Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Today was My Rapture

Written: Monday, May 23, 2011

Truth: I had no idea what was up with the rapture until it was the day and there were jokes, and it was fun.  For those of you under a rock - the rapture took place 5/21/2011. From GodOnThe.Net because where else would you get these "facts": 
What is The Rapture?
The Second Coming of Christ will occur  in stages.  First, He will remove all Christians from the Earth, to protect them.  This is called "The Rapture."  The term comes from the Latin verb raptare, and the Greek word harpizo, both meaning "to be caught up" or "to be snatched up."  Jesus will "snatch us" out of harm's way. 
I was at my dad's visiting with family including my brother & grandmother.  Oh it was hilarious. At 6 pm EST (when the snatch up was to happen) we prepared, crossed our arms and got ready for a smooth flight up. We giggled at @RaptureHelpDesk on twitter - though explaining twitter to my grandmother? Not as fun.  As other than that, it was glorious. Two of my favorites include:

Basically all the good Christians will be beamed up to JC while complete mayhem takes over for the next few months. Oh giggle giggle, what mayhem?

Then today happened.

I believe. I BELIEVE.


Today SUCKED. I'm breathing and of course it could be worse and of course I am blessed for my (basic) health, well being my family & friends etc etc. BUT today I felt the Rapture. And I don't mean to be picky but for real, I thought shitty things came in threes.. what's up with the count of five? WHAT.IS.UP?
  1. I got dumped by a potential childcare provider I was interviewing.  To be fair, I was going to dump her... but SHE DUMPED ME?! I gave her the out and I was having second thoughts - but still. It's way better to be the heart breaker. I also gave her a big speech about this being her choice as much as it was ours - which I do truly believe, but being dumped sucks.  We are (obviously) the BEST family to work with and she said, "No thanks." I want to come back to her in a few months with the person we end up finding. He or she will be blissfully happy and we come back together, holding hands, Pretty Woman style saying, "Big mistake, you. BIG. MISTAKE." 
  2. I woke up sick. Sick as a D O G. I'm knocked up, I can't take anything. So I just get to suffer, doesn't that sound lovely? You should hear me cough OR work things out with a neti pot. Sex.Y.
  3. Missouri has had another tornado touch down. This one had fatalities.  Terrible. Since we found out we were moving, I think there has been a tornado or tornado warning each month. Nothing says, "stress the hell out" like monthly tornadoes. Also, it throws family and friends into a TIZZY. Interesting fact? Where the latest tornado touched down is five hours away from where we are moving. Do I call our family in NY when something happens in DC? Just saying. Google maps people. Google maps.
  4. I have stupid gestational diabetes and had to go to diabetes class today. This did not suck. Having the sug of course sucks, but I knew that already. The class, it was fine.  It was nice to hear and know I'm doing everything right, my levels after meals are great and that means I don't have to change much. What did suck? I found out I now have to take stupid insulin shots  SHOTS. The worst part? My diet and exercise piece is 'PERFECT.'  What does that mean? I'm not doing anything wrong to have or change my blood sugar levels. It's my hormones. Thanks, kid.  My levels are off in the morning after the 'fast' of the night which means the only solution is to stab myself in the abdomen nightly with insulin. GAH.  You know who I feel bad for? Not worse than me, but bad? The nurse that had to tell me this and teach me how to stab myself in the abdomen. Talk about hott tranny mess. Me, not her. Complicating the scene? See number 2. I'm sick AND I got upset so I'm stuffed up AND crying. Sex.Y.
  5. Somewhere in between 1 and 4 I lost ATM card.  It certainly isn't surprising, and it wouldn't be the 'biggest deal' if not for the fact that we are moving so I can't have the card sent here.  I have to go to the bank itself, get the card sent to another location and get a temporary card in the meantime. Not a big deal, but I can't say that I'm NOT busy this week. Pain in the ass, on simply just my luck.  And another thing that no one can help me with.
So I'd like to say to Monday, May 23, 2011, "You can go F yourself."

And to this rapture business, just let me know where I can repent for that statement because for real I can't take more days like yesterday leading up to end O days. 

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