Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Price of Fame

Almost 2 months ago I made promises I certainly can't keep. A few months before that we made decisions I apparently couldn't follow through with. Life keeps getting harder and everyday I am reminded of the path we are taking and why we are roughing it. Too cryptic?

Long story short: I'm tired, defeated, hopeful, sad, happy, blessed, lucky, cursed, all in all a whirlwind.

I am a full time mother, wife, friend, family member, employee and manager and while I claim to kick ass and want to be the very best of the best; everyday the scale tips a little bit and something suffers. This balancing act of life is something that I continue to work on, though recently I'm feeling I'm not 100% sure of who is driving and where in the hell we are headed. So I sit in the passenger seat, doing what I do best and being a backseat driver. No one likes a back seat driver. I could have I would have I should have I need to I want to I have to.

C & I moved to make life easier, to improve our quality of life. That was the reason. End of story. When people ask why did we move there are reasons I can point to, of course, as they were the catalist of our decision making but ultimately the answer is as simple as "because." Because our life in Boston, while fun, exciting, city living and all that - was also full of rushing, traveling, working, rushing, always late, always behind, always in need of more, always guilty, always juggleing, always always always something more than just sitting still. I sound lazy, don't I?

Whatever> I want to sit freaking still. Is that too much to ask? We moved for lots of reasons. C's travel schedule was killing us both and my work schedule was constant. Between the two of us we were rarely home (together) and our schedules didn't allow us to be able to spend the kind of quality time we want to spend with L. Moving to CT brought us closer to all of C's work destinations so that his commute to said sites would be shorter and would mean less overnights away. Moving to CT brought us closer to family & friends so that we would be able to see people more with out the layer of resentment or guilt each time we wanted to or had to go to see people. L needs to know her kin. And through out the last few years one by one most of our friends were moving out of the city and settling down close to home... their home no longer being MA. It made sense to move. It made sense to take time away from work and spend time working on life.

The best laid plans.

Now, as (our) luck would have it we are home even less than we were before and we when we are, the other one isn't. We are both traveling constantly for work and if I'm not he is. When we aren't traveling we are working later than late or up at o'dark thirty. The proximity to friends and families also means an increase of visits which then means anytime we would be home to just sit and relax we aren't. It's a hard knock life right now. I'm hoping that at the end of day it all works out and all of this is worth it in the end.

Oh. And that's why I haven't had time to post sht. FYI.

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