Bong Bong (Opening Scene of Law & Order)

Many moons ago (after 2002 before 2005 - somewhere in the middle) it was a freezing cold day in Boston. The kind of cold that if any part of your skin was exposed to the elements it meant possibly loosing that part of your body forever. Frigid doesn't begin to explain it.  During my lunch break I braved the cold and went to the mall, which was across the street from the office I worked in at the time.  It was right after Christmas and hundreds of dollars of gift cards (ironic) were burning a whole in my wallet.  I got my monies worth at the buy 2 get 1 table and had a good sized bag of mindless books to read over the course of the next few weeks. 

I left "early" for work that day, right at 5:30 pm. This was pretty legendary, as I was (am) known to stay past 7pm most nights. I was excited about curling up on the couch and reading one of the said mindless books.  Plus I believe I was still suffering from post-holiday blues. I set on my way, out of the office and over the bridge that connected to the train station. It's a bridge that has cars and pedestrian walkway, not a sole connection bridge.  The bridge is actually called "Prison Point Bridge." Catchy name, huh? It's also called Gilmore Bridge, but I only learned about that when I was trying to find a picture for this here post. 

Serious Snowboarding Mask

Stick 'Em Up Mask

Anyway, there I am walking over Prison Point Bridge, with my gigantic bag of books heading over to the side I'd pick up the train to my apartment at the time. As I started to make my journey, in the distance I could see two guys walking toward me. They were completely covered with a face mask. Not a straight up, stick 'em up mask, but a bottom half we're going serious snowboarding mask.  One guy may have had a bandanna covering the same section of his face, both had hoods and hats on - they were ready for winter and like I said it was freaking freezing. This kind of get up was NOT uncommon in Boston at this time of the year so I have no idea why the next thought and plan came into play.

Inner monologue: "If these guys try to rob me, I'm going to use my book bag as a weapon and hit them with it and run."

As I approached the two my life flashed before my eyes. This is where I blacked out and imagined someone going for a morning run, under Prison Point Bridge finding my body like in an opening scene of Law & Order. Bong Bong.
The two jokers pushed me up against the side of the bridge sticking SOMETHING in my side. I won't say it was definitely a gun, because I'd like to believe if it was really a gun they would have taken it out of their pocket and that I'm not that stupid. A gun is definitely what they were gesturing was in their pocket; they weren't happy to see me - they wanted my bag. I don't know what came over me but the following dialog happened, there are no exaggerations to the following.

Joker 1: "Give me your wallet."
Me: "What?"
Joker 2: "Your wallet. Your bag. Your money. NOW!"
Me: "(kind of laughing) Are you serious? I don't have any money, I work over there." (pointing to the building I work, because truly, I was barely making rent)
Joker 1: "Your BAG!"
Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" somewhere in the NO I got away and started BOOKING it back toward my building screaming, and again - no joke: "Fire! FIRE! FIRE!" I think I saw an Oprah that said people are more likely to help you if they think there is a fire.  There I was listening to O screaming fire, running. 
I don't run. I say, I try not to run unless I am being chased. I guess it is the damn truth because I was, in fact, being chased.

At some point, I turned to see if I had lost them despite it being a straight bridge passing, where I would loose them, I'm not sure. I turned around, as I continued running, and as I did my arm went back. Joker 1 or 2 not sure - grabbed my arm. I wrestled him off and kept going. By the time I got to the other side of the bridge and into a crowd of people they were GONE. They weren't behind me, I couldn't see them anywhere.  I can only assume they ran back toward the train, as there is only one way to go. 

I remember freaking out, almost hyperventilating and running into a group of people I recognized that worked in my building, but I have no idea who they are. I told them not to go the way they were going and that someone just tried to rob me. There was one guy in the group and I remember telling him what happened. I also remember him looking blankly at me, not saying a word, and continuing to walk toward the train. 

That guy is a dick and I saw him on and off for the next few years, always hating him after that - though not knowing his name. I found out at some point that there were two guys that looked exactly alike that worked in the building, so I'm pretty sure that an innocent guy that looked like the dick that ignored me got a bum wrap, but what can you do? Guilt by association. 

I get home, exhausted and spent from the whole thing. As I walked in I was greeted by my boyfriend at the time. 

Me: "I'm sorry I'm home late. I got held up."
Him: "Whatever, it's fine - you are always held up at work. No surprise."
Me: "No really, like held up by thugs, likely by gun point, held UP."

Fast forward - I call my mom. Don't know why I would worry her post hold up - but I did.  At the point where I start screaming "Fire FIRE fire!" in the story she interrupted me.
Mom: "Why would you run? Just give them the bag!! (insert something about wallet, money, isn't important - your life is more valuable something or another)
Me: "Mom, I had my debit card, keys, phone, SOCIAL SECURITY CARD - everything I own in the damn bag. They would know where I live, what would I do? Oh my god, also hundreds of dollars of gift cards!!!"
Mom: Insert some kind of curse and sigh.

As I continue the story and I get to the part that I outran the bastards she interrupts again.
Mom: "Wait? You out ran them? You got away? You ran faster?" (complete and utter disbelief) She proceeds to scream out to inform her boyfriend: "RICKY SHE OUT RAN THE BURGLARS!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??!?!?"

I can't be sure, but I think the pride and disbelief that I can actually move quickly erased the fear and stupidity of me not giving up my wallet. 



*Today has been brought to you by the number 35, 61 & 62 of the "100 Things" List about little old me. 

35. I hate to run, I try not to unless I am being chased.

61. I was once a victim of an attempted robbery.

62. At one point, while my life didn’t flash before my eyes, I envision some idiot taking a morning run would come upon my body – like the beginning of Law & Order.

Close Enough to Wagon Home

I am cool. People like me. I am cool. People like me. 

It's a mantra, Stuart Smalley style (reference to SNL skit about self affirmations you can see a video here to refresh the old noggin) I repeat to myself on the regular. 


You see, 98% of my friends that I would love to see on the daily live out of state. I've done the math here.  I have a few (GREAT) friends in the area, if by "the area" you mean the state. The closest is about 20-30 minutes away on a good day and the next closest is 45 minutes.  The friends that are closest? Strangely I typically see them OUT of state at mutual friend's celebrations, birthdays, weddings, showers, etc. 


I just want some local broads I can call on a whim and meet up. Is that too much to ask for? I want play dates for the kid that we don't have to pack up for the day. I want meeting up at the playground or movie night at someone's house. This, clearly, is too much to ask for. 


By in large, our friends are primarily in New Jersey, New York and Massachusetts but we have a few as far as freaking Australia. Facebook helps, email is a savior, but these things don't give us a Friday night dinner date. 


We moved to the area over a year ago.  Since our decent on our new town and state I've been on the hunt for a friend or two. I'm on the prowl.  I leave the house and it's time to hunt.  I work from home which doesn't help my cause. There is minimal contact with anyone - live and in person. It's a huge downside, but I wouldn't trade my commute or freedom of choice as it relates to wardrobe or footwear for anything. Including this elusive group of friends... light bulb moment: perhaps this is why I can't find a friend?  When I do leave the house, I try to use this time wisely.  I do not operate thinking of stranger danger. Quite the opposite, I am fairly sure women have walked away from our interactions thinking I am trying to pick them up. I'd like to move past the pick up and go straight to the 'let's be friends' conversation.


I have found some success, in the way of hanging out with people superficially.  Luckily I came into a town where I know of two people, one of which has been a monthly savior.  She has invited me into a Bunco group. Ah women and their company.  I tried to find a reference link for you, if you don't know what it's about - but I think this video shows it all. 

Monthly, we have a blast. I get drunkO at BuncO and all is good with the world, but it's not quite the full picture of what I'm looking for. Maybe I'm looking for something that won't exist for me. 


I picture this family who lives with in walking distance to us - they have a kid or kids around the same age as ours - we get to together on occasion, Friday night dinners every couple of weeks.  Can't you see it? We drink wine (I'll drink beer, but the story seemed to call for wine), the kids play in the yard while we look on from the porch (we don't really have a porch, but maybe they do).  We hang out and laugh and eventually the kids go to sleep, sleep over style.  At some point we head home or they head home and maybe rather than carrying the kids home there is a red flyer wagon that provides transport for the children as Mommy and Daddy stumble walk home.  

BBQs in the summer? Apple picking in the fall? Sledding on a random snow day in the winter? Something Hallmarky in the Spring? 


It isn't that I'm not trying, for the record!  In addition to trying to pick up strangers, I go to all the parent 'nights' or activities that are organized through L's school.  I show up, like I'm going out on a date.  I get dressed up (for me) and even through on a little make up. I never seem to get asked out for that second date though. I guess I don't ask anyone for a second date either, but I'm a lady, god damn it. Either I freak out and I'm the shy girl in the corner or I go in gang busters aggressively trying to connect with people in the nicest way with verbal diarrhea and friendliness.  Perhaps it is not surprising people don't ask me out again.  I wasn't always like this, but as time passes I start to loose hope of finding my people and have somehow along the way lost myself.  I have a hard time balancing because I just WANT to have what I have found in other stages of my life so badly. 


I am thankful for the monthly outlet with group I've been looped in on. Maybe I can't find "more" because I'm asking for too much?  I can't say the same for the ball & chain though.  I want him to have a guys night out.  We just haven't found that connection. Maybe we are comparing too much to our friends that we do have? Who, by the way, are awesome, fantastic, generous, loving, caring, funny, entertaining, supporting, too damn far away (even at 30 minutes). Maybe I really am asking for too much? 


A few weeks ago, I read this post over at Scary Mommy. She speaks the truth people.  Her post frightens me because I feel like she's been in my head. It also makes me indescribably sad. Sad because I find this kind of post, which means there is this kind of understanding, and this kind of potential of people 'getting me' but it being so far out of reach to what I had hoped we would have. This is someone's experience that I can totally and 100% relate to, but that doesn't get me any closer to a Friday night dinner or a brunch rotation. 

I am cool. People like me. I am cool. People like me. 

We are fun. I mean, not to toot my own horn - but TOOT TOOT BEEP BEEP.  Light bulb moment: maybe I need to calm my ego down? Maybe that's why I can't find friends? I'm going to keep trying and hope that someday my family in a wagon will someday come.  




*Today has been brought to you by the number 39 of the "100 Things" List about little old me.  Sure, planned to be on Thursdays... but better late than never.  


#39. Most of my closest friends are in other states or countries. WTF. 

Special Delivery

I could say it's the end of story and clear as day. When you get something in the mail it should put a smile on your face. Mail, in general, is a rarity as it is and while I will go ahead and admit not the 'greenest' thing that is apart of our everyday - I will continue to send mail. I'll drink out of reusable bottles, I will recycle, I will car pool, whatever I can do to make the world a better place for my kid(s) and their kid(s).  Stop sending cards? I will not. 

Our wedding invitations were FABULOUS... and thank you cards matched but not fun. It WAS an experience to put them together and I hope an experience to get them. Then I started to get obsessed. 

Picture it: it was the first year we were married and had never previously done "joint" holiday cards, or any cards in general. I have a habit of buying cards... but the sending them part is where I miss. I have Mother's Day cards, holiday cards, THANK YOU CARDS filled out and addressed from my wedding shower... that remain in tact. And in my card box ... unsent.  Whoops. It is the thought that counts? Right? Tack.E. I know. I have weakness,  I am not perfect. 

What is perfect? When we get it right. Like our first holiday card. We went to a Halloween party that year - and NAILED IT. We were the Olsen Twins. Including Starbuck's cups that housed our fuel for the evening. Keg beer through a sippy cup top? It's awesome. One day, right before Christmas (I'm talking days) I thought, while looking at filling out the completely NON personal Holiday Cards that were not only not personal they were kind of boring (still have them... see also: issues with hording)... what if we sent out photo cards from Halloween? Love the Olsen's? Don't even put our names on it - just on the address labels? And a few minutes later and a couple bunch of bones spent on speedy delivery and our masterpiece was born: 

Be honest, it's hott. Killer. Da'Bomb. Hilarious. Fantastic. 

Truth: People (going on 4 years later at date of this post) STILL break this out with their holiday decorations, yearly. Seriously. Christmas lights come out, as do the Olsen's. Menorah gets lit and the Olsen's get hung. 

Truth: Following that up was hard. SO bottom line, we knew we needed a kid in there to spice it up.   2007 L's first Christmas

I think it's right about now that I realized that having a baby had many benefits including improving the quality of mail! Like Thank you cards - would no longer be boring. They would include such hits as: 

Thank You Cards for "Just Because" - new babies get a lot o stuff from generous friends & family. They deserve a BUNCH of thanks! 

Oh first birthday celebrations had to be spectacular. Thanks be to all things wonderful, I have a friend at work, Steph who is a genius and generous with her talents. She designed the following invitation. Seriously have you seen a better party invite for a first birthday? Sure, Steph rocked it - but I contributed the ADORABLE child and a website for the event - including at the time voting for a cake.  It was crazy. We had two parties to make everyone happy. It was chaotic. What can we say? L is lucky to have so many people that love her.  And I was lucky to have a talented graphic designer supply me with another piece of mail that is an experience.  

Fabulous parties mean the need for more fabulous thank you cards. 

Life got hectic and balancing work, life, life, and life got harder. 2008 we didn't have Holiday Cards. Awful. I know. We were busy living, having fun and L was attending her first wedding ever her Great Grandmothers! Another reason was we had a while after that trip with out a working camera, so that led to no holiday card. There were plans of a Happy Valentine's Day card or MLK Jr Day card but nothing really panned out.   I knew though 2009 had to be a good one.  First came Valentine's Day and then her 2nd birthday - and to be honest, I cheaped out on the invites, though I thought the wording was clever (enough) to pass. 

Another adorable Halloween costume because word fodder for Thank You Cards. Listen. If it isn't broke, don't fix it. 

And finally this past year's holiday card. One of our finer works. Sure it took a few HUNDRED pictures but we finally came to (one) of my favorite cards ever.

Yup. That's me & my ball & chain with the exact same outfits miles and miles away from each other - but most likely the same year to the right and our own little beauty flying high - she's doing "superman" while I am lifting her with my legs. She is looking down at me and I am taking as many pictures as possible. BOOM. It worked. What didn't? Apparently since we skipped a year everyone forgot our dog's name - poor Abelle. so upon wishing everyone a great holiday season ... they thought we were also announcing a new addition. Little did they realize she's been around longer than we've been married! 


Little things about me? I love making mail an experience. Also - for serious Halloween, birthdays & yes... the HOLIDAYS are just around the corner. What great ideas are out there that I can plagiarize?

*Today has been brought to you by the number 15 of the "100 Things" List about little old me. 

15. I believe receiving mail should be an experience.