a month ago, about the rapture... and maybe you thought I did, in fact, end up getting sucked up and saved as a host of crazy ass things happen. Not the case. 

I'm alive & well - as is everyone living in our new diggs making the trek from the Northeast to the Midwest / South (ps... is Missouri the South OR the Midwest? Discuss & let me know what you come up with). 

Covered in boxes, with no end in sight to the unpacking process but I'm told this too shall end at some point. It's not that we need help unpacking, it's that I need to get my act together to figure out WHERE I want to put things. But oh, there were things like figuring out childcare (done), activities for the kid (done), setting up our home office so we can get back to work (done), having fun with the kid (done & in progress), and exploring our new neighborhood, city & state (in progress). We're having fun though and doing what is most important - laughing (a lot) and spending more time together than we have in what feels like forever. 

More on our journey here, our adventures now that we are here and more! Just wanted to say, thanks for sticking around (if you are) and if not - come back soon. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled mayhem reporting shortly.

How do YOU feel worse for?

THE SCENE

The move dates are set.  A Wednesday coming soon to a calendar week near us a team will come to pack up our stuff. It sounds glorious to have someone do all the dirty work for you. In reality, it's incredibly frustrating because there is nothing I (or anyone) can do to help the process along or make headway.  On a Thursday they take the boxes out and leave us with only our beds.  Friday they pick up the beds in the morning and poof. We are done.  There will be some minor clean up on aisle Connecticut.  Good news? This house is uber small and we have learned from previous mistakes.  If I could clean & wrap up things with our last place; this time with a professional moving crew coming with 3 days to get it done?  Dreamy.  You know if I am optimistic about a situation, it really can't be that bad.  The ball & chain will not be around for the bulk of all of this; but he will be there on Friday so we're in business.  In fact, we're planning on a movie lunch date and I will be using my Valentine's gift which included a maternity massage (holla) on Friday.

Since the move is initiated by the ball & chain's company the moving process is not only taken care of, but the moving company has to take care of everything.  If we get in the way or pack anything we loose our insurance on the move.  Basically, if we get in the way, we trip up the process.  We (I) have to stay out of the way.  I can (and will) be making sure they are labeling the boxes right and not just throwing stuff in the boxes haphazardly, but other than that - hands off.  There will be a lot to laugh at, I'm sure - but who do you feel worse for?

THE CONTESTANTS

Image from At a Glance
Graphics store on Etsy

My sanity: Everyone around us - friends, family, even L's friend's parents want to help.  It sounds like an easy request, but there is nothing that needs to or can be done. The only thing that needs help? My sanity and patience. I just want this to be over, be there and get settled.  The countdown is worse than the move, I tell you what. 

Everyday one of us fields a call or email to see what can be done to help.  I know each "How can I help?" comes from a good place and we appreciate being as loved as we are, but for real: nothing can be done but wait.  Why wouldn't we take people up on their offers? I wish we had something for someone to do.  Scratch that, I wish I had something to do!  All we can do is wait.

L: Poor kid. On a Wednesday she will leave for school and have a 'normal' house.  She will go about her day, having fun at what she doesn't really understand will be her last day at school, ever (ok fine, not ever ever, but this school - ever).  She will come home and EVERYTHING will be a box.  The next day she will leave her house, full of boxes, and return to empty rooms with the exception of our beds.  Side note: what in the what are we going to do that night? Bananas.

The kid is going to stay in school until the Friday of move week.  The most important reason is we want her to have consistency (while she can).  Everyone has offered to take her, come and hang out with her, set up play dates, and more.  The crazy train is about to crash into our little girl's life.  We'd like to delay the arrival for as long as possible.  The solution? Finish out a week at school.  Bonus? It will keep her occupied and me free to work with the packing crew.  Which brings me to the final contestant in the 2011 addition of "Who is Doomed?" contest.

The crew: We can't do much to prepare but I can keep the packers (packing team not football team) from throwing random things in boxes and keeping everything well organized up to my OCD ways.  They are going to love me. And through it all? No safety net (for the packing team).  The ball & chain is traveling.  When he is around, he balances my crazy.  Alas the moving crew has to deal with me (and pregnant me) all alone.  My husband keeps saying he feels SO bad (for me) that I have to do it all alone.  Do what? Personally I am concerned about the strangers that are going to do all of the work AND have to deal with me!

Who do YOU feel worse for?