The good times, we had them.

Before I go down the dark & twisty road of all the things that couldn’t go right with our move, let’s go light & fun? Let's talk highlights. There were some.

Did I want to travel 1,196 miles in a collective 10 days, move 568 miles away from the house home we were just settling into? No. But we did and we did – and so it is. Along the way, we had some seriously good times.

1. Finale tour of play dates.
   There were a few, but one stands out. While it was painful at times, to hear my girl giggle with her little buddies, it was good to see her with the friends she has formed in St. Louis. I wish I could say they would be forever friends, but I know they will become but a memory of each other. I remember sitting in my office while my girl laughed, uncontrollably, with her best little buddy. Sure, I teared up like a sucka, moving is not for the weak, but my girl’s happiness is what I try will remember the most. Let’s not talk about when she left her best buds house, for the last time. She ran back to give her one last hug and I promptly melted as my heart broke. Wait. Positive times, right. Right. Positive.
   
   
2. Cardinal’s game
   For real, is there anything better than American's favorite past time? And I don't mean watching reality television. The kid loved it, and not just because she got to eat popcorn for dinner.
3. The Lion King Run.
   Do not walk, run & bring your a kid to a live show. It was breathtaking. I took the kid to her first live performance and to say it was amazing, is an understatement.
4. A last hurrah at the St. Louis Zoo
   For years whenever we would go to the zoo... ok fine - we only experienced it for one year - cause, hello. We only lived there one year. Anywaaaay... whenever we go we always get side tracked due to construction. They have been building a sea lion exhibit. Apparently it was going to be amazing. Guess what? It was. An intense tube you walk through while sea lions swim all around you. It's a do not miss, and we didn't miss it. We went to the St. Louis Zoo one last time.
   
5. While boxes everywhere are mayhem, they supply an endless canvas.
   
6. Hotel living.
   This supplies the kid with happiness, pools for night swimming, and a place to meet back at after a day of adventures. 
7. Indianapolis Zoo.
   A fun half time show. We stopped half way in-between the home we were leaving and the one we were going to. While driving 10-12 hours straight might sound like fun to most, we figured a break in the middle would be good for all.
   
8. Did you know that The Christmas Story movie filmed in Cleveland? They did, the house is still here, and they offer tours. We are going.
9. Yes, not having a TV or Internet for over a week hurt my addicted heart. We had good times. We got puppet shows and family games. Holler.
   
10. More on this later, but moving here, means Kindergarten for her.

Life imitating art

Last week we met with a bunch of L's little friends.  I searched through my history - apparently I didn't write about this, but when we moved here, we wanted to make her 4th birthday special. We had always had family birthday parties - our friends & family would join together and celebrate our little girl. Here, in the STL - we didn't have many friends (2 1/2, generously) and no family - so we wanted to throw her a special party and invite all of her new friends, in class. We rented out a space and hosted a wonderful craft party. She chose "Under the Sea" theme and they made mermaids out of clothes pins, scratch art fish, and a bunch of other crap art. They all loved it. And in a weird twist, we (the new kids) introduced these kids (and their parents) to this little shop, the Craft Caboose.

Fast forward, every few months over the course of the last year, a few moms would get together. We would bring the kids to a craft class and for an hour we would have coffee & chat.  L loved this special time. For our bucket list of STL - one of the first things she wanted to do was go to the Caboose. I emailed the moms and we got the kids together. While, I didn't start with "this is our finale tour you will never see us again" in the back and forth I mentioned we were moving. 

While we were leaving the 'Boose, one of her buddies came up to her to say goodbye & this happened.

"L. I think I won't see you again, because you are moving. I'm really going to miss you. I'm really sad."

And then something about being a really good friend, the details are blurry because I melted into mush. Instantly. And then they hugged. (Side note: seriously, is it just me or can you see L holding on for dear life?)

We got in the car, and it started.

"I don't want to move."
"I love it here."
"I love my friends."
"I'm gonna miss St. Louis."
"I'm going to miss my friends."

I told her, I know. And I love it here, too. I'll miss her friends - our friends - our house - I understand. But we'll have a good time - it will be exciting! A new adventure!!! Remember what it was like last time? We felt the same feelings, and look at how much we love St. Louis and our new friends? It will all work out.

Her response?

"I know, Mommy - but I can miss my friends, too."

------

We had movie night. When it's move time, we eat pasta as much as possible and watch movies during the week. Basically, it's my survival. We watched Monsters, Inc. If you don't know the movie - it's hard to explain without really losing you on reality. Essentially monsters, in Monster World, need to gather screams from children to have power (get it? monster in the closet). It turns out, while they scare kids to gain power (electricity - not world domination) - they are really terrified of children. It's the strongest of the strong who lead the monster world. The main character, Sully (big blue guy), is the lead scarer and one day he comes upon a little girl (she slips through her closet door - the gateway to our world). Sully names her "Boo." Hilarious adventures ensue - fast forward, bad guy, good prevails and the energy crises is saved by finding out that laughter actually produces more energy than screams. After the victory Boo's closet door has to be destroyed, as she's "seen too much." This means Sully (Boo calls him, Kitty) can never see his little girl, ever again. It's sad.



In the end, Sully's buddy (Mike) puts together Boo's closet door so he can visit Boo again. And this happens.

Disclaimer: the only stupid clip I can find is one where some guy is crying in the background. But basically this is the scene where Sully's best friend, Mike (green guy) makes sure Sully can see Boo again. If nothing else, you need to see the end of the scene. Where Sully smiles.


As the credits roll, L immediately looks up at me and asks, "Why is he smiling like that?"

I explain, Sully is happy to see Boo - he missed her very much.

Almost immediately, she breaks open. Tears, sobbing, broken heart spilling all over our couch.

I ask her, "What are you feeling? What's going on, kid?"

She responds, "I don't know. He's just. Just, so cute."

But she doesn't need to explain. Her heart hurts, and there are no God damn closet doors she can walk through to see her friends - ever again. She will miss them, hard. And eventually it will fade and they will barely know the other existed - but right now? Right now, it's all she knows.

Too soon.

We are always moving. We've always been moving. It feels like we'll always keep moving.  This move is harder than any other move. 

Rewind:

2005(ish)
When we moved in with each other, we lived in a lovely little place in Charlestown, MA. It was perfection, if you didn't pay attention to the slanting floors or the 300 square feet.*  It was a "cozy" one bedroom, exposed brick, in an awesome area of the 'Town, cobble stone streets, views of the city and bridge, cheap, close to it all. We loved it. 

2007
When we moved around in Boston, it was out of pregnancy panic necessity.  When I found out we were knocked up, I couldn't get out the once loved 1 bedroom fast enough. We needed space. There would be a baby. The baby would have stuff. The baby would need a room (though I did consider blocking off an area with a curtain in the living room/kitchen/bar stool area). We would get an au pair for childcare because I work for the company, believe in the program, and the wait for daycare in or around Boston is approximately 24 years*. We had to move. Fast.

And move we did; to a lovely (over priced) duplex in the South End of Boston. On the corner of bougie & hit the deck, it's a drive by! Oh but how it was (mostly glorious). The location was divine (to one side), exposed brick (I'm a sucker), TONS of space (to clean), small outdoor space (despite looking over a Dunkin Donut's parking lot, gorgeous kitchen, our first apartment with laundry IN the unit, and always lots of fun. 

We left because of how much the ball&chain was traveling (now laughable), and needing to be more central to where he was going. It was sad to leave Boston, but an important step for our family. It was exciting. It was sad to leave, but not so much - sad - NOOO I'm not ready, more so... Awe. This stinks. Not even, sucks. Actually, that's not true. If I'm being totally honest? We were ready.

2009
We moved to Connecticut, hated our apartment but we made it our own.  It was great to be close (enough) to family & friends, exploring a town I once knew as a college student (spoiler alert: totally not the same). We got to spend time with good friends and I tried to connect with new ones. I was getting there.* We got our first taste of suburban main street, and fell in love with the (possibility) of community.

2011
BOOM. We find out we're moving. Destination: St. Louis, Missouri. 

I can't say I was a fan of the idea, but I can't tell if it was the whole "pick up and move half way across the country thing" or the fact that it was the "7+ months pregnant, moving half way across the country thing." It's hard to say. I guess the reasons aren't important. The bottom line: I wasn't happy. We were up for the adventure, we knew we had to do it, it was good for the ball&chain's career. We said we'd move for as long as L wasn't in middle school.  We sucked it up and powered through. We figured, we'll be in & out in two years and just get 'er done. But God damn it, you crazy ass hoosier, I love you. I fucking love you (yes, F bomb warranted).

It's the little things, like family friendly activities that aren't cheesy, are mostly free, and almost always serve beer. It's the deliciously fresh food, reasonable prices (of most anything), and mostly nice people. The arches in the doorways and cross that hangs in our entry way because our landlords left it in a pocket of the wall - stuck on with old gum or tack - and even after re-painting the place we thought it belonged. The farmer's market that has the best breakfast burrito that has ever been burritoed (and live music, a play ground and kick ass produce). The central standard time zone; best time zone, ever. You aren't so far off either coast to feel disconnected, TV shows are on earlier, you can wake up later, it's really the best time zone there is. Truth. The walk we do, behind our neighborhood, into Washington University. All kinds of secret little passages, in between buildings that look like castles. Bike rides around the neighborhood, the sidewalks, even the god damn grass that I keep killing and the endless plants in the countless gardens that the owners had set up. I love those stupid plants.

I won't miss the heat. That shit is bananas (110 degrees at 8 pm is not right. It's been 90 or higher since February, and our electric bill this month was disgusting). Which reminds me, I'm gonna miss our central air. Cost, be damned.

It's the big things. It's our neighbors, who admire our children. Our neighborhood, who embodies what you see in good ol' family friendly Disney movies (before Lindsay Lohan broke in). It's where we brought our (newest) baby home. And as far as we are from family, and as much as it's hard a lot of the time, it's where we get to really be our own family.  We are able to spend time together in ways that when we are closer, we can't. We have birthdays, dinners, communions, baptisms, showers - the endless obligations that you want to be there for - you just don't get the time we get here.

What are we doing this weekend? Nothing. Hanging out with each other, and we love it.

St. Louis, is where we got all that time together. All that exploring. All that ... I don't know? Family.

The kid has made friends here, she has play dates, she takes dance class, and attends creative camps during the summer. The counselors know her. I want them to see how much she'll grow from this year to next year - like they did this past year. I want to have Halloween here, again. God damn it, I want to march in the July 4th parade again. Oh my god, I just realized. We're going to miss apple festivals, St. Patrick's Day parades, and a hot air balloon race that kicked ass. I'm also realizing all the pictures and posts I forgot to write or publish. I can't link you there, but trust me: good times.  As soon as we figured out all that we loved, and all that we are looking forward to for "next time," it's gone. 

I know, maybe we won't find all of that where we are going - but some portion of this ramble list will be in Cleveland. They have sidewalks there and maybe even plants to kill. It's not the same. It won't be the same {insert toddler strength tantrum here}.

I'm heart broken about the move.*

There are some exciting aspects.  It's a great opportunity for the ball&chain, MUCH less travel during the week, new places to explore.  I do love to set up shop and make a house our home. I've become quite good at it, if I do say so myself. We still get quality time and continue our adventure.

It doesn't change the loss I feel. I didn't cry when we moved from Connecticut to Missouri. I cried when we said goodbye to people. It made me sad to think of L (and our baby to be) not being able to see their family & friends as much as she did. It wrecks me to know that our family relays on pictures, youtube videos and skype to see our babies when they do, and it's not often. That hurts. But moving? Eh. It was a pain in the ass, and I wasn't happy about it - but I bucked up and we moved.

I've already cried a few times, just thinking of moving from here. My heart is heavy and I'm truly sad. Like NOOO I'm not ready, sad. Thinking of someone else in this house, hurts my heart. It sounds so dramatic. I assure you, it doesn't make it any less true. I love this house. I love this neighborhood. I love this god damn city.

I'm not ready.


*An estimate, but probably close.

Survival

So. We're moving. And this time seems to be exponentially more difficult than the first (million) time(s).  We love it here. I'm not sure when I'll post this, because right now the moving news isn't social media friendly - but we've known for 48 hours (ish) that we are moving for sure. 72 hours if you count the call giving the ball & chain the unofficial official news. (Edited to note: I wrote this two weeks ago).

We've started a Farewell Tour of the STL. Much different than our first farewell tour. The night we told L that we were moving we made a list of all the places we wanted to visit one last time or see for the first time, before moving. We got started, right away. We told her Friday night, only hours after receiving the news. If I know one thing about my kid is she needs to know what's going on and have a plan. I don't know where she gets that from (sarcastic font). Saturday afternoon we were off to the races. Well, not so much the races, but the farm, Grant's Farm.  It's one of our favorite places.

1. It's free (well parking is 15, but for the lot of us, it's free). 
2. It's fun. There are all kinds of random animals, a train ride to get to the farm, for 5 bucks you get to feed goats with two bottles, a carousel ride and a snow cone. It's like a mini-zoo with all kinds of animals. It's just good ol'fashion fun. 
3. It's owned by Anheuser-Busch- so you get two free samplings of beer. And it's on the honor system which I get a kick out of each and every time I think about it. We've never tested that honor, but I love that there are always the same two old men slinging beer behind a beautiful bar. 
4. You get to see Clydesdale horses. They are friggin huge. They are the horses from the Budweiser commercial. 
   
   

We had our fun. The train ride, the walking around (side note: I am going to miss a lot about the STL, the heat? Not one of them. Not by a long shot), we got attacked by goats, rode the carousel, saw the horses. Good times had by all. Oh, and of course, partook in some sampling. Lord knows I needed to "sample" the Bud Light. It was glorious.

When it was time to leave, I wanted to stop at the gift shop. We love Christmas ornaments and I thought perhaps there would be one that we could take with us. We have thought about it a few times, this is likely the very last time we'll be here. Most likely the last time in St. Louis, absolutely (likely) the last time we'll be at Grant's Farm.

We found the perfect ornament (good thing, cause there were only two choices) and as I walked to the cashier I noticed a pile of stuffed animals. You know how they place them right by the cashier so the whining kids throwing a fit get their way - spoiled to the hills getting to take home a stuffed animal they don't need?

Well my kid is well trained. Sometimes she'll ask, but it's always with the idea of testing the waters. She'll say, "I can't get a X, right?" So when we say she is right and the activity itself is the treat she doesn't throw a fit and knows that she gave it a shot. Nothing gained, nothing lost.

This time? She didn't even ask.

But me? A Clydesdale of her very own. I don't know if I'm going to survive this move. I'm sad. And to fill the hole in my heart, I'm buying stuffed animals. Apparently.

The best 9.99 I've ever spent, Jessie (the horse's name) came home with us and I get it now, why parents buy their kids crap while they are on location. It's adorable. It's a habit I'm sure we don't want to continue, but I'm not quite sure if I'll be able to help myself.

An open letter to our friends & family out East: Blown out of proportion

Dear You,

I get it. Tornadoes are scary. If you think tornado warnings or watches are scary you should experience a thunder storm here. It's like nothing you have ever experienced. It is intense. It's crazy town. What one person experiences in my neighborhood, 5 minutes down the road will experience differently. And then? In an instant it's quiet. Like creepy, eye of the storm quiet. The skies light up, the earth shakes with thunder. My grown husband will wake up in the middle of the night and honestly ask the question, "Should we get the kids?"

Not kids crawling in our bed, scared. Reasonable. A grown man, wanting to crawl into bed with the children.

It's wild.

Why are tornado warnings or watches not quite as scary? Because tornadoes are not actually happening in the immediate area when you get a warning or a watch.

When you see "tornado watch" on the TV - don't bother worrying. Why? Because STL should be on a constant tornado watch status. Why? Because all it actually means when it is issued is the weather conditions are favorable for severe thunderstorms to produce tornadoes in and close to the watch area.  Every time it storms here, that's going to happen, it turns out. Welcome to Tornado Alley. It can (and does) happen here. That's why they named it an alley. Frankly, it should have been "Tornado Main Street" but whatever; semantics.

A tornado warning is when an alert issued by government weather services to warn that severe thunderstorms capable of spawning tornadoes may be imminent. It is likely a tornado is indicated by radar or sighted by storm spotters. Still, not a for sure, but more likely. If you are going to worry - I'd say this would be the only time to slightly concerned. And even not all that much.

Some facts to be aware of:

• St. Louis, the county, which is what is named in weather alerts is 524 square miles.
• St. Louis (city) is actually 66.2 square miles. 
• Where we actually live is in a suburb within St. Louis city which is 5.9 square miles.
• St. Louis (county) will be in almost every tornado watch or warning that you see, because now that we are here that's all you'll see. 
• Tornadoes come here. They will come through our town and may very likely hit our neighborhood or even our house. 
• We are prepared, we are no heroes - when we hear an alarm we will go to our designated bunker and be OK.
• When a tornado rips through another state or another city that is not St. Louis - I have no idea what the tornado was like because we didn't have one. We live in 5.9 area of a 524 square mile area that didn't get hit by a tornado.

Seriously - when there is wild weather 10+ hours away from you? DO I call panicked?  Do I sit and stew and wonder - will you make it? Absolutely not. You are 10 hours away.
 
Pull it together. Calm yourself. You have your own health & well being to care about instead of putting yourself into a tizzy about us - hundreds of miles away from natural disasters and prepared for the inevitable.

Love,
The Twisted Guarros of Tornado Alley

Sleep Tight

Truth: I hear "only you" often. This story should be filed under "only me."


Monday night I put my babies to bed and spend my evening waiting for JJ to wake up. She always wakes up at 11, so why go to sleep before that? 11 came, and went. Midnight. See ya. And just when I said to myself, "Self - forget it. You can't wait up for her to get up. Go.To.Bed." I got a text. 

A Tornado Watch has been issued for St. Louis
county until 1/17/2012 7:00:00 AM. KSDK.com

I signed up for alerts. Great idea. Oh yeah. Sleep tight, nighty night. 


Did I mention the husband was gone? The one who wakes up when a twig breaks three yards over? He wasn't home. Me? The tornado alarm could be going off and I would sleep through it. 


Oh wait. That's (not) funny because it's true. 

I proceeded to wake up every hour on the hour - just about. At one point L started crying, I ran to the room thinking it must be the storm that is scaring her. Nope. She was twisted in her blankets. (You can thank the bad puns on not getting any sleep.)

She fell asleep quickly, but soon after I was up again because of the sounds coming from outside. If I didn't get up to see it for myself, I wouldn't have believed what was happening outside.  It was hail, but it sounded like full fledged vehicles were slamming up against the windows.

Guess what?

No one woke. Not ONE peep.

The next morning, JJ awoke refreshed and ready to attack the day. 11 hours that little B slept. 11.HOURS. For the first time in her 5 months of existence PW (post womb). Me? I was a hot mess of exhaustion but the kids? They were well freaking rested. 


Only.Me.

A Different Kind of Holiday

This year the holidays look different. Not wrong, just different. Last year it was our first Christmas hosting. It was our first Christmas home; Santa finally came to our house and it was wonderful. For years, we wanted to stay home for Christmas. Even before kids, we wanted Santa to come to our house instead of trekking all over for the holidays. This year, is our second year at home - though our home is much further than it was last year.

At first it was a bit heartbreaking to explain that MyUncleChris was not going to be sleeping over on Christmas - even though she thinks he always does. I guess that's the thing when you are 4, if the only Christmas you really remember is your 3rd - of course everything that you remember is what you always do. Now, she understands we won't have the same house full of people or that we won't have anyone coming over like we did last year. It wasn't like we had our entire extended family over, but with two out of three sets of grandparents and one out of three uncles or aunts - those numbers plus a super small apartment? This meant a full house. This year it's the four of us.

It's a special holiday because it's JJ's first Christmas and L's first as a big sister. Someone to share it all with. Sure, JJ is 4 months old - but the way L walks her through what is about to happen? It's magical. The way her 4 year-old hyped up self can slow down, even if for a moment, to tell her baby sister to expect wonderful. It's Christmas-errific. Santa is coming over with a vengeance (damn you incredibly reasonable deals & adorable child) and for the last few weeks we've been receiving packages from friends & family. We are planning a trip "home" after the holidays (no dates have been decided, family) and I'm sure there will be more holiday merriment to be had. It's not that she won't have a wonderful Christmas. In fact, I believe this will be one of the best - each one is better because she understands it more and can get excited and into it. But it's different, even if she doesn't realize how much.

To make this year special, seeing as she wasn't going to be seeing everyone, she's been involved in the gift giving process. While it would have been 1000% (no typo - I meant to go over - way over- 100%) easier to just do the shopping myself or only shop online and have people wrap their own presents and or spend the wrapping fee (which kills me); since L loves to go shopping we included her in every present. She loved it. If there was a choice - she picked it out. If we were given a store to shop in, she did the selecting. She helped to wrap every present and ch0ose every ribbon (which will promptly get smashed en route). She even decorated some of the boxes we shipped things in and carefully chose which pictures to send. If she could have addressed the boxes, she would have. 

I love this kid. And I can't wait to see what's to come. Wrapping, ribboning & decorating the box made her ridiculously happy. When her wildest imagination of toys, clothes & accessories explodes in her living room? She may combust.  And to help her sister unwrap a few goodies of her own? I just don't know my heart will be able to handle the joy. 

March to the Beat: Homegirl's First Parade

You know when you see things on television and you think, "Does this just happen in a sitcom or a movie?"

That's what I think about when I hear about neighborhood parades. Truly. It's not the ONLY thing I see and say that ... but it's one of those things I didn't know really existed.  They do and as curious as they are, I love them.

Who.Am.I?

We participated in a neighborhood parade on July 4th - where people wore plaid, it was B.Y.O.I. (bring your own instrument) and we marched IN the parade behind a man and a slide whistle.

A.Slide.Whistle.

I freaking LOVE this place.  It was amazing. I wore black; of course so one might say I'm fitting RIGHT in over here.

You know you are from the Northeast when...

you think it's a great idea to poke fun at the reality ahead.

We are boxes away from being totally unpacked. We haven't hung a picture yet, but we are (almost) box less (except for the boxes that hold pictures)...

Him, "I put all the extra boxes you wanted me to keep in the bomb shelter. Since we aren't using that area."
Me, "Well.. unless there is a tornado -and we need to escape."
Him, "Right, but I figured - if the house gets taken, at least we'll have boxes. L can build a fort to occupy herself OR we can use it as shelter."

As a Northeastern, we laugh (nervously) at the fate that is ahead; at some point the alarm is going to sound and we try to keep it light to avoid living in (constant) fear.  I can tell you a few things.

1) We don't really treat it like a joke, it's how we get through it. Read here: Don't worry family - when the alarms sound we will be on the move.
2) You have NOT heard a thunderstorm until you've heard a thunderstorm up in St. Louis. For real. The night before last a storm took over for 4 hours in the middle of the night. My husband, he will tell you, is the most affected. He may or may not stay up through out storms.  He says the dog is affected first, and I MIGHT give him that, but I'd also be comfortable saying they are tied for scardy pants.  Sure, the ball & chain isn't jumping in bathtubs like the dog is - but something tells me he wouldn't be against it. The kid is third up, understandably. Me? I sleep like a baby.  I barely sleep through the night, but give me a thunderstorm and snooze. I am out!
3) The Northeast's thunderstorms can best be described as the "mild salsa" to St. Louis' "Punch your throat out hot sauce" storms.
4) Stranger than strange? The storms are horrific, loud, and crazy - and then an hour later, possible a few - it's hotter than hell, the sun is out and the skies are blue. Toto, Abelle, we NOT in Kansas West Hartford, anymore.

Book It Danno

I know all I've been talking about is this damn move. But damn, we are moving like soon. Everything is booked out and planned - for the most part. But to put it in prospective... I bring you - a color coded calendar. 

Blue is when the husband is gone, green is when we are going somewhere, orange are appointments, pink is and the red is the packing team. What. The. What.

Take me know.