Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Child's Loss

Note: This post has been in the making - during my wee bit sabbatical as we tried to get things worked out - but it's a scar on my heart.

My baby is 3 and while she claims I can't call her "baby" any more, I do and I will. Try stopping me. My baby had her first loss and it breaks my heart tissue by tissue, muscle by muscle. 

We moved, we've been talking about moving for as long as we've known. Now, to be fair, we haven't known long - but we wanted to prepare her as much as we could. We knew the transition would be tough and we knew taking her from the only home, environment and schedule she's ever known would be hard. But can I tell you the truth? You say that - I say that and I MEAN it but when I really really think about it? How can you really tell what it will feel like? I knew it might be hard, but I didn't know it would be as hard as it was.  I didn't know her little memories, mind & feelings would come in the way they would and I didn't know I'd be able to see her pain in her face.

After leaving her house, her school & her friends I anticipated she would miss everything, but I don't know that I thought about how it would come about. Everyday, in any way - someone would come up.

I'd be making lunch - a salad and would add avocados...
"You know who loves avocados? Patrick LOVES avocados!"
We'd be sitting on the hammock outside...
"What color eyes to do you have? I have blue. You know who else has blue eyes, Elle has blue eyes like me."
We'd be eating dinner...
"I miss my friends."
We'd be going food shopping... "Mama, I miss Noah's Ark. My friends. My teachers."
And sometimes in the middle of silence...  "Mama, what do you think the class is learning about today?"

{heart breaks}

We're doing what we can to help her cope with her loss. She wrote her class a letter the other day, we talk about how she'll make new friends, signed up her for camp and swim class and are looking into a new preschool in the fall. While she doesn't go to daycare, she still needs to be cared for during the workday, as we both work (full time).   We have an au pair again who is working out well.  She is working with the kid weekly to get involved in new activities, reading different books, scheduling play dates, and even worksheets to practice her writing, drawing and other educational games. The kid is 3, she will do just fine, but it doesn't hurt her (and by extension me or the baby's daddy) any less.

I hear it just gets worse, so that's awesome. Damn, this parenting thing is serious business.  How do you deal with heartbreaks - small and large, big kids and small? I don't know that I'm cut out for this... good thing we've already signed up for number 2! 


  1. I am sure nobody needs to tell you this, but by way of comfort - I am one of those kids (like yours) who had to move every couple of years - across the U.S., across the Atlantic - and while I did endure some very hard times, I think that the lessons in making friends, being open-minded and flexible, and starting over were some of the most valuable ones I ever learned. Your daughter will benefit from this moment when she arrives at college and is one of the only people who knows how to instantly make friends and start fresh. That is a life skill she will value, always.

  2. Thanks, @NapsHappen. Honestly, I hadn't even thought about that - you think it goes without saying, but that is a great point. And I totally agree and 'get it.' THANK YOU. Seriously, this helps. BIG.TIME.


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