Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Price of Fat

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about where I work (from home) and what's in my office.  Number 4 on the massively crowded picture toward the bottom was a dress (actually truth be told two dresses in two different sizes, neither of which fit me). 

Earlier last week, I bit the bullet and went to go see Inna. I found her shop, European Tailoring, as I find most places that aren't recommended by friends - through Yelp or some kind of Google search. I like to see what people write about stores or services and I go by that. It's what I do.  

Tailors in the area didn't really have any write ups, so I was going in blind.  What made me choose her shop, instead of the others that were online and didn't have write ups either?

This quote from the website: 

"Most of us don't have the bodies of Hollywood celebrities and supermodels and find it difficult to obtain an attractive and comfortable fit in mass-produced clothes made for people size 0 or less. However, there is no reason why you should not look like a star. The truth is that perfectly fit clothes make people look classy and stylish no matter what size they are. To experience the transformation that only perfectly fit clothes could bring come to European Tailoring and we'll make sure your clothes look as if they were custom-made just for you.:

I am not a Hollywood celebrity OR a super model. I am not a size 0 OR less. This place was made for ME. She is talking to ME. 

I went in and explained my dilemma. See I bought two bridesmaid dresses, the largest size in both styles that "spoke to me." The problem was that neither fit and while the biggest size in both styles, they were two DIFFERENT sizes. While I'd prefer to leave at least one of them "untouched" as to return one, I'm thinking with a few weeks to go before the wedding this might not be an option. 

F YOU J.CREW and your sizes made for small pre-pubescent little boys.

I have been working to loose weight for close to a year now, and despite not being an absolute pig, I've managed to loose about 30 lbs. SURE I probably could have seen better results with a little more (and by more I mean any) exercise and possibly cutting out not cutting down the beer intake - but I'm only human. After explaining the situation, sans flipping off J. Crew her first statement was just as helpful as the nonexistent big girl section of the J. Crew bridal shop.

Her: "You ave time to loose one more dress size, ya?!"
Me: "Well... with out taking out a rib cage bone, I don't think so."

I tried on the dress that was the biggest, still one size too small. I haven't been to church in awhile, but I assume you can't go in with out zipping your dress all the way up.  The bottom of the dress, while does get around these baby making hips is reminiscent of a sausage casing. 

Her: "Ah. your future ees very bright with this top. Da skirt? Hopeless." 

Awesome, Inna. What other great news do you have for me - oh wise fortune teller and seamstress?  She wanted me to try on the other dress- and frankly I haven't even tried this one - as it is a size smaller than the other one, and what are the chances that will fit me since the larger one doesn't? I humored her - she's here to help. Plus at this point, my self esteem can take it - I'm like a tank. Figuratively and (clearly) literally.

Her: "Dis top. Hopeless.  But dis skirt? We have bright things."

Long story short, my future is bright and hopeless. For some strange reason the top on one dress fits like a glove and the skirt on the other is great. She's going to patch work this situation and most likely put the top from one on the bottom of the other. 

Is it just me - or does this remind you of Toy Story? You know Sid, how he remakes toys - except I'm hoping she is less sadistic.  I'm also hoping the dress doesn't rebel against me. I'm just saying. 
photo credit fanpop.com
photo credit: disney
The price of being fat includes the need for a sense of humor and a ready and willing debit card to pay for the mishaps. 

1 comment:

  1. Yeah for Inna being creative to make them work. Boo to Jcrew. I agree, they clothes are for 12year olds


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