Her heart

If I were writing here anymore, you'd likely hear about how challenging things get. In particular JJ. She's a tough kid. She is (too) smart, a character, funny, charismatic, impatient, kind, selfish, giving, loving, whiney, the list goes on. A loved, adored, magnificently trying on my last nerve, kid.

But her heart? It's her heart that is most incredible.

Santa brought the movie Maleficent. I was nervous on how scary it might be for JJ. Dragons, fire, battle scenes, Maleficent in general with her magic. At first the plan was: watch it without her. But I researched it a bit and found that it wasn't as scary as the trailers made it seem.  Maybe we'd give it a go, during the day...

Battle scenes, fire, fighting, an army coming out of the ground, a dragon / serpent made of roots & wood - not a blink of the eye. But this scene? Where Maleficent comes face to face with baby Auroa?



Straight. Tear. Breakdown. The first 30 seconds broke her. I found it on YouTube titled "funny scene" - because it's cute. But to her? To not love on this little baby was pure evil. And that's my girl.

20 questions - JJ v1

I once said I would interview L yearly, that was 2 years ago. I haven't interviewed her since. It was just JJ's 3rd birthday. And let's not discuss how much of her 2nd year I missed out on here. Um, I just looked. Turns out? I missed her entire 2nd year. Pretty much. So why not interview her? 

1. What is your favorite color? Pink.
2. What is your favorite toy? Umm... Ariel. (I asked for clarification: which kind) Dolls.
3. What is your favorite food? Hot dogs.
4. What is your favorite fruit? Umm.... hot dogs.
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Umm... pamkakes (pancakes).
6. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Umm... hot dogs.
7. What is your favorite snack?  Umm... bananas.
8. What is your favorite drink?Umm... Nanas (Bananas)
9. What is your favorite tv show? Umm... a show. Like something.
10. What is your favorite outfit? Umm... this. (points to mismatching PJs that she has never worn before)
11. What is your favorite game? Umm... wipes. No not wipes... books! And baby!
12. What is your favorite animal? Umm... lions.
13. What is your favorite song? Umm... ABCs
14. What is your favorite book? Umm... library
15. Who is your best friend? Umm... (L interrupts for the 4th time and says "Rachel" she is sent to time out, as she was told 3 times prior to not prompt JJ) Rachel
16. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Umm... kitties.
17. What is your favorite holiday? Umm... bugs.
18. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? Umm... my tiger (she doesn't have a tiger)
19. What do you want to be when you grow up? Umm... get my tooth out!
20. What's your favorite thing about school? Umm... paints!
21. What makes you happiest? Umm... you! (points to me & wins)
22. What are you scared of? Umm... mermaids! (Which is one of her favorite things... did she understand the question?)
23. What is the one thing you want to try this year? This! (Points to book that has a picture of Sponge Bob.)
24. Where in the world would you like to go? Splash park.
25. What is the best thing about being 3? I'm FREE! (how she says 3)
26. What makes you excited about being 4? Umm... babies.
27. What is your favorite thing to do? Umm... babies. No not babies. I wanna sing! (back and forth on what she is actually saying - turns out she says "ONE THING!" and then decides she likes to paint.)
28. What do you like most about our family? Umm... baby.

Toddler priorities

JJ: "Where'd mommy go?"
Ball&chain: "She's upstairs."
JJ: "Awwwe."
(the next second) JJ: "Where'd mommy go?"
Ball&chain: "She's upstairs."
JJ: "Awwwe. I wanna hug."
Ball&chain: "Do you want to go give her a hug? Go upstairs."
{me, upstairs melting. She DOES LOVE ME!}
L: "Hey J, wanna watch Doc McStuffins?"
JJ: "UH OK!" {feet running... not upstairs}

{passed up for a kid who talks to her toys}

Catching up - barely

Holy hell. It's only been a month - maybe two but so much has happened I don't even know where to begin.

In no particular order, because I don't know how to keep track.

1. My baby is no longer in Kindergarten. SAY.WHAT. 
   
   
   
   
2. My baby baby is no longer a baby - she's two. WHAT THE WHAT?
   
3. The summer is here and we are working it out to make it fantastic.
   

   

   Dinners outside and spent loving.

   
   
   
4. We took a 2 week vacation, haven't done that - almost ever.
   
5. Related: the Jersey Shore is not just for trancing and MTV reality shows. It's magical.  More magical than the magic capital of the world.
6. Related to the 2 week vacation, we did so by way of a 10 hour road trip - each way.
   

   

   Local fun - and Google photos makes gifs? All good.

    
7. We are making friends - or trying to. It's hard work.
    
8. Took JJ to her first real movie. We all survived. It was very much like her sister - popcorn is key.
    
9. We have our first lost tooth. After weeks of wiggling and throwing up in my mouth (it's a horror show - loose teeth) we have one down, one to go that is loose. In the meantime? She has shark teeth - rows of teeth coming in it's horrifying.
   
   
10. There are so many real stories within these small

    

    Summer outside movie fun.

     line items. So many stories to tell - but we're busy. Livin. Put that on a magnet. Pin it.
    

We're going to Disney. A true unveil: leave your tissues at home

The mistakes I made:

• Over thought the surprise element.
• Got a balloon too big for the box - part of said over-thought unveil. 
• Expected too much. 
• Rushed the announcement, it wasn't a good time. 
• Set up too many cameras. There may have been at least 2 in sight.
• Announced the big "WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY!" after a unique 2-3 hour nap. 
• Built up "we have a surprise for you" before she even came down to unwrap said over-thought unveil. The nerves kicked in with the case of sleep coma she was in and add to that complete stage fright.... 

When life hands you an underwhelming response, you make an iMovie.



An hour or so later she was vibrating with excitement. It will be wonderful.

Taken after the "surprise" element wore off. I asked her to
hold the sign... she came up with this face all on her own.

PSA: Finding Nemo gives mothers a moment.

The picture with L & Marlin was better,
what can I say. Trust me, she loved Nemo, most.

When the kid was a baby, as our baby is now, the first movie  she loved was Finding Nemo. I don't remember her calling it anything special, but we knew she loved it. Or at least we thought she did. When she was three, she got to stand by Nemo and was enamored.

We thought what they had was love, but what JJ has with Nemo is special. It is quite literally the only movie, thing, activity, noise, anything that will stop her in her tracks. It is the only thing she will sit and watch. Therefore, I watch it daily. In the mornings, before work, while I shower. Nemo. After work, while I'm making dinner. Nemo. Even if I'm not the one making dinner and mommy just needs a minute. Nemo.

I love the movie for those reasons, and more. No, of course I like Nemo. It's because I like Nemo, I don't want to be with him every day. It's a complicated... emotion.

If that sounded familiar, it was reworked from the movie. I watch the thing so much I look for someone in my life to chant Shark-bait, HOO-HA-HA! with. Or grab shell, dude! Righteous!!! RIGHTEOUS!!! When I'm thinking "Find a happy place! Find a happy place! Find a happy place!" it's straight to Nemo I go. Or Chico, Fabio, Bingo, little Harpo or Elmo. As JJ calls him, Neeemie. 99% of this paragraph? Quotes from the movie... don't mind me. Isn't there another way? He's JUST a boy!

OK. Now I'm done. It's on a continuous loop on our TV and my mind.

It's totally normal to squeal like a tween (in the 90s and/or a woman in her 30s) at a New Kids on the Block concert when you find out there will be a sequel to an animated movie, right? Cause I did. Truth. Is it the story? Is it the funny weaved within the smart dialogue? Is it that there isn't a ton of violence? (Minus the usual Disney kills the mother scenario... seriously, Disney/Pixar what's up?) Is it the characters? The voices? The whole package? OR is it just the simple hypnotic silence bliss that I can find when it's on? It's a movie that the baby can watch and the kid can enjoy. Ahhh... something for everyone.

A friend said something that rang true. Probably the most valuable piece of advice another mother has ever given me - so I pass it along to you.

Nemo is the gateway movie.

Gateways have never been so good. Are you a mother? Know someone who is about to be? Get them Finding Nemo, for those moments where Mommy just needs a minute.

Bliss.

Because when it's over? Good feeling's gone.

week 5

week 4

Dance.party.

getting our Valentines ON

 

 

 

• We had lots of dance parties. Almost every day.
• We didn't sleep through the night. Almost every day. 
• I broke out the car seat for a friend to borrow & JJ loved to put her baby in it. It would have been cuter, if she slept at all this week. Instead she is just mocking me with her cuteness. 
• It was so cold this week, with the heat blasting, I wore winter hats, scarfs, gloves and heated myself with a candle. Brutal.
• The kid brought home our first god awful piece of pottery - and I love it. Whatever the hell it is.
• We ran errands, like zombies - cause like I said. We aren't sleeping. 

My plea to who very well may be our grand finale

Dear JJ, 

Hello. Your mother here. You know. The one that carried you for 10 months. Sure, I didn't really know for the whole time. But I still carried you. And PS. Not to go there, but, let me go there: not only did I carry you, but with carrying you came the joy of giving myself a shot each night to remind not only are you there, but I can't eat ice cream or carbo load. It wasn't fun, nor funny. I hate shots, more than I hate being pregnant. While your commute to the world wasn't easy (for me), every day since then hasn't either. Yea, you are adorable. Cute. Funny. Strong (willed). Independent. Smart. Loving (when you are not on the attack). Beautiful. And so much more. But seriously, can we be real here?

War wounds of sisterly "love."

In return for the life we were blessed to give you, I ask you: why can't you cut me a break.  I'm not asking for the world, just a small - modest - list of things that I say, very confidently, it is the least you can do.

• Stop the violence.
• The hitting & scratching, has to stop. If you can't stop the latter, for the love of all that's holy, let me cut your claws semi-regularly. 
• Sleep. 
• We brought you down to one nap to avoid the 4am wake ups. But listen, even though 630am isn't 4am - it's still dark out. Wait until day breaks. For the love. 
• Take your one nap. You were at 2 naps at 2-4 hours a POP. How is it down to one nap you are barely clearing 2 hours. I am no math expert, but these numbers don't add up. 
• Stop being a snot.



For the love: SLEEP.

• I know you know how to say more than you let on. I know this because if I catch you at the right moment you do yo thing. This whole all of a sudden you don't know how to say Mama bs? Not.Cute.
• Be careful, tough guy.
• The climbing up, running for the stairs to go down, the putting ridiculousness in your mouth. The lot of danger you brush against each day? Cut.It.Out.

Love you, we do. Hard, absolutely. But if I'm being honest here - I thank each day that you were not our first because home girl - L would be a dang only child. As it is, I am putting off our hopefully third for fear what the next will bring. And sweet baby hay-zues, if my wish for twins were to come true... I don't know if your father would make it. For reals. 

Lovingly and hoping for a break, 

Your mother.
Mama. Go ahead, SAY IT. I know you can!

week 3

3/52 

"And then I says..."

She only reads "big girl books" cause that's what her sister is into.
Board books be damned. Also be damned?
The paper connected to said "big girl books."

She dressed herself. Wanted "all black" as she had a big day.
Field trip & taking a school bus.
Big doings.

Sister "love."

Week 3 highlights

• It was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's birthday. And L schooled me on the peaceful man. 
• The kid took her first bus ride. "I thought it was going to be the best bus ride, ever. But it was just really bumpy and really loud."
• JJ understands time out; that's been going "strong" for awhile.  This week I have a picture of one of the reasons she gets sent to time out. And understands it. Sigh.

week 2

2/52. The second week of 2013 seemed to work out better for this girl, than the first. Slightly. 

Old Maid. It's a sickness.

Remember the time I tore apart the house looking to put this little
bastard away with the Christmas decoration... that was fun. 

January: when we learned if it isn't raining in Cleve, it's snowing.

Baby's first basketball game.
We found out? Our babies. They likey the basketball. Big.Fans.

Such.Passion.

The blur on my back? A protesting basketball fan - she didn't want to leave.

My guy. Doing jazz hands.

It's.Not.Raining.OR.Snowing. We venture out.

"Oh, this is the outside that you speak of." - JJ.
Hermitting it since we moved to this place. 

So HAPPY to be outside.

Getting our creative on.

"It's a hotel." - socialite L

Week 2 highlights:

• It snowed. Like always. And by always I mean: if it isn't raining, it's snowing up in here. We played. With sand toys. Mission to give my kid the impression I am a genius, complete.
• Inside activities include: cleaning, organization, and Old Maid. SO.MUCH.OLD.MAID.
• The ball&chain got tickets to a Cleveland Cavaliers game. They play basketball, yeah. I had to Google that. Interesting fact: my kids are major basketball fans. Major.
• The snow (and rain) stopped for a few short days, and we made the most of it. Our weekend activities included family walks, playing at the playground and building a box hotel empire. As you do.  

Not pictured: 

JJ has not been sleeping through the night. She wakes up anywhere in-between 4am - 5am. It's as fun as it sounds. Then, once she wakes up and we give in to bring her into bed with us she chooses to sleep one of two ways. Both equally as terrible:

• The H position: the ball&chain and I are both sides of a capital H. JJ? She's the middle, horizontal where we are vertical. Smallest one in the bed, taking up the most space. 
• The caddy cornered: the ball&chain sleeps comfortably (when not kicked in the face on her trip to caddy cornered position). The baby creeps up to the top left of the bed (my side) and sleep diagonal at the corner of the bed, thus "caddy cornered." This pushes me to the bottom of the bed, where I (try to) sleep like a dog would.  At the foot of the bed. 

week 1

After a successful 365 project each day I still feel equal parts: relief that I don't have to post a photo and sadness because the kickass-ness of having a place to see just a few photos throughout the year is over. I mean, really. Click here and press shuffle. What fun (maybe it's just me). Each week, I'll sum up the week in photos - mostly Instagram & iPhone. Nothing too fancy, but it tells our story in a quick soundbite. Visual bite, as it were.

• We went to Pittsburgh for New Years Eve, as you do. 
• We saw the sites of Pitts: like the Ikea, old friends, Children's Museum & First Night.
• We took the tree down and all of the trimmings... but couldn't find a wise man & reindeer. 
• We cleaned the house as it never has been cleaned... only to "never" find the wise man or reindeer.
• Until days later the little bastards show up. 
• I took the kid to school, but there was still no school. That day? Definition of shit show.
• 2013 - 1, me - 0

Traditions are important

2011 "perfection"

2009 PERFECTION

I'll be honest, last year's photos scared me. Not only did I buy matching outfits for the girls (who am I?) but everyone looked so happy.

I am aware I don't make sense.

I mean, 2011 pictures were ok. It's NO 2009 though. Let's be honest.

Today we went Ohio City Holiday Festival. I hoped, maybe, we'd get to grab a picture with Old Saint Nick. Did I have high hopes for a little less perfection that we found in 2011? Maybe, I did. Would I have preferred tears? No, though I won't say it would have bothered me. Mother of the year, I'm coming for you.

The Holiday Festival was fine, I think (at first), I expected more. To be fair, if you look at the information they said there would be crafts, Santa, and gifts to buy. There were local stands for this & that, one craft and one booth you could decorate cookies. Cute. There were trees for sale, the smell of Christmas. It was nice. But then, in addition to the ability to take a picture with Santa something truly magical happened. Something they should have put on their flyers.

Santa was there, all right. He sung, real songs, many of them. He sung his way into his chair, awaiting the children to tell him their wishes and dreams. But not before he rapped, moon walked, churned butter and did the cabbage patch. 

 

Good times, had by all. That was until it was time for pictures with Santa. And just like that, tradition continued and the baton was passed.  We'll be back. 2013 I'm looking at you.

2012