Sunday, December 30, 2007

What Is Your Commentary?

Maybe it's just us- but after any given family gathering we get back in the car (since we have hours to kill, because we travel everywhere) and comment on what has happened, what our thoughts are, gossip and give grades. Grades are based on many different things. There are many things that I now can't comment on publicly because who knows who has this address, but there are somethings no matter who is reading it I have to comment on. Like the holidays.

Did you know I absolutely hate traveling to NY and would like to avoid it at all costs? If not, you haven't been paying attention. This time last year, I swore that we would spend Christmas in Boston. Because I have come down with a case of amnesia, we made the trek. I am now committing it to writing, next year, we are staying in Boston. I even set an outlook reminder outlining the reasons we will not be coming back to NY this time next year. Shouldn't Santi visit L at her house? And shouldn't she have her mother with full mental capacity as long as possible? It already seems likely to be touch and go as it is.

We love the family, we love seeing everyone (even those I don't love seeing, I enjoy on some levels) but the commute is a biotch and if you didn't know we haven't so much as seen half of our relatives in the far far away land of Boston, MA. So to this I say, no more.

Our families could not be more different. At one it's eat eat drink drink, more more more, go go go go, hurry hurry hurry, drink drink, eat eat, go go go. At the others- it's slow as all get out, you go gonna eat that? Did you quit drinking, forever? Slow and silent times or loud and unnecessary screaming. Between the two families it's a bit of a schamozel, an identity crisis of sorts- and we leave feeling a bit bipolar. One thing they do have in common is the d-rah-ma and where there is none we find some, because a commentary is nothing with out a little drama.

Minus my grandmother's attack, we'd give the holiday week a solid B+. You're surprised by the high grade (if you are my family), I'm sure. But it's true, even with the drama and driving. In re: to my grandmother's attack, if you don't know her- you're saying to yourself "oh no, I hope she is okay." Keep your good thoughts for another occasion. The attack was unprovoked and unjust. The victim fell fast and furious. My grandmother walked away unscathed, as she was the attacker, as per usual.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Mr. Miyagi Gets Schooled

Several years ago, C got me a gift certificate for Frederic Fekkai salon which is a fabu salon in NYC. Upon doing some research it seems that this fine place is where the stars go. I of course saw no stars, unless botox is famous. There was a expressionless army of woman and they frightened me.

I felt so fabulous, in the beginning. I had a facial in a room that overlooked 5th avenue, a mani and pedicure- where I watched episodes of Sex & the City and then it was off for my long awaited and highly anticipated hair cut.

I had to change into a robe that tied in the front, and by this point, I'm a little nervous that I'm going to hit any given servant asking if I'd like a beverage in the face with milk. I need to pump (yes I had to bring my pump into NYC, luckily it looks like a completely unfashionable backpack), my pants are kind of falling down because they need a good wash and dry and I have on disposable shoes from the pedi and I may take a digger at anytime. I look like a hott mess, surrounded by the most overpriced woman in NY. My holey, rain soaked, 6 year old sneakers I was carrying around with me was not quite the Manolo Blahniks that people around me had.

My nail woman brought me to meet my hair guy. He was kind of mute. Did a lot of poking and shaking of my hair. He blew onto his hands before touching my hair, somewhat in a meditating fashion - he reminded me of Mr. Miyagi with his wax on wax off. He was very expressive with his hands, with out saying much at all and there was a lot of hugging. He asked me to explain what I wanted, and I told him- what I've told a million hair stylists all over the country- in every podunk hair salon coast to coast- "short in the back, chunky- with lots of piece, kind of messy and funky, fun- not straight across in the back."

Could I have explained it more? Sure. Did I know this was my only opportunity to explain what I wanted before we assaulted me with a pair of scissors? No.

LONG STORY SHORT, I'll give you the highlights.
  • He made me stand for most of my hair cut.
  • He walked up to me grabbed the front of my hair, pulled it down and cut bangs on a diagonal.
  • Bangs.
  • He gave me the Rachel circa 1997.
  • While my internal monologue was "Don't let him do this. Why aren't you saying anything? Speak up woman!" I said nothing, until the very end because I was going to trust the idiot.
  • Upon telling said idiot that I was going to trust him, he replied with "You have no choice."
  • After the metamorphosis was complete, I demanded a recount- I wanted him to fix the mess he had made and while he instead chose to show me the movement in my hair - he would not fix it the way I wanted it because "the short is not good for you." Something, that I explained, would have been best to know before I sat down in his godforsaken chair.

I left to get my stupid make up done, like he told me to. He told me to come back after if I really didn't like it. So after I got my make up done, I went to the front desk and explained for the 15th time that I didn't like my hair and that i was looking for, short and choppy in the back was translated to a feathered mullet and I wanted it fixed before I left. I fought and did not cry. I had to come back in a half hour, and wait another hour and half to be done. I entered this hell hole at 11:30 am and didn't leave until after 6pm. But I left with the party piece of the mullet cut off. It is not how I wanted it, I have what looks to be almost grown out bangs, and my hair does not fit back in a pony tail, but luckily for the Miyagi, I have great hair and I'll make it work for now. It's just not the fab haircut I have been waiting for, since the summer. As he finished the second haircut on me, before I left he did make me laugh and break the verge of tears I was fighting since we met. He shook his head confidently and said, "You know what? You were right. This is much better."

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Smells like the Holidays!!

Season's Greetings! Wishing you and your family the very best this holiday season.

The Gs

November Photos

Here are the photos from L's 2nd month, 1st month home. Now that I can release December photos, I need to file back. There are over 100 pics below, only the obsessed may want to hang out and see the below.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas at Your House and Mine

*for those not in the YouTube fold, this is not me or anyone I know. If you close your eyes and listen though it's everyone I know and you know too.

Friday, December 21, 2007

On the Road Again

After a long hiatus of our hellacious commute to NY the Guarros of MA are hitting the road. In her first ever trek, L will be coming to a home near you (if you live in the NY). After I swore I would not take the trip until there were 2 logged visits from all, and the first to see the baby did not count.... we are going to NY for the holidays. This is with most not taking that first trip to meet L (yup, I'm talking about you) we are going back on all we said. To be fair, the first month was obviously not a month we wanted visitors, despite how many wanted to. To be honest, there have been 2 more months since then. We have had many of our friends come to visit (not just those that live in MA, either- representatives from NY, CT, GA, TN, NC, IL now Switzerland). Other countries, people. And what about you? Upon doing some math and only counting adults we have only had 30% of our immediate family have come to visit. If I include the children... 20%.

These are not good numbers.

Bitter? Maybe. Mostly, just stressed at the thought of having to take that drive, once again. OH how I have not missed the drive, the traffic, the rest stops... now we get to add feeding, changing and crying to that. It just takes bad to worse. And in the last few days we can add sloppy weather to the equation. Let's not even think about the packing puzzle ahead.

We ride soon. We'll leave at night, like the Von Traps- but unlike the musical crew going over the mountain with a simple bag over their shoulder- we'll be packing that Impala like a mule and get in as much crap as possible. Hopefully we can fit everyone and everything. It sure would be a shame if we had to leave the baby at home. Oh well, that's what everyone gets for never coming to the outer banks of that far far away land of MA.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Christmas Tree UPDATE

The tree has been dressed- it turns out any tree with 500 lights is a fabulous tree. Happy Holidays!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Next year, when she knows what is going on, I'm going to go nuts- I'm sure. But right now, since she's only now learned how to grab a rattle- L isn't going to get much from dear ol' Saint Nick.

We want to get her a little something, so that she'll have this little something as the first present from her parents her first Christmas. I figure, we gave her life, isn't that the very best gift of all?? I'm sure most of our family will blatantly ignore our request for not going crazy- I do hope they listen to us. (shameless plug to follow)

Take into consideration the fact that despite numerous threats to never come to NY again, we are traveling to and from Boston, MA. With the babe, the dog and the monstrosity of a wonderful but not compact stroller... never mind my little problem of constantly over packing... there is no more room at the Inn. Plus we have to take home our Christmas decorations so that we don't have a Hanukkah bush, nakey Christmas Tree next year... we have a full house. Santa Claus has a sled, we have an Impala. While C boasts, it fits three dead bodies in the trunk, it will quickly fill up with our crap PRE holiday. Don't go crazy, she doesn't even get it yet. And if you do decide to ignore our request, please provide gift receipts, huh. You kids all have the same taste and the last thing we need are multiple repeat outfits.

Back to our girl's new talents... while she did just learn how to grab at things, she hasn't yet learned how to steer her hand, which provides a lot of entertainment to me but just frustrates her to no end. So, she has the bink'er dink (as we call it- some call it Chewchete, binky, passy... the au pair calls it the nooky which spins me into thinking of Fred Durst. He did it all for the nookie, come on, the nookie, come on so you can take the cookie and stick it up your (yea)....) I digress.

L has the bink'er dink in her mouth. She takes her hand and pulls out the bink'er. This immediately makes her scream, until she starts waving her hand (still holding the bink'er) into her view. Once she can see it in her hand, she calms and whines as she tries to get the bink in her mouth. There are numerous tries until she finally succeeds and plugs herself up- only to be startled while her hand still holding on to her bink'er. Rinse and repeat the fun for us and frustration for her. I'd love to say I'll get it on video, but as soon as I pic up my camera, which can record some small lengths of video, she freezes and gets a deer in headlight face. She better become a ham soon, this camera shy bit is going to put her on the naughty list, for real. Coal only, next year, that should be easy enough to fit.

Friday, December 14, 2007

The Resurrection

This is not an embellished story. This is the truth. No matter how hard it is to believe, I write the truth.

You may remember Thanksgiving 2007 we had the unfortunate experience of loosing our first pet, as a family. Marley (of Bob Marley- named for his blue color, so he must be a boy and for his dreads) met his untimely death in what we could only assume was a sacrifice into our Thanksgiving feast. Now what I didn't tell you was with ourau pair witnessing the whole thing- I took out the plant, shook it out, moved around the rocks, Marley was not in the hiz-ous. For sure.

Tuesday, November 27th a miracle took place here at our humble abode. As I walked to our kitchen table to set it for dinner, what did I see??


Clear as day- happy and swimming around. I promptly screamed at the top of my lungs. C & the au pair think I planted the fish to freak them out. I did not.
It's a Thanksgiving Miracle.

About 2 weeks later, the fish in L's room... Erykah Badu was found dead. Now Erykah Badu was t & g for months. Her little fish bowl gets dirty quick. After coming close to loosing her once, she had been sedated but getting better. She was a sick little fish but with a little TLC we thought she'd be back to new. And back to new she was, until her bowl got dirty again.

On 12/5/07 Erikah Badu didn't make it. She held her own for quite sometime, we knew this could happen. I let C know and we said goodbye to our sweet friend. Goodbye. I couldn't send her off to sea just then, as the baby was clearly torn up by our loss so I left the room- take her away from the site of death and all.

I returned a few hours later to do the deed when what did I see? Erykah Badu. C
lear as day- happy and swimming around. I promptly screamed at the top of my lungs.

If I could go back, I would have taken a picture of her upside down and clearly dead. BUT how was I know that we have a haunted house that brings back fish??? Now I know. NO deadfish goes un-photographed from here on out.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Meeting the Crazys

I thought it had to do with the inability to NOT talk about fluids- but it turns out it's just my mean spirit. Last night I went to the first meeting of a Book Club I joined. I found them through craigslist and it could have gone either way. Crazy nuts or decent people. They turned out to be a group of decent people... who immediately upon leaving dinner I found it impossible to not talk about and give stupid names of reference (circa Pinky-no-bra). This is why I have no friends.

Who are my new friends? In addition to never being the owners of this blog address- they are (in no particular order): the fiddler, the beast (sounds real mean, but there is a story behind that and she is in way a beast), plain Jane, purp cord, wind Esq., and Marcic. Shannon came with me- and thank god.

There were a few times I put my foot in my mouth and needed saving. Like when Wind Esq. was introducing herself and I said, "I'm sorry- did you just say wind? I thought you said you were a lawyer for the wind. (laugh laugh laugh)." She turns to me and says, "Yes, I did. Wind." Rather than back peddle I reiterate, "NO! I thought you said wind, like blowing wind. W-I-N-D." She says, "Yes, I did. Wind." I mean she was clear the first time that she said that, but since when does the wind need legal council?? I would have never thought. That's where her name came from. More about this unlikely Motley Crew at a later date.

I have to read a book, that should be interesting. I haven't sat and read in awhile. OR maybe I'll adopt the Beast's practices. She doesn't read. Nope. When asked the question "Why do you buy any given book?" She explained that she gets her books off iTunes. Most of the table turns their head to the side and gives a puzzled looked. I learned my lesson from my initial interaction with the wind esq so I kept my mouth shut. She later confirmed, that yes in fact she does not read books, she listens to them. She was my favorite, even though she joined a book club and doesn't read- she was funny so for that I will forgive her laziness.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

God's Sense of Humor

I hope God is a funny man, I'm thinking He might be. I sure hope He is. 3 weeks ago, we went to church. The original reason, if I'm being honest, is we have to figure out and work out the baptism of our little one.

In the beginning and if we are going back to when we were married- getting into a church to be married was harder than finding parking in the North End. No one would marry us- you'd think we were entering each conversation with a request to preform a sin on the alter. But not only are we both Catholic, but Chris was even President of his C.Y.O. group back in the day. We were really close to not getting married in a church- which would have suited me just fine.

Through out the whole wedding process I learned many things- including the fact that our mothers are committed fo'Catholics. I'm absolutely certain their faith is real, however their conviction, in my opinion, seems to be reserved for weddings and funerals. I don't think anyone realized how close we were to getting married by a tranny named Peaches (a fictional character I threatened to find). If I couldn't find a Peaches, then I had a realistic option of a guy I worked with that not only was ordained via the Internet but had a mean fairy get up that I'm certain would have been the talk of the wedding community. In all reality, I wouldn't have had someone dress up- or come in costume- but if the church we ended up at didn't work out I was giving up. Finding a church was the most stressful and enlightening experience that actually turned me off of the Catholic church. But like many things for our big day- it was done for others not for us. Now our wedding, to be honest, ended up being the best day ever but the road to the big day was not. I will use this opportunity to put it on the record. If L wants to get married by a cat in the dead of summer so be it. It's her day, it's her decision. I dislike cats, I dislike oppressive heat- I will take the hot smelly cat presiding over the ceremony as I melt if that is what she envisions. And smile. I hope that's not what she envisions.

That being said our mothers wouldn't have it any other way but in a church so we did what we could to keep the peace. It took months to find the church and endless stories of corrupt priests and angry sisters- but eventually we found the church we need up loving getting married in. Now the search is on again, because it turns out Jesus has zoning laws. Before L was born my mom brought up major concern about having the baby travel with out being baptised. Apparently "back in the day" babies were never to leave the house until they were secured a spot in heaven- and to get this spot the baby has to be accepted to Catholicism which means a baptism. My mom felt before the baby could leave the state, since with modern times come modern rules, she would need to be baptised.

With all that happened with L, this because difficult. Her zoning laws have quickly become a distant memory because these same zoning laws would mean no baby girl for Christmas. And no one wants that!!! Originally, we were going to have it in October, but she wasn't home yet. November was too soon after she came home, December there were scheduling complications... now we are looking at January and February.

My feeling is, she has been blessed and prayed for so much I think we can go to NY for the holidays with out the official Catholic passport. We did have to get things going, which leads me to going to a local church about 3 weeks ago. I figured by speaking with a Priest we could get the process moving along. C had to drop the au pair at a meeting, so I went in alone.

I can't explain it- but for whatever reason I came up against more emotion then I was prepared for. There I sat in a pew with L, balling like a crazy woman, talking to my sleeping baby- like a lunatic. I was in good company... the parishioners are quite the eclectic group. Just like our neighborhood- there was quite the mix. Gangsters to my left, yuppies to my right. C walked up and I warned him that I was feeling a bit weepy- so he spent the majority of the service laughing at me, who spent the majority of the service crying or laughing at myself. In thinking about it that day, I realized I would be going back the next week- even if I didn't have to to get L baptised. I don't want to be a fair-weathered Catholic- we spent weeks praying, asking others to pray- for god's sake we had people from all over the WORLD praying. I was talking to every person who has died that I ever met, even those I hadn't met but had heard about- my family, other people's family. If there was a possibility of calling in a 'favor' I was doing it. And with all of this, I hadn't sat through a mass? Forget that. That being said, I won't be apart of anything that doesn't let me be myself anymore. Church is a time for reflection- and I'm learning more and more about it. I may not end up going every week or I may not end up going to a Roman Catholic Church- but I do want to invest more into something more than waiting until the last moment.

Now C calls me Mary Magdalene, and we go every week. It's been 3 weeks in a row and while that doesn't seem like much- this is big time for anyone who knows me at all. Last week we were almost late and I was freaking out. C started running in circles screaming "Jesus is waiting Jesus is waiting!" Of course this calmed me down a bit, we got there just about on time but once again we continue to laugh and have fun through out the service. I always remembered church as boring, quiet and stifling. I always remembered having to get dressed up. All things I dislike, no wonder I didn't like church. But it turns out it doesn't have to be. Now don't you worry, I won't be trying to convert anyone- but it's nice that it's nice.

Now maybe we shouldn't laugh quite as much as we do- but like I started with, I'm hoping He has a sense of humor. I'm hoping He is laughing as we laugh when we break free from some woman who is trying to get us to come to the after mass reception (one step at a time, I say) - now it would be one thing if she merely asking- but she was manhandling me. She grabbed my shoulder and tried to physically steer me downstairs. I broke free, lied (in church... one step at a time, I say), ran for the door, laughing. Or for two weeks straight we have been singing this song that only recently we learned the real words to. We thought the last line was "As the Jew drops down." Now granted, I found the line controversial, but I think a bunch of stuff I hear in church is- and it's only been 3 weeks. Turns out the line is: as the dew drops down. We'll keep you posted on the church shenanigans that arise.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Happy Hanukkah

You may not know this but the Jewish faith holds a very special place in our hearts. For our wedding we had the dance, with the chairs, I know and love as the "Hava Nigela" which I am told it is not called- but that's how we roll.

You may not know this either, but in addition to a fun tradition of a wedding dance that we incorporated into our big day.... the biggest addition to our life, L, likely arrived if you will during the 8 crazy nights of this holiday. Again, that's how we roll.

You'd think it would be on purpose then that we currently have a Hanukkah Bush in the house. A Hanukkah Bush? Yes- it's what most would consider a Christmas Tree, kind of. The thing is last year when we lived in our glorious yet ridiculously teeny tiny apartment in Charlestown, we had no room to store things. We usually used our "room" at Nana Lu's house. One fine day we decided to stir things up a bit, for whatever reason, and brought all of our holiday decorations to Grammy & Poppa's house in the 'Burgh. What sense did it make to separate the family of junk we have collected over the year? None, so it was only fair that when the time came to get out the decorations we all remembered where they were. Conveniently 5 hours away in the 'Burgh. We also conveniently remembered this the very same weekend the crew from the 'Burgh made the pilgrimage to Boston. Too bad we remembered 10 hrs too late. Now here we have our glorious tree, which like last year is broken (story to follow), but it looks good. With no decorations. A bare naked tree standing in our living room. The decorations are on the way via the US Postal Service, so lord knows when we'll see those- if we see them. Instead of Grinching about it... I'm embracing it. We will have a Hanukkah bush. What a way to celebrate the holidays. Mozel Tov to us.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Social Skills: Wanted

Pregnancy and motherhood takes a lot from you. I always worried it would take away my hair, my 'figure', sleep... but what I never anticipated was it would take away my social skills. I've lost the ability to talk to people, new or old, about anything at all or appropriate.

Example 1:
A few weeks back on my first venture out sans baby and C I went to a bar for a birthday party. I arrived and literally didn't know how to interact. The beer was flowing- I mentioned that this was the first time I was drinking, in almost a year- I needed to make sure I didn't turn into that girl. No one likes that girl. When asked, "Why did you quit drinking?" I responded, "Well, if I was having a baby and if I didn't they would have taken my baby away." I was proud of this joke. For no good reason.. because I was met with a sideways glance and awkward eyes. And just when you thought it couldn't get worse, while up against deer in headlight eyes that are silent and awkward I decide to go with breastfeeding talk. You don't follow up a failed child abuse joke with talk of breast milk. I know this in looking back, but at the time I couldn't stop myself- yammering about how I could drink if I pump and dumped, or did you know that after your last drink, after 2 hours the beer wouldn't be in your milk? I couldn't stop. Diarrhea of the mouth took over and the awkward eyes turned into long pause and glancing away - she was looking around for someone to save her but alas there was no one and she was a stuck.

Example 2:
I join a mom's group of sorts, on the Internet- There was an event that we could all go to - so I'm not left alone to my own devices talking breast milk and baby vomit. Although, this of all places would have been where to get that out of my system. As we pull into my debut to the mommy world, the place is d e a d. We do the only thing we can, we keep driving and circle back about a half hour later. Here's the thing- we were the only people in there with children who didn't walk... so a 2 month old was not going to cut it. Short of abducting a toddler, all we could do was make a plan. Operation: Bail was if it got weird pull the plug on the binky- have her freak and boom we have an out. That was until I saw a friendly face. A friend of mine from work who recently had a little bambino of her own was there. SO we weren't the youngest ones. We were able to sit and catch up with them, talk it out and not just talk puke and milk (although it was a lot about that) we had a good time. Good talk. They had to take off... so we did a lap (the place was the size of our bedroom) and we were off. We didn't even try. We just got back in our car and off we went. I could have introduced myself, I could have made conversation- we were getting compliments on our car seat, on the litt'le one. I could have made an effort.

Example 3:
I recently had to return my little yellow buddy. My pump. We had a good run together. In returning the wonder yellow machine, I had to and buy a pump- one that the mere mortals use. I'd been using a hospital grade pump- which is the real deal holyfield and if you were to buy one you'd pay for it too- it retails for $1300! With being used to and using regularly this beast of a machine, I needed to get a comfortable pump that will do good work but not cost what many pay in rent. Off I went to the Babies R Us and picked up a ridiculous priced pump that wasn't cheap, but wasn't buy a used car for the same ridiculous. While I'm upset about unloading a few hundred dollars on it- what can you do? The kid needs to eat. And if we were doing only formula, we would eat away at that right quick. (Side note: formula is EXPENSIVE! Good enough reason to bfeed, if you ask me. Dang. 30 bucks for a large container of powder formula wouldn't last long. It lasted 2 weeks here but we only use it for one feeding of 4 or 6 oz a night) Anyway- so there I am in Babies R Us, with my new pump box, looking around for other tchotchke that I don't need nor should I buy when a nice woman, around my age, strikes up a conversation. She starts with, "I don't mean to be nosey." And here it is, a woman who like me is about to share too much information and put her foot in her mouth. She could be my best friend for life- oh the stories we'll tell how we met over pump talk in the aisles of Babies R Us. Long and painful story short. I blow it. She starts to tell me about how insurance might be able to cover the pump and there I go and make a situation awkward and weird by going on and on about how I switched insurances, tests I took while preg that are now not covered, oh and don't forget the hospital grade pump over explanation, NICU, milk supply... the list goes on. She practically ran away from me. Honestly. I think she walked out and didn't even pay for whatever it was she had in her hand cause she didn't want to be stuck on line with me.

I used to be fun, I'm pretty sure people enjoyed talking to me. Now oh no all I can talk about is bodily fluid. No one likes fluid talk, let's be honest. I'm going to keep getting out there, and hopefully be able to control myself. Maybe just maybe make a friend. The first step will be to stop repelling people.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Facebook is Vodoo

Just a few days ago I wrote about Facebook and how I can't believe the technology that we have and wondered where will it go next? I have the answer, and so quickly! That never happens. Alas, the good news stops there, as technology has gone to the dark side.

I did not know this, and I'm so curious (read here paranoid) to know what else it can do... but did you know that Facebook (to be referred to as the Grinch moving forward) has technology that has your computer alert the Grinch of purchases you make online and then post it? Well neither did one unsuspecting husband buying a present for his wife, and since this couple is both on the Grinch, that unsuspecting wife now knows what to suspect for Christmas.

Here you thought the Grinch was a mean one that sang in rhymes and tried to steal all the holiday cheer from the Whos of Whoville... nope the Grinch is a social network that has no barriers of privacy which promotes the throwing of farm animals and transparency of your moves on the Internet. Watch out. This could get messy and you very well may learn far more than you ever intended from your friends or those in your network. Suspecting girlfriends everywhere breath a sigh of relief- but for me, while I don't have much to hide (clearly) I think it is socially irresponsible and something I'd get on a soapbox about.

Don't believe me? See the article that explains it all. To make this story even more interesting... the Grinch stole Christmas from my very own Shan & Sean Lane! Learn more about how the Grinch stole Christmas by clicking here, there are no repercussions or postings of your actions, if you do. Promise!

Sunday, November 25, 2007


Whip'em Out Sunday - that is what today was.

I've never been a big fan of the public bfeeding thing. Nana Lu, in hopes that I would continue bfeeding, assisted with purchasing props to ease my ability to just feed the baby. There are these aprons of sorts. They are called Bebe au Lait for the classy and Hooter Hiders for the others. I am of course one of the others. Anyway, I have my Hooter Hider, so in theory I should be ready to go. No need to be embarrassed or modest because I have a fashionable and functional cover up!

Today we went out and about. When it was time to eat for us it became time for L to eat, what to do? I felt at ease, I went into the diaper bag (which is also my purse) and fished around for my Hooter Hider. That was until I realized where it was, on our couch, back at home.

What to do? We had ordered, we were hungry and L was T minus 30 seconds away from going from adorable waking up stretchy baby to psycho birth control presence of a baby in the middle of a restaurant. It was T&G (touch and go)- until I got Macgyver on the situation. I took my sweater and turned it around so that the back of the sweater was now facing out and I put my arms in it to act as a curtain to feeding time at the zoo. If we didn't have things to do, I would have just gone and sat in the car in the parking lot- but that would require additional time. Plus I've been doing a lot of reading, and while I'm not 100% comfortable with it- it's something that many a bfeeder gets angry about! So fight the power, fight the man- feed your kid, no apologies! Heck no. The girl has to eat!!!!

That was until I had no fancy hider and the tent that I rigged up failed me. I was in a corner booth facing the back so who would see me? This poor waiter who didn't know what hit him as he turned the corner as I readjusted. No tent, no cover, no baby even somewhat shielding my goods. Poor bastard. All I could do is say, "And that's the biggest tip you'll get today. " We were at a restaurant named "Orleans" and there I was like it was Mardi Gradis and I'm trying to get beads.

Friday, November 23, 2007

What will they think of next?

Disclaimer: As I write the blog post, I recognize the irony of my next compliant.

Ah email, what a glorious invention. Now, I'm not sure what I would do with out it, but think back to when you were first introduced to this crazy and wild world wide web. Instant messaging, cell phones, text messaging- there are growing the ways to not ever have to talk to anyone but keep in touch.

There are blogs and the ability to post or send photos or videos in seconds so that friends and family can literally see you in seconds, though you might be states or time zones away. There are advantages to this, and I fully take advantage of them all. I use and abuse these resources every chance I get. In fact, I fully recognize the reason for this very blog is it is the lazi(wo)man's mass email. They tell the story, give the details with out ever having to pick up the phone. I love to tell a story, but to tell it 100x. No thank you.

Then there is reconnecting with people. Back in the day, I'm told there were reunions (unless you went to a bunk high school like I did). I joined Friendster to keep up with college friends, find high school friends- some used it to meet people, it was the new thing. I learned quickly that Friendster was useless- mostly because people could "see" that you were peeking in on them. And no one liked that. Next came MySpace, which truthfully I spent an embarrassing amount of time 'finding' people. Not so much to reconnect with, mostly to find and say "WHHAA the ... " That being said some reconnecting was done, so it wasn't so much useless as my brief Friendster experience. Now, as soon as I get comfortable with all that I get a message via gmail chat (a medium between instant messaging and email if you aren't 'online') that I have to get onto Facebook.


Is there a gun to my head? Someone forcing me to put together and update yet another profile No.

Off I went, updating and putting together a facebook membership. The next thing they should come up with should be technology like a universal remote. A universal profile that I can plug into every new site or whatever the next big thing is. OR I could just stop the insanity. But I won't- I'm too curious. Although this facebook thing- it is confusing me and I need a tutorial. I don't get it and it seems pretty freaking easy- so it's embarrassing. You have all these options, "gifts" to give that are a cartoon icons. They seem to cost a dollar? Who the hell is going to pay for a clip art? And you can poke people, including throwing goats at people. Some might say, don't get into it. Others might say I'm too old. Most might say who has the time? Either way I don't get it... yet I can't wait to see what's next.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Gs of Boston had the first TDay at home, ever! For years we've traveled, even when we were kids, for the big day and dinner. This would mean traffic on the way to and traffic on the way home, and sometimes traffic in between. This year no traffic to be seen! Just relaxation and fun- no commute, no fuss, no mess. Fun fun fun. This year we decided we would open our doors to any and all who may not have plans- a Misfit Island of sorts for Thanksgiving. It turns out we were the only ones in need of such a retreat!! It was perfect.

Together (read here: mostly C) we put together the best dang Thanksgiving Dinner ever! We brined a turkey (brineing is the new black, every one's doing it), made stuffing, roasted potatoes and string beans. Oh and that ca-ca canned cranberries that people like. I tried it, and said "NO more." Like I said, it's ca-ca.

We started the morning off right with the Macy's Day Parade and mimosas! There are host families out there that worry that their au pair will drink too much, the G's are bringing to you au pairs that worry that their host families drink too much. Oh well. It's the holidays, and well- we have a lot to celebrate. That was until the most dramatic Thanksgiving discovery ever.

We had a fish, named Marley, in a bowl with a plant. While setting the table we realized he is gone. He just disappeared, rumor has it he jumped out and committed suicide, into the stuffing. Thing is, the stuffing was amazing, so if Marley had to go to get it there- good bye sweet Marley, good bye. You went for a good cause and for that, we commend you. Pour one out for your homies who couldn't be here.

It was the best dang Tday to date.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Mom Time

There should be watches made strictly for mothers. Since it takes hours to do anything that once took just a few minutes, we should have different time keepers. Time really moving backwards, counting down to alarm orange alert status. This is to avoid when adorable coos and heart melting gas/smiles turn into shrieks and yelps. There should be several countdowns going at once each counting down to several of risk factors to bring on the shrieks and yelps like time left to eat, sleep, diaper change or burp. The only problem I see with this is: she always wants to eat, she never wants to sleep, she is literally always wet because she is always eating, and when she isn't farting she's burping. Baby has gasoline.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

"¿Ah dios, en lo que la F entré yo yo mismo?"

It's not every day that your husband walks out of the bathroom with a cup of pee, raising it to the sky with a hearty "Cheers!" It's not everyday, but it is a day in our home. Our au pair better get used to it. I'm fairly certain at least 4 times a day she shakes her head silently and thinks "¿Ah dios, en lo que la F entré yo yo mismo?" ("Oh my god, what the F did I get myself into?" courtesy of

The other day at one point, she was talking to me in the kitchen and I am not sure now what she was saying because I was pretty tired, but I know for sure she was speaking English, I'm beat though so I zoned out. My face obviously showed it because all of a sudden she stopped and said "Am I speaking a Spanish?" Confused by such a question, I answer, "Right now? I don't think so."

It's surreal to have an au pair here already to take care of L. She is wonderful! She is great with L- sings to her, talks with her- makes her smile! She straightens up, volunteers to help with everything- even things she shouldn't! I have to keep telling her to stop because when she is off, she is off! Ah to follow the rules.

That's the scoop. There has been some grumbling that I am not updating fast enough. I'll do what I can, but while I am currently a lady of leisure, I'm soaking up time with my stinky moose of child. Also, she doesn't do anything funny really, just stinkin' cute or maybe just stinkin'. ¿Ah dios, en lo que la F entré yo yo mismo?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Visitors Welcome!

Since Nana Lu left we have had a bunch of visitors. L loves, we love it- Anabelle freaking really loves it. The more people, the more attention she can get. Although the more attention she gets the less and less she likes to listen to yours truly. But Abelle even gets visitors... like when Shan & Sean Lane came over with Brady their pup that looks like Abelle's brotha from anotha motha. Abelle got a friend for the night, L got to meet her long awaiting fans, and we got to hang out drink some beer and eat some pizza. Sounds like a simple activity but it was great!

Pop Pop & Cami came to visit last week, it was a quiet visit. It was nice to just hang out and relax. Then there was a variety in drive bys! Tessa came through. She teased us for a few days to the point Nana didn't believe "this Tess" existed and her lasagna was even more of a figment of our imagination. She's real and she brings with her goodies! We also had a visit from Mandy at some point in this mix, over the weekend but I'm not even sure when.

There was a day or two I was on my own- and while there were some worried folks out there- we made it through. Over the weekend, in addition to welcoming our au pair (who looks like a 2nd or 3rd cousin from Mexico) we had a full house!

Aunt Dar Dar and Uncle Luckas Pukas, A & U E Squared and their adorable Julianna came to play! Baby J was freaking amazing with her little fo'cousin. Soon after they got back on the road Ol'Gramie, Gramie & Poppa came to meet and greet with the pest.

Most recently Carla came through and got to meet our third roommate over the summer- since we shared an office and talked about the pending arrival it was surreal to have her there.

Visitors welcome, so come on over! And NO no lasagne is required! Just get ready to fall in love, cause she is amazing!!!

Monday, November 12, 2007

School Is In

While Nana Lu was in Boston visiting she was to help and teach me all about babies... turns out we needed to school her a few things.

Some examples are:

1. "Pushin the bush" definition.

While C had to roll me around in my wheels, right after my surgery, she started singing "pushin the bush pushin the bush" we asked if she knew what that meant... she did not. To her surprise the song actually says "push in the bush." This is what she gets for rapping and performing a song by Goastface Killah. While we didn't officially explain word for word what it means there was motioning and dancing to explain the song lyrics and why it is one that you shouldn't sing as pedestrians walked on by.

2. add "in bed" after your Chinese fortune cookie.

We can't remember who but one of us had a fortune that informed us to "play games in life."

3. the meaning of W.O.W.

She thought it had to do with wrestling, not Opie and Anthony reference. Whip'em Out Wednesday is yet another learned lesson from her dear son-in-law and daughter.

4. the magic of text messaging.

5. the term 'bitches' is actually an endearing phrase.

That's how C would call on his ladies. Oh what a surprise for Nana Lu, she really did learn a lot about her son-in-law.

Nana Lu was here for a little over a week, back in September and then came back again when L came home from the hospital. She stayed with us for the first week L was home. And while we say we taught her a lot- you know the real deal is that she helped us big time. Plus she was fun to have around. C loved having her around the most- everything he hopes that I'll do (make our bed, start dinner- you know be a good wife) Nana did. It was a good week! She left on the 5th ... that's how far behind we are with all of this.

Motherhood is fun, fabulous, tiring and doesn't leave time for quick wit and sarcasm like pregnancy does, I'll tell you what.

Step 1: Smile

next step laughing, we can't wait!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Luckiest Au Pair in all the Land

Picture it- you are a young woman traveling from Mexico to New York. You arrive among other young men and woman from all over the world. You are nervous, you are excited- you don't know what to expect.

Out of nowhere you get called to the office and receive a little welcome bag. In the bag something that proves you are the luckiest au pair in all the land, a note from your baby...


Our au pair, Kat, arrived in New York. I am told from my spies that she is great, mature, funny - and her English all good. Most notably, she freakishly looks like me. She could be my Mexican cousin.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Some pictures of L's first week at home...

Today, Liza and ColeBG came to visit! We haven't seen ColeBG since June. BOY oh BOY what a man he is! He is amazing - he laughs and talks (well I don't know what he is saying, but he amuses himself and me). I can't wait to see more of this family and watch the babes grow up. Um, rewind just a few years ago (6+ yrs) - sitting at 3103 maybe taking a pass at class ... you'd find Liza and I on our couch. Not with babies on the brain- that's for sure. I made sandwiches, like I did back in the day. Although at 3103 we'd only have what that Nest place (what was the name of that place?) would have available to purchase with points... not fresh cold cuts and bread from a great little bakery on the corner. We've come a long way. And if I do say so myself, we make some freaking adorable children.

Bfeeding is a BIOTCH

I'm doing it, and I'm not going to quit and apparently I've kept with it longer than the nah-sayers thought I would (mother). That being said, while it isn't horrible, it is a pain in the arse (actually a pain in the cha-chas, literally). Here are my issues with bfeeding:
  • By the time we sit down, get settled, get her fed, burped, re-fed, and settled it's time to start back up again. No joke.
  • It's messy- it's messy before, during and after.
  • Leaking. Honestly. It's very inconvenient.
  • TMI Alert: I have de-funked nips so I need to use an apparatus to assist in the feeding process. Can it ever be easy?
  • There is no gage on the lovely lady lumps- and since my daughter is a moose I'm never sure if she is eating cause that's what she does or because she's hungry. How much is too much and how long do I really need to have her hang there?
  • I clearly have ADHD. As soon as I sit down I am thirsty, bored and have to go to the bathroom and it's difficult to go hand's free.
There are all kinds of t-shirts out there supporting breastfeeding. Some of my favorite tag lines are:
  • "I make milk, what's your superpower?"
  • "All Night Milk Bar"
  • For Baby: "I see more of Mommy's boobies in a day than Daddy does in a year"
  • "Weapons of Mass Lactation" (accompanied by a basic graphic of breasts)
  • "Jesus was Breastfed"
  • "My Milkshake feeds all the kids in the Yard"

Some t-shirts I am looking to make that tell the real story:
  • "Jesus was breastfed and Mary was a Saint"
  • "MIA: Nipples"
  • For Baby: "Bottomless Pit" (printed at the belly)
  • For Baby: "I have a hollow leg"
  • "If you can read this, shut the F up. The baby must be sleeping cause that's the only time my shirt is down."

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Little Known Facts

Did you know...
  1. Our daughter can go 0 - 60 in 1 second flat if you are withholding:
    • food
    • borderline abuse like force to get the burp out
    • movement of any kind
    • food
    • food
    • food
    • a hug
  2. This little "lady" can wake up the dead with her ass.
  3. She may be living in a swanky brownstone in the South End of Boston, but she has a mullet like any Wal-Mart lovin, trailer park living lady.
  4. She gets cuter every day.
  5. The swing that we got at our shower is magic. Hungry, angry, tired, cranky- pop her in the swing and boom. Silence.
  6. She likes to flirt.
  7. Forget wildlife or classical music, the sound of a sprinkler soothes her, if the the swing is not close enough. tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst tst
  8. We are totally in love, she has us wrapped around her little finger... and we're pretty sure she knows it.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Happy Halloween

From Pumpkin Pie

From Pumpkin Pie

"We have 3 people."

On Tuesday, L went on her first outing to her first real doctor's appointment. Sure after 30 days of being in the hospital being seen by multiple doctors a day- you'd think this wouldn't be a milestone and it isn't. Getting her out of the house, that's a milestone.

While we sat around to discuss the game plan of the day, C said I was over thinking everything, "we have 3 people, 1 baby how hard can this be?"

Nana Lu (my mom) is back, she arrived on Monday to help- mostly to spend some time with our recently freed wireless daughter. Between the three of us, surely we could get her out of the house in time for our 2 pm appointment. Afterward our plan included doing a bit of shopping- as 90% of her clothes will fit her dolls one day, not her bootylicious 11 lb hiney. After wrapping up lunch, we thought we'd get an early start on everything. We dressed her, put on one of her new coats and attempted to get her in the car seat, which is apparently always going to be an issue. And when I say we, I mean we- because it takes an army to wrap up a little girl with a strong will. As soon as we got her strapped in she realized that she was hungry and went wild while we scrambled to calm her.

Eventually we got to the hospital, however it took about 30 minutes to load up the car. Between the diaper bag, bags of clothes, the stroller base, the three of us- furthest from grace. In addition to all of this hub bub with the Sox winning the World Series there was the parade to celebrate going right past the hospital, where we were headed. We literally just made the light so it allowed us to get in on time- but that could have been yet another story. Which, coincidentally- I don't know if you heard- but in addition to 10/28 being a kick ass day because we got to take our baby home there was some unexpected icing on top. With the Sox winning the World Series the Guarracino's won too. Back in the day, when we moved into our apartment we couldn't get our old couch up the stairs. We went to Jordan's furniture store and purchased our couch and kitchen table... it's not because we had faith in the Red Sox or thought we are usually so lucky we'll win it all. We needed a couch and the kitchen table was reasonably priced! Sunday, like I said was a good day!

The babe is healthy, happy and the doctor says doing great! She is 11 lbs 10 oz and 23 inches. The only disaster that took place was in the loading and unloading of L in and out of the car seat and dressing and undressing her. As we left the office she showed the whole waiting room how hearty and healthy her lungs really are- screaming so load I'm surprised you didn't hear her. The on lookers looked as between the three of us, we couldn't mange to get her coat on with out upsetting her. 3 adults, 1 baby and no soothing in sight. One of the on lookers couldn't stop laughing at us... with her 3 children. Yup, 3 kids and 1 adult and everything easy breezy. She was clearly amused by our inability.

In other news, our baby has a mullet. True story.

Peace Out MGH

You can see the completed album of L's stay at the NICU here. It chronicles her progress. It also illustrates why her father and I are so angry with her- when she's old enough to understand- why she is grounded for an eternity.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


L is in the hiz-ous!

She is off the junk. She is healthy as a horse and is eating like one too.
She is home sweet home.

It's her 1 month birthday and it was the best damn day ever.

Story to follow.... but that's the word on the street. Got to get back to our girl now.

Month 1

Every month we'll take a picture of our pretty girl in her 12+ mo shirt for the first year! Like the bump watch you'll see her grow before your eyes.

*We got the idea from Martha- as I was laid up in bed during one of the days they attempted to get me to go into labor. Thanks Martha.

Editors note: never did do this bad boy. Whoops. I guess I should file this one under a fail?!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Wean Watch 2007

Day 28 of L's life was her last day on the junk. Today, day 29, she is clean. Now we wait.

We are staring at her as if at any point she is going to get up and run to the corner to try to score a hit. So far, so good. It's just a waiting game. Theoretically the 'phine is out of her system, but as they have ingrained in my head "every baby is different and digests the drug differently." She could still relapse at this point, we just have to monitor her. Just when I thought this process couldn't get harder, I have to just 'wait' some more. This is what I get for all those stupid countdowns, how laughable are they now?

That's the update, no update yet- just the usual hurry up and wait.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Pump & Dump

Sure fire signs you are not quite right:
  • The simple question: "How's she doing?" starts tears immediately- no matter who asks: the doctors, nurses, social worker (clearly sent in by the forenamed professionals), the cleaning staff, the meal delivery guy.
  • While leaving a simple voicemail in a middle of a preplanned joke you crack like you are telling the caller you ran over her puppy.
  • The LC nurse at the NICU suggests you go home for the night. And while you are there, drink some wine.... pump and dump.
In regards to pumping, when you are tired and stressed milk production tends to take a lull. I'm fairly certain that I qualify for both and as a result I'm not much producing like the milk cow I once was. In addition to my lactation deficiency I wasn't able to hold it together after the disappointment of continued hopes dashed on Wednesday. Wednesday night, despite my inability to produce milk that my moose child so desperately needs- the LC begged me go to home and get drunk. She took L for a walk around the unit and let me rest for 2-3 hours. When I woke up I could see C through the window talking with her. When I got out there I heard their plan- they wanted me to go home. C had brought his things to stay the night, he was beginning to truly be worried that once L was discharged I would have to be put through intake.

It turned out that our night nurse was someone who was a touch of condescending and truth be told, C doesn't really love her too much. That being said she is great with L and she has 8 kids of her own. I figure other than the neo-natal RN she was totally qualified. Plus her first "cryin ryan" was colically so she knows what it's like. OH yeah did I mention they now think she isn't so much withdrawing as she is colically. Which means, she cries for no reason for hours at a time. As long as she doesn't freak out and get too "jerky" with her movements we'll be fine- but we're talking SUPER SUPER fussy. Awesome. Like we don't have enough to deal with. Dr. Coleman (my mom) had suspected this earlier this week as well. This just proves her theory of her own honorary medical degree.

To avoid permanent residence at the hospital against my will, I went home with C for the first time in weeks. We got to just hang out together. It was nice and just as everyone said I felt like a different person the next morning. I got my supply back to going up and even better- when I came in the next day L was a different woman herself. She took to nursing out of nowhere and even slept for 2+ hrs at a time. What a treat! I should have left her days ago. I checked her ID bracelet to make sure she was really ours and continue the hope that any day now we can all go home together, as a family. I overheard another day estimate on when they might just let us go, but I'm actively trying to forget about it and take it one 24 hr stretch at a time. She is down to one 'phine dose a day, today. Today she is 4 weeks old and is also the 1 month anniversary that we checked into the hospital originally to be induced. I hope to soon be able to pump & dump for celebratory reasons, not to provide a temporary break in between nights here at the NICU. Everyday, we get a little closer...

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I could take down the post below, I could edit it, I could do a lot of things- but I won't.

Just when you thought it was safe to believe the doctors, they throw you for a loop. Turns out that when one said "end of this week" she really mean "beginning of NEXT week." Turns out that that is up for interpretation because L isn't really feeling this last wean, so beginning of next week could mean anything. I knew that, didn't I? Ah but silly rabbit I fall for it every single time.

Looks like L will be here for her first milestone, month one. What's a few more days at this point you might think. Each day feels like a lifetime, some are better than others. Today being one of those I wish I could have slept through.

We will continue to try to be strong and keep having that faith. At the end of the day we are a very lucky group. She is strong, healthy and besides this littl'addiction problem perfect in every way.

Wean Watch 2007

.06 is where we are at. She currently gets that every 4 hours. The plan is that today she'll be brought down to every 6 hours. Following that, we'll go to every 8 hours. Then the final step being a whopping ZERO. Oh glorious.

She is a bit temperamental, but is able to calmed, so it's fine. On the scoring side of things, we can take it. She isn't so much sleeping on long stretches of time, which means I'm not so much sleeping in long stretches but it's fine. All of these things and more are part of the wean, but if she can be calmed we can continue to wean and even take her home with scores of 5 - 6... how fun for our neighbors!

We get a new nurse every now and again so patience continues to run thin with the continuous suggestions and 'helpful' pieces of advice. Since it is clear they are all reading from the same script, I wish there could be a check list in our file so that they can see we've already been told I should bfeed here and have access to their wonderful LCs or how the NAS scoring card works. How little faith do their have in their colleagues? We've been here for 3 weeks, you think no one has mentioned any of this to me? Instead of that checklist there is likely a note stating that "Mom is a real biotch."

The plan with the morphine is pretty cut and dry, but for my sanity is touch and go. That's the plan- what reality will be- who knows but that is where we stand. We very well could be coming home this week- so keep sending those good thoughts, and keep praying. If you have any 'ins' with the big man upstairs, see if you have another favor to call in.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Cluster Feeding is a CF

C kept talking about this "cluster feeding" where she just mows for a few hours at a time, of course conveniently during the middle of the night. I thought he was full of it, until last night when I was back on shift. Sure enough between the wee hours of 12-7am she would eat like a moose, nod off for an hour and wake up with the munchies. I'm fairly certain if she were to be bfeeding she wouldn't be able to get this kind of satisfaction, I mean I'm only one woman and she kind of cleaned out the fridge with the reserves. Cluster feeding = baggy eyes, among other things.

After Thursday, the last few days have been good. She gets fussy when she's hungry and with the morphine getting lower and lower, baby's getting her appetite back. Let's face it- she's a big girl and she can eat. The drug has been suppressing her desire to eat and now that that is coming down more and more she wants food, and she wants it yesterday.

The plan remains the same, she is coming down by .06 everyday. Today, at 4 pm if she continues to be doing well as she has been doing, she'll be down to .12 and that is as low as she has ever been. Mayday Thursday she was at .15, so today is a big day. At a certain point the dose is so teeny tiny they will just stop giving it, I'm afraid to ask when that is- but I'd put money on tomorrow. The doctors and nurses say she is almost there. I'm not officially packed up yet- but we very well may be home by the end of the week. I informed the nurse last night, I don't want to hear about a day that we might go- just let everyone know I just need 15 minutes and we can be out of their hair. I'd rather not get get my hopes up anymore, so a little warning before we have to leave would be just fine. If we do get to take her home this week, it will be in time for her 1 month birthday! We talked about it last night, going through the last few weeks, it seems like a lifetime already. Can you believe it's been over 3 weeks? Wait until you hear about how she even came to be- the days preceding her birthday were a CF in their own right.

Keep on hoping and praying that this is the week, it very well may be.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Kicking Dad's Arse

Last night I was discharged, before being admitted to another unit. I walked outside and took in fresh air for the first time since Sunday. C has been trying to get me to go home and let him stay and he finally won. With the weekend here, he stayed with our girl and I went home.

Ah freedom. I came home to an empty apartment (with the exception of poor Abelle who barely recognizes me) and settled in for some TV, dinner and pumping. What a Friday night! I haven't watched TV in 5 days, so I pretty much became a zombie and probably should have slept more, but there was catching up to do.

While I vegged Dad took over. He had to deal with a hippy nurse we had never had before, she of course had her own ideas for L. Like, for example, the kind of nipple she should be using on the bottle. She switched it on us. This goes against what 2-3 nurses have told me as well as the OT person we'd been working with. With L having been on a respirator one of the complications with coming off of it is her reflux- she was vomiting previously a bit too much after big feedings or any feedings at all. She has gotten rid of that- but if moved around too much while eating or not in the right positions, she gets ill. We have been working on this with the OT person. I will say this about our experience, not ever new parent gets hands on training from the best nurses, doctors and specialists in neonatal care in the North East.

L needs to use the "slow flow" nips cause they have her work for the food- and this mimics breastfeeding as well as helps with her reflux because too much milk, too fast means it'll come right back at'cha as well as hurt. Her throat isn't used to swallowing hard- so it's baby steps. When I called this morning to get the status report from C and he informed me of the nip switch, mommy got her sneakers on.

While I aimed at the wrong target, C now armed with more information, had a talk with the new nurse. Hippy was gone and we got that switch taken care of. Last night she was cranky and crying- likely because she had to deal with a new nip and was frustrated. She made C really work for it, to get her to go to sleep. She also threw up her feeding... shocking? No, the poor girl was being bombarded with milk. Idiots. Additional frustration for C, she soaked him with the backfire, literally.

Sometimes when they problem solve they choose the wrong door- it's the same process parents go through everyday. With this situation, we are are trouble shooting - but we aren't alone. We have multiple nurses and doctors making suggestions as well. Too many cooks in the kitchen. Poor girl- she was just snacking and wanting to eat less more frequently and hippy thought ... nah, let's fix that with hosing her down with milk.

In addition to the Nipple Confusion Episode '07, Dad learned a few more lessons. Like when she doesn't have dirty diapers all day, like yesterday, she is going to have a MESSY night. He was woken several times, not by a crying baby but by the shear volume of her arse. Baby had some serious gas last night. He had earth shattering diaper changes last night, each one right after he would change her, sometimes her clothes or her bed.

Our girl also has a set of lungs on her- whenever Dad wouldn't move fast enough she got violent. She would scream louder than the helicopter arrivals. Our room is 'conveniently' under the hospital's helicopter landing pad. Of course. If she wasn't screaming she would try to claw at him like Freddy Cougar... at one point she nearly took his eye out.

L definitely played games with her dear ol'Dad. Even with the disastrous diapers, the near loss of his eye and gasoline that would make grown men wilt- I'm pretty sure he wouldn't change it for the world. With work, Abelle, having to sleep and all- he can't stay too long at night. Getting to stay with her, he gets to spend more time with her- which I know he looks forward to. She has a spot on his shoulder that she crawls up to and nuzzles into... last night she even got high enough that he's pretty sure she gave him a hickey. When a girl is hungry, she's hungry- sure she is a little confused on how to get the food but she knows she's got to suck to get it. She sucks on her fist and apparently also necks if they are handy- it's all the same to her! Hopefully tonight she'll cut him a break.

In terms of how she is doing - she was a handful but normal baby handful not drug addict needing her fix handful. They will wean her at 4 pm down to .24, this is down from .3. Slow and steady is now going to win this race. They will wean once a day at less than .10 each day. This could change, but even I'm comfortable with taking our time for the last bit of this monkey.

Friday, October 19, 2007

So close, yet so far

Yesterday we were steps away from going home. I could smell it. I could hear our crazy neighbors outside in the street, their base bumping cars, honking for their boo to come out. We were so close. She was at .3 in the morning. They brought her down to .15 at noon- if she can hold it together at 12 am they will bring her down to .15 to be given every 6 hrs instead of every 4... which is a wean. I was nervous on how that was going to go. I started seeing signs in the morning that things were changing.

The day nurse slipped that the team of doctors said if all went well last night, we'd be going home on Saturday. I tried not to get my hopes up- I almost didn't tell C, I didn't want him to be disappointed either- we took it with a grain of salt but a girl can hope. I silently planned the next 72 hrs and waited.

Around 3 pm things started getting funky- she started changing a bit. By 8 pm it was clearly not getting any better. The nurse and I tried just about everything. By 12 am they had to increase her dose back up to .2, then another .2 for a total of .4. Before they could get her there- they had to give her more to calm her down and bring her to "baseline" so she could settle down. She cried for hours, I didn't know I could hurt so much. She couldn't calm down- they had all kinds of nurses coming in, all kinds of things to try. There was swaddling, warm blankets, they even got out the unit stroller and was going to take her for a ride- but she had gone too far down that withdraw path for that. It was awful, disappointing and heart breaking.

This morning, after a long nights sleep- she is doing better. Radically better. They brought her back to .3 for today and our plan moves forward this time at 12 hr intervals they will bring her down very very slowly instead of aggressive as that is not working at this point for this last little bit.

They assure me that "soon" this will be over, and even though I can't see it now, she is doing great. They also asked if I waned a change of scenery there is another unit we can be transferred too- a "step down" where people are transitional to go home, but there is no private nook as there is here- and while I hate this place, I hate this unit- it's not them, it's the whole thing. It's this hospital. So maybe I'll behave a bit better, as I don't want them transferring me if they don't have to.* If we do move, apparently this step down unit is a large pit of babes and parents trying to get out of dodge.

Last night I was shaken, I didn't know how to help her- and I don't think I could have. Today I was even gun shy to go to her bedside in the morning as I didn't want to disturb her. The team of doctors came in to talk to me today, once again to make sure I understood what they are doing and why. I think they wanted to make sure I'm on board, because I'm sure somewhere in last nights' notes there is a description of the scene. When the doctor and nurses came in to increase her dosage to .4 I held on to her as if they were coming to cut arm off. It felt like we were going backwards, when really we needed to just press pause.

Today was a better day, and tomorrow we will continue the journey of taking it one day at a time. It's hard to believe that this will ever work, but they assure me it will, it will just take time and we are so close.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The Night Mommy Nearly Lost Her Mind

We've been patient with this morphine dance, truly, more so than most might be. We have had faith in the professionals here at MGH and have learned more about NAS scores, respiration rates, heart rates, and oxygen levels than I care to keep track of.

I'd say we are being good god damn sports.

That being said it's wearing thin and these bitches don't know what they are in for, cause while L has taught me patience, I'm no fool and I'm certainly no saint.

Last night L's scores went up to 4- however as it has been explained 100 million times, scoring for withdrawal is subjective. So as people come in they can score one thing, one way and another can score in a completely different way. I understand that- and it is frustrating but it is what it is.

Last night she threw up... it could be withdrawal. It could also be that she breastfeed for 40 minutes, STILL got a tube feeding and was being held by Dad and he may or may not have not been the most graceful putting her down. Result- a little puke and a bad score.

Last night she got the hiccups... it could be withdrawal. It could also be that she has had the hiccups since she got here- hell she has had the damn hiccups since she was 25 weeks old.

Last night she sneezed... it could be withdrawal. It could also be that the bug pulled up her dang feeding tube - and the tube sat behind in her throat where it was would cause consecutive sneezing that she was scored for.

Now, she scored 4s which is STILL "4 or below" and they did bring her down last night at midnight. Instead of going .15, they went .10.

"Why not the .15 decrease?" I asked the nurse.

The nurse started babbling about the fact that nurse before gave her a 2 and a 3 and after that she added another 1 so the first score was a 2 and the second a 4.

I interrupted, "both of these are 4 or below. What is the point? She is to go down by .15."

Insert nurse babble.

I interrupted, "You have got to be kidding. This is a joke. A terrible joke."

The nurse, innocently enough, began explaining the NAS scoring system.
I interrupted her, "I know."

The nurse, innocently enough, began explaining how typically we go down .10 when weaning.
I interrupted her, "I know."

She became disorganized, looked like she might throw up, maybe even had a loose stool- all the signs of withdrawal or maybe just a nervous nurse coming up against a sick and tired mom at 12:30 am.

I held onto the crib, to keep my balance and cool, and carefully constructed my sentences- kind of like how a loony on a Law and Order episode gets calm before he throws a chair at Stabler or Mariska.

"I can not tell you how increasingly frustrating this is. I had the team come back in yesterday afternoon to discuss this plan which is that every 12 hours we are going to come down by .15. I understand this is not your fault, but you are here telling me something that is not what I was previously told. So, I'm going to need you to go and talk to a doctor and make sure this is the case."

She did and returned with the same ol' same ol'. That crazy b even tried to go back to her speech about what a NAS score is and how they get to it. Ultimately the order was never written- however I know it was because I SAW IT. Where to find it was another story- but the doctor and nurse on last night did not have it.

This twiggy little intern that does the rounds in the morning and was part of the team to come and re-explain the wean plan to me the night before- she was on the floor I know she knew the orders however because they claim they weren't 'written' no dice. Plus she sucks and I've always disliked her- she is quiet, mousy and her voice annoys me. This experience with her has not helped her standing on my list.

She did get weaned, however by .1 (and through out the day that's .2 which is MORE than we originally anticipated each day being weaned).

The nurse then had the audacity to say, "I know it doesn't seem like it but really it's not that much that .5."

My reply, "You stay here and go through this and tell me what is small or not. Every day is another day, another story, another plan, another way to do things and another thought. I'm done with recommendations. Please tell the nurses that I will no longer be nursing, as when I do you can't tell how much she is taking so then she throws up - and she gets scored badly because you pump more food into her anyway. I will pump and she will take it in a bottle so we can see it. I want to go home. I want to take her home. If you can tell me how we can get home, fine otherwise, thank you anyway. And please make a note that we need to revisit the weaning plan and how to communicate that."

"I know you... " she started.
"NO you do not." I finished.

She started apologizing, I have no idea- I tuned her out and crawled into my stupid little nook in the back of the room as I cried and emailed Chris with the subject line "I'm going to cut a bitch."

I’m fairly certain one day he’s afraid he’ll come in and they’ll tell him that L is doing great, but I on the other hand had to go visit another floor and will be staying there for awhile.

The Truth Changes

Last night, I nearly lost my mind- but luckily I kept it together. More on that later. For now, just a straight up update with limited sarcasm.

L is having an okay to good day, although last night was an "okay" night not great, not bad. Yesterday, I thought we were going down by .15 every 12 hours (more on that later) but it seems what we need to do is look at her everyday and go from there because each day to come down by .15 isn't 15% of the total amount against her weight which would mean an increase that would be... you guessed it- too fast.

"While we want to remain aggressive, we can't go too fast otherwise she will crash."

Thanks Doc, how sensitive and bedside manner of you.

Yesterday she actually came down 25% total with both weans which is a huge jump. In going back and looking at the notes from yesterday I misheard the plan- which means we're even because these bees aren't always the best when it comes to keeping the plan straight. I thought we were going down .15 every 12 hrs forever moving forward and while yesterday we were supposed to do that, we did that this morning instead. The plan is actually moving forward each 12 hr period is a new period of time to evaluate where we are and where she needs to go. For now, but this too will change.

Right now she is down to .45 and at midnight she will be re-evaluated. She has also been taken off the tube feedings, to try it out- and we are feeding her "on demand." Unfortunately as some nurses have said, this is complicated because with the 'phine she doesn't want to eat. Every baby is different, so she might just be up for it - but so far not so much. Maybe in a few days if this works out, we can take out her feeding tube- which she successfully pulled out twice last night. Super fun.

Today our nurse is an LC- who C has described as a Walk-A-Thon enthusiast. Every cause, every weekend, that B is walking. She has a closet filled with t-shirts and water bottles from all the walk-a thons she has done. We'll call her Nipple Walker, for these purposes. She's an LC, so kind of a boob pusher- but she's been fair with the pushing and does give both sides the "LC thoughts" and the "Nurse thoughts"... you'd think these things would be the same- but they are not. Of course.

I am bfeeding when L wakes up if she wants to- otherwise pump pump pumping it up- so that I can go to bottle if I want, which Nip Walk is not a fan of, but "no judging" she has assured me. Yeah right. Whatever. Whatever it takes- I just want this baby home.

Now it's a waiting game- when she wakes up, what she'll do, we need to count flipping diapers and hope for the best, all the while making sure she isn't displaying any signs of withdrawal as she started to do (allegedly) last night.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Wean Watch 2007

L has been doing great- eating from bottles and boobs oh MY and nicely coming off the junk. So far, so good. Gaining weight, two days in a row and getting stronger and stronger!

She is down to .7 of the junk at this point and moving forward every 12 hrs they will come down .15 and see how she does. If she does great today/tomorrow they might get even more aggressive. This could bring us (by not changing anything tomorrow) to zero by Thursday!

B - E _ A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E be aggressive B E aggressive.

I did always love that cheer... did you know I was a cheerleader? True story.

That's the long and short of it- more details to come later, but wanted to get that posted before I grabbed a shower and nap- in no particular order!

My Obession


The cankles took my pregnancy experience places. I have to admit, I have a bizarre infatuation with the cankles. Watching them grow has been almost as fascinating as the buddha growing. At the end, they truly took on to look as the top picture shows... know whose feet those are?

hobbit feet

But like hobbits, those magical and crazy characters- my cankles did something mysterious and magical all on their own.


Take, the previous picture posted-

9th Wonder of the World: My Ankle circa October 2006:

Picture taken today 10/15/o7 a little over a year later:

The tan isn't there- but my girlish curves are coming back and Mama has got a direct line between her ankles, the angle isn't as hott- but I assure you live and in person I have my ankles BACK!

Pictures taken in the last week Oct 2007:

And a horrific walk down memory lane....
Sept 2007:

July 2007

And when the hysteria began, back in June 2007

RIP Cankles
You are not missed

Monday, October 15, 2007

Stupid Noelle

We are going to play the wean by ear, and no longer go down every 4 hrs, as discussed this morning at rounds. Now, we'll go down every 12 hrs to get a better gage on how she is doing, this could change as it has already changed from 9 AM this morning.

This is all stupid Noelle's idea.

Although, truth be told- I understand her thoughts behind it but in doing the math and having her come down .1 every 4 hours I could practically see this place in our rear view mirror.

(no clue what I'm talking about- you've got some catching up to do- now that I'm living here... I've got a lot of time on my hands. I already have one post down for the day and another posted late last night.)

Changing of the Guard

When we got here, they told us- every 2 weeks a new resident and fellows come on the unit. Usually when the doctors, fellows and interns do rounds it is a small group- they come in the room and go through a list of things.
  • Weight (loss or gained)
  • Nutrition (breast/bottle/tube)
  • NAS scores (this are those pesky withdrawal scores)
  • Medication level
  • Vitals/Stats (Oxygen, heart rate, blood pressure, respiratory rate, her coloring, her stomach - no clue why I will ask that next rounds, but they always note how her stomach feels)
  • Social information (basically a report on us- the 'rents)
  • Etc (anything else notable- did she spit up, how was her night in general, concerns, etc)
  • "Questions from mom" (any questions that I have)
Let me set this up a bit, to really get you there...

Picture it, first night moving back into the hospital. The nurse that is in charge of L, while probably the most attentive, caring and gentle nurse that she can be assigned- she also makes me want to get semi-violent. She literally has a story for everything. Talks to herself, has suggestions and helpful and sugary sweet info to share to the "girls" that me and L and does not stop talking. Ever.

C hung with her Saturday night and when we got back from dinner last night and I saw her on the floor I knew luck would have it that she would be L's nurse. And sure enough- she came in to 'check on the girls' and told me all about the 'girl chat' she and L had at 4am the morning before. They didn't want to disturb dad, meanwhile C had already told me the whole story because he was awake and heard their girl chat for approximately 1 hr. All about stinky diapers, the state of the union, outfit possibilities, a bath in the near future and her thoughts on her niece, nephew and mom- who is like her own child. Yup, in fact just the other day at 83 she went out and got her ears pierced with out telling anyone, if she comes home with tattoos apparently they are going to have a little talk.

To protect the innocent and for identity sake, I call her Harri. Halla Harri.

This entire process has been humbling. Practically having the state of MA check you out, internally, just a few weeks ago- literally the entire building, I'm pretty sure, has seen my goods if not gone in for a closer look. My husband saw my intestines... not once but twice (he couldn't help but look again), I was cleaned up several times by many wonderful woman, but had to be cleaned none the less. My husband had to check my southern region daily for puss and infection- I mean the list goes on.

NOW when I had to feed the babe, I have to whip 'em out 8-12 times a day like it's Mardi Gras and I've got beads to collect and can a girl get a quiet moment? No whenever it's 'feeding time at the zoo' the staff of MGH comes tromping through the room like we're giving away free iPhones.

Harri is no different, she likes to baby talk the babe, while I'm trying to get our feed on. I mean I'm generally against baby talk as it is- particularly from a stranger and always when I've got my top off. And she is a close talker- also something I personally find punishable by death, and once again even worse when my stuff is out and about. But there I am, semi-topless with Harri in our face poking around and trying to talk L into doing what she needs to do to get out of here.

Which, I appreciate, but really can you wait until I got my bra on? Dang.

Now that she is on a feeding schedule of every 4 hours, we did our thing at 8pm and 12 am. She did a'okay. Could be better, could be worse.

This is where the night took a serious focus and turn. At the 12 am feeding, we woke up at 11:30 pm to get going with diaper changes, temp taking, and all of that. Bells and whistles were going NUTS on the floor. Harri came in to tell me not to walk to the left, as there was an emergency. As if I would be taking a stroll at some point tonight. It was awful. As it turned out the baby that took L's room/bed was having the emergencies. Why do these things happen? There are millions of terrible things that happen everyday. But to babies? That I do not understand. Why do they even have to have things like NICUs.

C & I have noticed the parents of this baby- and through quick conversations or by way of being in the lobby at the same time as they are there we learned only a little about them, but yet I feel like we know them so well in ways others that have known them for years will never understand. They live in Portland, ME and are staying here day and night and not able to hold or talk to their little one. We can certainly feel their pain. Their little one seems to be much much worse than they anticipated. They were, however, somewhat prepared early on in the pregnancy that he would need a surgery once he was born. They have so many machines connected to his (I think) little body they don't have any more room to stand them up and have to put some on the floor. He has had to have several operations, and last night I believe they almost lost him. I don't know their name and I don't know why they are here but L and I prayed for them last night- and thought about them before I fell back to sleep. I don't know how we gather the strength to go through things like this, I'm amazed everyday. And truly thankful that we are on a road to recovery. This place though, much like L, has changed our lives and we will no longer be the same. This unit- the staff here- they do amazing things. Even with the jokes and the rocky roads we've gone through and may continue to go down- there are truly angels among us.

I couldn't not mention this but I've gone off track again... it is an important piece to the story as it is the last thing I thought about. It was how I fell asleep- thinking of this family, what they are going through what we've been going through.

I awake to L giving a good ol'cranky cry screaming "I am awake and I must be picked up NOW!" I can't believe how light it is outside, for 4 am and all. I'm foggy, I'm disorganized- these, as you know, are signs of withdrawal. I stumble over to L greet her with a "good evening" and even she looks at me funny. In walks Noelle, one of our day nurses. (That actually isn't her her name, remember we are protecting the innocent here. She looks freakishly just like a girl I used to work with named Noelle, which is how I came to that being her new name. I'd like to say that we make up these names just for your enjoyment, but it turns out we make up names for everyone- now we just publicize it.)

Now I'm totally confused- and since I slept with my contacts on they are dried out and I can't keep my eyes open. So there I stand, with my hair all over the place, I get the night sweats too- so in some places it's pasted to my head/face and in others it is snarled up like a nest, my eyes opening, but mostly shutting - disorganized, confused and looking around like I don't know where I am.

It turns out, L didn't give a peep for the 4am feeding time and Harri never freaking woke me up. Why would she wake me up? Cause I have to feed this kid and pump every 3 hrs, but because she is on the 4 hr schedule then I have to for 4 hrs so when she is ready I have a ready supply for her- but now at this point it has been 8 hrs since I last pumped.

You'd think I'd be excited- I got 8 hrs of straight sleep. Instead went into a tail spin- I was a lunatic- I practically ran Noelle over with her happy sing-songy "Good morning sleepy heads" (yup, she is sugary sweet too, practically sings when she has a conversation) and blow past the receptionists with their "Good mornings" with my hair all over the place and my contacts still not quite right- so with one eye open I get to the pumping room, grab one of those damn yellow machines and get to work. A crazy person running down the halls, because all I can hear in my head is C & my mom, going ballistic that it's been 8 hrs that's 2 pumps in their book that I have now missed. Harri is going to pay for this.

Now that I had that under way and set- as I close up shop I begin to get a little annoyed. I mean, I'm glad I got to slept now but you know when you start your morning not quite right?? Here I was - the first new day in my new digs and not happy with the opening act. That's when I heard voices- not the pumping Nazi's- the doctors and nurses... doing rounds with out me!

WTF. I pushed back the curtains that I had pulled- I mean no one ever had a problem before coming in when the pump was a-going- the freaking cleaning lady comes in like changing the garbage bag is the biggest emergency on this floor, but the doctors aren't going to interrupt and have me be apart of rounds??

This is where I get a bit angry host mom... keep in mind hair still all over the place, the contacts have kind of taken care of themselves- but what I didn't know at the time I have a slight drool line on the corner of my mouth and my nursing tank top wasn't really situated right. I barrel through the curtains and practically knock over one of the interns. They are directly outside my door, but I didn't realize that when I came out at 60 MPH looking to kick ass and take names. After I plow down the intern, I snap my teeth, put my hands on my hips and await being acknowledged, I look around.

They didn't come in because there were about 15 - 20 of them- and they aren't going in any of the rooms. It's the changing of the guards so for the first day of the new residents, fellows and interns - so they do rounds all together. I found this out after the fact.

Rounds went like this (direct quotes possible due to 8 hrs of continuous sleep):

They relived the last 2 weeks for the group, and went through the normal rounds of facts. Meanwhile, I did not connect the changing of the guards at this point- so I'm cranky and pissed that they didn't call me out to participate, and I'm frankly still out of sorts by the way the last 30 minutes have gone.
  • Weight (loss or gained): lost weight, after gaining weight- above her birth weight now (she wasn't for a few days) but lost weight from yesterday.
  • Nutrition (breast/bottle/tube): tube feeding, but goes to the breast before each feed- it is somewhat successful but needs more consistency.
  • NAS scores (this are those pesky withdrawal scores): scores have been 0-2 consistently for the last 24 hrs.
  • Medication level: 4q PO 1.0 morphine (every 4 hrs, orally, 1.0 ml of morphine is given)
  • Vitals/Stats (Oxygen, heart rate, blood pressure, respiratory rate, her coloring, her stomach): perfection, pink and soft - all wonderful.
  • Social information (basically a report on us- the 'rents): Mom by bedside.
At the same time:
Resident on the far right of the crowd that can't see me says, "Can we please bring her out before continuing? Is she here now? "
I say, in a pretty nasty b tone, "I'm right here." as I raise my hand.
  • Etc (anything else notable- did she spit up, how was her night in general, concerns, etc): Just spit up a bit, but no vomit- is keeping down PO feedings and meds, IV taken out recently.
At this point, before asking for questions from me- the crew starts discussing the next course of action and how to proceed. This looks and sounds like any ER or Grey's you've ever seen. With the group of 2-4 it's one thing but with 20 of them it takes it to a whole 'nother level. Most of the suggestions were mildly the same - but the course of action they decided to go with is aggressive and exciting.

  • They are going to increase her fluids, again, and see how she handles them because she needs more food to gain weight- by increasing her she will be taking what a newborn should be eating anyway.
  • They are going to decrease her 'phine by .10 every 4 hrs if her NAS scores are LESS than 4. This way as she gets down to 0 there is a rhyme and reason as to why and when they are decreasing her, now that they feel confident they have a handle on how she is responding to the drug as they wean her off. This also means if her scores are above 4 they will go back to the previous dose and hold until she is under 4 again.

  • They talked about moving her to the step down unit because it would be easier for me to stay there. I'm not sure why or what- but I'll take it. The problem is that there is no room at the Inn for us right now, and if there is a baby that would be there and need long term support he/she would get the spot before us because we are not in need of long term care. If you are going to be denied, I guess that's a good reason to be denied.
Then we got to the "Questions from mom" the exchange went like this:

Me: "Originally we were trying to feed her by bottle or breast. Then I had a nurse or two that insisted we go via breast only, however the doctor ordered on a consult with the OT to do bottle feedings. What changed? Does it really matter - bottle or breast and if it does which is it?"

DR: "It doesn't matter- it is a matter of personal preference."

Me: "My preference is that I can take my baby home- I don't care how she learns how to eat- she can eat with her feet at this point. If I have to pump for the next year into a bottle because she prefers that, I'm fine with that- unless there is a medical reason that she shouldn't go to the bottle then why aren't we doing both?"

(PS- I thought the eating with her feet comment was smile-able nobody even cracked a grin, tough crowd.)

DR: "If you don't have a preference- we should be trying both. You are right."

I think they sent the OT person in after to confirm and further clarify the feeding situation:

She assured me that not only was I right but I was thinking about it all the right way, and L will end up preferring the breast anyway- it is human nature to bfeed and the skills she needs, she has- to organize them she can do with the bottle or the breast. It is, however, usually difficult to convince mothers of this- as they usually prefer to only breastfeed. Apparently she doesn't know me, but that's okay. She did allude to the fact though that I'm going to have some 'esplaining to do- when it comes to the LCs. As there are some nurses that say "breast is best" and others that feel the bottle is great too- as for me I'm going to stick to my feeling that I truly don't care how she eats- just that she eats so we can gas up the car and get her the hell out of dodge.

It's a long one, but with the changing of the guards and our very first overnight together a lot went down. Next stop... home?

(c) 2007 all rights reserved. aka don't be a D and swipe any content, photos, etc - sucka. Should you be tempted, let me know so I can be flattered and then give me something write about.