Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Paranoia: Another UNKNOWN Side Effect of Motherhood

I have always had a hint of paranoia in me. In April when we moved to our humble abode, I think it hit all time highs. I blamed the pregnancy, but it might just be me now.

As the story goes...

We were moving to our current apartment and as I had done so many times before I hired people off of craigslist. It turns out they bailed and I had to go last minute backups and we had some scary mutherf'ers assisting with the move. When I went to go pick them up this little bitty voice told me it was more than likely possible we were going to be robbed. I got a sinking feeling that they were going to car jack me or steal my rings. What to do?

In middle conversation I went with the ring contingency plan. It's a plan I've always had but never actually did. But the little voice screamed, "Plan b, execute execute!!" so execute I did. I took the rings, off my finger and slid them into the side of my mouth. If push came to shove, I'd swallow the rings. Judge all you want, but at least then I'd know where they are. I wouldn't be able to find this bling at the local pawn shops, but surely the doctors could find what they were looking for.

There are other contingency plans I've come up with- like when walking along a bridge I have been near-mugged on calling a friend and saying "I'm walking over Prison Point Bridge. If I call back but don't talk, I'm being mugged. Call the police." Or when driving in another car (same moving day as the ring bit) having Chris follow me- if he sniffed out any problems just to hit the car and make us pull over, no matter what.

Last night I came home and it turns out Cat has set up an appointment with someone to come over and fix her computer. Despite all the times we've said to check with us before inviting friends over, etc- apparently complete and total strangers don't apply to the rule of people you might want to get the OK about before letting them in the door. I mean, come on. C wasn't going to be home, so my head goes immediately to being pillaged... contingency plan time. I call C and let him know of the impending assault. The plan is, despite the fact he is out with his managers, to keep the phone on the table. If I call back and I am not talking- hang up immediately and call 911. So there I sat, with my hand under a blanket, with C's phone number up and ready to go- with my finger on the button, ready to go.

Luckily the guy that came, I could have taken. I'm hoping that by now knowing that I come up with contingency plans in case of violence or fear of being on the nightly news- maybe now the 'no strangers or randoms' with out talking to us has sunk in. I'm not entirely sure, but something tells me there will more contingency plans to come.

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