Monday, September 13, 2010

repost - first comes love

I'm participating in a blogging event this week. I like the idea of being challenged and given some themes and subjects to consider when writing. This one has a few that I hope will help me to reconnect with my blog.  It sounds like we are estranged or something, we're not. Still in love and all that but it's part of  continuing to blog and my hope to be better this year. It's also, as many things in my life are, a bit embarrassing. Going through old posts and critiquing is going to be a pain in the ass embarrassing fun. The event is pretty interesting, if you want in, check it out here

The SITS Girls are hosting the event and to sweeten the pot they have a sick giveaway (decoding for you - sick in this case is good and give way is a prize you win for participating and getting the word out). Would I put my nose up at Thelma & Louise? Heck no - these ladies need respect.  That said, I never win anything and I'm doing this for the fun of it. (Decoding for you: the prize being kick ass washer and dryer system from Electrolux that have been lovingly named Thelma & Louise.) 

For that, I would like to applaud the sponsors to this week long event: Standards of ExcellenceWestar Kitchen and Bath, and Florida Builder Appliances.  Pretty great of them to get on board and be able to make dreams come true. My question is: will Kelly Ripa be coming over to teach me how to bake cookies, fold the laundry at superhero speeds and be able to throw clothes into the room that make it into the closet? If that is the case, and I missed that in the fine print.  Let me know, because I pimp the heck out this contest and sponsor information if this is so. 

Now onto the re-post of my first post: 

first comes love - originally posted 5/2/2007

The story is an oldie but a goody- it's a little bit of history.

Picture it University of Hartford circa 1998: J a freshman with a bullhorn and a mission running around campus and C visiting his best friend from high school having no idea that these two star crossed lovers would be walking down the aisle 7 years later.

Timing never a friend to the couple, years pass and a friendship grows. Camping trips, weekends at 67 Chester Street, barbecues, parties- these two nicknamed Mama and Daddy would always be paired to help organize! Food fights, games, mayhem and madness would always ensue- and behind it all a crush that is never talked about.

Fast-forward to New Years Eve 2002- C has moved to Hoboken, NJ and has jumped into the dating game. Over drinks the conversation turns- C needs a lesson on kissing. What’s a friend but someone willing to help another friend out? Minutes later a group has gathered in the kitchen to see J and C kissing in the corner- with lots of work ahead of him- J advises to just keep practicing- it has to get better with practice. She hopes.

A few years later, a wedding brings them together once again. This time things are different- looking back they both felt it but was unsure if the other felt the same way. Something about the air, the environment- you couldn’t have asked for a better day. A weekend full of friends, fun and celebration brings the couple to a wedding. A night of dancing- dropping it like it’s hott and a ride home. C joins J, sharing a seat when there was plenty of room for everyone to have their own seat. Finally timing works for C & J- no one knows who kissed who or why- it was meant to be the kind of situation and kiss you only see in the movies. A romantic comedy of course, look at the characters. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Reality sets in and C returns to his home, at the time, sunny California. It is here he reviews the “Rules” and practically drives J to a nervous breakdown. A call doesn’t come until 3 days later- per the Rules guidelines. Timing once again rears its ugly face- after days of waiting a call comes and J’s cell phone dies. She returns to work to finally have the conversation… nerves set in, and hence comes the most awkward phone conversation ever taken place on this earth. After weeks of phone calls- that get better, of course and many many emails the only thing to do is to plan a visit.

J plans a trip to San Francisco to test the waters- since she was not raised a fool she brings a wing man just in case! My B chaperons J and C for a few days- however it turns out they didn’t need a buffer. They were just fine. Better than fine. They realized this is not just a crush.

The timing curse rears his ugly head- C moves to Boston, MA and J takes a transfer with her job to Long Island, NY. Over a year of long distance, 4-8 hour traffic filled drives, phone connections rattled with “Can you hear me now?” and then a new complication. The addition of Abelle- a puppy that needed attention, love and considered whenever a trip was planned. While the commute terrible- the relationship grew and strengthened.

In October of 2005, as they started to pack J up to make the move back to Boston- so that they would finally be in the same city a hiccup of poor timing might have just been the most perfect way to ask J to be C’s wife.

Living in the same city- the stories continue and the story only develops.

Ok now that you've time traveled, you are back in 2010 and I want to tell you what I would change and what I loved.

  • The whole thing! First, I would have probably started with the what or why to blogging and  frame the whole thing, rather than jumping into how I got here. 
  • Most importantly - damn this is scattered. I write from a prospective that is my voice but holy hell I jumped all over the place.   To be fair, the blog itself was started as a lazy(wo)man's way out of mass emailing my friends and family about how crappy I felt when I was knocked up.  The people reading at the time knew the characters. 
  • I probably wouldn't flood 5/2/2007 with the continuation of the story.  While this is my first post, I sequentially published Then Comes Marriage and Next Comes Baby In a Baby Carriage minutes apart. I would have spread out the love a bit more.
  • Finally, and this is something I still need to do something about -  I need to change the name of this damn blog. When I say the name, no one knows how to spell, what it even means, that it is part of my last name, etc. That's still a work in progress that I perpetually keep putting off.  Jumping into the social part of social media - commenting more, joining more of these themed writing events, etc I'm sure isn't going to help matters when I make the shift. Maybe the new name should be "Can't Get It Right" or "Procrastinator Killed the SEO."  See, nothing catchy coming to mind.  
  • The pictures. They really do say it all. 
  • Our story, despite not being able to follow it - trust me. I love our love story. 
How it might look today, if I was able to think about it more. First, I would post the following on a cleverly named site and URL TBD. 

Dear Diary, 

I know you know this, but I didn't want to walk away in silence and not provide us with closure.  It's the closure we both deserve. We have had a tumultuous relationship. We go back and forth with commitment, dedication and consistency. I'm with you, I'm with out you, I love you, I lost you - it's really been quite a roller coaster, you and me. I know this is going to sound like a line, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. 

It's me, not you. 

I just can't commit to you on the daily and you deserve more. Frankly, I feel like I've evolved in a world that you have stayed still in. People change.  I need to change fonts, the ability to post pictures, easy search functions and spell check. You know me, you know I need spell check.  You can't deny me that. I need more out of this relationship than you have the ability to support. I've gone through my life trying to change you, but you are who you are.  You deserve to be appreciated and I can't - not today or tomorrow. Most likely any day. 

I know what you are thinking, "You ungrateful little B. You'll be sorry. This experimental time in your life will not provide you with what I have and would have." Maybe you are right.  The heart wants what the heart wants - and I want me a blog. I thought it would only be fitting, since I spent much of my adolescent life re-writing words to songs that I loved at the time that I would leave you with a song that best describes my feelings. 

Good bye sweet, Diary, it's been quite a ride. I hope someday you can find it in your heart lock to forgive me. 


P.S. That's another thing that has changed, remember what I had to do to figure out the words to songs? I would have to wait for the song to come on the radio, time the "record" carefully on a tape deck and hope to God that a stupid DJ wouldn't jack up the recording with some kind of announcement as it ended? Now a days, I can buy a song with a click of a button.  I don't have to listen to it incessantly while I feverishly write down the words either.  All I have to do is search on the world wide web for song lyrics and hope I don't download a virus. It's less risky than the DJ interruption which would jack up my recordings 99% of the time. 

Anyway, as I was saying, as a cracked out wise woman once sang:

"I Will Always Love You"

If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way

And I...
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
My darling you

That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need

And I...
Will always love you
Will always love you
You, ooh

I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love

And I...
Will always love you
Will always love you

I, I will always love
Darling I love you
I'll always
I'll always


  1. Now that was a great post. Now and then. You did a wonderful job. Have a great day.!


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